Deanna & Riker Take Over (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

As Jean-Luc is thrown in to the Sickbay by Deanna and Riker, they smile at me.

"You two lovebirds can stay imprisoned in here, while we pilot the ship." says Deanna, "You ought to thank us for keeping you together."

"You'll never get away with it!" I tell them, "Starfleet will soon be on your trail; don't you realise that Sloan hypnotised you with that sleeper message. You are acting under his willpower."

They both give a typically evil laugh, like the villains that they've been turned into.

"On the contrary, Beverly." Riker answers, "He has opened our eyes to the truth. The crew are all locked in their quarters, and the Enterprise can be run on autopilot. When we get to the rendevous point with Sloan and the rest of Section 31, they will fit a cloaking mechanism to the ship."

"That's illegal" pipes up Jean-Luc, "The Treaty of Algeron strictly prohibits the use of cloaks on Federation vessels."

"That is true, Picard." answers Riker, "But Section 31 isn't a group that follows things by the book; besides, technically, they don't exist. The group will be able to carry a few subversive attacks on groups we don't particularly like, and none will be any the wider. Sloan tells me we have quite a few to get through!"

They both do another evil laugh and leave.

"Well, what do we do now, Jean-Luc?" I ask as we assess the situation, "We've got to regain control of the ship."



He thinks for a moment; I'm not sure if his expression reads 'I've got an idea' or 'I haven't a clue'. Unfortunally, they look very alike.

"Perhaps we could contact Seven?" he suggests, "Where is she now?"

"I thought of that." I tell him, "According to the computer, she is regenerating in her alcove, and they have circumvented the controls so her auto alarm clock has been switched off."

Then a thought occurs to me; we might have the answer right here.

"What about the EMH Doctor?" I suggest, "Since we've had holographic projectors fitted throughout the ship, he should be able to go through the ship and sabotage what they do."

"Well done, Bev!" exclaims Jean-Luc, and kisses me.

I ought to try and get a few more good idea in the future!

I activate the EMH.

"What is the nature of your medical emergency" he exclaims, then looks disappointed when he sees it is only us.

We explain the situation to him, then the Doctor smiles.

"Oh, I see all too clear." he tells us, "You keep me switched off and only activate me when there is something you can't handle. Once it's done, you switch me off again until the next time, or when you want the Sickbay sweeping up; I tell you this, it might be to my advantage Riker and Troi taking over. Perhaps Section 31 will treat me with a little more respect than you do and.."

"Look!" exclaims Jean-Luc, "What also may happen is that Section 31 might reprogram you, remove the holoprojectors or delete your program."

The Doctor pauses for a moment to weigh up the situation.

"Very well." he says, "I'll do it."

To be continued...

Deanna & Riker Take Over (Part One)

Everything is running smoothly on the Enterprise right now, which is a sure sign that something nasty is about to happen.

"Incoming transmission, Captain." states Data.

"Who from?"

"I am unaware." he replies, "The signal from from a source that is encrypted. Shall we put it on the viewer?"

"Yes, Mr Data." I tell him, "What harm can it do?"

Sometimes I ought to remember these lines I write and never say them again. There is never an instance when 'what harm can it do?' applies.

A familiar figure appears.



Luther Sloan, leader of the subversive part of Starfleet named Section 31.

"Hello Captain Picard." he says, "It is good to see you again. I am especially pleased to see Commander Riker and Counselor Deanna Troi sitting with you."

I remember the two of them meeting him when they went undercover last December . Unfortunately Sloan escaped. I knew he'd turn up again, like a bad Credit.

"I'd like to read you a little poetry, If I may, Captain." Sloan continues, "I'm sure you won't mind."

All of the Bridge crew look puzzled. What is this? Poetry night? The only time we usually have poetry on the Enterprise is when Data has to read one of his awful compositions, like 'Ode To Spot.' which drags on for 132 stanzas.

"I hope it's not 'Ode To Spot'" whispers Riker to me. Beverly says the same thing in my other ear.

Sloan begins reading.....

Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.

Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
Which in the very thought renews the fear

I recognise it as the opening six lines of Dante's Divine Comedy, from the Longfellow Translation. What is going on here? He's not going to read the whole of Dante is he?

"I'll see you soon, Commander." says Sloan, and his image disappears from the screen.

I turn to Riker.

"What is Sloan doing, Number One?" I ask.

Suddenly I notice that his chair is empty; for a second I think he has gone to get some donuts for himself from Ten Forward. Then I turn to my left; Deanna has vanished as well.

Two seconds later, I notice that Data has been switched off by Deanna, and behind me Riker has stunned other members of the Bridge. I'm the only one still up.

"What are you doing, Number One?" I ask.

"Taking over the ship, Picard." Riker replies insolently, "Deanna and I are running things from now on. We are taking the Enterprise to a meeting point where members of our Section 31 group can use it from now on. Other members of this crew have been locked in ther quarters. We shall order the others to do so that are currently in the corridors."

It all becomes clear. Riker said when he got back from the undercover mission that he and Deanna were subjected to some flashing lights in December that Sloan called Truth Lights. I think it must have embedded a sleeper in their minds that would change them when the verse was uttered.

I wish Sloan had recited 'Ode To Spot' instead.

"Come on, Picard." Deanna tells me, "You can be imprisoned in the SickBay. I guess you'll like that; At least you'll be with Beverly while we start running things from now on."

Why is it I can't exactly thank them for that right now?

To be continued...

TWQ: Hotel Stories

As many of you start looking at where you'll be going for your vacations this year, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about your previous experiences in the hotels you've stayed at.

What awful, weird and unusual experiences have you had in hotels you've been in over the years? Any really top ones that stood out?

My answers are:

A few times I've stayed in a hotel that is nothing like the internet picture; the wallpaper is peeling off and it is covered in dust.

In a European hotel, the toilet was in a separate room, about 10 feet from the door, which unfortunately had no key! Discreet coughing was needed!

An old Soviet boat (if you can call it a hotel) while in Russia was the worst I had been in. The food was uneatable, with porridge that had to be sliced and other food that made people physically ill!

The Hyatt Regency that I stayed in was one of the best; I stayed there free as it was part of a party I went to as a gift from doing so many years service at the company I work with.

Now it's over to you...

Boothby: The Early Years

Guest Poster: Boothby

A lot of the Cadets round here at the Academy ask me questions like, "What was it like in the Dark Ages" or "What did dinosaurs actually look like?"

Whippersnappers they all are! I give them a heavy clip round the ear and tell them not to bother me while I'm cultivating my plants.

Still what they don't know how tough it was. I wasn't always a gardener and groundskeeper. Some of the Cadets think I maintained the Garden of Eden!

Years ago, I was in the Earth Navy. We cruised the seven seas in the ships we had.

Actually, I had quite a singing voice then, as did my fellow sailors on the ES Pacifica.



Ah, those were the days, we would sing about dames, and how there were nothing like them...We've got sunlight on the sand. We've got moonlight on the sea. We've got mangos and bananas we can pick right off the trees. We've got volleyball and ping-pong and a lot of dandy games. What ain't we got? We ain't got dames! We get packages from home. We get movies. We get shows. We get speeches from our skipper and advice from Tokyo Rose. We get letters doused with perfume. We get dizzy from the smell. What ain't we got? You know (bad word) well. We've got nothing to put on a clean white suit for. What we need is what there ain't no subsitute for. There is nothing like a dame. Nothing in the world. There is nothing you can name that is anything like a dame. We feel restless. We feel blue. We feel hungry and in need. We feel every kind of feeling but the feeling never leaves. We feel hungry as the wolf felt when he met Red Riding Hood. What don't we feel? We don't feel good. Lots of things in life are beautiful but, brother, there is one particular thing that is in no way, shape, or form like any other. There is nothing like a dame. Nothing in the world. There is nothing you can name that is anything like a dame. There are drinks like a dame. And no books like a dame. And nothing looks like a dame. And nothing acts like a dame. Or attracts like a dame. There ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here that can't be cure by (don't know what they say). A girly female feminine dame.

What? Oh, sorry, I was getting carried away.

I've lost my train of thought; where was I?

Oh yes; when I left the Navy, I went into galactic telecasting. There was this new science-fiction story. I played a spaceman who explored Earth.



I told the producer at the time that it would be a disaster.

"I look a stereotype!" I told him, "Why do I have to wear these crazy antennas?"

He didn't listen; the young whippersnapper was only just starting in telecasting.

I tell you, it set Federation/Darlean diplomatic relations back for years. When they saw the show they were livid and broke off communications.

Darleans have antennas on their heads. The Andorans wern't too happy either. If I had blue skin in the show, they would declared war.

Where was I?

Right; after that show, no one wanted me in tv and I went back to the Navy.



I suppose the other sailors thought I was some grizzled old crone; I always challenged the Captain. He thought my pipe contravened his 'no smoking policy'. He never listened to me; I didn't light it, and only had it there for effect.

Anyway, I saw a lot of gardens around the world, and went to Starfleet and applied for the position of Groundskeeper.

I got the job without question, as I knew so much about plants and flowers, and also that the Admiral who interviewed me had two mistresses hidden away.

So I've been here ever since; I've seen a few Cadets like Picard turn into a Captain. Janeway was another; I wonder what happened to her? She could never find her way around the Academy.

I'll have to go now; these flowers need attending.

-------------------

Oh, Susan wanted Picard to list six weird things about him; as I'm writing this here Journal, she'll have to settle for me:

1: I love to sing 'There Is Nothing Like A Dame' while attending my plants.

2: Anybody walking on the Academy grass qualifies for a clip on the ear from me.

3: That includes the Admirals.

4: I have given lectures on plant life.

5: I recommend to Admirals those Cadets who I think might make it.

6: I've invented a new wasp repellent that has earned me pots of money; the Academy dont't know about it!

To Be Or Not To Be?

I'm talking with Admiral Lancaster, head of Starfleet Media Group.

"I can't believe what you just told me, Admiral." I say despairingly.

"Look, Captain, Picard." he replies, "There's nothing to it, the production team want you to appear on the children's telecast show Sesame Planet."

I know I'm not going to be able to get out of this, but I protest anyway, hoping that Lancaster will be able to see reason.

"I'm not really very good with children." I tell him, "Perhaps Counselor Troi would be better suited for the role?"

"Sorry, Captain." Lancaster informs me, "The producers told me they wanted the Captain of the Enterprise on this. You're quite a hero to children; did you know that? Captain Picard dolls sell tenfold over the others in the shops. A child can press a button and the doll says "Make it so." or "Engage" when they do."

To think I'm a doll in a toyshop. The indignity of it.

At least they sell more than a Riker doll.

"All right." I tell him, "I'll go down and do it."

-----------------------

A few hours later, I'm in the Sesame Planet studio; I'm introduced to a man named Howard. He wears glasses and carries a clipboard. He looks at me.

"You must be today's guest, Lieutenant Pyecard." he tells me.

"Actually, it's Captain Jean-Luc Picard." I tell him in a correcting manner.

"Is it?" Howard looks baffled, "Communications are useless in this place. Alright, Captain. Davinia over there has got a yellow monkey suit over there. Put it on and we'll be ready to go."

"Excuse me?" I tell him indignantly.

"Just put the yellow monkey suit on and you can join the others in the studio jungle."

"I'm not doing that!" I shout, "I'm the Captain of a galaxy-class Starfleet vessel, and am not going to be reduced to wearing a monkey suit for the benefit of children!"

Howard starts looking extremely stressed, and says a few things to himself.

"I want to speak to the director, Howard!" I tell him.

"Johnny!" Howard shouts into a microphone, "The guest is not going along with the script, and wants to talk to you."

A man comes down; he looks as stressed as Howard.

"Look, Captain." he pleads, "I'm Johnny the director. Can't you go along with this?"

"No, Johnny." I tell him, "It's not the sort of thing a Starfleet Officer should do. Can't I teach them some Shakespeare?"

Johhny and Howard groan.

"Captain, these are little children." Johnny comments, "Shakespeare is hardly for them."

"I think I can make it suitable." I say with a smile, "Let me get my Hamlet costume from the Enterprise Theatrical Department."

--------------

A few minutes later, I am back wearing my costume.

"Let's make it so."



At least I have a little dignity there.

"That was great, Captain." says Howard, "Although I still think you would have done well in the yellow monkey suit."


--------------------------------

Authors Note: I am indebted to Jaime for coming up with the film. Apologies that the quality is not 100%. It did come from the 24th Century!

Party Guidelines

I gather the senior staff together for a meeting.

Beverly soon notices that I am wearing my tuxedo.

"What's the occasion, Jean-Luc?" she whispers, "Are we going for a date after the meeting? I'll get my ballgown and we can go for a dance in the holodeck."

"Sorry, Beverly." I reply, "This is business; our date will have to wait for a later time; you can keep that ballgown ready till then, though."

She smiles and sits down with the other staff.

"I want to announce that the Enterprise may be having a few visitors over the next few days." I tell them, a Galactic Event, named The Ultimate Blog Party is taking place this week, and we have to be on hand to greet anyone that passes through."



"Security will have to be tight." comments Worf, "There may well be people who are trying to take over the Enterprise."

I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Now that's just what we don't want, Mr Worf." I reply, "These people won't have visited a starship before and some may be a little nervous, not knowing what to expect. I want the atmosphere to be relaxed and friendly."

"Don't you think Worf might scare them off?" says Riker with a slight laugh.

"Are you saying my Worfie can't be friendly?" retorts Jadzia, "I can assure you he is kind, generous and can be very sociable."

"I know that." comments Deanna with a sly smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jadzia answers back.

I can see how this is going to go if we are not careful.

"Let's all calm down a little." I tell them, "Remember you are all supposed to act as host to any visitors that come on board."

"As long as we don't get any Cardassians." comments Ro Laren, "I'm not going to talk to them; let Data look after them."

Data looks a little puzzled.

"Ensign." I say with a sigh, "I don't think there are any Cardassians at the party."

Why do these issues keep coming up. I'm glad I put some stress pills in my tuxedo.

What about Ensign Britney?" asks Geordi, "She could pose a problem and leave visitors with a bad impression of the Enterprise. I found some of her chewing gum on my computer terminal yesterday."



"Maybe we could put her back in the brig until the party is over?" suggests Worf.

"We can't put her there everytime people come to the ship." replies Deanna, "Already she's spent more time in the brig than she has in her quarters!"

"That's true." I say, "Mr LaForge, can you find her something to do in a classified part of the ship?"

"I guess I can." Geordi replies.

"What about Seven?" Riker asks me, "She might scare a few first time visitors as well."



"What are you saying?" snaps Seven. "The Borg are supreme; we can be the perfect hosts. Anyone who fails to get along will be assimilated."

"Seven!" I say despairingly, "What have I told you? No assimilating will take place by you on this ship. Just say a friendly 'Hello, welcome to the Enterprise." Do not mention assimilation, Borg supremacy, resistance is futile or anything like that."

"Very well, Locutus." she says.

"And DO NOT call me Locutus!"

I sigh, and know I'm not going to get any further; I'll have to get Beverly to give me some more stress pills this week.

"Meeting over." I tell them, "Don't forget to smile and welcome them."

What the new visitors are going to make of all these I dread to think.

TWQ: Catchy Tunes & Ultimate Blog Party

TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about those tunes you keep humming:

What tunes have you heard took ages to get out of your head as you found you were humming them constantly?

My answer is:

Recently, I found this favourite of mine again on YouTube. As a result, it's been in my head ever since. It's Space singing 'Female Of The Species'



Another favourite has always been Don McLean's version of 'American Pie'.

Now it's over to you...

But before you go...





Take a look at the 'Ultimate Blog Party' (see sidebar) that is being run from the 2nd until the 9th March. It's a massive party with many, many people attending. There are prizes galore at the end of it all. The event is being organised by 5 Minutes For Mom. Though mainly women are there, I've been informed that all are welcome. As a result, I have my tuxedo on, and am going to do a lot of circulating. Perhaps I should bring a bottle of Klingon bloodwine?

A very warm welcome to all my new visitors from the party. Pull up a seat. Data will serve you. I've told Seven of Nine you are not to be assimilated.

Get yourself along there, sign the Mr Linky and help make it even bigger!

The Omega Dimension (Part Two)

In the late 20th Century, today would have been described as a bad hair day. However, if I said that phrase to Beverly, she'd have a good laugh, and Ensign Britney would probably yell abuse at me.

A Borg Cube has appeared and the Queen told me that we all were to be assimilated; she would be collecting her for a mission in the Delta Quadrant.

If that were not bad enough, a hole has ripped open in space. We can see into another dimension, which sensors show is poisonous fluidic space.



Both ships are being dragged in to oblivion by the dimension's gravitational pull.

----------------

The videoscreen comes on; the Borg Cube is hailing us.

"What can we do, Locutus." asks the Borg Queen in a slightly desperate voice, "Both our ships are doomed unless we can come up something."

The nerve of her!

"A short while ago, you wanted to turn us all into Borg drones!" I retort, "Now you're asking for our help."



"Oh, never mind about that, Locutus!" she dismisses, "This is a lot more important; we need to pool our resources and get out of this problem."

Reluctantly, I agree with her, and talk to Data about what we can do.

"The Borg Cube has powerful weapons and a tractor beam that is stronger than anything we have." he states.

"That is true." concurs the Queen, "It is why the Borg are supreme."

I mumble a few words that I won't repeat here, and ask Data to explain what he is thinking of.

"The rim of the rift is very unstable, Captain." he continues, "It could close at any moment. A large explosion should be enough to seal it. A Borg pulse phaser and a starship quantum torpedo would work well. A tractor beam would hold both weapons until it reached the rim."

"Or blow it wide open!" Riker tells him, "That is a risky venture, Data."

"I agree." says Data, "There is a high element of danger involved."

It's all to complex for me to work out; the sort of problem that gives me a headache. Worf agrees that it is possible, as does the Borg Queen. Eventually, we decide to go through with it. Leave it to the others to sort out.

The quantum torpedo is dispatched, at the same time as the Borg pulse phaser; the tractor beam holds them then it is swicted off just as it gets to the rim. Everything explodes, and we are thrown all across the Bridge.

That's my cup of Earl Grey gone. I need a new Bridge carpet.

The sensors are checked and we find the rift has been sealed. The videoscreen comes on again.

"Well done, Locutus!" says the Borg Queen, "Your android Data has rescued both ships from destruction."

"Now about that assimilation...." I ask.

"Oh, I'll overlook that for a while, Locutus." she smiles, "As a little reward for saving us; Seven can stay on the Enterprise. We will come and assimilate you another time. I must say, your Lieutenant Commander Data fascinates me a lot. I shall be interested in knowing more about him later."

With that, the videoscreen switches off and the Borg ship vanishes.

"It seems you have an admirer, Data." laughs Deanna.

Data looks puzzled.

"The Borg Queen will dissect you herself!" states Seven with her usual non-warmness."

"I think my girlfriernd Jennifer Baxter may take exception to that, Seven." replies Data.

I'm not sure with Data whether he ever tries to be funny or makes a serious statement.