Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Enterprise Senior Staff Christmas Meal (Part Two)

"What is this?" Seven of Nine asks as she picks up a wrapped brightly-coloured roll object from the table.

At the moment, all the senior staff are assembled in my Ready Room round a huge table, as we are having a special Christmas meal for the staff. Things have been threatening to get out of hand with the shrieks of Ensign Britney and her friend T'Pol.

"That, Seven, is a Christmas cracker." I answer, "Hundreds of years ago, it was a tradition in England to have these at a meal such as this. The cracker consists of a paper hat, a joke and a plastic toy. Two people pull the cracker. As it comes apart, it makes a large noise, and the one with the large part wins the contents."

"Very fascinating." she comments, "I will relay this peculiarity to the Borg Qeen in my next Report."

Seven then turns to Barclay.

"Will you pull this cracker with me?" she says to him, "If I do not get the major part, you will be assimilated."

Barclay nervously pulls the cracker. Seven gets the contents. She puts a pink paper hat on her head, looks at the plastic starship, then starts to read out the joke.

"Why did the Starfleet chicken cross the road. Answer: to go where no chicken has gone before."

Seven looks at me.

"I do not understand this, Locutus."

I smile, then hear more shrieks.

"C'mon, Brit!" shouts T'Pol, "Let's pull our cracker!"

The pair proceed to do so, and Britney wins the cracker contents, and reads out her joke. It is so filthy, even Worf and Data blush. T'Pol is the only one to laugh out loud.

I grab the joke and find it is an innocent one.

"I made the joke up, Captain." Britney says, "It seemed a lot funnier than the one in the cracker."

"You two are confined to quarters!" I say angrily.

"Aw, Captain." says T'Pol, "We haven't had our Christmas meal yet."

"It'll get sent to your room!" I say, "Now off you go!"

The problematic pair walk out, mumbling to each other.

"Lucutus." says Seven, "I do not understand that joke either." she says.

"You'd better not tell that joke to one of the admirals, Jean-Luc." says Bev.

"You're right." I reply, "But knowing them, they would probably love it. Ah...the first course is coming....I'm having a battered Vlarian mushroom."


Linda said...

Oh sure - you share the chicken joke with us but not Britney's joke! Somehow that doesn't seem quite fair, Captain! After all, if it made Data and Worf both blush it must have been a real humdinger!

M. C. Pearson said...

'Tis the season to pull crackers! Happy Christmas, Jean-Luc!

Jason Todd said...

Oh so those are what those things Alfred gives us each year are.

celadon2 said...

One of the kittens hates loud noises, it's Isabel, who maimed Andrew when he was holding her and he sneezed. She really freaks out.

I think we'll have to put her in a bedroom when we have the crackers here, but let her out for a taste of turkey of course.

EastCoastLife said...

psst... psst... what's the filthy joke, Captain?

Lahdeedah said...

It's not really fair to give us the chicken joke, but not the naughty one!

We're all mostly primitives back here in 2008, maybe we would find it tame!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I couldn't possibly tell the joke. The Journal would probably be closed down by the Starfleet authorities!

Michael Manning said...

Ah, yes! Bev is so Classy and she apparently knows her Captain well! :)

STAG said...

So what was the joke in the cracker then?