Thursday, June 05, 2008
T'Pol & Britney..Alias Smith & Jones (Part Three)
Guest Poster: Ensign Britney
My soulsistah T'Pol and I have hit a couple of problems going on vacation to The Wild Time Resort on the planet Garos. Firstly, we've had to go in disguise and use the fake names of Janet Smith and Rebecca Jones because the two of us are known as raucous people who cause promlems even at places where rules don't exist.
If that wasn't bad enough, we've found out that The Wild Time Resort has been taken over by the Bide-A-Way Holiday Nursing Home, where the average age is 85!
"So how are we gonna liven this place up, Brit?" T'Pol asks me as I get some chewing gum out. This helps me to think.
"Relax sistah." I tell her, "The folks might look a little ancient and unmoving, but that's cos they've been treated that way. They want to get something to make them feel young."
"Yeah." T'Pol agrees, "Bingo and a tea dance doesn't quite cut it, does it?"
"Well, the ballroom dancing is tonight." I tell her, "I think we're gonna have a few more things besides the waltz."
T'Pol smiles wickedly. "I'm with you, Brit!"
A few hours later, the two of us have been working away at making a few changes to the ballroom.
The depressed older people file in, expecting the usual.
T'Pol and I are there, me in a big hat and mask. She tells me that she has used a stun gun on Alfred the guy in charge, and locked him in one of the rooms.
"Great!" I reply, "Now we're all gonna have a super time!"
The mask comes off. Smith & Jones are no more. T'Pol & Britney are ready to rock!
T'Pol gets on the stage and jumps on the giant loudspeakers we've installed.
"All right you cats!!!" she yells, "Instead of a waltz, it's heavy rock for you. Firstly that heavy metal band The Galactic Earsplitters with their latest song Blowing Up Your Starship"
The 130 decibel sound of the band comes pounding through the loudspeakers. One old timer looks at another.
"This is more like it!" he says, "This is my favourite sort of sound."
All of them are agreeing and start to dance wildly, holding their sticks and zimmer frames in the air.
After half an hour, Alfred comes through the door and looks in amazement, and then at T'Pol and myself.
"It's you two!" he exclaims, "I should have guessed it was. You can pack your bags and get out! These people should be having a waltz and foxtrot."
Alfred then feels a stick whack him on the head.
"Don't you dare send them away, sonny." says one little old lady, "I haven't had so much fun in years!"
"You're right, Ethel." says another, who shouts to T'Pol, "Hey missy, can you play Rip Me To Pieces by J'Vann and The Stomachblenders? I haven't heard it in years."
"Sure will!" T'Pol answers, and the decibels go up even further.
Alfred walks off, shaking his head, while T'Pol and I get dancing together.
"Told you we'd have a good time, sistah!" I tell her with a smile.
"You're right as always, Brit!" she replies.