23rd Century Costume Party (Part Two)

Like all things, it started out as a way to relax, but something goes wrong....

The senior staff are all in the holodeck dressed as members of Captain Kirk's 23rd Century Enterprise. Foolishly, we directed the controls in here as well, to create the authenticity of it.

We were all having a good time until something went wrong with the computers and locked us in the holodeck. Not only that, but a hostile ship is on it's way to meet us.

--------------

"Well we still have control of the galaxy-class Enterprise that the holodeck is part of, don't we?" Riker asks me, while wearing his Spock outfit plus false ears.

"Yes, Number One." I reply, "But the weapons of our Enterprise will not comply with those on the panels of this Bridge."

"Are you saying we're defenceless?" Deanna says with increduality.

"I'm afraid so, Counselor." I reply, "T'Pol, open a channel to the ship, maybe we can talk our way out of this."

T'Pol, in her role as Communications Officer Lieutenant Uhura snorts with derision and mumbles about the situation would not have happened in the mirror universe of the Terran Empire, where she comes from.



"There is an open channel from the ship." she informs me, "The screen will come on now."

As it does, we see the image of a very reptilian-like Captain. He looks aggressive and troublesome. I introduce myself and the ship.

"I am Captain Varg of the Gorva Empire. You will surrender your vessel and prepare for boarding." he starts, "My crew will take over and you will..."

He stops and looks at us, then bursts out laughing.

"What is this?" he says as the laughter gets louder, "You all look as if you are in a hundred year old Starfleet vessel. You, Captain Picard, have a torn shirt and are wearing a hairpiece. Your second-in-command is wearing some large stick-on-ears. As for your Bridge, it looks ridiculous. Not only that, the females are wearing dated miniskirts. Hey, Zarg! Look at this!"

Captain Varg's second-in-command comes to the screen to take a look.

"What is it, Captain?" he says, then looks at us, "Ah...ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!"

Both of them are laughing away, and eventually wipe away their tears to call members of the other crew to watch, who all fall about laughing."



"I do not like to feel humiliated." states Worf angrily.

"I know what you mean, Mr Worf." I tell him as I throw my Captain Kirk hairpiece on the floor. Unfortunately, this causes the Gorvans to laugh even louder.

"With Varg and Zarg distracted." suggests Data, "We may be able to get away from them."

"That's true, Mr Data, "Set a course at 180.2 at Warp Nine."

The Enterprise vanishes away from them swiftly; after about half an hour, the computer anomoly is repaired and we manage to get out of the holodeck.

We change into our regular uniforms, glad to leave those of the 23rd Century behind us.

"It looks like I won't be someone's love interest for this week." complains Britney.

Maybe we should have beamed her over; that would have frightened them.

"Do you think aliens ever laughed at Captain Kirk in the last Century." Geordi asks me as we walk through the corridors.

"I don't think they would dare, Mr LaForge." I answer, "He tended to use a photon torpedo as a method of greeting them. here in the 24th Century, we just get laughed at!"

23rd Century Costume Party (Part One)

As there is some time before our next assignment, the crew is relaxing by having a costume party.

It was Riker's idea that we all dress up as members of James T Kirk's Enterprise of the 23rd Century. A program in the holodeck has been created to resemble the Bridge of the time, and we are all going to be in time.

To make it even more authentic, we are going to temporary transfer controls to the holodeck, so that we can run the Enterprise we are actually on from there.

What a great idea! Could anything go wrong?

----------

Naturally, I am Captain Kirk, but though I'm sitting in the holographic Bridge, my shirt is already torn, and I am wearing a hairpiece.

Jadzia comes in.



"I consider being a Yeoman very derogatory, Captain." she complains, "Could I not have had a higher position?"

"I'm sorry, Jadzia." I reply, "It seems like Captain Kirk did not have many women in high positions, "They were generally there for his weekly love interest."

Jadzia snorts in disgust.

Data enters; he is trying to talk in a strange voice.

"Good morning Captain." he starts, "I vill valk over here und assume da controls."

"Mr Data." I ask, "What are you saying?"

"I have been trying to perfect my Russian accent so that I can speak like Chekov" he answers, "But up to now, I have had little success."

Riker comes through the doors, but they are faulty, and keep opening and closing. He is wearing a blue top and has extra large ears.

"We'll have to get those doors fixed. It looks like a problem is developing." I tell him."

"That is logical." he replies, "This experience is fascinating, Captain."

I groan. I wonder if this was a good idea?

Beverly comes and smiles.

"How are you, Beverly?" I ask.

"I'm a doctor, not an answering service." she replies with a smile. Then she whispers in my ears, "I'd rather be the Captain's current love interest than this role as Dr McCoy."

We laugh with each other.

Deanna comes in a Nurse's outfit. Riker looks very impressed.

"You look good as Nurse Christine Chapel." he tells her.

"As Science Officer Spock, You are not supposed to notice that." replies Deanna, "But who knows, maybe he did?"

T'Pol comes in and sits down in Communications.



"I hardly resemble this Lieutenant Uhura." she complains, "The Terran Empire would easily have defeated this ship a century ago. This Captain Kirk seems to concentrate on women a lot."

"..And destroying the enemy without asking questions." adds Riker, "So count yourselves lucky."

I then hear Geordi's voice as he walks in.

"The ship canna take it Cap'n" he goes on, "It's against the laws of physics."

"Hello Mr LaForge." I tell him, "You do a good impression of Montgomery Scott."

Ensign Britney walks in wearing a black wig and mini skirt; she puts her chewing gum away.



"Who are you supposed to be, Ensign Britney?" I ask.

"I'm the weekly love interest." she replies.

"For me?" I say with horror.

"For anyone." she answers with a laugh.

Ro Laren comes on the Bridge, and complains that her role is that of a man, Mr Sulu.

Seven of Nine and Worf enter. They are both angry.

"How is it we are not participating in this, Captain." Worf asks.

"Well, it's a little difficult to find roles for you," I answer, "Klingons were err...'the enemy' back then, and as for you, Seven, maybe you would like to put a Yeoman's outfit on?"

"I will not comply." she answers quickly.

"I thought you might say that."

"Captain." Data tells me suddenly, "Something has gone wrong with the computers. We are locked in here, with the controls diverted here. Sensors tell us that a ship is on it's way and it looks hostile."

It looks like we've got a problem.

To be continued...

TWQ: Life's Irritants

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at things that will annoy us....for some, that can be a long list!

What things in life really annoy you? List as many as you like.

My answers are:

1: Drivers who don't wait in a queue when traffic is converging into one lane, but drive right up, and expect to be let in.

2: Companies who charge extra when we book by credit card and call it 'handling'.

3: Patronising presenters on television who talk to us like we are idiots.

4: Drivers who park right outside my driveway and go off somewhere else.

5: Parents who let their children scream away at the top of their voices while out shopping and do nothing about it.

Now it's over to you...

The Lurkers (Part Three)

At the moment, we have been caught by the Lurkers.

They are a shadowy race who live in the darkness, and have been observing our moves and our secrets so they can plot an invasion.

When Riker, Beverly, Geordi, Deanna, Worf, Data and myself went down to the suspected planet, where where was hardly any sunlight, a cloaked figure by the name of Anonymous had thrown us in a darkened prison.

However, we have got our lightbeams ready....

----------------

"Are you ready?" I tell them, "I think I can hear one of the Lurkers coming down now."

We hear the creak of the steps, like an old style radio show as his footsteps grow louder.



The Lurker comes up to us. It's not the Anonymous, the one who imprisoned us earlier, but he does tell us that they are ALL called Anonymous.

"It could amount to a lot of confusion at Christmas and birthdays." says Riker.

"You'll be spending a lot Christmasses and birthdays here!" sneers the Lurker.

I look at the others and exclaim "NOW!!"



The senior staff all point strong lightbeams at the Lurker. He screams out and disintegrates. His cloak if left lying on the floor. Fortunately, the keys are nearby. Data manages to stretch out and retrieve them. We are out.

I manage to get my Com Badge before the other Lurkers find we are out and order us to beam out.

-----------

"It seems that strong light will eliminate or scare them off, sir" I say to Admiral Jensen.

"That's all very well, Picard" replies Jensen, "But we can't have all lights in the Federation at eye-watering density in order to frighten off these creatures. We would all have to talk around in eyeshades or visors like your Geordi La Forge."

"I think Commander Data has helped there, sir." I tell him, "He has perfected a light variant that we can fit in all illumination. It is perfectly normal, yet is harmful to Lurkers. Once they are fitted, they will retreat to the darker areas they come from."

"Let's hope so." Jensen tells me, "We can't have Lurkers reading classified documents and looking at our conversations. It would turn everything chaotic"

"Indeed, sir." I say, and close the conversation, knowing that the Lurkers have received a heavy defeat.

A good day for Starfleet. We can only hope that the Lurkers don't get specially adapted eyeshades.

The Lurkers (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Geordi LaForge

The Federation is under attack from the Lurkers.

They are a shadowy race that exist in the darkness, watch our every move and take our secrets. It looks like they may be poised to invade when they know all of Starfleet's defence secrets.

The Captain, Beverly, Deanna, Riker, Worf, Data and myself have beamed down to a dark planet where they could be. It seemes they have found us....

----------------

The dark figure looked at us all...

"Welcome to the planet of the Lurkers; we call it Bloog." it said, "Don't expect to see a lot of light for some time, as you will be imprisoned for all of your lives!"

The Captain steps forward in his typical leader style.

"Who are you!" he says sharply.

That tone of comment is bound to get us in the deepest dungeon.



"Us Lurkers have no names." he replies, "But if you wish, you may call me Anonymous."

He laughs evilly, as we are taken to tiny cells with only a sliver of light.

"This is getting to be a habit." comments an annoyed Riker, "Only last week, we were in a cell. The new Starfleet uniform ought to have stripes on it, or maybe a bright orange."

"Take it easy, Number One." replies the Captain, "We'll find a way out of here."

"You can do it, Jean-Luc" whispers Beverly. She would say that, naturally.

I see Riker gritting his teeth in annoyance. Captain Picard's comment hardly helped, although I think he sees it as an incentive.

Man, that's leadership for you.

"I cannot bend these bars." declares Worf in frustration, "They are made of an unkown element we have not come accross before."

"Have you any suggestions, Mr Data?" asks the Captain.

This is a sure sign we are in big trouble. Whenever the Captain asks for suggestions, it means he has no idea, and we have to think of a way out ourselves.

I hope he doesn't ask me. I'm clueless.

"I have considered." starts Data, "That the Lurkers live in the darkness; therefore, their greatest enemy must be the light. If we can use it against them, we may have a chance of winning."

"Well thought out Mr Data." says the Captain after some consideration, "How many lightbeams do we have."

After a check, it is discovered we all have one, except the Captain. He looks redfaced, which is hard to detect when it is virtually total darkness.

Data and I work on them so that they produce a high potency lightbeam when activated.

After some time, we are satisfied.

"Right then." declares the Captain, "We are ready."

We'll soon be fighting back against the Lurkers!

To be continued....

The Lurkers (Part One)

"Captain," says Data, "We have just received an Emergency message from Starfleet Command."

"Very well, Mr Data." I reply, "I'll take it in my Ready Room."

"No, sir." he adds, "Admiral Jensen is insisting that it is heard on the Bridge by all the staff."

This sounds serious. I hope Starfleet are not planning to send any auditors on board.

The screen flickers to life with the face of Admiral Jensen.

"Captain Picard, members of the Enterprise." he starts, "Starfleet is facing a serious problem from a mysterious race called the Lurkers."

I try and keep a straight face and listen further. Jensen spots the slight smile on my face.

"This is no laughing matter, Picard!" he tells me firmly, "The Lurkers are a shadowy race that are threatening the very fabric of the Federation. There is no way to detect them, but they just remain in the shadows observing all that we do. We fear that once they have, they will invade us."

"How did we find out about them, Admiral?"

"One night in Starfleet Headquarters." Jensen answers, "A cleaner was looking around and he noticed a dark figure looking through the secret Federation databases."



"Couldn't he be caught?" I ask.

"No." replies, Jensen, "The Lurker just told the cleaner that the Lurker race will be supreme over the galaxy then disappeared into thin air."

"This is a grave threat. What can we do?" I ask him.

"We have noticed that Lurkers are being more prominent in the area of space you are in now." he replies, "Their home planet may be around there. You must find a way to stop them before it is too late, Captain. The future of Starfleet depends on you. The Lurkers cannot be allowed to win!"

The screen flickers off.

"We always get the tough jobs." comments Riker, "How are we supposed to fight against darkened figures? Shadow boxing?"

"I don't know, Number One." I reply, "Any suggestions?"

"I think we need to get hold of one and see what their weakness may be." Data tells me.

"That might be true., Data." Deanna says, "But how does one catch a shadow?"

For once, Data is stumped for an answer, just as if he were trying to understand a joke that Geordi might have told him.

"I say we assimilate all the Lurkers!" Seven of Nine tells me firmly.

"It would be interesting to see how you get a shadow into an Assimilation Chamber, Seven." I reply, "And fitting implants might be quite a challenge for the Borg Queen."

Seven looks digusted at me in her typical 'Borg-are-supreme' look.

I decide to do my pep talk to get them ready for action.

"The Lurkers cannot be allowed to defeat us." I tell them, "They are everywhere, in the darkest corners. Look out for them; they are watching what we do. But we can defeat them together, as we stand firm!"

Everybody looks blank when I finish.

--------------

Several hours later, we arrive at the Twilight Cluster, a group of planets with hardly any sunlight.

"There could be a good chance the Lurkers are here." Riker tells me.

"Yes, Number One." I reply, "Let's investigate."

I take an Away Party down consisting of myself, Riker, Beverly, Deanna, Worf, Data and Geordi.
We look around; everywhere seems very dark, except for a few light shafts.

"How can we find shadowy creatures in this darkness?" Worf declares in disgust.

"By turning around, Klingon." says a voice from a shaft of light behind.



To be continued...

TWQ: Yearly Internship

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about where people would like to spend an internship...and asks them to use their imaginations!

List a few places you would like to be an intern for. Be practical, funny, weird or anything you like!

My answers are:

1: Cheese Taster.....I love cheese!

2: Chief Executive of my company so I can get the dead wood out...especially in my office!

3: Computer Role Playing Games Tester....all those games to enjoy.

4: Airline Steward....all those places to visit!

Now it's over to you....

Honeymoon Abductors (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Will Riker

Deanna, Worf, Jadzia and myself are in a jail cell on a spaceship bound for the planet Valder. We had been posing as married couples, along with the Cap and Beverly as the couples had been disappearing from the honeymoon planet of Gemini.

It seems this madman named Valder, who is a nut of the first order has named a planet after himself and is taking us all there so that a new world can be born.

We can only hope that the Cap can pick up our trail and rescue us.

------------------------

"We've got to find a way to break out of here." I say to Deanna and to the others who are in the next cell."

"Are you crazy, mate?" pipes up a voice. It is a man in another cell with his wife.

"Why?" I reply, "Don't you realise you and your wife have been captured by a lunatic and are on the way to spending the rest of your lives on an isolated planet."

"Sure." he tells me, "That's paradise to the missus and me. I'm Garan and the missus is Lynette. No more worries, annoying relatives, cadging from next door neighbours. It's a life of idylic splendour. Don't rock the boat for us by escaping."

I sigh.

"We're not going to get any help from the others imprisoned here." I say, "It looks like they're quite keen to go."




"Well." suggests Deanna hesitantly, "It might not be a bad idea. We could all get married and have a good life with no hassle."

I think briefly of that thought that Deanna's mother Lwaxana would not be around, then come to my senses. After all, there would be no donuts on the planet.

"DEANNA!" I exclaim, "We're Starfleet Officers. We can't go along with this!"

She sighs and agrees, saying it was just a thought she had. I wonder.

-----------

Valder comes sweeping in with his black cape again.

"Soon." he tells us, "We will be arriving at Valder! Our new world will be waiting for us. Lands of fruit, peaceful living abound, together with the daily prayers at the statue of myself I have had built."

"Sorry I thought of staying there, Will." Deanna whispers, "Valder is crazy."

The ship rocks suddenly; the troll guard tells Valder that the Enterprise has followed and is attacking. He hurriedly leaves with the troll.

Worf breaks through the bars during the commotion, gets the keys and releases us all.

The Cap and Beverly beam on with Security and start to take over the ship.

"I see everything is alright here, Number One." he says, "Security will capture Valder and send all the other couples back home."

"Don't do that, mate." says Garan and Lynette together.

They step forward.

"You see, Captain" continues Garan, "We've talked to the other couples on board, and it seems they are looking forward to starting a new world together. Naturally, the Valder statue would get torn down, but aside from that, we want to live on the planet."

The Cap looks perplexed.

"Sometimes villains can do the right thing without knowing it, Captain." says Deanna.

"It baffles me." he replies.

"Perhaps you have to be married first, Jean-Luc?" suggests Beverly.

-------------------

Authors note: thanks to SFGirl (Nina) for the following Award:

I'm really grateful for this; thank you, Nina.

Also, Faberadatch left a meme to list 8 facts about me. As Will Riker is doing this post, I'll leave it to him...

1: I have a donut replicator with flavours from all planets.

2: When the Cap is away, I can't wait too sit in the chair.

3: Whenever I meet Lwaxana, I have to guard what I think as her telepathic abilities might spot that she annoys me with her wedding calls.

4: Deanna likes my beard.

5: I like to send crewmen to do awful jobs as that is what the Commander used to do with me.

6: I can't stand the Cap calling me 'Number One'.

7: I also can't stand the Cap saying 'Make it so.'

8: I give the Cap subtle hints about whether it is time for him to retire.

Honeymoon Abductors (Part Two)

Guest Poster : Jadzia Dax

Worfie and I are posing as a newly married couple on the honeymoon planet of Gemini. We're here with Commander Riker, Deanna Troi, Beverly Crusher and Captain Picard. Married couples have been disappearing from this planet and we're trying to find out where they are.

I thought at first, with a lovely planet like this, they might not want to go home!

---------------

Worfie and I are in our suite when a blinding white light overpowers us; the next thing we know, we are in a small cell.

"So they've got you, too?" a voice says.

I turn, and see that Riker and Deanna are in the next cell. The whole area is filled with cells that have couples in them.

"It's kind of them to put us in cells together." Riker comments drily, "It looks like our honeymoon suite has been downgraded."

"Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher are not here." observes Worfie, "It looks like they may have been out of their room when the transporter beam hit them."



"I wonder where we are?" says Troi in a typically pointless comment that none of us can answer.

"You are in a spaceship heading for a new world." answers a voice from across the room. It is the receptionist who checked us in. Wearing a black cape, he looks like a typical villain whose elevator hasn't reached the top floor.

"Who are you?" asks Riker, "You should know that you have abducted four Starfleet Officers."

"And I am a member of the Klingon Empire!" adds Worfie in a threatening manner.

"What you were is irrelevant." he answers in a despotic I'm-the-ruler-of-the-universe way, "I am Valder, and wish to create a new world in my name. I am abducting honeymoon couples to serve me on Valder, where it will go prosperous and fruitful with generations of people and food."

"We've got a right one here." whispers Riker to Deanna.

"I heard that!" answers Valder, "For that impertinance, "You shall work double shifts on the rice fields for a week."

He sweeps out of the room, leaving a giant troll with a spear to guard in case we do anything.

"At the moment, I think we'd better humour him." suggests Riker, "The Captain will be searching for us. Hopefully he and Starfleet will be able to pick up our trail and rescue us."

"I hope so." I reply, "Otherwise we will all be citizens of Valder for a very long time."

To be continued...

Honeymoon Abductors (Part One)

I'm on the videoscreen to Admiral Hollister. It looks like I've got more work to do.

"You see, Captain." says Hollister, "We have noticed that many of the recent honeymooning couples who go to the planet Gemini are failing to return. As you know, Gemini is a favourite destination for newly married couples, but lately, we don't hear from them again."

"Perhaps," I reply, "That they err...like it so much they want to stay there a while longer?"

"Don't be flippant, Captain." he comments tersely, "The Gemini authorities are saying they have no records of them staying there. I want you to go there with some others and find out what is going on."

"You mean pose as a married couple, Admiral?" I suggest.

"Of course!" I replies, "Only they are allowed on Gemini."

--------------

After closing with Hollister, I gather with the senior staff and explain the problem.

"I shall pose as a bride." states Seven.



"I could also do the same with a second couple." suggests T'Pol.

"Erm...I don't think either of you would be suitable." I tell them hesitantly.

"How about me and Worfie...I mean Lieutenant Worf?" Jadzia asks.

"Very well" I say to her, "You and Mr Worf can go, along with Deanna and Commander Riker. Doctor Crusher and I will be the third couple."

Everyone looks at us. Both Beverly and I turn a bright red..

----------------

Hours later, the six of us are approaching Gemini in a shuttle.

"Now remember." I tell them, "You are all posing as newly married couples. You have to look convincing."

"I'm sure we can manage that." replies Jadzia with a smile.

Beverly gives me a smile, followed by a wink.



"So now we are 'married', Jean-Luc?" she whispers quietly.

"Not really, Beverly." I reply, "We have all been issued with fake marriage licences."

"If you say so." Bev says with another sly wink.

----------------

Later, we check in to the hotel, and I go to contact Riker and Deanna and Jadzia and Worf. I can't find them anywhere.

The receptionist denies them ever coming in. He says he was on duty all the time, but I know he wasn't the one who checked us all in.

"The people you mention aren't in the hotel, sir" he says, "We know nothing of them."

That's just great! Four Starfleet Officers have vanished in one hour!

To be continued...

TWQ: Interesting People On Vacation

As I've returned from my cruise, this TWQ (The Weekend Question) centres on those we meet when on vacation.

Can you describe interesting or unusual people you have met on vacation in the past years. List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Goth Girl: This year, on my cruise, there was a goth girl amongst the passengers. She was in her early twenties, and always wore black, with large boots. She even had a black parasol when it was sunny. I admire her for sticking to her way even though most of the passengers were over 60! She was a very well spoken girl when I chatted to her.

Russian Nurse: When I was ill with a stomach problem on my river cruise between Moscow & St Petersburg a few years ago, I was taken to a nurse who did not speak a word of English. Everything was translated, son she unearthed a box of pills covered in dust and gave me a few to have!

Now it's over to you...

But before I go......

Please note the Universal Translator, which converts the words on this page to French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, Japanese, Korean and simplified Chinese. Sorry there is no Klingon!

Also note the 'Bookmark' tag on the bottom of every post. It is from 'AddThis', and by clicking it, you can go to a page with a whole list of bookmarks to choose...Reddit, Technorati, StumbleUpon, Digg, Facebook, Del.icio.us and many, many more!

T'Pol's Disciplinary

I knew this would happen.

T'Pol is a very agressive person,

Since we rescued her from the mirror universe, after being in suspended animation for over 200 years, it hasn't been easy with her on the Enterprise.

---------------

T'Pol enters my Ready Room.

"You wish to see me, Picard?" she asks.



"Yes, T'Pol." I reply, "And you need to address me as 'Sir', 'Captain' or 'Captain Picard.'"

"Very well, Captain Picard, sir." she says with a hint of sarcasm.

"Now I've called you in here, because there have been complaints about your insubordination from various members of the staff."

"Tell me who they are and I will deal with them!" T'Pol replies indignantly, "I won't allow anyone to register complaints against me."

"Yes you will!" I tell her sharply, "This is a Starfleet vessel and you will go by the rules on it!"

"Very well, Captain." T'Pol agrees sullenly.

"Now then." I go one, "Most notably, when you were in the brig with Ensign Britney, you addressed Counselor Deanna Troi as 'Riker's Woman'. This upset her greatly."

"Why?" asks T'Pol, "That's who she is, isn't she?"

"While it is true she and Commander Riker and Counselor Troi have a err... relationship, that does not make her his Woman. Do you understand?"

T'Pol looks puzzled.

"This is very unlike how things are in the Terran Empire." she comments.

"Yes." I say, "You have to appreciate things are different in this universe and the Federation."

"Does that mean that Counselor Troi won't get promoted to Captain's Woman when you tire of Doctor Crusher?" she asks.

"NO!" I tell her.

"So there is no chance of me replacing Counselor Troi and becoming the Commander's Woman when he tires of her?"

"NO!" I repeat.

"Because believe me, no one would tire of me!"

I fall back in my chair, feeling a headache coming on.

"Listen, T'Pol." I stress, "Relationships in this universe are built on liking each other. They stay together for a long time."

"I think I am beginning to see, Captain." says T'Pol, "You mean love, trust, respect?"

"Exactly, T'Pol."

"I think it it would be hard for me to adopt that." she says, "I would rather be someome's Woman. Do you think if you suggested it to Starfleet, they might adopt this system? After all it worked for the Terran Empire."

"I don't think they would, T'Pol." I tell her, my headache getting worse.

"Very well, Captain." T'Pol concedes, then after some thought, "But you will tell me if it is ever changed?"

"You'll be the first to know, T'Pol." I tell her, before she leaves, and I reach for some stress pills.

Post-Vacation Conference

With the Enterprise all cleaned up and ready for more trips around the galaxy, I assemble the senior staff for a conference, who have all returned from their various vacations.

I've bought a smart Norwegian sweater and a troll. Someone wanted to sell me a live one from the planet Tvana, but I settled for the usual tourist version.

"Well, I have had a lovely time on my cruise." I inform everybody who are gathered, "Have you all done the same?"

There are various glum sounds from them all.

"No?" I say, "Well what happened?"

"As I mentioned." says Riker, "Deanna and I went to Betazoid to stay with her mother.."



"You were so rude to her, Will" interrupts Deanna.

"Can you blame me, Deanna?" Riker says to her, "A few hours after we got there, Lwaxana took us to a wedding chapel and wanted us to remove our clothes to go through a rehearsal for a traditional Betazed wedding."

"I know my mother is a little pushy, Will.." Deanna replies, "But you should have stayed."

I sigh and turn to Data.

"How about you, Mr Data?" I ask, "Did your trip with Jennifer Baxter to northern England to visit her parents go well?"

"It did not, Captain." he replies, "Mr Baxter was most offended when I said the black pudding interfered with the working of my positronic circuits."

I try not to laugh at his comment, and move on to Geordi.

"Mr LaForge." I ask, "You mentioned that you were taking Trisha Lewis to VacationWorld. Surely nothing could go wrong there?"

"On the contrary, Captain." he tells me sadly, "There was a solar flare from the nearby sun that was there. It caused everything to go haywire. The water from the artificial sea overflowed, the theme park rides were all fusing. In effect, the whole planet was breaking down."

"Sorry to hear that." I tell him, "Now how about you. T'Pol? You went with Ensign Britney to the Raveathon Vacation Complex, with non-stop partying, extra loud music, rowdy activities and no sleep allowed during your stay. Did you two find it all too much for you?"

"Certainly not!" replies T'Pol indignantly, "We were thrown out of the complex though. The authorities said they did not want our type there as we were too noisy for them."

I have to do all I can to stop laughing out loud; there are a few supressed giggles around the table which annoys T'Pol.

"Dr Crusher." I say, "What happened on your visit to Wesley and Karena, the Amazon he is engaged to?"

"That was misery!" comments Beverly, "As soon as I got there, "Karena was ordering me about, telling me that as Wes is now engaged to be her Life Servant, there is no need for her to see my son so often. There were a few cross words said. She used that spear a few times to prod me, as well. never you mind; she had a couple of prods as well!"

"Good for you!" Riker says with a laugh.

"What about the Maquis Convention, Ensign Ro?" I ask "I know I turned a blind eye to it, as it is an anti-Federation organisation."

"It turned out to be very dull." Ro tells us, "The star lecturers couldn't make it, as they had been jailed. As a result, the caterers who made the meals were forced to give lectures on how to make their culinary dishes. We could hardly use them against the Cardassians!"

"Except in a pie fight!" Deanna says with a laugh, to which Ro looks very annoyed.

"Jadzia." I inquire, "You mentioned that you and Mr Worf would be going to your home planet of Trill. Surely that went well?"



"How could it?" wails Jadzia, bursting into tears, "I had no ideas who my relatives were, as they were all in different bodies, "My Aunt Marainne might be the female receptionist in the hotel we stopped at, or it might even be Uncle Javin."

"Well everything must have gone all right with you, Seven." I say to Seven Of Nine, "All you did was visit the Borg Queen and give her a report."

"That did not go well, Locutus." states Seven, "The Borg Queen was in a bad mood and did not wish to speak to me for most of the stay. In the end, she only accepted my report as a cursory gesture at the end, before I was ready to come back."

"Why was that?" I ask, "Did she think you had made an error while on the Enterprise?"

"Negative, Locutus." she replies, "I forgot to send her a card when her birthday came round a few days before I was due on the Cube."

That does it; I laugh out loud to the amazement of the staff. Seven looks piqued.

"Well that's all." I tell them, "It's good to be back..."

"What about me?" says a voice, "You didn't ask how my vacation went?"

Q appears.

Everybody groans.

"Very well, Q." I say with a sigh, "How did your vacation go?"

"I went to the Q Continuum Holiday Resort." he tells us, "The service was dreadful, the theme parks badly run, the shows second rate...."

This cheers the staff up.

"Glad to know that, Q" I say, "Now it's time for you to go."

"Just for now, Jean-Luc." Q says teasingly, "It is far more fun here."

He disappears and we are all ready to fly round the galaxy.

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Author's note:

As you can gather, I'm back from my cruise. Thanks for all your good wishes during the TWQ. Cobh in Ireland was quiet, Iceland was sunny and impressive, Norway was beautiful, Amsterdam in Holland was colourful, and Bruges in Belgium was full of mouthwatering chocolate, as well as being beautiful.

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Double Schmoozer Award! :






I have been been given the Schmoozer Award by two different people: SFGirl (Nina) and Lansy My grateful thanks to both for awarding me this!

Awesome Guy Award!




Not only have I got the above, but Lahdeedah has given me this terrific Award. Thanks so much! It's a pleasure to come back to them all!