Sunday, July 29, 2007

23rd Century Costume Party (Part One)

As there is some time before our next assignment, the crew is relaxing by having a costume party.

It was Riker's idea that we all dress up as members of James T Kirk's Enterprise of the 23rd Century. A program in the holodeck has been created to resemble the Bridge of the time, and we are all going to be in time.

To make it even more authentic, we are going to temporary transfer controls to the holodeck, so that we can run the Enterprise we are actually on from there.

What a great idea! Could anything go wrong?


Naturally, I am Captain Kirk, but though I'm sitting in the holographic Bridge, my shirt is already torn, and I am wearing a hairpiece.

Jadzia comes in.

"I consider being a Yeoman very derogatory, Captain." she complains, "Could I not have had a higher position?"

"I'm sorry, Jadzia." I reply, "It seems like Captain Kirk did not have many women in high positions, "They were generally there for his weekly love interest."

Jadzia snorts in disgust.

Data enters; he is trying to talk in a strange voice.

"Good morning Captain." he starts, "I vill valk over here und assume da controls."

"Mr Data." I ask, "What are you saying?"

"I have been trying to perfect my Russian accent so that I can speak like Chekov" he answers, "But up to now, I have had little success."

Riker comes through the doors, but they are faulty, and keep opening and closing. He is wearing a blue top and has extra large ears.

"We'll have to get those doors fixed. It looks like a problem is developing." I tell him."

"That is logical." he replies, "This experience is fascinating, Captain."

I groan. I wonder if this was a good idea?

Beverly comes and smiles.

"How are you, Beverly?" I ask.

"I'm a doctor, not an answering service." she replies with a smile. Then she whispers in my ears, "I'd rather be the Captain's current love interest than this role as Dr McCoy."

We laugh with each other.

Deanna comes in a Nurse's outfit. Riker looks very impressed.

"You look good as Nurse Christine Chapel." he tells her.

"As Science Officer Spock, You are not supposed to notice that." replies Deanna, "But who knows, maybe he did?"

T'Pol comes in and sits down in Communications.

"I hardly resemble this Lieutenant Uhura." she complains, "The Terran Empire would easily have defeated this ship a century ago. This Captain Kirk seems to concentrate on women a lot."

"..And destroying the enemy without asking questions." adds Riker, "So count yourselves lucky."

I then hear Geordi's voice as he walks in.

"The ship canna take it Cap'n" he goes on, "It's against the laws of physics."

"Hello Mr LaForge." I tell him, "You do a good impression of Montgomery Scott."

Ensign Britney walks in wearing a black wig and mini skirt; she puts her chewing gum away.

"Who are you supposed to be, Ensign Britney?" I ask.

"I'm the weekly love interest." she replies.

"For me?" I say with horror.

"For anyone." she answers with a laugh.

Ro Laren comes on the Bridge, and complains that her role is that of a man, Mr Sulu.

Seven of Nine and Worf enter. They are both angry.

"How is it we are not participating in this, Captain." Worf asks.

"Well, it's a little difficult to find roles for you," I answer, "Klingons were err...'the enemy' back then, and as for you, Seven, maybe you would like to put a Yeoman's outfit on?"

"I will not comply." she answers quickly.

"I thought you might say that."

"Captain." Data tells me suddenly, "Something has gone wrong with the computers. We are locked in here, with the controls diverted here. Sensors tell us that a ship is on it's way and it looks hostile."

It looks like we've got a problem.

To be continued...


Mr. Althouse said...

LOL - this is funny, Picard. Perhaps you missed your calling - Starfleet Stand-up Comic.

Michele sent me,


Linda said...

Ah, but Captain, if you are going to be Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise then you really. need. to talk. like he did. And don't forget to emote to the back of the theater!

Why, oh why, did I know this was not going to be a good idea?

sfgirl said...

Boy! Are we in for a good ride! This is choice! :D Looking forward to some rolling, fighting, and at least one kiss, Captain James T. Kirk!

Miscellaneous-Mum said...

""For me?" I say with horror."

Ha! That made me laugh aloud

RC said...

That's funny! I'm going to a costume party tomorrow to collect my social security, but I wont drink there since I'm not of age.

I'm sure you wont have any problems with that hostile ship, Picard, since I heard most enemies still fear Kirk.

Good luck!

Spacerguy said...

Kirk was also prone to bouts of emotionalism, illogic and yessss he was the bravest! Beaming down to planets into warzones was never a problem, unlike one starship captain who obeyed his no 1 because of his 1st duty to the ship.

LOL, Just funning now. Have you guessed who I'm talking about? But seriously it was a shame because it meant this Galaxy Class Captain had less fun on planets but otherwise did a super job busting up space satans warping around the galaxy!

Have fun with the Vulchies, mini skirts, emotional outbursts, space demons, attestments of logic, the dynamic encounters and warzones etc. Kirk had the fun.

Amanda said...

This is tooooo funny. I can't wait for Part Two. I'd like to see what Ensign Britney will be up to.

Lahdeedah said...


A hairpiece...

Don't forget to assume the standard Capt. Kirk Posture... half leaning out of the chair, gripping the edge, ready to leap into action, flinging yourself through the view screen to throttle the enemies on the hostile ship...

... better yet, toss Britney at em... then make a run for it.

susan said...

Have they not realised that using Holodecks are dangerous!

HollyGL said...

"I'm the weekly love interest"
"For me?"
"For anyone"

Priceless! I laughed out loud at that one.

Titania Starlight said...

I really am enjoying this costume party. I wish I were there to join in the fun. :o)

Lansy said...

Maybe Worf can be weekly love interest too.


It is 23rd century now.

Adventures In Waitressing said...

For me? I say with Horror! OMG.. That was hilarious. Great job as always Jean-Luc

Merlyn Gabriel said...

wonderful Captain, I am now catching up on your wonderful stories!

Been a busy busy month in this end of the galaxy, and we visited your neck of the woods a couple of weekens ago, when we came over to London to hang out at the Xcell center for the Star Wars Celebrations event!

I see you have been busy!!

mrsmogul said...

Hmm there always seems to be a problem there! Is there an enterprise counsellor?

Hey, did you know William Shatner has a myspace page? He's my Friend!

The Curmudgeon said...

This is a great yarn... but, Captain, I have to wonder how you could be lured into the Holodeck again.

Something bad always happens when you set up camp there.

Was the lure of the hairpiece just too strong to resist?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Curmudgeon, the holodeck does seem to be a disaster area.

Mrs M, perhaps you can show Mr Shatner my Journal? I wonder what he'd think?

Merlyn, you were in London? Hope you enjoyed it!

Glad so many like the costume party.

Jen said...


I hope everyone stays away from Ensign Britney, she's got issues...

Squirrel said...

What an interesting story! Can't wait to see whats next! Sorry I haven't been around much, I have neglected all my blog buddies lately!

SQT said...

You could always allow T'Pol to be Spock for the sake of peace on the bridge.

Paint Brittney green and put her in a bikini. That should make her happy.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Funny thing is, with Riker's gut I am imagining him being Scotty rather than Spock. I'm just saying...

Lavender said...

I'd bet Ensign Britney's got more than issues LOL!!! My goodness this is a very funny story, everyone is so out of thier element - Thanks for the much needed laughs Captain!

Michael Manning said...

jean-luc-picard: "Being a Yeoman derogatory"? Naw! I was discombobulated by the black mini skirt!

eastcoastlife said...

Oooo.... a costume party!! I would love to attend. And I think Ensign Britney needs more cloth to cover her body. hahaha...

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Ensign Britney scares me...ALOT!

Nancy said...

LOL! Too funny. Britney? Love interest...eewwwww....

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Ensign Britney seems to scare everyone. She'd do well at Halloween.

Michael, 'discombobulated' is definately the word of the day.

Jon, I don't think Riker can do a Scottish accent.

Sqt, T'Pol, definately isn't your average Vulcan. She's from the mirror universe, where they are definately not logical.

Do you think Britney would like to be painted green?

Lavender, glad you like it.

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