Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Starship Licence (Part Two)

I'm still in the Dararian office trying to get my Starship Licence.

The amount of time I've spent in here makes me feel as if I've been put in suspended animation and someone's forgot to turn the 'on' switch on.

Everyone looks sad in here, as if it is Limbo, and that this is where they will be for all Eternity.

Having being directed by the officious looking man at the counter, I am now taking my DSS1/LDS form to the counter that bears that title.

Only there's a queue twice as long as the one I've been in.

In front of me, there is a Vulcan. I talk to him about how long I have to wait.

"These queues are a test of patience." he replies, "They are good for the Vulcan spirit, to see if they can maintain their lack of emotion. Many Vulcans have sapped under the conditions."

"How about Klingons?" I ask, "Surely their patience is very slim?"

"You are correct." he reples, "No Klingon has ever had a Dararian Starship Licence as they have never made it to the front of the queue. They go berserk, assault a few officials and are taken out."

A long time later, I reach the front of the queue; slightly earlier than expected, as the Vulcan ahead of me, and an Orion Slave Girl both buckled under the pressure and had to be taken out screaming.

Triumphantly, I produce my DSS1/LDS form; somewhat reluctantly, the woman accepts it.

"Where's your photograph?" the Dararian asks with a sneer.

I'm ready for her, and produce this picture I was carrying.

She looks at it for a while and smiles to herself.

"That's not sufficient." she tells me, "The picture must have you in your official uniform, and you are not allowed to smile. The photo booth is over there."

I'm starting to crack.

However, I get my picture taken, looking very officious, and after an eternity, I am back at the head of the queue. The form is stamped, and I am given another one to take to the 'Starship Licences' counter.

I'm starting to buckle...everything is looking very hazy....four lights....

Though on my knees, I make it to the head of the queue and my Starship Licence is issued. As I grasp it, everything starts to go dizzy....


"Are you all right, Jean-Luc?" I hear a voice; it's Beverly.

Groggily, I wake up in the Enterprise Sick Bay. Beverly is tending to me.

"What happened?" I ask her.

"According to witnesses" she replies, "You passed out as soon as you received your Starship Licence. We thought it would be a routine matter."

"Beverly" I say to her, "If we ever pass through Dararian space again, make sure we are going at Impulse Speed. I don't want to apply for another Licence again."


Merlyn Gabriel said...

Oh Captain! How awful!
I hope that Beverly is taking VERY good care of you now.

Waiting in queue can be terribly taxing.

Maybe you need to take a holiday?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

"four lights...."

That is great. Next time have Gordi set the front defector array on a pulse mode as you go through the system. That should throw off the speed detetors.

Word Verification: dvstuff

Barriss Offee said...

If you thought that was bad you should have tried waiting 6 days in a line to get a permit to carry a lightsaber once.

Joelson Carl said...

I applaud you on your successful acquisition of a Dararian Starship License, Captain!

Me said...

That place sounds just like the Oklahoma Dept of Public Safety! You poor man! I am in awe of your ability to stick it out, even though you just barely made it!

The Curmudgeon said...

"Four lights."

So, Captain, which was worse: Getting a Dararian license, or torture at the hands of sadistic Cardassians?

Shannon said...

Be careful, Jean-Luc. Even at impulse speed, they may stop you if your license has expired. I hear the renewal process is even more strenous.

emi said...

That sounds just like the express lane at the grocery store.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Barriss you forgot the 8 hours of testing,

dragonflyfilly said...

hey Capitano; do you mind if i call you that? yep, sure was a great result, and as i said, i took "angeldust" a small jar, about enough for about 4 slices of toast, and then she gave me a jar of her jam (i forgot which kind), but it was about 3 times the size of the jar i gave HER - so i was more than doubly rewarded!

well, i really like that picture of you, but it sounds like an awful experience -- maybe you had better get your blood pressure checked (it may be low, and you were needing something to eat perhaps?) well, anyway, glad you are o.k. now,

cheers for now,
chat soon,

Florence said...

Its always good to carry around your favourite photo of yourself, for impromptu profile emergencies for example.

Becareful of going too slow though, they can charge you for that as well!


Aunty Marianne said...

Clearly, Captain, you have been practising down at the main municipal offices for Brussels. It took me three days of assorted queuing to get a driving license.

Oh, and sometimes they'll only speak Flemish to you.

Trinity13 said...

When does your new one expire Capt?

Wedge Antillies said...

I noticed that they got your credits up front, so all those who cracked lost their fees. Your fortitude is to be commended, Captain. Now you can have some 'bed rest' under Dr. Crusher's watchful eye ;-)

no_average_girl said...

so, did you get to keep the license??? Or did they take them back because you had to be "taken out"?

Definitely make sure you stay at impulse speed! ha

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I think in future, we'll take a detour around Dararian space just so they don't catch us out again.

Merlyn, I'll be on shore leave from 19th August until Sunday 27th.

AOC, the deflector array is a good idea.

Barriss, fortunately, I don't use a lightsabre.

Kelly, Emi, it sounds like you both can relate to it.

Curmudgeon, it's a close call; had to choose.

Padme, I don't think I would last through the renewel phase.

Dragonflyfilly, you were well rewarded there!

Florence, smiling definately isn't allowed on official pictures.

Marianne, I think you need the Universal Translator if they only speak Flemish.

Trin, I'm not even going to look!

Wedge, I'm sure Bev will look after me.

No Average Girl, inpulse speed is the speed to be.

Osquer said...

LOL! "Four Lights!"

I guess DMVs (department of motor vehicles) are the same the universe over!

Maybe in a parallel universe the lines are short and everyone gets a free puppy!

Jaime H. said...

>>>I'm starting to buckle...everything is looking very hazy....four lights....<<<

Oh, that's just classic! And that reminds me, TNG is on right now!

Lahdeedah said...

all hail online registration

if only there were an internet in Darian space

Bill said...

Lines so long they make a Vulcan lose his patience? So that's where all the undocumented workers went when they left the CA DMV. lol.

Paperback Writer said...

I don't know what was wrong with the picture. I think it looked fine!

mrsmogul said...

i left a comment but it got eaten - it said something about using the picture of where you played the Xmas stooge in London...

Pearl said...

Ah, fabulous. Bravo. Nerves befitting a Vulcan. :)

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