Industrial Action

The senior staff are about to start negotiations with Norman Stubbins, who is the local Shop Steward on board the Enterprise. He represents the Starfleet Union of Employees (SUE).

Stubbins comes in the room with his assistant Albert Smith. Despite the fact that all on board wear the official Starfleet outfit, they insist on wearing overalls and a flat cap to show their 'solidarity'.

"Now then, Norman" I say, "I understand that you have a grievance."

"Yes I do!" he replies, "And address me as Mr Stubbins. We are not friends here at the negotiating table; you are the Management and we are the Union."

I groan; I sense trouble ahead.

"Get to the point, Stubbins!" Riker impatiently tells him.

"It's Mr Stubbins and Mr Smith!" they reply in unison.

"Very well, Mister Stubbins." I say, "Why are you here?"

"We have several grievances" answers Stubbins, "One of which is that we are not paid enough.". Albert Smith nods his head in agreement, as it seems he always does.

"You are not paid at all" I reply, "Do you not recall that money was abandoned years ago, and we now live in a currency-free society?"

"Well our members think this is contrary to union practices" states Stubbins, "Unless we are paid a salary, we shall be forced to withdraw our labour."

"According to my records." answers Data, "You and Mr Smith do not actually do any work aboard the Enterprise. Most of your time is spent on tea breaks or away on union business at the Rigel IV pleasure planet."

Both Stubbins and Smith look angry.

"Management is insulting the union, Brother Stubbins!" Smith says to his colleague in a quivering voice, "I think we should ballot the members and recommend industrial action immediately."

"I'm inclined to agree with you, Brother Smith!"

"How about if I assimilate the both of you now?" Seven asks them.

Oh dear. This doesn't seem to be going the way of careful industrial negotiations.

"That's it!" shouts Stubbins, "Come on, Brother Smith, let's tell the others that we have been threatened physically by management. They will all down tools. There won't be a starship flying for ages until SUE get what they want."

"Come back, gentlemen!" I plead, "I'm sure we can work out something that is suitable. Currency in the Federation is out, but I'm sure there are some other priveliges you may want."

Stubbins and Smith look at each other.

"Longer tea breaks?" asks Stubbins.

"I'm sure that can be arranged." I reply.

"Increased holodeck time for err...executive union members such as myself and Brother Smith?"

"Of course."

"More union business meetings at the Rigel IV pleasure planet for executive union members.?"

"Definately"

Stubbins shakes my hand.

"Excellent." he says, "Union and Management have thrashed out a fine deal for union members, due to our good negotiations."

They leave with their briefcases and clipboards.

"The 'fine deal' they thrashed out, Number One" I say, "Seemed to be more for their benefit than their members."

Riker smiles and agrees.

"Do they have unions in The Borg, Seven?" asks Beverly.

"Yes" she replies, "But when the drone Shop Steward came to the Borg Queen with his list of demands, he was deactivated. It wasn't a job that wasn't well sought after in a Cube."