Thursday, January 19, 2006

Time And Motion Study

Today, Starfleet are sending a Time & Motion expert to see how efficient we are at running the Enterprise.

Knowing my luck, this will be the day that everything breaks down.

At 08:00, a man beams on board; he has a clipboard with a pad attached and also a stopwatch and pen.

"Good morning Mr...? I say to him, trying to shake his hand.

"The name is Jordan Tonks," he says quickly, and ignoring my handshake, "formalities cost time; the ship would be running a lot better if we dispensed with formalities." He writes something on his pad and notices Worf.

"What is this Officer doing here? Should he not be working elsewhere? His energies can be channeled into something better than standing around."

"This is Lieutenant Worf." I tell Tonks, "He is Head of Security, and is here to protect us."

"Against what?" demands Tonks, "Send him to do something else, Captain."

I indicate to Worf, who has that irritated look and mumbles something I didn't quite catch in the Klingon language.

"Let's go to Engineering." says Tonks.

We arrive there.

Tonks looks around and makes a few notes on his pad; he also shakes his head. Geordi comes over.

"What is it, Captain?" he asks.

"This is Jordan Tonks, a Time & Motion expert" I tell him.

"Why do you have so many people working here, Chief Engineer?" he asks, "Can't it run with just a few individuals?"

"Generally so." Geordi replies, with a slightly annoyed look, "But we need to keep it running at optimum efficiency."

Tonks tuts and writes a few more things down.

"To the Bridge." he demands.

As we travel, children walk past.

"And what job do THEY so, Captain?" he asks sarcastically.

"This is a family ship" I answer, "Therefore some of the crew have their children with them so they don't lose contact."

"A waste of Starfleet time and resources; the effort used to teech and maintain these children could be put to better use.

I've started to get very irritated with Mr Tonks.

We arrive at the Bridge. He looks in horror at all the people working there.

"This is ridiculous, Captain. What are all these people doing on the Bridge? They look at their own screens and never do anything. You have a Counselor sitting there. Can't the crew sort out their own problems. You have an android sitting there; shouldn't his job be given to a live person?"

That's done it!

"I tell you what the only waste on resources I know, Tonks " I tell him, "That's when Starfleet spend all their time on training people who can't do anything except Time & Motion'. Your arrival here has only delayed us carrying out more important missions."

"Now Captain, I think you're being a little...." stutters Tonks.

"Mr Worf, if you're not doing anything else right now, would you kindly escort our guest off the ship."

"With pleasure, Sir." says Worf with a smile.

I sit down in the chair, quite satisfied.

"Feeling better now, Sir?" Riker asks.

"Yes, Number One." I reply, "I've learnt that those who Can, join Starfleet, and those who Can't become Time & Motion Experts."

28 comments:

Ciera said...

Nicely done, Jean-Luc! Don't let 'em get away with any guff. uh, hope he doesn't file a complaint though! :)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Seems like it would've wasted less time to just not let the guy on at all...

Running2Ks said...

Glad that dottering inefficient waste of space was removed post-haste!

Lori said...

I can almost hear the tone in your voice when you said...Yes number 1!!!

Have a great day!!!!

Trinity13 said...

Nice job Capt! Too bad Bev wasn't there to witness!!!

Master Yoda said...

Annoying he was, but one good point he did have. Need a counselor to sit on the bridge why do you? Always wondered that, I have.

The Incurable Insomniac said...

You go, Jean-Luc!

Now stop wasting my time and let me get back to work...

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

You should have set your health and safety officer on him, she could have bored him to death with why things are done as they are, except for Troi. Doesn't that woman ever have office hours?

Vampirella said...

well done Capt
you did make sure Worf escort him to the transpoter room and not the wastedisposal unit didnt you

Chris W. said...

Yes!! This is a classic Picard moment! Diplomatic to a point, then watch out! I could just imagine the next scene, with Worf putting Mr Tonks in a photon torpedo casing and blasting him back to Starfleet. Good show, Captain!

Reminds me of the "experts" at my employer's home office!

Son Goku said...

Why did you have to transport him here? " Do you really need to say the word Kamhameha? And what's with all the hand gestures? Wouldn't be more efficent to just attack you enemy without talking to them first?"
Leave me alone Tongs Tunks whatever your name is.

FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

That Time and Moton expert was a nurd. Of course you are very well experienced in managing an enterprise otherwise you wouldn't be captain. Right?

Michael Manning said...

Captain: Exemplary!

no_average_girl said...

anybody who has enough time of their life to waste to become "experts" at something like that should be escorted off the efficient enterpries!

Jaime H. said...

LOLOL!!!!

November Rain said...

lol unfortunely every company / system thinks these guys are ness

Chrixean said...

My goodness, that guy is one total pain in the ass! Only dorks like him would be assigned to such a job. He probably had a lot of bullies beat down on him in his highschool days and to put people down is his way of getting back at them. Tsk, tsk...

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Chrixean, you may be right in saying Tonks was probably bullied at school.

Vampirella, the transporter room and the waste disposal are one and the same thing.

Jardena, Deanna's work isn't a nine to five job. She can be needed anytime of day.

Master Yoda, an empathic counselor gives good advice on the people on the screen. I'd prefer Bev sitting next to me, though; as Trin says, it's a pity she wasn't there.

Ciera, I'll see that any complaint gets lost in subspace channels.

Ciera said...

LOL!

dddragon said...

I worked in an office years ago when one of these "experts" was hired to help efficiency. She was fired for doing the things that she criticized the company's staff for doing.

Pink Pen said...

**Waves** Hi! Here from Michele's!

Jen said...

You tell him, Captain! Yeah!

Jabafatboy said...

Have delt with more than one of those peckerwoods in my time. Good show mon capaitain .

Did ya beam him into open space ?

Darn !!

Stationery Queen said...

Not much to add that others haven't said.

Just wanted to say hi, JLP!

:-)

Pieces of Me said...

haha good job!! Thanks for the nice comment..TTYL

M. C. Pearson said...

Tee hee hee! Take that you so called expert!!!

Hey, I'm watching some of your historical documents...just rented them from blockbuster on-line. Very interesting.

Thanks for visiting me and sending the alka-seltzer...it is starting to work!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

From the above responses, I think we'd ALL like to beam Time & Motion people into space!

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