Tuesday, January 17, 2006
The Fizzbin Championships (Part Two)
Damon Bak, Vlargh, Syrena and myself enter the Arena, along with the Adjudicator. The crowds are cheering. I hear a distinctive voice.
"COME ON DATA DARLING, YOU CAN THRASH 'EM!!"
Jennifer Baxter is cheering me in the front row; show has a megaphone.
Syrena looks sneeringly and asks, "Is she your woman?"
I think for a moment and say, "Yes."
"Ha! She replies, "She is nothing compared to me; you shall regret turning me down."
The four of us sit down on the green baize table; the Adjudicator sits on an elevated podium, where he has a clear view of the table, and is able to spot any infringements.
"Let the Fizzbin Championships commence!" he announces to the audience.
We started with an argument about Klingon history, which Vlargh won, so he was declared to be the Dealer, and the play revolved counterclockwise.
The seating was Vlargh, Data, Syrena and Dak and went in that order of play.
"Where is my book of the Rules of Aquisition?" asked Dak.
"Books are not allowed at the gametable." stated the Adjudicator.
Vlargh and I had our seven cards, while the others had six.
Things looked promising;I had two sevens, so already I had a Half Fizzbin. The others were being very careful about their hands, and it was difficult to tell whether they had anything better.
Dak threw a four out, as it was worth nothing; syrena threw out two Queens in disgust.
At the end of the hand, it was found that Vlargh also had two sevens, so according to the rules we had to have a fight. His Klingon strength was very powerful, but I managed to pin him to the floor.
I had won the first hand.
"Best of two out of three?" the others said; this is a traditional call in Fizzbin.
"COME ON DATA!!" screamed Jennifer.
"Will the female in the audience kindly refrain from using a megaphone, otherwise I shall have to have her ejected from the auditorium!" announced the Adjudicator.
The next hand started; this time, I was the Dealer.
I had three sixes; this was bad. It was a Shronk. If I still had these at the end of the hand, I would be disqualified.
I quickly managed to disperse of that card; it looked like I could soon have a Full Fizzbin.
Syrena looked at me.
"He might not have the nerve, but I can beat anybody!"
The hand was coming to an end; I had two Jacks, a King and a Two. A Full Fizzbin. My two opponents were starting to sweat. If any of us had a Shronk now, it would mean disqualification.
The last card was drawn. I still had a Fizzbin.
"Syrena has a Shronk." the Adjudicator declared, "She is disqualified."
Bak and Vlargh dropped out; they each shown their Marriage Certificates.
"Lieutenant Commander Data is declared the winner." announced the Adjudicator; at this point, Jennifer Baxter ran up and kissed me.
Captain Picard came up to me.
"Well done, Data."
"Thank you, Sir." I replied, "Would you like to play a hand of Fizzbin when we get back to the Enterprise."
"Err..thank you, Data, but I think I'll stick to Poker."