Sunday, January 08, 2006

Ensign Interview

Today, I'm interviewing to members of Starfleet Academy who have applied to be an Ensign on the Enterprise.

I ought to leave this sort of Riker; after all, he is responsible for personel. However, I like to see the crew I've got. Riker would accept anyone who gave him a free donut.

I sit behind the desk, trying to look important, as I await the first applicant.

Deanna comes in with a furtive looking male youth.

"Captain, this is William Bradley." Deanna tells me as she leaves the room.

"Hello, William" I say, as I hold me hand out to shake his, "I'm Captain Picard."

"Call me Biff." he replies, as he slouches down on the seat, ignores my hand and starts to chew gum.

"We don't chew gum in Starfleet." I mention to him.

Biff takes the gum out and places it underneath the chair.

"Now, William, why did you join Starfleet Academy in the first place."

"My parents sent me there," he replies, "They thought it would keep me out of trouble. I was always ending up in the penal colonies."

"Why do you wish to be on the Enterprise, and what would you want to do here.?"

"Well," he says eagerly, "It's a great chance to zap a few aliens out of existence. I would love to start using a phaser on them. Set on 'kill', of course! I think 'Security' is the best place."

"William!" I tell him, "May I remind you that the Federation is a group based on harmony and peaceful co-existence. We strive to preserve life on our missions, not to destroy it."

"Yeah." Biff comments, "But not everybody wants to preserve the Federation's life. You need a few tough guys around to see off the enemy. That's where I come in."

"Err...thanks, William" I reply, "You can leave now."

Biff departs from the from, after first taking his chewing gum from underneath the seat. He looks rather pleased with how it all went.

Deanna returns with a 6 ft tall blond girl wearing a long red dress slit to the waist, with a revealing top."

"Um...Captain, this is Lola Deloras" says Deanna; she looks in disgust as she leaves the room.

"Miss Deloras" I inform her, "Your clothing is not suitable for an Ensign interview, and does not follow Starfleet guidelines."

"Oh really?" she says seductively, "I think it's just perfect."

She leans across the desk until I am a few inches away from her.

"Err...sit down, Miss Doloras, and we'll start the interview." I nervously say to her.

"Call me Lola." she says with a purr.

"Er, yes....Lola, why did you join Starfleet Academy?"

"So that I could be part of the Federation; I've always believed in mutual harmony, togetherness...anything like that."

"Umm..very good, Lola." I say to her, "Why do you want to be on the Enterprise, and what would you want to do here?"

"This ship is the best in Starfleet; you are the best Captain. We could spread that harmony together. I would best in 'Communications', don't you think? I've always believed in First Contact."

Lola leans across the desk again.

"Errr...ummmm, yes, thank you, Lola"

Lola slowly stands up and walks towards the door; just before she leaves, she winks at me and departs.

Riker comes in afterwards.

"What did you think of the applicants, Captain?"

"They were remarkably alike, Number One." I reply, "Both scare me in different ways. I think we'll post them to Deep Space Nine where they will be out of trouble."

"What do you think Captain Sisko will say?" Riker says.

"He probably won't speak to me again."

29 comments:

Tanda said...

They'd probably make a ripe couple anyway. Whoop!!

Vegeta said...

poor Sisko, at least you don't have to deal those losers.

Jabafatboy said...

her name was Lola
she was a show girl

all her family
they were dead

she ran a hand
across his bald head

red dress and yellow hair
with a slit clean up to THERE

ta da da da da.......

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Sisko already has enough to deal with, with that worm hole and all. *shrugs* what's the worst that could happen?

Barbara said...

I think that James T. Kirk would have approved Lola as an ensign.

Trinity13 said...

You could send her to Capt Berk!!!

mistipurple said...

er.. Captain Sisko might thank you forever? Lola comes by once a light year afterall.

Ciera said...

Remember, Jean-Luc that Sisko already doesn't like you...do you think it's a good idea to antagonize him further? I like the others idea of sending the girl at least to Capt Berk or Kirk!

no_average_girl said...

bless captain sisko's heart! if you two aren't careful, you two will end up in a bitter brawl! lol

Lady Wyntir said...

Poor Sisko...

Bashir will have is fun with Mrs. Dolores hee hee

~wyn

Chrixean said...

An advanced Happy Birthday, Jean-Luc!

-xtessa- said...

ahahahaha... poor capt. sisko.

Shelley said...

I got as far as the Riker hiring anyone who gives him a donut bit without LMAO! Great post. You are too much. Only 5 days til your birthday....which means I only have 5 days to break in and find out how old you will be. Have a great day!

Vampirella said...

Hmmm Careful with lola I found this intel on her:

its from a recon squad call sign the Kinks

met her in a club down in old soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola [lp version:
Coca-cola]
C-o-l-a cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said lola
L-o-l-a lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy won’t you come home with me
Well I’m not the world’s most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that’s the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I’d never ever kissed a woman before
But lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I’m gonna make you a man

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man
And so is lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola


Capt Berk still might like them send them his way

Professor Xavier said...

I definitely think that Lola deserves a chance. You could take her under your wing, supervise her very closely for a trial period of 3 to 4 months and when you are satisfied that you have seen all of her talents, then you send her on to Sisko or whoever.

As far as Biff goes, isn't Starfleet still doing that Klingon exchange program?

natasha said...

Ooh, big loss ... no one liked Deep Space 9, anyway ...

Jean-Luc Picard said...

There was certainly a mixed reaction with Lola. Some seem to think Sisko has enough problems, and some will say it will be his lucky day!

Barbara, Trin & Ciera are right in saying Lola would be better placed with Captain Berk.

Before she joined Starfleet Academy, she was a showgirl in Brazil at the Copacabana.

Thanks for the information, Vampirella.

Great verse, Jabafatboy!

Shelley, here's a clue how old I'll be...

The year I was 11, "Houston we have a problem." became well known.

Running2Ks said...

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl...

LOL, Sisko is a "god", so he can smite them :)

poopie said...

Err..I believe I know Biff and Lola.

Anonymous said...

That's it?!? Only two applicants? I would have hired the second!

MarkD60 said...

Oops! I said " That's it?!? Only two applicants? I would have hired the second!"

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I'm with anonymous, I would have hired Lola, too.

Wedge Antillies said...

Did you get any pics of either of them (especially the girl)?

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M. C. Pearson said...

Um, yeah. Lovely candidates. Lola seems right for a job with Firefly's crew...Companion all the way. William needs to go to boot camp and scrape off the underside of cafeteria tables with his teeth.

Master Yoda said...

Uh, send Lola to the Temple you can. Perfect for our, uh, needs she sounds.

Jabafatboy, off-key that was.

Natasha, DS9 I liked!

Paula said...

Glad we can always trust the captain to make the right decisions. Whew. Had me a little nervous there.

craziequeen said...

[does ultra quick math]

you are five years older than me :-)

cq

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