Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Repairing Data (Part One)

Guest Poster: Geordi LaForge

I'm in the Engineer Room cleaning out filthy warp conduits.

You might think that as Chief Engineer, I should be able to delegate this unplesant task to someone in Engineering. The trouble is, as soon as anyone notices the conduits need doing, they do a vanishing act better than if they had been beamed out!

"GEORDI! GEORDI!" screams out a voice.

It makes me jump up and hit my head on the Jeffries Tube I was in. I turn round and see that Jenny Baxter, who is Data's girlfriend, looking distraught and tearful, as if she has been one number short in the Galactic Lottery.

"What's the prob, Jenny?" I ask.

"You've got to come quickly." she answers, "I don't know what to do."

Jenny quickens up my mobing my pulling my out of the Tube so that I crash on the floor.

"Sorry about that." Jenny says quickly, "You can get a headache tablet later on. Follow me."

Still feeling groggy, I follow Jenny to the quarters that she and Data share. When I enter, I see the android unconsious and on the floor.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Well, Data was all ready to start his daily shift when his body stopped and crumpled to the floor. I screamed and ran to you, as I thought you're the likeliest person who could help."

"Hardly, Jenny." I reply, "I just replace a few fuses occasionally and complete diagnostics, but I'm hardly that good."

I beam Data, who is looking like a shop window mannequin to Engineering, where I start looking at what caused the problem.


"Have you found out what happerned to Commander Data, Mr LaForge?" the Captain asks me on my Com a few hours later.

I'm looking in his body, with Data's head on my workbench, while I ferret inside with my spanner.

"Sorry, sir." I reply, "I think we are going to need outside help. The Cybernetics Division of Starfleet should do it."

The Captain tells be to get in contact with them. I press the number on my videoviewer.

"Welcome to the Cybernetics Division of Starfleet." says a voice, "If you have trouble with a replicator, press '1', if you have trouble with a holodeck, press '2', if you have trouble with the Emergency Medical Hologram, press '3', if you have any andoid trouble, press '4'...."

I press the number.

"Welcome to Android Repairs." the voice continues, "If the android does not speak, press '1', if the android does not move, press '2', if the android has shut down, press '3'...

I press the button..

"If your android is not functioning." the voice drones on, "Try the following...."

This is going to be a long time!

To be continued...


Michael Manning said...

I love it! ..."looking like a shop window mannequin". Jennifer and humor aboard the ship. An unbeatable combination! :)

Ciera said...

'one number short in the Galactic lottery' lol!

Gordon said...

Hmm you just have to LOVE those "switchboards" eh Mr La Forge

Vella said...

wow those things are annoying.

Amanda said...

You'd think they have a better way of responding than those idiotic number selections.....I hate those....

The Curmudgeon said...

Voice mail hell persists even in the enlightened 24th Century?

Why do you lord it over the Ferengi then?

Gyrobo said...

And once you get someone on the line, they'll just try to talk you into buying a new one.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Stupid automated recordings they are no help at all.

Forex said...

Haha, a great idea for a blog - JLP. I really liked that ST.

Ellee Seymour said...

Everyone needs a voice...

Linda said...

Please tell me that the voice on the phone doesn't have that 'movie phone' sound to it!