Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Repairing Data (Part One)
Guest Poster: Geordi LaForge
I'm in the Engineer Room cleaning out filthy warp conduits.
You might think that as Chief Engineer, I should be able to delegate this unplesant task to someone in Engineering. The trouble is, as soon as anyone notices the conduits need doing, they do a vanishing act better than if they had been beamed out!
"GEORDI! GEORDI!" screams out a voice.
It makes me jump up and hit my head on the Jeffries Tube I was in. I turn round and see that Jenny Baxter, who is Data's girlfriend, looking distraught and tearful, as if she has been one number short in the Galactic Lottery.
"What's the prob, Jenny?" I ask.
"You've got to come quickly." she answers, "I don't know what to do."
Jenny quickens up my mobing my pulling my out of the Tube so that I crash on the floor.
"Sorry about that." Jenny says quickly, "You can get a headache tablet later on. Follow me."
Still feeling groggy, I follow Jenny to the quarters that she and Data share. When I enter, I see the android unconsious and on the floor.
"What happened?" I ask.
"Well, Data was all ready to start his daily shift when his body stopped and crumpled to the floor. I screamed and ran to you, as I thought you're the likeliest person who could help."
"Hardly, Jenny." I reply, "I just replace a few fuses occasionally and complete diagnostics, but I'm hardly that good."
I beam Data, who is looking like a shop window mannequin to Engineering, where I start looking at what caused the problem.
"Have you found out what happerned to Commander Data, Mr LaForge?" the Captain asks me on my Com a few hours later.
I'm looking in his body, with Data's head on my workbench, while I ferret inside with my spanner.
"Sorry, sir." I reply, "I think we are going to need outside help. The Cybernetics Division of Starfleet should do it."
The Captain tells be to get in contact with them. I press the number on my videoviewer.
"Welcome to the Cybernetics Division of Starfleet." says a voice, "If you have trouble with a replicator, press '1', if you have trouble with a holodeck, press '2', if you have trouble with the Emergency Medical Hologram, press '3', if you have any andoid trouble, press '4'...."
I press the number.
"Welcome to Android Repairs." the voice continues, "If the android does not speak, press '1', if the android does not move, press '2', if the android has shut down, press '3'...
I press the button..
"If your android is not functioning." the voice drones on, "Try the following...."
This is going to be a long time!
To be continued...