At last, the day has come when the artist will beam on to paint my portrait!
A few days ago, Starfleet told me they had commissioned someone to paint me, as all the Captains are in the halls of the San Francisco Headquarters already have them.
It's a bit overdue, if you ask me.
James T Kirk has one, typically surrounded by two scantily-clad women.
For some reason, the crew keep thinking I'll be posing without any clothes on. I had to issue a ship-wide bulletin telling them I'll be in my official Captain's uniform.
Riker, Bev, Deanna and myself go to Transporter Room One to greet the artist. He beams on.
"Hello." I say, "I an Captain Jean-Luc Picard." I then go into the usual greetings spiel that I do for all the visitors.
"Ah!!" he exclaims, looking at me, "You are my subject! For you Captain, I shall create my masterpiece, the crowning point in my career! I am Guido. I can feel the pulse of creativity going through my veins."
I can sense that Bev and Deanna are trying hard to supress giggles. Riker has a smug grin on his face.
"Shall we go to the studio?" I ask, "I have created a holodeck program that looks like an artist's studio."
"Excellent!!" Guido replies, waving his arms, "My paints are eager to touch the canvas,"
I cough in order to keep a straight face.
The five of us arrive at the studio.
"This is magnifique!" Guido says in a pseudo-French accent. I think he adopts different accents as the mood takes him.
"Shall we get started, Guido?" I ask, "Where would you like me to sit?"
"Firstly," he says, "You need to remove your clothes."
It's too much for Bev, Riker and Deanna, who collapse in fits of laughter. Guido looks disgusted.
"Look, Guido." I tell him firmly, "I don't know why everybody seems to have this idea about clothes. I shall be painted in my official dress uniform."
"Very well." Guido replies, "If you wish it to be done that way."
"We'll leave you now, Jean-Luc" Bev says.
"Au revoir, Madame." Guido says to Bev, "Perhaps later I can paint you au naturel?"
"That's NOT going to happen!" I say firmly.
"That is too bad." Giudo comment, "The Betazed Ambassador found it very enjoyable."
Deanna chokes at this news.
"You mean you've painted MY mother without any....? she tries to say.
"Indeed, madamoiselle." he confirms, "Lwaxana Troi likes the result and has it on the wall."
"It had better not be there the next time I visit." she mutters.
With that, the three leave the studio, leaving just Guido and myself.
"Well, Captain." Guido says, looking at me, "It's time to start painting."
To be continued...