Right now, I'm in a conversation with Admiral Harriman over the video viewer in my Ready Room.
"So, Picard." he continues, "It has come to our attention that such a err... veteran Captain like yourself does not have his portrait in the Starfleet corridors"
"Indeed, sir." I say, feeling elated, "Are you going to have my portait painted?"
"Yes, Picard." I say, "We'll be sending someone along shortly. A proper artist, so make sure you look your best."
"Yes sir, yes, sir." I say in my most grovelly voice, "Where do you think the portrait will go?"
"Probably near the men's washroom." he replies, "We haven't got a lot of space left."
I leave the ready room. Bev is nearby.
"Guess what, Bev." I tell her, "Starfleet are coming here to paint my portrait."
"Are you going to keep your clothes on, Jean-Luc?" she says, laughing.
"Of course I am." I answer indignantly, "It's an official portrait to hang at Starfleet Headquarters."
I go over to the Bridge and inform Riker that he will have to take the helm while I have my portrait painted.
"Are you keeping your clothes on, Captain?" he asks.
What? Is this a conspiracy?
I get on the communication system that broadcasts to the entire ship.
"Attention all hands." I say, "I will be having my portrait painted shortly. Before you ask, yes, I WILL be keeping my clothes on!"
A few hours later I get word that the painter is here. I rush to the Transporter Room to welcome him.
A figure beams on, carrying a can of paint and a brush.
"Which part of the ship needs painting, Captain? he asks.
"It seems there has been a mix-up." I tell him.
Riker enters and informs me that the main bathroom needs painting, so he called for the painter.
"The artist who will be painting your picture won't arrive for another couple of days." Riker tells me.
I wonder who it will be?
This story continues after the TWQ...