Sunday, April 09, 2006

Spring Picnic

I open the Suggestion Box that we have on the Enterprise and find it full of the usual abusive things. None of them can spell. Someone actually thinks there is more than one 'k' in 'incompetant'.

I dispose of them all in my 'pending' file, which is the atomiser. There is one left that caught my eye. It is from Ensign Jennifer Baxter, the ladyfriend of Commander Data.

It says, "As it is spring on Earth, why don't the senior staff have a spring picnic? It would raise the morale of everyone who might be tired of being in a starship for a long time.

I call a meeting to get everybody's opinions.

"Klingons do not go on picnics!" says Worf firmly, "We hunt and kill, and do not sit in a meadow eating cheese and cucumber sandwiches."

"I like cheese and cucumber sandwiches" states Jadzia, "Come on, Worfie, I'll get a basket together for us; I'll put some Klingon Bloodwine in just for you..."

Worf smiles slightly at this, and agrees.

"I'll make a basket up for us, Captain" says Beverley, "I'll bring along some Earl Grey tea."

My face goes slightly red at this, as everyone looks at me.

"I'll make a basket for you, Will" Deanna declares.

"Can you put some donuts in?" Riker quietly whispers, in the hope I don't hear. She agrees to put a few in, and he is satisfied.

Trisha Lewis and Jennifer Baxter will be bringing things for Geordi and Data, and all of us set off for the holodeck, stopping to change into 20th century leisure outfits.

The ladies have summer dresses and the men have casual jeans and shirts on.


I set the program "Typical English meadow, 20th century"

"Safety protocols?" asks the computer.

"None" I reply.

"Is that wise, Captain?" Data tells me.

"Of course it's all right, Data!" I say to him, "What can possibly happen in a 2oth Century English meadow?"

We all step in and see a beautiful summer's day and a lush green English meadow. The sun shines and the birds twitter away.

The contents of the baskets are set out after we lay the blankets on the meadow.

"Who would have thought the 24th Century is outside all this, Jean-Luc" says Beverly, as she holds my hand.

I think all the ladies are getting romantic in here; it must be the spring atmosphere. I lie back and Beverly feeds me a cheese and cucumber sandwich; delicious.

"Is that a bull?" asks Geordi.

"Affirmative" replies Data.

"It seems very keen on coming towards us."

Everyone is starting to look worried; that bull is charging, and a holographic bull where there are no safety protocols is going to cause a lot of damage."

"Mr Worf" I tell him, "You said you like to hunt and kill, well now's your opportunity."

"I do that with my bat'leth" he replies in an irritated voice, "Not with a cheese and cucumber sandwich."

He runs with the rest of us.

"ARCH!" I shout, and we enter the Enterprise corridor.

"Next time we have an English picnic, Captain" Data quietly tells me, "I think it might be prudent to keep the safety protocols on."

I agree; did we leeve the sandwiches in there?


Dak-Ind said...

hello from michele.

picnic-ing is never as safe as one would imagine. the killer ants and bees alone are enough to make us eat on the ship!

Jabafatboy said...

Turning off the Safety Protocols, with women and picnic baskets around is not wise.

Be happy it was just a little ole bull !!

Jen said...

Man, I'd like the safety on just to keep the bugs from annoying me! And, heaven forbid, you could all get sunburned.

I wasn't expecting the bull, though. Good thing you made it out!

Shelley said...

Hey there! I love picnics...although this one sounded a bit much. Gotta love that suggestion box.

Anonymous said...

Dare I point out that "incompetent" has no "a" anywhere in it?

Ciera said...

A picnic sounds like fun...though I can think of other morale boosters.

Vegeta said...

I just wish bulls would attack the Picnics I go on but no ! Just hours of " Isn't this Romantic?" Bah!

Vampirella said...

"Of course it's all right, Data!" I say to him, "What can possibly happen in a 2oth Century English meadow?"

famous last words HAHAHA

hmmm picnic .... where is my basket... Oh Trunks

Trinity13 said...

Sounds like the bull likes cheese and cucumber sandwiches!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Perhaps it's the red uniformd of the crew that attract the bull?

Professor Xavier said...

I'm guessing it was Riker's doughnuts. Since those are manufactured from scratch by the food processing machines, can't they be made low cal? I don't think all that sugar is helping Riker's waistline.

Claire said...

Picinicing is such fun!!

Captain Berk said...

I can't even begin to imagine the fun I would have with a holodeck.

mrsmogul said...

donuts and sandwiches...yumm...I think they should open a sandwich bar called HOLODECK!!

Drive By Fruiting said...

Your blog rocks!

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