I'm having a meeting with Admiral Jensen, Head of Starfleet Special Operations.
That means shady things that no one gets to find out about.
"Captain Picard" he says to me, "We have a special mission that we'd like you to go on; it's a very secret one."
And dangerous, I should imagine. I'm already wishing that I had feigned a leg injury in the Enterprise gym and sent Riker instead.
"Err...what I it you want, Sir?" I ask him nervously.
"Though we have supposedly outlawed crime on Earth, there is a criminal fraternity operating on the planet called The Evil Force. A leader from Riva, named Jola was coming to see them see them, but we've captured him and his girlfriend. He is a tall bald man, with a red haired girlfriend named Valerine."
I can see where this is leading.
"As the other members of The Evil Force have never met him" says Jensen, "You should be alright; you can infiltrate them and find out who their leaders are so that we can arrest them."
"What about the red-haired girlfriend?" I ask.
"Could you ask Doctor Crusher to do it?" he enquires, "I'm sure she would relish the challenge."
"This isn't a holodeck simulation, Sir" I tell him, "I can't keep the safety protocols on."
"That's an order, Picard!" he tells me, "Now get the doctor and go on your mission!"
Back on the Enterprise, I am just talking to Riker.
"Now, Number One," I tell him, "I would like this ship still to be in one piece when we return. Don't think it as an excuse to have round the clock parties."
He looks crestfallen.
"Not even one?" he asks.
"No, not one!" I tell him.
Data comes up to us.
"Commander Riker" he says, "The ship with the supplies of Klingon bloodwine for the party have arrived."
Riker looks embarrassed.
"Send it back, Mr Data" I tell him, "The order was a mistake."
I talk to Beverly.
"Now remember, Beverly, on this mission, my name is Jola, and your name is Valerine. Wecan't afford to use our real names, otherwise it might be concrete shoes."
She looks puzzled. I explain the meaning, and she looks horrified.
"Are you sure you can do this, Bev?" I ask.
"Yes, Jean-Luc...I mean Jola" she says with a smile. I hope that slip was a joke.
We go to Transporter Room 2, to beam down to the area where the Evil Force are most prevalent: San Francisco.
My clothes are all black, with a tiny skull in the pocket, found when the real Jola was captured. Beverly is wearing an all black dress. She also has a tiny skull in the pocket.
At night, in San Francisco, we are round the docks.
It's not exactly the tourist part of San Francisco, but where the undesirables might hang out. Like the Evil Force.
After waiting around, a mysterious figure comes out of the dark.
"Jola and Valerine" he says, "Welcome to Earth. A pleasure to have you as part of the Evil Force."
It's at times like this when I would like to be sitting in my Ready Room on the Enterprise drinking my Earl grey tea.
Can I afford to be tagged while I'm on a dangerous mission? Nightingale has tagged me, asking me to list ten of life's simple pleasures.
In no particular order:
Drinking Earl Grey in my Ready Room
Saying "Make it so!" in the comfort of the Captain's Chair.
Doing my 'Hamlet' impression when no one is looking.
Belittling an incompetant officer who makes a mess of things.
Taking Bev on a date in the holodeck.
Scaring crew members by testing if the 'self destruct' countdown is still working.
Sneaking behind Data and switching him off.
Listening to Riker trying to give a reason why he was in Deanna's quarters late at night.
Practicising my disco dancing in my quarters.
Singing drinking songs in Ten Forward.