Sunday, April 02, 2006
Boothby's Academy Lecture (Part One)
I'm on my way to the Academy Lecture Halls.
Now I know that's somewhere I don't usually go; for me, I'm more at home in the Gardens keeping them in good condition.
I have to keep telling those Cadets that the 'Keep Off The Grass' sign that I put up has nothing to do with drugs.
Really, I ask you; the young have no idea, do they? The young whippersnappers.
Anyway, I digress; what was I talking about? I've forgotten.
Can anyone help me?
The reason I'm off to the Academy Halls because Admiral Hollingsworth came up to me a few hours ago and said, "Mr Boothby, we think as all the Cadets know you..."
"Only because they've felt my hand hitting them on the back of their heads for trespassing on my Gardens." I replied.
"Err yes" he said, "But we think it would be a good idea if you gave them a lecture on Fauna. Who else knows more?"
"Clear off!" I snapped back, "Yes trespassed on the Garden when you were a Cadet, Hollingsworth, and even carved your name on the tree."
"Let's forget about that." Hollingsworth hastily said, "I'm an Admiral now, and you're ordered to give the lecture. It will be good for them when they learn to respect plant fauna on other planets when they have colonised them."
That was then; now I'm approaching the Halls. When these young whippersnappers are Commanders or Captains of a starship, and they are being attacked by deadly aliens, I hardly think they are going to know about flower arranging.
I meet that annoying Wesley Crusher on the way in; if anything will ensure everything will be a disaster it's him. I feel jinxed when he's around. Still, I've heard others say the same thing; right up from Cadets to Admirals.
"Gee, Mr Boothby." he says, "Are you giving today's lecture? It'll be really exciting, then!"
"Clear off!" I reply, and hit him on the back of the head. He's already got me in a bad mood.
Once inside, I wait in the wings, while Hollingsworth announces me to the students.
I ask you; it's like I'm the star performer in a major concert. I'm only giving a silly lecture to a bunch of Cadets who probably couldn't find the 'On' button while using a replicator.
"Now" says Hollingsworth, "The Guest Lecturer for today is no more than someone we all know here at Starfleet Academy. I give you Mr Boothby, our Head Gardener."
I walk on; what a shower they look.
I wonder what I'll say?