I'm confined to SickBay at the moment with Tyrellian Flu, so Riker is running the Enterprise while I suffer.
Normally I would welcome the chance to spending a few day's in Beverly's company, but she had to go to a conference, so I am being looked after by the holographic doctor, whose approach with patients leave a lot to be desired.
He marches up to me.
"Time for your latest flu jab!" he barks out gleefully.
The jabs for Tyrellian Flu are different from the usual hyposprays that we have, and are very painful.
The Doctor rams the needle sharply in my arm.
"Aaaaggghhhhh!!!" I scream out, reeling in agony.
"Oh, don't be such a baby!" says the Doctor in disgust, "You're supposed to be a Captain, not a snivelling wretch of a patient!"
The red mark on my arm is three inches wide and I can still feel the agonising effect.
"What about giving a pre-shot anaesthetic, Doctor?" I suggest.
"Oh, you don't want to bother with that; you organics are all the same, whine, whine, whine about a little pain. You've only got to have six shots a day, then you'll be fine."
I lie back in despair; I'll be one red mark before long.
Suddenly the Enterprise starts to shake; I hear the sound of photon torpedoes and phaser fire. It seems like the ship is under attack.
I get through to Riker.
"Number One, what's going on out there?"
"Errr....can't talk right now," Riker hurriedly says, "We have a minor problem up here."
I hear lots of screams and noises. Something isn't good.
Riker calls back.
"Captain, a member of the deadly Blargh race has beamed on board and he is coming to kill you. He is walking through the force fields and is immune to the phaser fire. no one can stop him."
"What deadly weapon do we have here in the SickBay?" asks the Doctor, "He will surely kill you."
"I can think of one thing." I say, as I stagger up from my bed, "Get the flu shot."
The Doctor hands me the shot, and I get ready as the screams outside get louder.
The door suddenly opens, and the Blargh walks through, carring an array of guns. He smiles with an evil grin. He looks like he's won First Prize in the Ugly Contest.
"I have come to kill you, Capain Picard"
I throw the Tyrellian Fle syringe, which enters his chest. The Blargh screams out in agony as he grips the point. The mark grows and covers his entire body in redness before he drops dead.
Riker and the others follow in, looking amazed.
"Well done, Captain" he says, "We won't be hearing from him again."
"He won't be getting Tyrellian flu, either, Number One!"