Sunday, February 19, 2006

Tyrellian Flu

I'm confined to SickBay at the moment with Tyrellian Flu, so Riker is running the Enterprise while I suffer.

Normally I would welcome the chance to spending a few day's in Beverly's company, but she had to go to a conference, so I am being looked after by the holographic doctor, whose approach with patients leave a lot to be desired.

He marches up to me.

"Time for your latest flu jab!" he barks out gleefully.

The jabs for Tyrellian Flu are different from the usual hyposprays that we have, and are very painful.

The Doctor rams the needle sharply in my arm.

"Aaaaggghhhhh!!!" I scream out, reeling in agony.

"Oh, don't be such a baby!" says the Doctor in disgust, "You're supposed to be a Captain, not a snivelling wretch of a patient!"

The red mark on my arm is three inches wide and I can still feel the agonising effect.

"What about giving a pre-shot anaesthetic, Doctor?" I suggest.

"Oh, you don't want to bother with that; you organics are all the same, whine, whine, whine about a little pain. You've only got to have six shots a day, then you'll be fine."

I lie back in despair; I'll be one red mark before long.

Suddenly the Enterprise starts to shake; I hear the sound of photon torpedoes and phaser fire. It seems like the ship is under attack.

I get through to Riker.

"Number One, what's going on out there?"

"Errr....can't talk right now," Riker hurriedly says, "We have a minor problem up here."

I hear lots of screams and noises. Something isn't good.

Riker calls back.

"Captain, a member of the deadly Blargh race has beamed on board and he is coming to kill you. He is walking through the force fields and is immune to the phaser fire. no one can stop him."

"What deadly weapon do we have here in the SickBay?" asks the Doctor, "He will surely kill you."

"I can think of one thing." I say, as I stagger up from my bed, "Get the flu shot."

The Doctor hands me the shot, and I get ready as the screams outside get louder.

The door suddenly opens, and the Blargh walks through, carring an array of guns. He smiles with an evil grin. He looks like he's won First Prize in the Ugly Contest.

"I have come to kill you, Capain Picard"

I throw the Tyrellian Fle syringe, which enters his chest. The Blargh screams out in agony as he grips the point. The mark grows and covers his entire body in redness before he drops dead.

Riker and the others follow in, looking amazed.

"Well done, Captain" he says, "We won't be hearing from him again."

"He won't be getting Tyrellian flu, either, Number One!"

24 comments:

Malinda777 said...

I used to get a real kick out of that "widget" on Star Trek in the sick bay where they stuck in in your arm, it made a "sshhhhhhh" sound, and then they knew exactly what was wrong with you? Cool toy. I'll leave this as my response to your following post too. I want to invent that "sshhhhh wiget". :)

Nettie said...

Well, that was certainly...unexpected.

Jamie Dawn said...

Great ending!

Having any type of flu really sucks.

Ciera said...

Jean-Luc, surely you've seen my resume and know that I also specialize in nursing techniques???I'm quite certain I'd be much better for you than that uppity hologram....jest show me where his off switch is...come on, I dare yeah........

PresentStorm said...

I guess it is going around...Seems lots of folks are confined to the Sickbay :(

Viamarie said...

Looks like many are down with the flu. I suggest you take double doses of Vitamin C to boost your immune system especially in this very cold season.

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Well, done captain! Probably the most dangerous thing in the med bay, though I'm sure Bev has some laser knives she hides from the hologram somewhere around that place. People always make the best care givers

no_average_girl said...

go captain! quick thinking!

Captain Berk said...

I'm sure Beverley would have been much more considerate.

Did your shirt get torn in the conflict with the blargg?

Jana said...

Excellent solution! I'm adding that to my list of ways to fight aliens.

Jabafatboy said...

Nice " Shot"

Helen Louise said...

Hahahahaha! I'm glad to see that even illness can't get the better of you Captain :D Hope you feel better soon.

Trinity13 said...

Good work Capt! But Bev will def have to make it up to you!!!

Master Yoda said...

"Blargg" - Like something you do when the flu you have that sounds.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I feel a lot better today, thanks for asking, although I have still been off.

Ciera, just say "Delete EMH"

Master Yoda, the Blarrgh do sound like the reaction one has when ill.

Viamarie, thanks for the medical advice.

Jardena, you're probably right, but Bev keeps them all well hidden.

Malinda, you are hereby credited with the invention of that widget.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

I would be willing to get one of those shots if it would make me feel better. I have been sick for 3 weeks now. Feel better Cap'n!

Professor Xavier said...

Well at least there's a bright side. He's immune to the Tyrellian Flu!

Jaime H. said...

Oh, Captain! You're not really sick, are you?

That story was freakin' hilarious! It so made my day!

M. C. Pearson said...

Bwahahahaha! Very good. Ug, I remember those horrible shots I had to have in the Army. It is enough to kill ya!

Zee said...

LOL! That's how my children feel about the flu shot!

Feel better, Captain.

Shelley said...

I think the Doctor needs a lesson in bedside manner. Hope you're feeling better Captain!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Thanks for all your good wishes.

Yes, Jaime, I had a bad cold/flu the Friday, weekend on Monday. Fortunately, it has completely gone now.

Never teh Bride said...

Feel better, you sexy pseudo-Frenchman!

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