New Year's Eve

It's New Year's Eve here in Ten Forward, and things are not going well.

The crew are sitting around having their pork pies, cheesy dips and Bloodwine. Geordi is spinning a few discs happily as he always loves to be a DJ.

"Why could we not get The Strolling Bones back again, Seven," I ask her, "They were good at the Christmas Party."

"Indeed they were, Locutus," she replies, "The Borg Queen had them straight away for her own New Year's Party on Unimatrix 01."

"So they are having a good time on their Borg cube?" asks Riker, "Somehow I can't imagine drones enjoying a party."

"If the Queen orders them to, and threatens to disconnect them if they don't, they will." she comments. Sometimes I think Seven has a dry sense of humour; other times she is serious. I can't tell one from the other.

"Why can't we just set everything up in a holdeck?" asks Beverly, "It will be better than things are right here. Geordi's choice of records are deadly dull, and is hardly making anyone cheery. Only he is happy."

"The holodecks are down right now, Bev." I tell her, "After passing though that last space cloud, they all fused. It was no fun; one moment I was riding a horse over the plains, the next I was on a floor in an empty room."

"There must be something we can do to prevent the Enterprise getting affected by these clouds." pipes up Deanna, while eating a chocolate sundae.

"At the moment, Counselor." adds Data, while serving a Bolian Brandy to a crewman, "There is nothing Starfleet can do."

"Things are getting dull around here." Ro Laren icily states, "The crew are looking surly; it's no way to celebrate New Year's Eve."



"I've an idea!" exclaims Jadzia, after sipping yet another drink, "Why don't WE play the music and sing for the crew?"

We look at each other while trying to think of a reason why not.

"Err....we are not that good at playing music and singing, Jadzia" replies Deanna.

"I'm sure we could." Jadzia leaps up, "Data can play anything, Worf is a good drum player, the Captain and Beverly could be lead singers...and....."

"All right" I concede, "We'll have a go; the rest of the crew may need earplugs, though."

---------------

Ten minutes later, we are all set up; Jennifer Baxter and Jadzia are on the guitars, Data is on the keyboards, Worf is on the drums, Riker on the trombone, Geordi is on the piano; Deanna, Seven and Ro Laren are the backing voices.

"Are you ready, Jean-Luc?" asks Beverly.

"I guess so." I reply, and we open with Space Oddity..

Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground Control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God's love be with you
(spoken)
Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Liftoff
This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare
"This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do
Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much she knows"
Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you....
"Here am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do."

Everybody livens up, claps and dances away....

We play the song Betazoid Boogie, which gets the whole crew on the dancefloor; as many have had too many to drink already, 'on the dancefloor' means passed out. Some of the Security have to drag them off.

Seven sings her rendition of I'm Just A Borg Girl Who Wants To Assimilate You which gets her a lot of cheers.

Bev and I then do a duet... The Best Is Yet To Come....

Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum
You came along and everything started to hum
Still its a real good bet, the best is yet to come

The best is yet to come, and wont that be fine
You think youve seen the sun, but you aint seen it shine

Wait till the warm-up is underway
Wait till out lips have met
Wait till you see that sunshine day
You aint seen nothin yet

The best is yet to come, and wont that be fine
The best is yet to come, come the day that your mine

Come the day that your mine
Im gonna teach you to fly
Weve only tasted the wine
Were gonna drain that cup dry

Wait till your charms are right, for the arms to surround
You think youve flown before, but you aint left the ground

Wait till youre locked in my embrace
Wait till I hold you near
Wait till you see that sunshine place
There aint nothin like it here

The best is yet to come, and wont that be fine
The best is yet to come, come the day that your mine

As midnight approaches, we get ready for Auld Lang Syne....

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne? And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

I give Beverly a big kiss.

"Happy New Year, Jean-Luc." she says quietly, as I reply with "Happy New Year, Bev."

A puzzled Seven approaches me.

"I am unfamiliar with the lyrics of the last song, Locutus." she says, "You will explain them to me."

"Errr...I will do that when I have some time Seven." I tell her hastily. "They are not easy to tell you."

"Especially when you don't know, Jean-Luc!" whispers Bev in my ear.

--------------------

To all those reading my Journal..........Happy New Year!!

TWQ: Easy & Tough Resolutions

At this time of year, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at New Years Resolutions.

What New Years resolutions would you find it easy to keep and which would you find virtually impossible?

My answers are:

Easy to keep: Saying what I think if something comes up I don't like. (I already do that)

Tough to keep: Giving up cheese and not watching Smallville, 24 and Lost!

Now it's over to you...

But before I go, here are some resolutions of familiar characters. Taken from New Years Resolutions , which I found. There are two or three of my own additions below.

Wesley Crusher:

Stop saving the ship.

Stop doing the ironing for Karena

Worf:

Find a better way of expressing myself than just growling

Take singing lessons

Seven of Nine:

Cut back on "that is irrelevant" phrase.

Stop calling Picard 'Locutus'.

Beverly Crusher:

Remember to let Picard's next mystery woman die on the table.

Captain Kirk:

Redecorate the Nexus

Ezri Dax:

Get rid of Jadzia's Klingon pain stick collection

Admiral Uhura (retired):

Find out about maybe copywriting "Hailing frequencies open, sir."

Try to get guest shot on "Good Morning, Federation"

Commander Riker:

Lose weight

Remember Lwaxana's birthday

Stand up straighter

Bite the bullet and get own ship

Get Baldy to stop calling me "Number One."

Ambassador Spock:

Lead Romulans into a new era of peace and wisdom

Purge myself of all emotion

Find out just where that Nexus thing is right now

Ensign Kim:

Remember to breathe normally around Seven, even when she's asking about mating rituals

Avoid dying

Q:

Annoy Picard

Say something really sexist to Janeway

Clean gutters

Captain Janeway:

Cut back on the coffee

Stop saying "Do it!"

Sela:

Find that *&^%$% Spock and kill him!

Torture at least one small animal a day

New hairdo?

Admiral Chekov (retired):

Read War and Peace all the way through this time

Replace batteries in smoke detectors

Try to get guest shot on "Good Morning, Federation"


Admiral McCoy (retired):

Stop telling current Vulcan Ambassador to Earth, "I knew Spock. I worked with Spock. And you, sir, are no Spock."

Finish novel

See if they'll let me do the weather on "Good Morning, Federation"

Mrs. Caretaker:

Find time to look up those Voyager people

Get better dress

Constable Odo:

Turn myself into chair, then pull myself out from under Quark when he goes to sit down

Incarcerate at least one serial killer a month

Really concentrate on getting the nose thing down

Captain Picard:

Make that "Riker, you should get your own ship" speech sound at least halfway sincere this time.

Finish Ulysses

Stop taking late night communications dressed in chest-revealing PJs

Try some new varieties of Tea

-----------------

To all Journal readers...

Hope you all have a wonderful New Year!

Recall To The Enterprise (Part Two)

As the senior staff have been recalled early after Christmas to take the Enterprise to Zama III to quell unrest, we are all working extra jobs in the journey. The other 1000 plus crew are still on their vacations.

Lucky them!

I get a call from the holographic Doctor.

"Captain" he says, "I really must protest at working in Engineering. This is beneath my programming by just pressing a few buttons and helping Lieutenant Commander LaForge. I was scheduled to go to the Metropolitan Opera House and see La Traviata. Instead I was recalled to do this demeaning role."

"We need your presence, Doctor." I tell him, "You are such a valuable member of this crew, we did your expertise in this important section."

"Really?" he replies, "Well, it's good to know I'm appreciated here.". He switches off.

I must pride myself; I do have a diplomatic skill which enables me to get round anyone, even an opinionated hologram.

"Jean-Luc!" barks Guinan on my Com badge, "Why am I here?"

Actually, I didn't know she was.

"I was unaware you were, Guinan" I tell her, "Where are you?"

"I've just woke up from behind the bar in Ten Forward." she says, "The last thing I remember is being here at the Enterprise Christmas Party. I must have passed out and been here ever since."

That was two weeks ago; doesn't anyone notice anything?

"Now that you're here, Guinan." I tell her, "You can help with the skeleton staff. Data is cleaning all the bathrooms out. You can go and help him."

Guinan issues what appear to be a few alien expletives that the Universal Translator can't recognise. Perhaps that it's wise that I can't.

Riker comes in with a tray.

"Donuts anyone?" he asks.

As there is just him and I on the Bridge, there is not much of a response. He eats the donuts himself before going back to the kitchen where he is working. Perhaps it was wrong to assign Riker to that area?

Another call on the Com badge; it's Bev.

"Jean-Luc." she says, "Deanna and I are getting worn out in the Laundry Room. Can you send someone else? There is over 1000 uniforms to clean here!"

"All right, Beverly." I concede, "I'll send Jadzia and Worf along. You can swap rosters with them. They are currently cleaning the Jeffries Tubes out."

I'm sure I hear a comment from her before I issue a Warp Nine directive to the computer in order that we may get to Zama III as swoon as possible.

My Com badge goes off again; it's busier than when we have a full ship's compliment.

"Locutus!" says Seven angrily, "I must protest at my current assignment of sweeping up the Cargo Bays with Ro Laren, Jennifer Baxter and Trisha Lewis. It is not fitting for a member of the Borg race. The Borg are supreme, Resistan..."

"Seven," I interrupt her, "We are very short staffed, and we all have to do unpleasant jobs that we may not like to do."

"What unpleasant job are you doing Locutus?" she asks me, "You appear to be still sitting in your Command Chair giving orders, as you always do."

"Someone has to command a starship, Seven." I remind her.

"I shall inform the Borg Queen of your behaviour in my report." she complains and switches off.

--------------------

A few hours later, we reach Zama III. I send a message to the High Council on the surface. His image comes on the viewer.

"Hello, your Eminance." I say, "What is the problem that you have?"

The High Leader looks confused at first, and then manages to understand.

"Oh, I know what it was, Captain." he tells me, "A short time ago there was a lot of anger because the Industrial Sector were not being let off early on the last day before the Global Celebrations. They were threatening to walk out and cause trouble. One of us in control contacted the Federation in a hurry. We managed to appease them soon after by letting them go home early and have a free party. I think we must have forgotten the Distress Call. I hope it hasn't caused any problems?"

I grit my teeth.

"Not at all, your Eminance." I say, "We'll head back to Earth now."

I issue a bulletin to the staff over the intercom.

"Attention everyone. We are heading back to Earth. We did not need to come on this mission. Carry on your assignments until we get back."

I don't need to be Deanna Troi to know what is going through the minds of the staff right now.

Recall To The Enterprise (Part One)

Who wants to get called back to the Enterprise at this time of year?

There I was, exchanging Christmas presents with Bev on the 25th and we suddenly get a message from Admiral Toxler, urging us to go back to the ship.

"This is at an inconvenient time, sir" I told him, "I was just opening my Christmas pressies."

"That's not important, Picard." he replied, "Get your senior staff together and go to Zama III; there is a lot of unrest going on there. Just take a skeleton staff. No need to recall the entire crew. Your senior staff should suffice."

I groan.

------------------------

So here we are now, first hour the next day with the Enterprise ready to go off; we're just awaiting for the others to arrive.

Bev is with me; she was pleased with her new dancing shoes. I liked her present of a First Edition copy of A Christmas Carol.



Riker beams on with Deanna.

"...well I don't know why you are so keen to come here, Will." says Deanna, "I somehow suspect you were relieved, as we were about to go to Betazed to see my mother.".

"It's only orders, Deanna" he replies, "Of course I would have dearly loved to see Lwaxana, but duty calls."

Somehow, I sense Riker's reply was not entirely truthful. They walk out of the transporter room, still disputing their comments.

A few moments later, Geordi and his girlfriend, Ensign Trisha Lewis beam on.

"Thank you, Geordi for that wonderful present you got me." she tells him, "I enjoyed that holographic story of Casablanca; I never imagined you could take Humphrey Bogart's part so well."

"Here's looking at you, kid." Geordi replies, in a Bogart style. I raise my eyebrows. Ah well, whatever people like.

Ensign Ro Laren comes on next, along with Seven.

"I could well have obliterated a few Cardassians, Seven" says Ro angrily, but got called back here."

"I would have gladly helped you assimilate a few, Ro." comments Seven, "But you know how touchy Locutus is about that. He says I'm just supposed to observ.."

She stops when they notice I'm in the room; neither of them carry on speaking as they hurriedly leave the room.

Data and his girlfriend Ensign Jennifer Baxter beam in.

"Our trip to Quasa II was a mess, Data." says Jennifer, "We were due to see the triple sunset and there was there turned out to be a baggage controller's strike by those that run the nearby shuttles."

"Such a manouvre caused a lot of hold-ups, Jennifer." states Data.

"Only because the baggage handlers knew what time of year it was!" Jennifer quickly says, in a sharp manner."

"It was a little awkward Jennifer, when you hit that baggage handler in the eye." comments Data, "I had to remove you quickly, otherwise there would have been a riot at the Shuttle Bay. Some of the the messages they gave to you were less than complimentary."

Ensign Baxter laughs as Data looks worried, and the two leave the transporter room.

Jadzia Dax and Lieutenant Worf are the last to beam on. Dax is laughing.

"Worfie." she says with a smile, "There is no need to protest just because I beat you with my bat'leth. I just happen to be good with Klingon weapons."

"I am a Klingon warrior!" replies Worf with a huff, "I am not supposed to be beaten in such a manner."

"You're a sore loser, Worfie." Jadzia says as she kisses him, "We are both experts with Klingon weapons and make a good team."

"Agreed." comments Worf, "No one shall beat us,"

Let's see whether this group can pilot the Enterprise as we head towards Zama III.

I'd better get some Christmas mince pies to hand out.

To be continued...

-----------------------

Author's note:

Another meme? What's going on? This is from Gopher

My Christmas Wishes:

1. To visit all my blogfriends in person
2. That the "Politically Correct" Idiots that are ruining things because "it might offend!" to get lost somewhere, especially those who centre on Christmas.
3. Politicians be able to act properly.

My Christmas Don't Wants

1. No more newspapers full of loose adverts
2. No More SPAM E-Mail!
3. No overpaid unintelligent soccer players

TWQ: Christmas Presents

This four-day TWQ will end on the evening of Tuesday 26th December, as we all enjoy the Christmas time...including those on the Enterprise...

You have to buy a present for some character on my Journal. Who will it be, and for what reason? If you wish, come back and give a different present for another person. Don't forget, this includes, Seven, Jadzia, Karena, the Borg Queen, Q etc. Use your imagination and your sense of humour!

My answer is:

Naturally, Beverly is my first choice, and as a dancer, she can have a new pair of dancing shoes.

Now it's over to you...

But before I go.....

Here's a verse that I found, and was also sent by Secret Squirrel

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the arm'ry securely,
In hope that no aliens would get up early.

The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face-to-face.

When out in the halls there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pants and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly, "Deck One!"

The bridge Red-Alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a luster of Hades to objects within.
When, what, on the viewscreen, should our eyes behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some geek who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew larger as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name;

"It's Riker! It's Data! It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi! And Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away, float away, float away all!"

As leaves in autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up the ceiling our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out, "What the hell is this Q?!"

The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.

The Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"
And Riker said, "Worf! Take your aim at this dunce!"

"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc," replied Q.
"I just wanted to spend Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents, and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful for everyone here."
He sat on the floor and dug into the pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile.

"For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain,
Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I've got mints as his breath's not too great,
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date.

For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-Plus:
For Data, a joke book; for Riker, a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of seeing her that way."

Then he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.
But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"

---------------
Now a late extra...... Christopher has sneaked this A-Z Meme on....

A - Available/Single? Single
B - Best Friend? My friend Kay in Birmingham
C- Cake or Pie? Meat pie is good.
D - Drink Of Choice? I like Pursey. A sporty fruit drink
E– Essential Item You Use Everyday? My computer
F - Favourite Colour? Dark Red
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? I don't understand this one; the Universal Translator isn't working.
H - Hometown? West Bromwich, England.
I - Indulgence? Mature cheese.
J - January Or February? January...my birthday month!
K - Kids & Their Names? None here!
L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Freedom. (I second that!)
M - Marriage date? As I'm single, there is an obvious answer to that!
N - Number Of Siblings? None
O - Oranges Or Apples? Apples. Neither.
P - Phobias/Fears? Only the unknown.
Q - Favourite Quote? “The land of lost content' from Shropshire Lad by A E Houseman
R - Reason to Smile? Being alive.
S - Season? Spring or Fall? Spring
T - Tag 3 or 4 people? Hmmm… You're not getting me there!
U - Unknown Fact About Me? I cannot drive at all.
V - Vegetable you don’t like? Most of them!
W - Worst Habit? Worrying.
X - X-rays You’ve Had? Teeth, shoulder.
Y - Your Favourite Food? Lasagna
Z – Zodiac sign – Capricorn (January 14th).

-------------------

Please visit Minerva . She really needs your support and prayers.

-------------------

I wish everybody reading this message a very Happy Christmas.

Infiltrating Section 31 (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Will Riker

Trying to infiltrate Section 31, the subversive secret group that operates within Starfleet has not been easy for Deanna and myself. We've been picked up in the dark alleyway by Sloan and his creepy assistant X2. With us are two people who want to be operatives. A Ferengi named Qwerty and a Cardassian named Gul Buket.

------------------

We are all in a briefing room right now; Sloan enters and smiles at us.

"What about all those things we've been promised, Mr Sloan?" demands Qwerty, "The pension plan, medical aid, video surveillance camera, listening device...."

"....As well as disrupter phasers and gilded knife." continues Gul Buket.

"Where is the cloaked mothership?" asks Deanna, making sure she is counted.

"...and the black hat and cloak?" I add on rather limply at the end.

"All in good time, my friends" answers Sloan, "We need to put you through a few little tests first."

Deanna and I look at each other alarmingly, then put our blank faces on.

He leaves the room and it is suddenly bathed in an array of lights, like the local disco. The only difference is I can't hear a DJ saying, "Here is the latest groovy sound from...."

We all wake up a little later; Sloan and X2 are looking at us two. Qwerty and Buket are missing.

"This has been most interesting." declares Sloan.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, "Where are Qwerty and Gul Buket?"

"Oh, they've gone up to the cloaked mothership." he answers, "They will be coached in how to be top Section 31 agents. It's a privilege we can't allow two infiltrators to enjoy."

"How did you know we were infiltrators?" asks Deanna.

I'll have to coach Deanna into not giving those answers in the future...if we have a future.

"Thank you for confirming that, Miss Troi." Sloan tells her, "We were actually able to find out through the Truth Lights we installed. It has a lot of useful features."

As he and X2 are in mid-gloat, Starfleet Security officers beam in with Worf and apprehend the two of them.

"What happened?" I ask Deanna.

"Before we left the Enterprise," she replies, "Worf suggested that I wear this tracker watch and activate if things get difficult."

"Well we've managed to get two top names of Section 31." I declare triumphantly, "Let's take them up to the Enterprise."

"Where are they, Will?" asks Deanna.

"They just vanished into thin air." a Security officer says dispairingly.

"They must wear the same tracker watches as the one I gave you, Counselor" Worf growls angrily, "The shop I got it from must be a Section 31 front."

"What was it called, Worf?" I ask.

"Errr...it was called 'The Spy Shop', sir."

----------------------------

We all get ready to beam to the Enterprise; none of us are very happy.

"Section 31 is a big organisation." says Deanna.

"I agree; and that Sloan is a slippery character." I reply, "Let's get back and enjoy the next few days, though."

"He shall not get away again." declares Worf, with a mood that someone has given him the wrong Christmas present.

Infiltrating Section 31 (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Sloan

Getting the Christmas tree all ready takes some time. I've also got my children their presents. Naturally, they both get a copy of the latest edition of 'The Bumper Book Of Spying'. I've also bought myself a copy as well.

Agent X2 enters the room.

"It's time to go to the alley to see if we have any new recruits, sir."

I sigh.

"Do you think there are going to be any there tonight, X2?" I ask him, "After all, people are going out shopping, not joining subversive organisations like ours at this time of year."

"You may be right, sir." X2 replies, with a hint of sarcasm, "But it never hurts to look does, it?"

X2 is getting far too uppity; I may have him relocated to our Andoran branch.

----------------------------

A few hours later, we are in the alleyway behind Starfleet Headquarters. Santini's Pizza Parlour is next door. I find four characters all dressed in dark outfits; a man with a beard, a young dark haired woman, a Ferengi and a Cardassian.

"Greetings." I say to them, "You may call me Sloan; with me is Agent X2. Come with me please."

----------------------

Shortly, we are in a faceless building nearby.

"Would you care to introduce yourselves to me?" I ask them, "And state your reasons for wanting to join my group."

"I am Qwerty" states the Ferengi, "How many Credits can I make from being with you?"

"You can make lots of Credits if you are a good agent, Qwerty." I reply, "Next...?"

"I am Gul Buket." declares the Cardassian angrily, "I want Starfleet to be run by Section 31, not be the elected officials."

"An excellent reason." I tell him, "That is what Section 31 is all about. Next....?"

"I'm Commander William Riker of the Starship Enterprise" says the man, "I want the opportunity to spy on my boss and eventually be the Captain."

"Very good, Commander Riker, you would be an excellent addition to Section 31. Lastly...?"

The woman stands up.



"I'm err... Counselor Deanna Troi of the Starship Enterprise" she says hesitatingly, "And I'm with Commander Riker; I errr... go where he goes, and believe what he does."

The four of them go into the briefing room; Agent X2 asks me to wait.

"This is a great day for Section 31." X2 tells me with a pleased expression, "We have two highly placed Starfleet staff joining us! They are just in time to take part in the Section 31 Christmas Dinner & Dance."

"That's true, X2" I reply, "But we want to be sure that there are no infiltrators amongst them."

To be continued...

Infiltrating Section 31 (Part One)

I've just had a message to use the Emergency Starfleet Channel. It's for my eyes only, so it must be important.

I wonder if it's about the over-raucous behaviour at our Christmas Party?

Still, I switch on, and Admiral Johnson is there; he is in charge of Starfleet Security.

"We've got a problem, Captain Picard." he says, "We've found this Recruitment Message from Section 31, and find it very disturbing."

"One of them approached me a while back, Sir." I reply, "We don't know where their operatives are within Starfleet."

"Exactly right, Captain." Johnson tells me, "We need a member of your crew to infiltrate them and find out more; you wouldn't be good, as you have turned them down, and they would be suspicious."

That's a relief! I'm not going on this mission. I can stay behind and write more Christmas cards to those I forgot to send.

"How about Commander Riker?" Johnson suggests, "As he has been second in command on the Enterprise. for some time, they might think he has a resentment towards being in that position."
Sometimes, I think he has.

"That's a good choice, sir; I'll inform Riker and we'll send him."

Johnson switches off, and I summon Riker into my Ready Room.

------------------

After explaining the situation to Riker, he looks concerned.

"Sir, Deanna and I are scheduled to visit Betazed and say hello to her mother just before Christmas."

"Would you rather go on a dangerous mission, Number One" I ask him, "Or spend a couple of days with Lwaxana Troi?"

Riker soon answers.

"You're right sir; when is the next pickup of recruits for Section 31?"

----------------------

"I want to go with Will!" Deanna protests, "If we can't go to Betazed, then I want to go with him on this mission!"

"It's too dangerous, Counselor." I reply, although I know I'll probably end up backing down.

"They know that Will and I are a couple." she continues, "If he goes without me, it will look suspicious."

She has a point; no wonder she is a counselor.

"What do you think, Number One?" I ask.

"It is too dangerous, Captain." Riker says, "Deanna is only a woman."

That was a foolish statement.

Deanna swiftlly grabs Riker's arm, twists him round, kicks his leg, and in an instant, he is pushed on the floor.

"I have been taking Worf's self-defence classes." she declares, "I can look after myself."

Riker struggles to get up, but manages.

"It seems like Counselor Troi is right." I decide, "Very well, you may both go on this mission."

"Where do we go?" asks Deanna.

"You will both have to wear a dark outfit." I reply, "And wait in the alley at the rear of Starfleet Headquarters. Santini's Pizza Parlour is next door."

---------------------------------

A ferw hours later, both Deanna and Riker are ready to beam down. The Counselor has a long black party dress on, together with a dark coat. Riker is all dressed in black as well, as if he is about to burgle a house.

"Good luck, the both of you." I tell them, before they beam down.

To be continued...

TWQ: Christmas Jokes & Stories

As I'm in London seeing the musical 'Cabaret' in the West End and the opera 'Carmen' at Covent Garden, we're having a four-day TWQ.

Do you know any Christmas jokes or stories? Some might have happened to you. Come back as often as you like to add some more.

My answers are:

The 12 Days Of Christmas (For the politically correct)

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in
their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw
red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge
have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been
revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

AND a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

---------------------

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up?
Santa! The other two don't exist!

-------------------------

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day!

-Phyllis Diller

-----------------

Now it's over to you....

Pre-Christmas Shopping For Alexander

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Worf

"Come on, Worfie," says Jadzia to me, "Let's go down to the Starfleet Mall and get some Christmas presents for Alexander."

I am most reluctant.

"Alexander is a young warrior." I state in my gruff Klingon manner, "All he will expect are traditional weapons. I am planning to give him a steel mek'leth, plus a new bat'leth."

"But they are so violent" protests Jadzia, "Let's see if we can get him something a little less warlike."

Despite my protests, Jadzia and I are in the Starfleet Mall, looking around.

"There is the Klingon weapons shop," I say, "I'll just go in and put my order for Alexander's presents..."

"Not so fast, Worfie!" Jadzia calls out and pulls me back by my collar. This was highly embarrassing. I hope no one was watching.

Jadzia goes in the direction of Tokra's Toyshop, and I reluctantly follow.

"Klingons do not have toys!" I protest.

"Well it's about time they did!" she replies, "Alexander is missing out on a childhood."

The sales assistant comes up to us, and looks slightly worriedly at me, before addressing Jadzia.

"Err....can I help you madam....and sir?"

"Do you have a steel mek'leth and bat'leth?" I ask him, before Jadzia answers. She kicks my foot. That hurt.

"Sorry, sir." he answers, "You might want to try the Klingon weapon shop."

"Do you have any useful presents for a Klingon boy" Jadzia asks.

"How about a jigsaw puzzle?" he suggests.

"Is there one of Kahless's battles, in which he holds up the head of the enemy he has just vanquished?" I ask.

I get another kick on the foot from Jadzia; if I get a further one, I shall require medical assistance from Dr Crusher.

"No we don't sir," replies the salesman, "we do have a rather scenic one of San Francisco, with Starfleet Headquarters in the centre of it."

"We'll have that one." Jadzia tells him, "Now what do you have in the latest holodeck games?"

The salesman looks on the shelves.

"Over here we have a lot of tactical and assault games" he informs us, "This one is called 'Destroy The Enemy' in which the character has a collection of weapons to call on while fighting a stream of bloodthirsty creatures."

"That looks a good one for Alexander." I suggest.

"How awful!" she replies, "It's just constant, mindless violence."

It sounds good to me.

"This one," continues the salesman, "Is called 'Peaceful Pixies'. In it, the player is a Head Pixie, whose job it is to make sure everything is calm in Happyglade Wood."

"That's more like it!" exclaims Jadzia. She collects that game and the jigsaw, and we leave the shop, ready to go back to the Enterprise.

-------------------

Back on the ship, I put a BeamUp Order at the Klingon shop for the weapons, and also one for 'Destroy The Enemy'.

I shall have that game for myself!

Hangover

What a blinding headache I've got!

After seven days of intensive partying, it's hardly surprising. I've just woken up and it feels like my head is in a giant bell that is ringing away. Actually, it's only the noise of the ship's engines working away.

I'd better go to the Bridge. Riker will probably won't be in good condition either. The last time I saw him, he was being helped out of Ten Forward by Deanna, who herself had consumed too many bottles of Romulan Ale.

Before I go to the Bridge, I'd better stop off at Sick Bay and get something to help me with this hangover from Bev.

------------------

While staggering down the corridors, I see the crew all look dazed, holding on to the wall, collapsed on the floor, or walking like extras in a zombie movie.

As I near SickBay, I see a queue a mile long. Bev looks shattered as she tries to give them something to help. The holographic Doctor is helping, while looking disgusted at the same time.

I don't have time to wait in the queue, as I am told to "Wait your turn!" by others in the line.

------------------

At least Commander Data will be unaffected; it's good to know we can rely on him to keep the ship going when we allow certain failings to overcome us.

The Bridge door opens and I enter.

"Welcome, Locutus."

The Borg Queen. She is in the Captain's Chair, with Seven in Commander Riker's seat.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Only doing you an enormous favour." replies the Queen, "As your crew is all completely incapable of piloting this vessel, due to the party drinks you had, the only beings capable of keeping it going were the Borg. Everything is running smoothly, Locutus."

"Where is Lieutenant Commander Data?" I ask her, "In times when we..er... are not able to look after the Enterprise, he should be in the Captain's Chair."

"That is true, Locutus." Seven answers, "But he met with an unfortunate accident. While carrying a drunken Jennifer Baxter home, she teasingly pulled out a circuit and threw it down the garbage chute. Your crew will locate it and repair him as soon as they are sober."

"When we get round to assimilating everybody in the future," comments the Borg Queen, "We shall have to make sure that this liking of alcohol is deleted. We can hardly have all the drones like this crew are, Seven. Let that be a lesson to us all."

"I agree, my Queen." replies Seven, "This is a human failing we must be certain not to have. It could destroy us all."

The Borg Queen stands up and lets me sit down; in the meantime, Riker stumbles in, his eves looking like they've been supported by matchsticks. Seven gets up and lets him fall on to the seat.

Both Borgs shake their heads and look pityingly.

"Why we have to assimilate humans is beyond me." the Borg Queen says to herself, then gets ready to beam out, "I'll take my leave of you now, Locutus. Thanks for having the Borg do the catering and provide the band."

"We didn't have any choice." I reply, "You would assimilate us if we didn't"

"Don't get caught in technicalities, Locutus." she smiles and waves my comment away. "I'm going back to Unimatrix 01. The Strolling Bones have acquired a lot of bookings as a result of this engagement, largely due to veiled threats. Seven will stay here and continue to send me reports of life here."

"Yes, my Queen." Seven obediantly answers before the Borg Queen vanishes.

"What now?" asks Riker.

"You can have the Bridge, Number One." I tell him, "I'm off to join a very long queue outside SickBay.

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Seven)

Everyone is looking rather bleary-eyed; it's the seventh, and last day of the Enterprise Christmas Party...

Here in Ten Forward, is Carol Danvers, known as Warbird



"Agent Danvers!" Tony yelled and signaled me to come into his office…
I walked in and took a seat… "Carol, how are you feeling? I know that you are… pregnant."

I nodded, "Yes, it that what this is about?"

"NO, I called you here because well… We have a grand opportunity for SHIELD… We have been invited to the future.. Well to a Christmas Party actually… but I don't want you to go for the festivities, I want you to go as a spy…. Of course Normally, Agent Natasha Romanova would be assigned to this but she is still recovering. SO we want you to go, with cameras and recorders… cease some of that futuristic technology and bring it back…" Iron Man ordered…

So I sent my RSVP and went to my wardrobe… Unfortunately I hadn't bought any Maternity dresses and my dresses were too tight…

I was beamed up… "Welcome to the … Ent.. Ent.. Enter….. to the Ship, Agent Danvers.. I am Lt. Barclay. "

"Hello, Lt.…. Please call me Carol… " I said politely…

As I entered the Party I saw so many.. Vampirella… Logan and Ana…..

I decided it was time for me to go to work… I was certainly not going to have a Merry Christmas with Ana Ishikawa hanging all over my boyfriend and now the father of my unborn…

I slipped out and nearly got knocked over by two teens one was Logan's daughter Laura… think she did it on purpose… While Security was chasing them I took pictures of the engine room… Opened up my book bag and put it in a few gadgets… a tri-corder--- I proceeded to the Medical bay…

I broke into the quarters of one Lt. Cmdr Data… I accessed his computer and recorded and took pictures of his schematics….

Finally I went to the bridge…. Weapons…. Phasers….. I filled my bag and returned to the Party…

The Captain invited me to dance…

"Thank you for inviting me to the Party Captain.." I said…

"Well, it wouldn't be a Party with out you, Warbird." He said with charm, "I hope you are enjoying yourself…"

I patted my bag and smiled, "Enormously."

After the Party I was escort by Lt. Barclay to the transporter room…

"Goodbye Carol…." He grinned as he insisted taking the transporter controls…. As he faded I saw the Captain enter and ask him why he was smiling… and what did he do…. But then I was standing in the apartment I share with Pantha… I rushed to the office…

"So did you get what you were sent for?" Tony Stark asked…

"Yes Sir, the film… recordings… video and more.." I said…. As he examined the film he found it full of Xmas Party pictures, Xmas carol recordings and the video feed was taken by Lt. Barclay of the Enterprise Xmas Party…. "Tony I don't know how… I never set it down I kept them with me at all times… wait I brought items…" I opened my bag and found wrapped Xmas presents from the crew of the Enterprise to me…….. Inside were baby gifts…. I fell slumped in the chair… How did that happen?

-----------------------------

Now we'll hear from Paperback Writer

Oh, geez, oh man. I hate being at a party where I only know a limited amount of people! Especially, a party that takes place on a ship for pete's sake! *sigh* But I promised the Captain that I would go and a promise is a promise!

I can only hope that Osquer gets there at the same time that I do. Oh, well. Here goes nothing!

Okay, okay. So far so good. I don't think I've accidentally stepped on anyone's toes - well, enough to cause an interplanetary war. That wouldn't be too good. Twenty-first century Earth just couldn't take on say...the Klingons or the Borg.

I steer clear of Seven - she doesn't seem to be too happy. Must be because of the number of beings she can't assimilate. I find a quiet spot in a dark corner and settle in to watch the people. I do so love watching people - especially when they get drunk. It makes me giggle.

I see the Captain and I wave hello. I don't think he sees me, he's very busy with Dr. Crusher. They both have very full glasses of the bloodwine. No, I don't think I'll be seeing them for the rest of the evening. I only smile gently as they pass by oblivious to most people.

The evening passes very much uneventfully for me as I quietly observe other people on the Captain's ship. I see an argument erupt but from my comfy spot I don't really bother to get up and see who is doing the fighting. However, I suspect from the look of Counselor Troi that it may have something to do with Riker.

Oh, well. I'm sure if I ask around later on, I can get the full details.

Loki appears at my side.

"Having fun, Baby?" he asks me as he sits down. He seems a little drunk.

"How much wine did you have?" I ask him suspiciously.

"Don't know," he says and kisses me. "We should leave."

"You think?" I say teasing him.

"Yep," Loki pauses. "Where's your phat car?"

"Huh?"

"Your car. Where is it?"

"Yeah. That's it. Put the drink down," I say laughing. I pull him up and he immediately falls on me. I sigh.

"Do you need help?" Data asks me.

"Thank you. Yes, I do." Between the two of us, we manage to make it to the transporter room - or whatever it's called. "You know," I tell Loki, "This party is going on for days."

But he is already asleep.

*sigh*

And he calls me a lightweight?

-----------------------------

As the last few guests come in, I see Padme Amidala

When I received the invitation to the Enterprise Holiday Party, I considered turning it down. After all, it was quite a distance to travel for a party that I couldn’t even enjoy, being pregnant and all. I was also hoping Anakin would be returning from the Outer Rim. I wanted to tell him about the baby in person.

But I totally enjoyed Jean-Luc’s company, and perhaps I’d get to spend a few minutes with Deanna Troi. I had never met her, but had heard so many amazing things about her skills as ship Counselor and empath. Force knows I could use all the counseling I could get these days. So I packed up and headed for the Enterprise.

I arrived a bit late and the party was in full swing. It was alarming seeing the Borg serving food and playing in the band. I’d heard scary things about them. I wandered around a bit before I spotted Jean-Luc and rushed to greet him.

“Padme! It’s wonderful of you to join us. Come, I will introduce you to Deanna.” He led me to a cozy corner and soon Deanna Troi joined me at my table.

We chatted for a few minutes and then she said to me, “Padme, I can sense your nervousness. Tell me what’s troubling you.”

“Oh Deanna, this is a party, you totally don’t have to counsel me now. Maybe we can talk tomorrow? I’ll be staying for a couple days.”

“I don’t mind,” she said, patting my hand. “I know you are troubled. How can I help you?”

I fought back my tears and took a deep breath. “I suppose you know I am pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“My marriage is a secret. I am married to a Jedi, and I’m worried we’ll never have a normal life. What will that mean for my child?”

“It’s normal to have those concerns. Although your circumstances may be unique, every mother has the same feelings,” Deanna said sympathetically. The Borg brought her another drink and she was started to slur slightly.

I sighed.

We talked a bit more about hormones and emotions, about focusing on one thing at a time. I started to notice that several Borg waiters kept returning to our table, standing over me and jerking their heads around in that creepy way. Suddenly, one of them extended a needle from their robotic arm and started coming toward me.

“Arrrrggghhhh!!!” I screamed and jumped up, landing a kick to the Borg’s chest. Lieutenant Worf was quickly at my side, with Seven of Nine not far behind. “What is this??” I yelled. “Look at this! I ripped my dress! This is a one-of-a kind!”

Deanna tried to calm me while Seven explained that since I was carrying a Force-sensitive child, the Borg picked up on my energy and were simply curious. Everyone apologized profusely.

Curious. Riiiiight… I decided to cut my evening short and go back to my quarters. The only sober person left was probably Data, and a conversation with him just didn’t sound all that exciting.

----------------------

And now, here is Lahdeedah

So there I was, moping about moving to Colorado after moping about not liking Washington, when I got the invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party. So, I load up the kiddies and send them to my alien hybrid sister in New Oregon, leave my migraine inflicted hubby at home to sulk, and don my best little black dress, knowing it's nothing compared to the ensemble Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher will put on, but does wonders with the bosom... I wouldn't normally go for that sort of thing, but what with Vampirella having had such a strong influence on their fashion choices, what could I do? Not to mention I'm a twentieth century girl without the access of the substantial body-enhancing technology of the future.

I admit to being a little uncomfortable going to the Enterprise Party, since the group is fairly tight-knit. I've only been on a hail-fair-thee-well meet and greets with the Captain whenever he visits my homeworld of La La Land. I decide not to do the typical guest faux pas of bee-lining for the host, currently arguing with the Borg Queen about some detail of the party, while Dr. Beverly Crusher stands by his side, hand on his arm with a plastered smile that warns any female in the room he's so hers.

So I instead sidle on up to Dragonflyfilly. She has had a few kind words for me in the past. "Hi," I say. And she quotes the loveliest line of poetry at me, and I have no idea who it is. I smile briefly, pretending to be smarter than I am, and see a Borg posted as cocktail waitress duty pass by, and pull the first glass I can reach off her/his/its tray. Tomato juice, it would seem, ah, a Bloody Mary. Unfortunately, it's Klingon blood wine. I stop myself from choking and meekly walk off backwards, straight into Data. Ah ha, I can't go wrong here. I pretend I'm part Klingon, and grasp for another bloodwine. Why, I don't know, but it seemed the right thing to do at the time. I decide to make small talk with Data, assured that every strange glance he passes my way is strictly his strange attempt to understand humanity. The bloodwine has warmed my blood, and after Data mistakes me for another android trying to become 'human' I have another and decide to try my luck with the blue lady looking bored in the corner. The bloodwine however, has made me a little happy, and after I compare her to a pastel smurf, ask what shade of play-doh she thinks she's most like, and ask if her antennae picks up any classic rock stations, music begins.

I leap at the chance to start singing Karaoke Christmas Carols.

After a few rousing rounds of the Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, Three Smoking Kings, (We three kings of orient are, smoking rubber cigars…) and Jingle Bells, the Dashing through the Stars in a One-Warp Engine Sleigh, version, a cherub-faced, rosy-cheeked dashing Riker informs me that there there is no Karaoke-Christmas Carol event and would I please step away from the Borg who's arm I've been using as a microphone before I'm asked to leave. After sneaking a quick peck on the cheek (I'm a married woman, not a nun, after all) I giggle, and make a bee-line for Worf over at the hors de 'ouvres table. I pick up another glass of Klingon bloodwine. My fourth of the night, I think, and toast his heritage. He then toasted my heritage. Then Capt. Picard stopped by, and after a quick hail-thee-fairwell to me, we talked him into drinking a toast with us. I was feeling great, it's amazing what a little bloodwine can do to help a gal feel like part of the family. I told Warf and Capt. Picard this before meeting the Borg Queen. You'd think she'd be evil or scary, but I found her to be very friendly and talkative. Anyhow, what with all the singing and dancing, and the assurances by the spooky Borg Seven that I won't be assimilated in any dimensional reality, I had a great time. The only sour note I could find would be the strict rules about leaving the ship while a little tipsy. I was a bit shocked when I woke up in Sick Bay. Nobody will tell me how or why I was there, and Dr. Crusher assured me it was nothing serious, but that perhaps in the future, I should not try to do the ten-step with members of the Borg Collective. Anyhow, I can hardly wait for the New Year's party, what a bash that should be!

---------------------------------

A guest just coming in.... Craziequeen

It was nearly Christmas and, to my delight, an invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party plopped up on my screen.

I dusted off my posh frock, left the Palace in the hands of my servants Clara and Walt, and caught the next shuttle to the nearest teleporter centre.

As my vision cleared, Data moved to greet me off the pad and welcomed me on board. His yellow eyes glittered and he smiled his usual sweet smile. Seven stood behind him looking less welcoming.

‘Everyone is in Ten Forward,’ she said. ‘You’re late, Your Majesty.’

‘I do so apologise, I was waiting for my date.’

Seven looked at the transporter pad and frowned. ‘Perhaps there is a malfunction?’

I smiled ‘he’ll be joining us later, he’s really busy these days.’

Ten Forward was packed with crew and guests. I accepted a Bajoran Brandy from Guinan and searched out my old pal Rashbre. I noticed BobKat nursing a Klingon bloodwine and invited her to join us. All Brits together, eh? I suggested Guinan dilute the wine with a little English lemonade, to make it more palatable for the Kat.

Jean-Luc moved over effortlessly to greet us. I looked for his senior officers, but they all seemed to be occupied either with their dates or helping remove the rowdier elements to the brig. Lwaxana Troi was sipping Champagne with Riker while Deanna frowned from a corner. Seven and Data sat at a table swapping…..well………Data! Worf and Jadzia Dax compared knives at the bar while supping mulled bloodwine.

‘Rashbre, how lovely to see you again! You must be BobKat, cq has told me all about you. Where is your gentleman friend, cq?’ Jean-Luc asked, looking around the room.

‘He’ll be here later, Jean-Luc, he’s working at the moment. Very busy time what with deliveries and everything.’

Jean-Luc caught Geordie’s glance and nodded gently.

‘I have to go, cq. I have a duty to perform presently.’

I smiled and nodded at my friend. ‘We’ll be here, Jean-Luc.’

We supped a few more drinks and danced to the amazing band The Strolling Bones,. Odd band, they look surprisingly alike (grey skin, metal bits here and there), but they can really rock!

As the sound of the band died away to be replaced by the ringing Christmas bells, my date entered Ten Forward.

I rushed to greet him and laid a huge smacker right on his cherry red lips beneath the snow white beard. He chuckled and straightened his red velvet jacket.

‘You’ll be the death of me, cq,’ he mumbled in a familiar voice.

‘Jean-Luc?’

‘I’m doing the Santa thing for the kiddies on board. Why? Who were you expecting?’

‘er, my date……Kriss……’

‘Is he coming in fancy dress?’

‘Well…’ I stammered.

Suddenly Ten Forward was bathed in brilliant multi-coloured hues of light and there was an enveloping sound of bells ringing. It was quite breathtaking.

Then there was the familiar transporter beam and a large figure stepped out into the room, accompanied by reindeer and toting a huge sack over one shoulder.

‘Evening everyone. Have you all been good girls and boys.’

‘Kriss’ I cried with a beaming smile.

Jean-Luc pulled off his fake beard and looked at me in disbelief. ‘Kriss? Your date, Kriss? He’s Father Christmas???’

‘Kriss Kringle’ I replied with a big smile.

Father Christmas, Kriss Kringle to his friends, grinned at me and began doling out gifts while muttering under his breath.

‘Excuse me?’ asked Seven as she accepted her glittery gift.

Father Christmas smiled so wide his face was red with effort and raised his voice so all in the room could hear………..

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

--------------------------------

Now that we've heard from all the guests, it's time for my view of things...

---------------------------------------

With the Borg gathering, I was certainly getting worried; however, Seven assured me that they had been fully drained in serving Epsilon '23 wine on trays, together with cheesy dips and vol-au-vants. The Borg were all dressed in dinner jackets.

How weird was this?

The guests began arriving. I warmly greeted them. Padme, Nic, and Vampirella I knew well of course, as I did many others. I must admit I was a little nervous of Sky. She and Seven were not the sort one wanted to meet on a dark night, yet were clearly fast friends here.

Lieutenant Commander Ciera asked me to dance, so she and I glided the dancefloor with her while I also kept an eye on the incoming guests.

Jon, Hudson and Queen Galacta were here; I alerted Mr Worf that the brig may well be occupied very soon; he put down his bloodwine and staggered over to be on guard.

When Professor Xavier arrived, Data looked a little confused at first, but after some careful explaining, he was satisfied.

Beverly, always one for a dramatic entrance, made sure the room was darkened, except for a light shining on her as she moved. She wore a blue velvet dress, with glittering rhinestone accents. It plunged right down to her navel. I didn't know where to look. Well, that's not true; I knew exactly where to look!

"Good evening, Jean-Luc." she said in a seductive style; she took my arms and put them around her as we began doing the bosanova.

Deanna had arrived in a black micro-mini dress; Jadzia had a backless outfit on, and the two of them, both old rivals, had started a dance competition between themselves. As ever, it ended in a brawl. Oh dear.

Geordi was dancing with Trisha Lewis; Data had Jennifer Baxter with him. Karena was keeping Wesley out of trouble and the ship safe.

The Strolling Bones, the Borg band had played very well. They started with Like A Rolling Drone, then continued with Roll Away The Drone.

Suddenly, there was silence; the band looked at each other, nodded, and made a space on the stage.

There was a sudden flash, and a figure appeared.

It was the Borg Queen; she was dressed in a red spandex outfit.

She summoned Seven to the stage; she also had a spandes outfit on. The two of them took the microphones and began singing 'Dancing Queen'.

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the musics high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
Youre in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

Youre a teaser, you turn em on
Leave them burning and then youre gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
Youre in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

Everybody clapped; they were really good.

"Locutus!" she called out, "Come up to the stage."

I declined, but could feel pushing in my ribs; it was Seven. She had come down to push me forward.

"The Borg Queen has ordered you to go on stage." she said, "You must comply!"

With a groan, I trudged up there; Beverly was glaring at the Borg Queen with the kind of stare that was sharper than a knife.

The Queen gave me a second microphone. "We shall sing a duet, Locutus."

The band began playing "I've Got You Under My Skin'....

I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that youre really a part of me
I've got you under my skin

I've tried so not to give in
I've said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Dont you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
'cause I've got you under my skin

Beverly was livid at the Borg Queen; she strode up, took the microphone off her, and told her to dance with a drone.

"Take a chance on me, Jean-Luc" she whispered, and sang to me...

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me..

Beverly gave me a big smile and kiss.

"Happy Christmas, Jean-Luc." she said softly.

The Borg Queen was annoyed and whispered to Seven something about assimilation chambers and Beverly being first in the queue.

Somehow, I think the truce won't last after the party, and things will be back to how they were!

----------------------

So the Enterprise Christmas Party ends for this year. I'd personally like to thank each and every person who sent an entry. You have done so, so well. I'm really grateful, as all this wouldn't be possible without your well-written pieces.

Jean-Luc

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Six)

With the sixth day of the Party here, guests are telling what have happened to them...

Here's Jaime

I was invited this year by my good friend, Marinda Clark, to spend Christmas with her on the Enterprise. I haven’t been off-planet for some time now, and after her letter earlier this year telling me about the captain’s birthday party, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

I caught a freighter to Vulcan, where I beamed up to the Enterprise. Marinda was waiting for me in the Transporter Room, and whisked me off to my quarters, chatting merrily.

“How’s the tribble I sent you?” she asks. “Still holding up?”

I pulled a cooing ball of fur from my jacket with a smile. “She’s pregnant, and I didn’t want to leave her behind.” Marinda, however, gasps.

“Don’t let the Captain see that!” She looks around and quickly stuffs the animal back in my pocket. “He still hasn’t gotten over the last incident.”

I don’t think I want to ask.

“The party’s in a couple of hours, in Ten Forward,” she says.

“Isn’t that where the captain’s birthday party was held?” I inquire.

Marinda nods. “No worries, though, this time. Guinan’s going to stick around for the whole thing, just in case Q shows up. Of course, Data is the chef again, so you might want to stay away from anything green. Just in case.”

Now I know I don’t want to ask.

Marinda drops me off at my quarters, and I take the time to freshen up. She said it was going to be a quiet affair, and a bit on the formal side, so I pull out my black velvet dress and heels and get ready to go. Before I know it, my friend is back, and we’re on our way to Ten Forward.

It’s already packed by the time we get there, and Marinda hauls me around the room, introducing me to the senior staff and crew. There’s a jazz band in a corner playing the Klingon variation of “Jingle Bells” (“I never knew Worf could sing,” Marinda whispers), and most of the room consists of small groups of people talking amongst themselves. Data is behind the bar, overseeing the food and drinks. Thankfully, nothing looks green, and I fix myself a small plate of hors d'oeuvres. It’s not long before the captain steps up to the bar and taps on a glass.

Worf has just gotten to the verse about the satisfaction one derives from smearing an enemy’s entrails across the snows of Rura Penthe, and he doesn’t look very amused at the interruption.

“Everyone come and get a glass of egg nog!” the captain orders jovially. Once we have complied, he lifts his in the air. “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” He drinks.

We repeat the toast and follow suit. The egg nog, I notice, has a rather sharp taste to it, but perhaps that’s because it’s replicated. Whatever the case, I take only a small sip, and notice that several people close to me are also giving their glasses strange looks.

The room suddenly starts to spin, and I fall into the nearest chair. Everyone around me seems to be having similar problems. My head feels like it’s about to explode. So does my stomach. Marinda, who downed her egg nog in one swallow, has passed out.

The captain has turned a rather frightful shade of green, and I hear him calling for medics and giving Data a look that could frost cupcakes. Data, however, seems preoccupied with reading the back label of a bottle of something purple.

I think I’m going to be sick. Something that looks like a cross between a praying mantis and a lobster plops down in the chair next to me, giggling. “Some party, huh? Michele sent me.”

I nod politely, and then wish I hadn’t.

“Oh, hey, look, it’s Mimi! Catch ya later!” And he/she/it bounces away. I head for the bar and order a glass of water.

“Did you not drink the egg nog?” Data asks, handing me the water.

“Only a bit,” I reply.

“That was probably wise,” he says. “When I found out I was in charge of the buffet, I sent away to Beta Eridani VII for a new beverage additive that claimed to enhance the consumers’ ‘fun’ quotient by 300%. I neglected, however, to read the ‘fine print.’ It seems that this additive was not meant for carbon-based life forms. Fortunately, the side effects wear off in 24-48 hours.”

Worf picks up where he left off, but has replaced the generic enemy in his song with Data. “I don’t think you’ll live that long.”

“There is nothing to be concerned about,” came a calm voice to my left. I turn to see an officer standing there in a standard uniform and elf hat. “I have already determined a solution.” He holds up a hypospray and then applies it to my arm. I immediately feel better.

“Was that Wesley?” I ask Data, who shakes his head.

“Even better,” he says. “Lt. Darvik.”

“Oh. Sounds like a handy guy to have around.” Which makes me wonder at the look the Captain gives him after he’s been hypo-ed. Oh, well.

I leave the Enterprise the following day. Marinda has made me promise to return when there aren’t any parties going on, but I think I’ll have to pass on that one. It’s not until I get home that I realize I accidentally left my tribble behind. Oops.

---------------------------

Arriving from the Dark Side is Merlyn Gabriel

“You will go to this Christmas fest in my stead, represent the Empire and behave yourself!!! Do I make myself clear?” Lord Vader’s words still rang in my ears as I stepped off my shuttle onto the Enterprise.

I was greeted by an incredibly cheerful woman who introduced herself as Deanna Troi. I sensed something more about her and wondered if she too was Force sensitive. My suspicions were confirmed when she said.

“Don’t worry, you are not too late. I also sense that you are a little nervous but there is no need, I assure you. The Federation is a friendly thing not at all like your Empire.”

I bit my tongue from giving her a tart reply; after all she didn’t know the Empire as I did and followed her into the area where the party was being held. The room was very full and much to my surprise the general air of respectful fear that usually permeated the normal Imperial events was non existent. People seemed genuinely happy and relaxed.

“Welcome the Enterprise Christmas Party, Miss Gabriel. I am Commander Data it is very nice to meet you, the Captain has spoken of you often. Would you like something to drink?”

I turned to stare at the man asking and found I could not sense anything from him at all. It was a little odd. I had heard that there were beings outside of the Force but up until now I had never known this to be true.

“Anything that is not fizzy or has glow spice in it, thank you.” I answered.

He vanished for a moment, returned with a very colourful looking drink and handed it to me with a smile. “A Jovian Sunspot.” He said. “Come, the Captain wishes to meet you and welcome you on board.”

Captain Picard was a little shorter than I had imagined him to be but then again after working so closely with Lord Vader, everyone seems a little on the short side to me. He radiated that aura of power all men in charge of ships seem to have but I did not get the feeling he was mean in any way. In fact the general sense I got was that his crew mostly adored him. He greeted me with a cordiality and a friendliness I found unnerving and made me wonder what it might be that he wanted from me. I have been working for the Empire far too long.

“Miss Gabriel, how lovely to see you, I hope your journey here was pleasant and uneventful?” He had a gorgeous voice and accent.

“Yes, thank you. This is a lovely ship you have here.” I commented.

“The Enterprise is the pride of the fleet.” He said proudly. I decided not to tell him that next to the Executor the Enterprise was a grain of sand in a desert. That would have been a bit rude and most Captains don’t take kindly to someone calling their ship small. Instead I just smiled and nodded. After all, despite its size, it was a very clean and pretty ship.

“Will you be having a Christmas party of your own?” he asked lightly.

“Uhm, no. The Emperor doesn’t like Christmas very much. He believes it encourages too much cheer and good will which doesn’t really suit how he likes to run the Empire. Also that whole red-white jump clothing thing doesn’t look good on him, he’s terribly allergic to the fake beard and hair and these odd decorations really clash with the décor of the Imperial palace. But he does throw a pretty good medal ceremony when the occasion comes up.”

“Ah, I see.” said Picard in that manner which said he didn’t really see at all but wasn’t going to argue the point.

I was about to make another comment on how nice and colourful everyone’s uniform was when someone called my name and I found myself enveloped in a pair of arms. The accent was very familiar to me.

“Florence?”

The pretty young woman in front of me nodded and grinned. “I hoped you’d be here, come on let me drag you away for a moment I have something to show you!”

The Captain gave us both another one of his very nice polite smiles and meandered off to chat up some redheaded woman who had been giving me the evil eye.

“Oh I see Commander Data gave you a Jovian Sunspot.” She said, eyeing my drink. “He sure makes a mean drink, don’t you think?”

“Well…it’s very sweet but good in a get the girls giddy quickly sort of way.” I said.

She grins and dragged me over to a quiet corner and we sat down. “I wanted to show you this…my latest line of toys.” She said and from a small satchel pulled out a little finger puppet type figure made of something soft and cuddly which looked a lot like Darth Vader, but with angel wings.

“It’s his good side.” She says with a grin. “I know you always write to me about how evil and angry he is all the time but maybe this will appeal to his inner angel and some of the darkness will seep away. I know there is good in him, there is good in everyone!” she said.

I was speechless. The little toy was beautiful and perfect and I knew she was right. Lord Vader did have some good in him somewhere… I took the tiny toy from her hands and gave her a huge hug. It wasn’t often anyone ever actually gave me anything.

“I brought you something too.” I said and took out of my pocket a small polished piece of stone. “I asked Admiral Thrawn to find it for me and I hoped you would be here so I could give it to you. It’s a tiny bit of ma’arilite.”

She carefully took the stone from my fingers and turned it this way and then that to find the hidden fire that the stone always had. I knew when she had seen it because she grinned and then hugged me.

“Oh this is so beautiful thank you so much. What did you bring the Captain?” she asked.

“A self made Christmas card.” I said. She didn’t get the significance behind that but I knew the Captain would.

“Oh listen their playing music let’s go join in and dance!” she says pulling me by the hand into the happy crowd. It occurred to me that maybe this Christmas thing wasn’t so bad after all and perhaps I should talk Lord Vader into having a little party on board the Executor. It was something to think about. For the rest of the time I ate incredibly tasty food, met all sorts of amazing people and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

This was one time I was very happy to go to an event in Lord Vader’s stead.

----------------------------

This view of events is from Sim

Nervously, I made my way into to the transporter pads. It was my first time off Earth and I was to meet the crew of the Enterprise for the first time. I had read reports and seen footage of all of these people, and now, for the first time, I was to meet them in the flesh, making me break into a slight cold sweat as I clutched onto my presents of homemade sloe gin, stilton and synthetic port.

Beaming onto the Enterprise caused no problems - bar the stripping of the blue from the cheese. "Sorry ma'am!" The security man behind the console looked at me in sympathy. "Orders ma'am - your gift contained a bacteria that our transport filters wouldn't allow through."

So carrying my glorified cheddar and grumbling under my breath about the lack of taste that the ship had, I made my way into Ten Forward. The Strolling Bones were in full swing, the people there were looking respendant in their garb and all of a sudden I realised that I didn't actually know a soul there. I recognised the Captain looking handsome with a gorgeous redhead hanging off his arm (whom I later dicovered to be Dr Beverly Crusher), and so, with a quick check in the black consoles that my burgandy dress was straight and not tucked into my retro knickers that went with the replica Armani that I had made, I made my way over to introduce myself. And promptly tripping on my replicated heels, snapping the right heel off and landing on the Captain, who promply caught a (bustful) eyeful.

"I do apologise - I was going for an old 20th century look and didn't practice in the heels enough. Cheese??" Dr Crusher glared at me, but then double glared at the Captain for where his eyes were remaining as I proffered the cheese as a peace offering. "I'm so sorry about that - but thankfully, the port and gin survived. I made the gin myself - an old recipe adding extrasugar and berries."

"Well that's good" said Beverley as she proffered her arm to myself "there's nothing like getting to know someone over a drink. Home made you say - marvellous. We must feed some to Seven - I heard she's a blast when she's had a drink." Then she looked over her shoulder "Jean-Luc - you may have the cheese. It's chilled and may help your eyes to rest a bit. They look a bit strained..."

-----------------------------

Coming into Ten Foward now is Ana Ishikawa, known as Shi



"DO I have to wear the Monkey suit?" Logan complained… "Yes, the Christmas Party is a fancy one I am sure.." I smiled…

Laura and him weren't talking I believe it had something to do with Vampirella's son Hotstuff…

We arrived a bit late because he kept making her change…

The Captain introduced us to a few guests… "This is Miss Ana Ishikawa, she owns a Gallery and this is Logan.. he…"

SNIKT! "I am the best at what I do" He grinned taking out a cigar…

I was expecting some of the guest to be frightened of Logan but they weren't…. "They are used to Lt. Worf…" Beverly whispered…

While Logan hit the bar for some Vulcan beer… or was it Andorian Ale…. Well for something to drink Dr Crusher was nice enough to introduce me to a few Federation Art entrepreneurs… We were discussing some of things at my Gallery and my helping the Beijing Government restore the terra Cotta soldiers when I was approached by Ferengis, a lot of them….

After haggling hours with these cretins a tall Starfleet Admiral; came over and asked me to dance… He was charming and a lifesaver…

"You looked like you could use a little saving… " He smiled and his blue eyes sparkled…

Just then I heard a growl…. "Take a hike pal!" Logan growled as he shoved the Admiral away…

I held up my hand "Now boys let's not fight. "

"We in Starfleet, ma 'am are more dignified…" the Admiral smiled

"In other words you are hand pecked losers," Logan provoked…

"What I was going to say is that we don't start fights but we do finish them… " the Starfleet Admiral stood…

I then heard a friendly voice… "Oh my, if the testosterone isn't overwhelming over here… "

The Admiral bowed, "Ambassador Troi…"

She stole the Admiral away while I danced with Logan… "You are drunk?" I laughed…

"I am not I have just been drinking egg nog. Besides with my healing factor it burns any effects of alcohol out of me." He argued…

"So you say." I teased…

At the moment I was just glad he hadn't asked the Klingon Lt. for a fight… Or that Laura had sneaked out to be with the boy….

---------------------------------

The last guest for Day Six is Paige

Narrated by the BIG TV VOICE DUDE

Red, come on honey lets go, the limo is waiting. Isn’t this just so exciting?

--THE LIMO DRIVER TOOK THEM TO AN EMPTY PARKING LOT BEHIND THE BIG STORE.

Oh look we’re here already. I’m so nervous I can hardly stand still, I almost feel like I could pee my underpants. Hey driver, wheres the thingy? You know the trans-what-ya-ma-call-it.

Yes m’am, step this way. Please don’t touch that m’am. We wouldn’t want you two to end up some place other than the party, now would we?

Oh no, can’t have that. Red quit touching it.

I didn’t touch it, you did Paige. Cut it out and quit jumping and bopping around. We are only going to time travel.

Yeah, but it's my first time.

--PAIGE TURNS HER BACK TO RED AND GENTLY TWISTS THE ORANGE KNOB ON THE TRANSPORTER CONTROL PANEL. {I wonder what this does.}

M’am, please don’t!

I didn’t touch any thing. I was just looking. It is all so pretty and shinny.

M’ am, please step onto the white circle located ahead. Sir, if you would please, the one to the left. Keep your arms and legs close to you bodies. Try to relax and before you know it…

--THE DRIVER’S VOICE TRAILED OFF AS A BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT SPARKED AND OFF THEY WENT. AS SOON AS THEY ARRIVED ON BOARD THE ENTERPRISE, PAIGE AND RED COULD HEAR A COMMOTION…

What the hello… Private Halynn, get over here. What is going on? Check the gauges and get this fixed before some thing else happens. {great now I have to file an incidence report to the Captian}

M’am, Sir, please let me help you. I’m so sorry. There must have been a slight error in the transporter beam. Private Johven, get these nice humans to the sick bay. AT ONCE!

--A FEW MOMENTS LATTER PAIGE AND RED FOUND THEMSELVES IN SICK BAY. PAIGE LOOKED AROUND AND CAUGHT HER BREATH AS SHE AND RED MEET EYE TO EYE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE ARRIVING.

Paige, what, what is it, why do you have that, that weird looking smile on your face.

Oh my God Red, you look so, so, a hum, so funny. How did you ever get your big ol’ feet into my pretty little gold shoes and why did you put your feet in them?

Paige this is not funny. They are killing me.

Red please! Stop trying to pull them off like that. You might break the heel or something!

Break the heel, heck they’re breaking my toes. Quit laughing will ya! This is probably all your fault any way. I seen you fiddling with those knobs and stuff.

Never mind that now honey. Don’t mess up my new shoes. Oh my, it gets better, I mean worse then the shoes my love, you should... I mean you’ll never believe. Ok, ok, I’m not gonna laugh anymore. I’m sorry honey here look in my mirror.

Ah crap. Paige, help get these stupid ear rings out of my ears.

One moment sir said a smooth soothing voice from behind the opaque screen. Red turned his head and Paige jerked hers to see who that was.

Red saw the flash of a green eyed monster so he pulled Paige close and whispered in her ear.

Honey, don’t’ say things like that. Remember the last time. We were kicked out of the Big Store. Don’t get us kicked out of here, not when we haven’t even gotten to the party yet.

--A FIGURE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN STEPPED OUT FROM BEHIND THE SCREEN. PAIGE LET OUT A TINY YELP AS SHE HELD TIGHTER ONTO RED’S STRONG ARM. RED JUST SMILED.

Hi, I’m Dr. McCoy. Well now it looks like some one turned the orange knob a little too far to the right. Just one more minute, and I’ll have you fixed right up sir.

--THE TWO OF THEM WERE STUNNED AS THEY WATCHED THE DOCTOR DO HER WORK.

There you go. Fit as a fiddle as one of my predecessors would say.

Wow you look exactly like Bones. Its kinda scary. I mean you are not scary. No not at all its just that, well I wasn’t expecting. I, I, oh never mind.

Ms. Paige, it is alright. I know I appear very similar in my face to the one that was called Bones. I was given some of his g-nome in my artificial genetic sequence. It has been I believe you humans refer to it as, being the butt of a joke. I do not understand the emotional human conditions so it is of no effect for me. There now. Mr. Red, are you feeling better?

Yes, thank you Doctor. You mean my shoes were still on my feet while Paige’s shoes were wrapped around them?

That is affirmative. I was able to restore your ear lobes to their original condition. Do they meet with your satisfaction?

Yes, again thank you.

There ya see Red, alls well that, well that went wrong. Doctor do you think we can join the party now? Too bad you couldn’t get my shoes back to normal.

I am sorry Ms. But if you like I have some very similar. I’ll call…

--JUST THEN THE DOOR OPENED

Ah, I see our wonderful doctor has taken care of your needs. Well done doctor.

Welcome Paige, Red, very good of you to join us. Nice to meet you two at last. I apologize for the error in the transport. Let me assure you it shall not happen again. Please come with me and I shall show you to the party.

Thank you Captain, we are thrilled to be here. Its no problem. I’m sure Red will be fine. I confess I’m a little nervous about being here and meeting so many different types of, I mean kinds of…

I believe the word you are searching for Paige, is beings.

Yes, that’s it, so many different types of beings. Its all so exciting you know!

--THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS AND THEY STEP OUT INTO THE ROOM

Oh wow. This is great, absolutely beautiful Captain Picard. I am overwhelmed by its beauty. Look Red, see that, a real star on top of the.., tree? Is that a tree, Captain?

No, we don’t destroy living plants if it can be at all avoided. It is a hologram of a rare tree of the Rayatonic galaxy. It is most prized for its lovely aroma and bright colors that change with the mood of the environment surrounding it. You shall see as the mood and energy of the party progresses. This way to the bar if you like.

--PAIGE’S MOUTH GAPS OPEN FROM ALL THE STRANGE AND UNIQUE BEINGS SHE SEES AS SHE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM. RED IS TRYING NOT TO LOOK TOO SURPRISED.

Guinan, please take care of Paige and her beloved Red. I have some other guests I simply must attend to. Paige, Red please excuse me. Feel free to mingle and to enjoy the party.

Thank you Captain.

--PAIGE SMILES AS THE CAPTAIN TAKES HER HAND AND PLACES A GENTLE KISS ON IT. RED IS NOT TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT, BUT HOLDS OUT HIS HAND TO SHAKE THE CAPTAIN’S WITH A VERY FIRM GRIP.

Oh, Red did you have to squeeze his hand so tight? The Captain has impeccable manners and I’m sure it was not a sexual gesture on his part. Come on lets get a drink.

Excuse me?

Yes, can I get anything special for you?

Well, someone that was here last year, Jen, said you made her a wonderful drink. She didn’t remember the name, but I was hoping you would.

Yes, I remember.

You do? Incredible! Red did you heart that? She actually remembers the drink. Wow this is just so, so amazing.

Are you sure you want one of those?

--PAIGE NODS HER AGREEMENT

Ok then, but let me caution you to not drink it too fast as it can really go straight to your head if you are not careful.

Ok I understand thanks, Guinan. Come on honey, lets look around.

Red, Did I tell you Jen also told me not to wait too long before going to the restroom. She said they are very confusing and that I wouldn’t want to offend any other being by being stupid about it. Did you hear that? What I said was funny, any being by being. That’s so funny. Do you see any other humans here yet? I haven’t. Man, I hope we are not the only, {hiccup} ones. Look at that thing. Do you see it? What do you think it is, I mean where did it come from? {ickup}

Paige, you really should slow down on that drink, remember what Guinan said.

Yea, yea, I know. You don’t think anyone {ickup} notices that I don’t have on any shoes do you? That was so terrible, what happened to them and all. Haawhaw haw {ickup} Do your feet still hurt? Ah my poor baby. Oh look there. There is a human, or is that more then one. {hiccup} Hey what’s in this thang. Red why you lookin at me that way? Come on lets go over and, and you know {hiccup} introduce our selves to us. {hicup}

Paige, don’t you mean introduce ourselves to THEM?

Oh what a great idea honey, come on. Hi, I’m Paige {hiup}, sorry, and this is….

--RED CATCHES THE GLASS, AS IT SLIPS OUT OF PAIGE’S HAND JUST AS SHE STARTS TO SLIDE DOWN TO MEET THE FLOOR.

Oops, sorry about that folks. I better get the little woman home. I think the altitude and what ever it was she was drinking has gotten the better of her. Do me a favor if you would.

--THE OTHER GUESTS NOD THEIR ACCEPTANCE OF THE REQUEST

Please tell the Captain, we had to leave, but had a wonderful time. Thanks..

----------------------------------

Tomorrow is the last Day of the Party. Be around for that!