Pre-Christmas Shopping For Alexander

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Worf

"Come on, Worfie," says Jadzia to me, "Let's go down to the Starfleet Mall and get some Christmas presents for Alexander."

I am most reluctant.

"Alexander is a young warrior." I state in my gruff Klingon manner, "All he will expect are traditional weapons. I am planning to give him a steel mek'leth, plus a new bat'leth."

"But they are so violent" protests Jadzia, "Let's see if we can get him something a little less warlike."

Despite my protests, Jadzia and I are in the Starfleet Mall, looking around.

"There is the Klingon weapons shop," I say, "I'll just go in and put my order for Alexander's presents..."

"Not so fast, Worfie!" Jadzia calls out and pulls me back by my collar. This was highly embarrassing. I hope no one was watching.

Jadzia goes in the direction of Tokra's Toyshop, and I reluctantly follow.

"Klingons do not have toys!" I protest.

"Well it's about time they did!" she replies, "Alexander is missing out on a childhood."

The sales assistant comes up to us, and looks slightly worriedly at me, before addressing Jadzia.

"Err....can I help you madam....and sir?"

"Do you have a steel mek'leth and bat'leth?" I ask him, before Jadzia answers. She kicks my foot. That hurt.

"Sorry, sir." he answers, "You might want to try the Klingon weapon shop."

"Do you have any useful presents for a Klingon boy" Jadzia asks.

"How about a jigsaw puzzle?" he suggests.

"Is there one of Kahless's battles, in which he holds up the head of the enemy he has just vanquished?" I ask.

I get another kick on the foot from Jadzia; if I get a further one, I shall require medical assistance from Dr Crusher.

"No we don't sir," replies the salesman, "we do have a rather scenic one of San Francisco, with Starfleet Headquarters in the centre of it."

"We'll have that one." Jadzia tells him, "Now what do you have in the latest holodeck games?"

The salesman looks on the shelves.

"Over here we have a lot of tactical and assault games" he informs us, "This one is called 'Destroy The Enemy' in which the character has a collection of weapons to call on while fighting a stream of bloodthirsty creatures."

"That looks a good one for Alexander." I suggest.

"How awful!" she replies, "It's just constant, mindless violence."

It sounds good to me.

"This one," continues the salesman, "Is called 'Peaceful Pixies'. In it, the player is a Head Pixie, whose job it is to make sure everything is calm in Happyglade Wood."

"That's more like it!" exclaims Jadzia. She collects that game and the jigsaw, and we leave the shop, ready to go back to the Enterprise.

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Back on the ship, I put a BeamUp Order at the Klingon shop for the weapons, and also one for 'Destroy The Enemy'.

I shall have that game for myself!