Official Enterprise Christmas Party Invitation!

This is your official invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party that starts on Monday 3rd December!

What I'm asking you to do is write a short post of what happens from your viewpoint at the party. It will be then published in the Journal.

These are the rules to remember:

1: The post is from YOUR viewpoint only. You can involve Enterprise characters, plus other known races and figures, such as the Romulans, the Borg, Q, Lwaxana Troi, Seven, Jadzia Dax, Karena, Ensign Britney, T'Pol or make some up yourself. You can even include some bloggers that are likely to be there (see my Guest Quarters' list on my blog).

2: Remember that that this year, the event is taking placing at the Sands holographic nightclub on the Enterprise holodeck. It will be in the style of the early 1960's Las Vegas casinos, with the hologram Vic Fontaine doing a singing session. The catering will be done by Guinan and served by Sands casino holograms there. Anything can happen. You are only limited by your imagination!

3: The length should be whatever you consider suitable.

4: Remember this is a family-friendly Journal, so take heed of what you write.

5: In accordance with Rule 4, I reserve the right to trim entries or not to publish them if I consider them unsuitable.

6: The closing date for entries is Wednesday 28th November.

7: Send your entries to: Captain Picard (wibblywebb-1@yahoo.co.uk) marking your entry 'Enterprise Christmas Party'. The E Mail address is also under 'Secure Channel' on my Journal page.

8: Don't forget to include your blog ID and your blog URL address so you can be credited.

9: If I get a substantial number of entries, I will be doing several posts together, to be changed daily from the 3rd December onwards.

10: For any of those unsure of what their entry should look like, read some examples from last year's party in the December archives week commencing 4th December, or the year before, week commencing 5th December.

Good luck, everybody!

Borg Cube Interior Design

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I've decided that the Cubes need interior redesigning. After all, they have been looking like this for some time.

The two interior designers that we assimilated thought the whole set-up was so passe and the Feng Shui was completely out of touch.

As a result I've asked them to look over the Cube and give me a Report. If I like it, I may present it to the other Borg Queens to go forward for final approval, so that all Cubes may be restyled.

These things can't be done right away; they cost money.

Today is the day the come to me with their Report.

Maurice and Nigel enter; they are now One of Two and Two of Two in the Decorating Project.

"What have you got for me, drones?" I ask.



"Well the decor is so yesterday." declares One, "Frankly, I don't see how anyone can live in a Cube like this!"

"I agree, One" says Two, "And as for the Feng Shui, it's completely out of balance. There is no harmony. It's sending bad. vibrations everywhere."

"Quite right." One carries on, "That assimilation chamber is a disgrace. No person in their right mind would want to be assimilated there."

Both nod their heads.

"All right, drones," I say, "Perhaps the styling is a little old world. I know the Borg are not the sort to redecorate very often. Tell me what your recommendations are."

"Well this green glow has got to go for a start." One says, "Green hasn't been in season for some decades. You need to go for soft colours. Pastel shades would be ideal."

"Absolutely" agrees Two, "Now for Feng Shui, the propulsion drive shouldn't be so near the weapons system. It sends out a nasty vibe to the drones who can't rest in their alcoves properly."

"We propose also," One tells me, "That there should be a rest area for the drones. Beautiful comfy seats and sofas for them to it on, with pastel decorating around, with pleasant pictures on the wall to get them in a happy frame of mind."

"The Borg are supposed to be unstoppable killing machines!" I tell them with exasperation, "Relaxing on pastel coloured comfy chairs is hardly likely to make the drones do that. More than likely, they would start wanting curtains and soft music playing when they are regenerating in their alcoves!"

"How did you know that we were..." starts Two, but One advises him not to say anything else.

"I will study this and consider it." I tell them, "But if I reject it, there may be consequences."

"You mean the two of us could get reassigned?" One says.

"No." I reply, "I mean I might switch the both of you off."

------------------

Author's Note:

Don't forget that the Enterprise Christmas Party will be published on Tuesday night 13th November.

TWQ: Cheer Up!

TWQ (The Weekend Question) is asking what will brighten people up.

What cheers you up when you are feeling low, or not too well? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

1: Watching a good film on DVD

2: Doing something over the internet; blogging with friends.

3: Talking to my best friend.

Now it's over to you...

But before you go...

Look out for the Enterprise Christmas Party Invitation. It will be posted on Tuesday night, British time.

Also, Chris from The Esoterik Blog has sent me this dreadful meme, asking me to list eight random facts and habits. Here we go.

1: I like to prepare well in advance. My Christmas cards for abroad are written and ready to go.

2: I don't like trying to choose a vacation to go on in case it turns out to be a disaster.

3: I love 'Lost' and try to work out theories behind it all.

4: I always have the daily 'New Yorker', 'Dilbert' and 'You Might Be A Redneck If...' desk calendars.

5: I don't like moving desks at the office; I've done it five times so far this year.

6: I love foreign language movies, and have quite a few on DVD

7: I don't like redecoating in the house as it's so disruptive.

8: I like reading other people's memes!

The Unreality Barrier (Part Three)

I'm still stuck on Earth in the 20th Century, having swapped bodies with an actor called Patrick Stewart, who is making a tv series called 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. As we look alike, I can't convince anyone that I'm not the same man.

A flare from the Unreality Barrier had hit the Enterprise, and sent me to this alternate dimension, where the crew are portrayed as just being actors, who are filmed for the entertainment of the nation.

I can only hope that the crew of the Enterprise come up with something to get me back!

---------------

Currently I am lying in my trailer, hoping that I'll reappear suddenly on the Bridge. The door bangs heavily, and the exasperated Floor Manager enters.



"Look Patrick." he says with a sigh, "Enough's enough. What do you want? More money? I'll talk to the guys in Accounts. Now can we just get back to the studio?"

I agree. Playing an actor who is playing me shouldn't be too much of a problem until things get sorted out.

I get up to leave the trailer, and hear a quiet "About time!" coming from the Floor Manager.

We enter the studio and walk on to the set, which looks like a cheap version of the Bridge. I notice that the instrumant panels are just flashing lights, and none of the buttons actually do anything. Just in front of the videoscreen, there are several large cameras, each with someone operating them.

The director comes on to the Bridge.

"All right, everyone." he says, "We're going to do the big battle scene today. The Enterprise has had it's shields and Warp drive knocked out by the Feldorman ships, which are moving in to destroy it."

I have read the script and it unsettles me.

"One thing." I say.

He sighs. "What is it, Patrick?"

"I would not...I mean Picard would never order that method of attack; it leaves the ship open to attack from the other incoming Feldorman ships."

"What are you talking about Patrick?" says the director, with exasperation. "It's just a tv show. now get in position on the Captain's chair, Jonathan, Commander's chair, Michael, Tactical, Marina, sit next to Patrick, Brent, sit on the Com seat."

Marina, who plays Deanna, sits to my left and gives me a few strange glances, as if she wonders at my strange behaviour.



The videoscreen is in front of me, but there are no pictures. Just words saying 'Feldorman ships approaching'.

"Captain, the Feldorman ships are approaching." says the actor playing Data.

"Mr Worf" I say, "Evasive Pattern Delta One."

"Cut, cut!!" shouts the director, "Just what is 'Evasive Pattern Delta One', Patrick?"

"It's what I would use on the Enterprise in such a sitution." I reply. The director sighs. The Floor Manager is crying.

"Does this mean I can be Captain if you fire Patrick?" asks the actor named Jonathan who plays Riker.

Some things are always the same, even in the real or acting world.

Suddenly, I feel something strange happening to me, as if I am being pulled away by a strange force. I stand up, and feel my body dissolving and pulled apart. The last thing I hear is the director saying "Wow! That's a great special effect. Now that you've got it, we'll use it in next week's show!"

--------

I find myseld rematerialising on the Bridge; I look around. No directors, no Floor Managers, no cameras. Everything is just how it was.

"Bev? Number One?"

They confirm, and tell me what happened with Patrick, and that he dissolved when they met the flare from the Unreality Barrier.

I kiss Bev.

"What a relief it is to be back in the Real World of the 24th Century." I tell her, "Everything seemed so artificial and...unreal there."

We laugh at that.

The Unreality Barrier (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

Things have been going topsy-turvy since Jean-Luc was hit by a flare from the Unreality Barrier and fainted. It looks like he is going through an identity crisis, saying that his name is Patrick Stewart, and he wants to get on making the episode as fast as possible, otherwise he will call his agent.

----------

"Look, Gates." he tells me, "I don't know what you and the others are trying to pull here, but I need to get this season over with soon. I'm playing Hamlet in London soon. They will be expecting me next week."

I think I know the only way to bring his memory back; I grab Jean-Luc and kiss him heavily on the lips. He jumps back in horror.

"Gates!" he exclaims, "That sort of thing is just not on. I know we are friends off-set, but we don't want it to go any further."

I decide to take him around the ship; as we do, he looks shocked.

"This is all real!" he says with dawning thought, "No sets, no cameras; this is actually a starship travelling at Warp speed, and not a studio in Hollywood, Los Angeles."

"That's right, Jean-Luc...er Patrick." I tell him. It looks like Jean-Luc has actually swapped bodies with a 20th Century actor in another dimension.

"But what are we going to do?" he asks, "I'm supposed to be filming Star Trek:The Next Generation on 20th Century Earth, not being on the Enterprise in the 24th Century! How will I ever play Hamlet again?"

"Well, we have a good theatre here." says Riker, as he approaches, "Data is well researched in all the roles."



Patrick groans. Riker gets a message on his Com.

"We have a problem." he tells us, "A Zarvanian Battleship has approached, and it will not let us through peacefully until it talks to Captain Picard."

We all look at Patrick.

"No, I won't do it." he says.

"Why not?" I tell him, "You've done it lots of times before in your tv series."

"Yes." he answers, "But with a script in front of me, Floor Managers, directors and cameras."

He reluctantl;y agrees, and we head to the Bridge. Patrick gets ready to slip into his Picard persona as he looks at the videoscreen.

"I am err...Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise." he declares, "What is it you want?"

"Ahh!" says the Zarvanian, "You are Captain Picard; I recognise you. Your name is well known in Zarvanian circles for your daring exploits. I wanted to have the honour of saying hello. It has been a pleasure to talk to you."

With that, the screen switches off, and the Battleship flies off.

"That must rank as my best acting performance ever." Patrick says to himself.

"Look." I say to the others, "How are we going to manage to swap Patrick and Jean-Luc back again?"

"I believe I may have the answer." says Data, "I have been studying the Unreality Barrier, and found that a flare emits every 187.5 minutes. If we put ourselves in the same position again, a flare will coming and hit Patrick, swapping them back."

"Or swap someone else." Riker tells him.

Data admits this, but we all agree it is a chance worth taking.

We get ready and put ourselves in position. I wonder how Jean-Luc has been doing on the Star Trek set in the 20th Century?

To be continued...

The Unreality Barrier (Part One)

Well, we had to do it, didn't we?

We see a strange anomoly in space, picked up by the Enterprise sensors. Now the logical thing to do would be to turn the ship 180 degrees round, and speed off at Warp Nine to the nearest Starbase, relax and say "That was a close one."

But no, instead we decide to go nearer, as we are supposed to be explorers. Never mind the fact that most explorers usually turn out to be dead after a while because they got too nosey."

"What do the sensors say, Mr Data?" I ask.

"They seem to pick up a high resonance of hypervariable particles, concentating on the inner field. It appears they are fluctuating rapidly, which would indicate...."

"In English, Data!" Riker tells him.

"It appears that the readings are similar to that we have seen when we encountered the Reality Barrier."

"Is it falling apart again?" I ask with increased alarm. I don't want that happening again.

"No, sir." he replies, "Actually, this is NOT the Reality Barrier, but a sort of polar opposite."

"You mean an UN-reality Barrier?" questions Riker.

"Possibly." Data says, "We should leave immediately, as this is a turbulent area, and flares from the barrier are likely to emit at any time."

As he says so, a flare shoots out, appears on the Enterprise Bridge and hits me.

Why is it always me? Suddenly I feel myself dissolving and blacking out.

-------------------

"Are you all right?" I hear a voice calling to me, "Quick, get the Floor Manager."

I wake up and see a strange figure over me.



"What happened, Patrick?" he asks me, "I know this episode has been hard work for you. Do you want to rest for half an hour in your trailer?"

"Excuse me?" I saw, "Who are you?"

"Yeah, okay Patrick." he answers, "I'm the Studio Floor Manager. We've got a heavy schedule to complete. 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' isn't an easy series to do."

I look around in puzzlement.



The Bridge looks slightly the same, but there is something artificial about it, as part of it is cut away to reveal an old style television studio. On the Bridge are 20th century televion cameras. The main viewer is just a blue screen telling people what to do.

What is going on?

"What is this?" I ask, "I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. Why have you abducted me to this artificial environment?"

"Whoa!" laughs Riker, "Hey, Patrick, I know you like to get into your roles, but don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick?"

"Number One?" I say, "Are you in this as well?"

"It's Jonathan to you." he says, "I'm not having you call me that dopey title outside work hours."
Geordi approaches; he is not wearing his visor, and can see!

"I think we'd better get the studio doctor." he observes, "Patrick's not feeling well. He seems to think he's in charge of the actual ship."

"Yeah, that's a good one, LeVar" laughs out Data, "The boys will laugh at that one in the next briefing we'll have."

Bev walks across the studio, and asks what is going on.

"You've got to help me, Bev." I plead.

It seems she tries hard not not giggle, but says she will take me back to my trailer, where I'll be able to rest. On the way, I tey to explain things to her.

"Look." she tells me, "I'm Cheryl McFadden, although everybody calls me Gates. You are Patrick Stewart, and we are in the 20th Century making a science fiction show called 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. You remember now?"

"Bev...err..Cheryl....err..Gates." I tell her, "I'm from the 24th Century and we encountered an Unreality Barrier. It has sent me to this artificial, alternate universe"

She sighs; it's going to be tough to convince her.

I approach my trailer, as I see the world around is 20th Century Earth.

I rest there, wonder how I am going to get back to the real Enterprise, and also wonder what Patrick the actor is thinking of it?

To be continued...

TWQ: Quirks

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at the odd quirks of our personalities that make up who we are.

What strange quirks do you have that make up your personality? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

1: Sometimes, instead of laughing, I say what Mork used to say in the early 'Mork & Mindy' shows: "Ah, humour!! Ark! Ark!"

2: If for some reason my routine is changed, it get's me very disoriented.

3: I love to play air guitar when Thin Lizzy's 'Whisky In The Jar' is playing.

4: Once an actor or tv personality gets on my list of 'can't stand them', I'll never see that film or tv programme, even if it is supposed to be good.

Now it's over to you....

But before you go...

Author's Note:

Don't forget to take a look at BlogRush (on this page, upper right entitled 'From The Blogasphere'). After a poor start, it has thown out all the scams and now has a super report system. Click on the bottom where it says 'Add Your Blog Posts Free) to find out more. This could increase the amount of traffic you receive!

Christmas Party Update

"Now that Halloween is over." I say to the assembled senior staff, "It's about time we had an update on how the plans are going for this years's Christmas Party."

"Are parties all you think of, Locutus?" asks Seven, "We have just stopped having a strange party that is supposed to commemorate being scared, and already we have another one planned. What would you do if the Borg or another race invaded your vessel during one of your parties?"

"They'd have to book an appointment." Riker drily comments, "When it's the party season, we can't be invaded."



"I might have agreed with Seven." T'Pol states, "But my soul sistah Ensign Britney tells me this is the time to let our hair down."

The influence that Britney has over T'Pol. She terrifies me.

"How are things getting on, Jean-Luc." Bev asks me.

"Things appear to be on schedule." I reply, "The invitations will be sent out around mid-November for the Party that starts Monday 3rd December."

"I am concerned about one thing." Worf says, "Most of the guests appear to be from the early 21st Century, who will arrive via a time portal or other similar means."

"Yes, what's the problem, Mr Worf?" I reply.

"The Temporal Directive, Captain." he tells me, "These people could easily inform others of what they see in the 24th Century and alter the course of time."

"They are quite sensible people, Mr Worf." I reassure him, "Many have been here last year, and also the year before. They know that they have to keep quiet and not tell anyone."

"If they do not, I shall go back and assimilate them." Seven tells us seriously.

"Well, I don't think we want things to get like that, Seven." I tell her, "We are losing track. Now let's see about the party planning."

"Guinan tells me that she and Vic Fontaine have the Party in good hands." Riker informs me, "Fontaine and his band are rehearsing a Christmas set to play in the holographic Sands nightclub, and Guinan is setting out the menu for everyone to eat. She even has her own home-made vol-au-vents on standby."

"That's good to hear." I tell them, "This year's party looks like being a great one. What about outfits? How are we doing there?"

Everyone tells me they have ordered something from Starfleet Fittings. Beverly whispers to me.


"I have ordered a lovely outfit that you will like, Jean-Luc."she says softly.

This stops my train of thought for a moment, until I decide what to do.

"Well, I think that's all for now. On that note, we'll close the meeting.

---------------

Author's Note:

Don't forget to take a look at BlogRush (on this page, upper right entitled 'From The Blogasphere'). After a poor start, it has thown out all the scams and now has a super report system. Click on the bottom where it says 'Add Your Blog Posts Free) to find out more. This could increase the amount of traffic you receive!