Junk Space Mail

How these people got my address is beyond me, but the incoming mail I tend to get on computer or hand delivered seems very suspicious. Here is a sample:

Dear MR PICARD,

CONGRATULATIONS!!

You have won 100 latinum bars! Just fill in the details below, including your bank account details and credit card number and we'll post the bars off to you right away!

That went straight in the shredder. If I knew who sent it, they would be in the airlock.

Here's another....hold on, the video screen is on.



"Hi there, Mr Picard!" says an over enthusiastic young person whose grin wants me just to punch him, "Just to let you know that we'll be sending you a large blue envelope in the next few days. Respond to it and you could win..."

"I don't want it!" I snap back angrily.

"Of course you do,. Mr Picard." he continues undeterred, "This envelope could mean you'll win enough to go on a trip to the Risa pleasure planet in a starship."

"I've been to Risa five times this year and am the CAPTAIN of a starship." I point out.

"Oh." he replies then adds n"Maybe you'll like the envelope anyway." before hastily switching off.

Gah!

I then throw out all the others, some offering 'instant hair grow', others to 'increase my performance' and zimmer frames to help me., all at prices that are so high, they sound like blackmail demands.



This is getting out of hand, Captain." Deanna tells me, as she comes in. "We are all getting junk mail nowadays"

Are the Ferengi financing all this? It fits in with their 'Laws of Acquisition' that they live by. The lotteries that are from far flung or ficticious planets that claim I have won, or say I mjust need to buy a useless gadget. Further investigation has shown that a distant plant named Spam might be behind it all.

From now on, all messages are on an 'instant-shred' when certain topics come in.

It's an invasion the Federation has to win!