Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Britney & T'Pol The Celebrities (Part Four)
Guest Poster: Mirror T'Pol
I hope Britney can come up with something in this television interview, or the two of us are forever doomed to be celebriries, chased by the Federation paparazzi. The worst thing is that using beaming technology, they can get to where we are going before we do!
It started when we did a photoshoot for Galactic Picture Magazine. Since it's publication, everyone has been chasing us, and asking very personal questions about Brit and myself.
The two of us encountered Marion, the assistant to Oprah18, the clone who will be interviewing us. From that point, Britney seemed to have an idea, though I have no idea what it is.
We walk on to the set, with the people cheering. Oprah18 has already introduced us and we sit down.
"Well, you are two very unusual young ladies" she starts, "Is it true that you met in the brig of the USS Enterprise?"
"Yeah." answers Brit, who is wearing her blonde wig and red spandex outfit, "I guess we warmed to each other right away. The two of us were both rebels in a way, TPol from another universe, and me from Delta, having to learn to cope with a different sort of life on the Enterprise."
"Indeed." says Oprah18, "Yet despite your reputation for insubordination, the two of you have saved the day in many ways, such as from the counterculture group The Dregs of Society and from an amazonian tribe known as the Virago."
"We've had our moments." I tell her, "We couldn't have accomplished it without the help of each other."
"Which leads me to my next question." Oprah18 comments slyly, as if she is coming to the real reason we are here, "Now due to a magazine, you are celebriries, and clearly together. You must be strong friends and have a good relationship. I've heard that you're involved with each other and are blissfully in love. Is that true?"
I am stunned by the directness of the question, and the audience lean forward, as if keen to hear the answer. I feel like I'm in a Coliseum, surrounded by lions who haven't eaten for a long while.
"You mean in the same way you and Marion are involved?" Britney asks her sharply.
Oprah18 goes red and is momentarily shocked, as if she has been caught smoking behind the bikesheds.
"Stop the cameras!" she orders to the bewildered studio producer, and looks at us, "Come with me backstage....now!"
"Now look you two!" she tells us angrily, "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, you're finished as celebrities. I can bribe the studio audience to keep quiet. I'm the most powerful woman in Galacticwood. You'll never be wanted by magazines or tv again if you say anything."
"Really?" Brit tells her, "Well in that case, our price for keeping quiet is to put the word out to everyone not to have anything to do with us again. We don't want to be celebrities."
Oprah18 looks puzzled, as if it doesn't make any sense. "In that case, I agree to your terms."
We walk out, pleased with the result.
"How did you know about Marion and Oprah18?" I ask Britney.
"Sistah." she replies, "Your gaydar sensors just weren't operating. I knew the clone didn't want anyone to know, even in this day and age, as she prides herself with her husband and children.. I could tell that Marion was a little secret she had."
"Surely it wasn't right to bring up something as secret as that, Brit?" I ask, "After all, it was highly personal."
"Of course it wasn't right, sweetie!" she laughs, "If Oprah18 wasn't so uptight about it all, she could have laughed it off an no one would have batted an eyelid. Her prejudices and determination to keep what after all is quite common in the 24th century secret backfired on her and helped us. Now let's go and celebrate with a drink at The Pink Klingon before going back to the Enterprise."
A day later, we are back on the Enterprise, talking to Captain Picard.
"How odd." he says, "The Federation channels were full of stories about you two, then just after you went for the recorded tv interview everything stopped. It looks like no one was interested anymore. The paparazzi, tv, anyone, just didn't want to know."
"Ah well." Brit answers, "That's showbiz."