I'm in my ready room, relaxing with a drink of Earl Grey, and reading The Klingon Wedding Guide, so that I can familiarise myself with the whole ceremony when Worf and Jadzia get married in a few days. Frankly, it all looks bewildering. I sometimes wish they had gone through with it at the Elvis Galactic Chapel on Vegas VII, where we happened to be recently.
Listen to all this...
The Klingon wedding is a highly ritualized ceremony, resembling an opera. Klingon warriors beating their drums receive the couple as the Lady of the Great House of the groom recites the traditional story of the Klingon creation in which the Klingon male and female are created and join together and rise up against their gods. The groom's Tawi'Yan presents the couple with bat'leths as they do mock battle with each other in representation of the struggle of the male and female Klingon hearts against one another.
After the couple recites their vows, swearing to unite against all their opponents, the guests attack them with ceremonial weapons, the Ma'Stakas.
In preparation for the wedding the bride must be approved by the Mistress of the groom's house. The bride must display her ability to perform several traditional Klingon rituals. She also must recite the history of all the females of the house she is joining. The groom prepares with his closest male friends, including one designated as the Tawi'Yan, the Klingon equivalent of a best man. They go to a cave, or a simulation of a cave if necessary, for the physical and spiritual journey of Kal'Hyah.
Quite a lot there. It would seem a lot easier to have the minister singing Love Me Tender.
I hear a knock on the door.
"May I speak with you, Captain?" Worf asks.
"Of course." I reply, "What is it?
"I wonder if you would be my Tawi'Yan at my wedding?" he enquires.
"It would indeed be an honour." I answer, beaming, "I have read the nuances of the ceremony, and am familiar with what I will have to do."
"Then I have chosen well, Captain." Worf tells me, "My original Tawi'Yan had fallen ill, and I needed a replacement in a hurry."
He walks out, leaving me somewhat deflated.
Nevertheless, I'll have to invite all of Worf's male friends to a Kal'Hyah, which is the equivilant of a stag and bachelor party, held on the eve of the wedding.
Even more awkward is this line...In preparation for the wedding the bride must be approved by the Mistress of the groom's house. The Mistress they are referring to, I have discovered, is a long-time partner of the groom, who is not married to him. That will have to be Deanna Troi, who was with Worf for some time before he started going with Jadzia. There was a lot of fighting between the two women before they made peace.
Deanna will hit the roof!
I call her in, and tell her everything that will happen. I then get to her role as The Mistress.
"I'm no mistress!" she shouts, "You can fotget about that.
"But Deanna." I plead, ""You are the only other woman that Worf has had. He needs you to fill the role."
I tell her that as The Mistress, she will have to give Jadzia her approval. This makes Deanna smile.
"Not only that." I tell her, "According to Klingon Wedding Lore, the Mistress will be the person who will perform the wedding ceremony."
Deanna is shocked, but laughs our loud.
To be continued....