Lost And Found

Today, I put my entry in for Vampirella's Dance Competition. Click her blog to find out how well Beverly and I did!

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The Enterprise is heading at maximum warp to a small planet named Orion 3 on the rim of the Alpha Quadrant. Aliens have reported thar a colony of humans has been sighted there.

"A colony of humans could not be on the planet." states Data in his best know-it-all voice. We have not established a group anywhere in that sector. The aliens must be mistaken."

"Nonetheless, Mr Data, it is up to us to investigate."

Two hours later, we had arrived.

"Planet Orion 3" Data announces. "Standard Orbit"

As if there is any other sort we use when we get to a planet!

"Where is commander Riker?" I ask the computer.

"Commander Riker is in Ten Forward."

I called him on the Com, "Put that donut down, Number One, we need to go on an away mission."

"How did you know I was..?" asks Riker.

"You always are" I reply. "It'll be the Enterprise gym for you when we get back."

"Captain." Data informs me, "I've done a scan of the planet surface, and it confirms there are over 40 humans in a small island area. There are also remnants of a 21st century aeroplane there."

"intriguing"

Myself, Riker, Data, Beverly, and Deanna prepare for the away mission and beamed down to where the plane is.

We analyse the plane.

"This is the remnants of a plane that disappeared on it's way from Sydney to Los Angeles in the early 21st Century. It was never found." Data tells us.

"Hey! Who are you!" says a few voices behind us.

.

A group of assorted individuals come out behind the trees.

"I'm Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise." I announce in my usual assertive voice.

"Hey! A spaceman, doc. That's all we need."

"Keep a lid on it, Sawyer!"

"Let's hear what the man has to say" says one woman.

"You would say that, freckles. Are you starting to like bald men instead of the doctor? What till Jack hears about that!"

"Maybe he knows how well the Driveshaft album sales are doing." says one young man.

"I don't care" sniffs a young blonde woman, "I'm going to do some more sunbathing."

"I think he is here to help us" says one bald man. "These people have come a long way. We should listen to them."

"I agree, Locke." delares another, who appeared to be the leader, "How did you get here; we didn't see your boat? Did you fly here?"

"Er..sort of..." I say. This was going to be a tough one. I don't there was a class for dealing with this sort of thing.

"I'm Jack" he announces, "Can you tell us what's going on? You said you were from a STARship?
"Well, what year do you think it is?" I ask him.

"2005 of course" he replies.

"Welcome to the 24th Century. You're on the Planet Orion 3 on the rim of the Alpha Quadrant" I tell them.

There was a stunned silence.

"Hey dude, you're putting us on." comments one rather large man, "You'll have to do better than that.

"It seems your areoplane passed through a space/time vortex during your flight and crash landed on this planet." Data tells them.

"Oh, man, that's just great!" sneers Sawyer, "A world full of ray guns and robots. I ain't ready for that. Although the women ain't bad." he looks at Deanna and Beverly approvingly, much to the annoyance of Riker and myself.

"We can introduce you into 24th Century ways" tells Deanna.

The group go into a huddled discussion; take a few looks at us, shake their heads and carry on talking. Eventually, Jack comes towards us.

"Sorry, Captain." he tells us, "we've unanimously decided to stay here. We reckon that by staying here we can escape the same way we came and through the space/time vortex and back to the 21st Century."

We beam back, leaving the humans there.

"Do you think they will find a way back home, Captain?" asks Riker.

"I don't know, Number One, but they look such an odd sort, they'll either escape or drive each other crazy."

In The Garden

.

All the cadets are now returning to Starfleet Academy after their Christmas break.

That means more trouble for me, I can tell you!

While they've been out having a great time doing who-knows-what, I've had to keep these Gardens in order; after all, they don't do it by themselves.

The authorities just expect them to always look like that, no matter what, but I tell you, if there is one blade of grass that isn't the right length, they look pityingly at me and whisper to themselves, "Maybe it's time to retire the old boy."

They're not getting me out of the way that easily!

When I started here, er....so many years ago, the place was a shambles. It looked like a primeval jungle. The authorites were a little worried about it all. However, they noticed that I had a trowel, weedkiller and lawnmower, and so asked me if I'd like to be the gardener here.

Well, all this is my work, and don't you forget it. I keep a careful watch to make sure nothing underhand goes on. Plenty does, I can tell you.

These cadets are so lovesick, the little vandals always express their adoration at the cost of my Garden. A rose disappears, or a tree might get hacked. The other day, I caught that know-all Wesley Crusher carving 'Wes loves Marlena' on a rare tree. I gave him a big clip on the ear for that.

The worst thing, is it isn't just the students. I also caught Captain Picard carving 'JLP luvs Bev' on the same tree. I gave him a clip on BOTH ears for that. The little whippersnapper ought to know better.

What are my trees? A graffitti zone?

A lot of the little devils ask me why I've never gone for a Starfleet Commission, and been a Captain or something like that. Well, when I was, er...younger, I wanted to do all that, went through the works etc. When it got to the Interview, they said that 'My talents were ideally suited to the Garden', and as I was doing such a good job, they thought I should stay there.

What an insult!

It's the case of doing too well in something, so they don't move me. No one else would do the gardening job, so here I am. No matter that I could have been Captaining my own ship against marauding aliens a long time ago.

The only aliens I get to fight against are those threatening the growth of the plants.

Still, I'm the centre of all knowledge in Starfleet; while I'm working innocently in the Garden, I ever every sort of secret being qietly discussed between cadets right up to Admirals. The Federation President has whispered a few things as well.

Excuse me; all those thoughts about neing turned down for a Commission has left me in a bad mood, and I have to clip a cadet around the year to feel better again.

I wonder if Wesley Crusher is around?

The New Year's Eve Party

We've got to stop having these parties; they are bad for our health.

I wake up in a stupor again, just like I did at the Christmas Party.

Firstly, I ask the computer who I am; it tells me, and I go to the mirror to see a dishevelled mess. Time for a sonic shower.

It pulls me round and I try to remember all the events of New Year's Eve. Those Klingon Bloodwines and Bajoran Brandies....

Now I'm starting to remember....

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The night started out very promisingly, with everybody in high anticipation of a good time ahead. We were waiting for the band to come.

There was a disturbance outside. Quite a ruckus. Surely it was a little early for any high spirits by the crew?

Then I realised it. Dan Dreg and his band The Dregs Of Society were here.

Dan slouched in, with dirty torn clothes, long spiked hair and safety pins all over his face. The rest of his group were similarly attired.

Worf was looking concerned and already had his Security team on full alert, as if the Borg were about bo board the Enterprise.

Dan reached the microphone and unleased a torrent of abuse at the audience there.

"There were a few Earth words in that sentence I hadn't heard before." said Deanna.

Data looked puzzled, and it seemed he might be coming to ask me about some of the words later on; I'll pass that job on to Riker.

"Introducing me group.." said Dan to everybody, "on the drums is Davy Dreg, on the guitars with me is Dirk Dreg, and on the keyboards, is me sis, Davinia Dreg."

"They are all Dregs." commented Beverly.

"No one will dispute that." I replied.

The Dregs Of Society launched into their first number, 'Noise Rules' it was 130 decibels.

"Is the somewhat exceeding permitted sound levels for Starfleet vessels, Captain." inquired Data.

"You could say that!" I had to yell in his ear.

The band then started to play 'Scruff Supremo'. This was 140 decibels. People were starting to pass out. Beverly was attending to them.

After that, Dan then yelled some more abuse at the audience, smashed one of his guitars over Dirk's head. They had a fight on the stage.

"That's it!" I said to Worf, "Get the team in, Mr Worf! You know what to do."

The Security Officers moved in and grabbed Dan and the rest of the Dregs and carried them out of the room screaming.

"That will fill the Brig up." I said.

"Yes'" said Riker, "But what are we going to do now? The New Year's Eve Party has only just started."

"Gather the senior staff together." I instructed,"There's only one thing we can do. The show must go on!"

I grouped the staff together and told them that we were going to have to be the band from now on.

"Riker, you're on the trombone, Worf, you're on the drums, Deanna and Beverly, you are the backing chorus, Geordi, you're on keyboards, and Data, you're on guitar."

We started off with 'Groovin' With The Federation', a classic of the 24th Century.

Then Beverly and I sang our duet of 'Simply the Best':

I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire
You come to me, come to me wild and wild
When you come to me
Give me everything I need
Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams
Speak a language of love like you know what it means
And it can't be wrong
Take my heart and make it strong baby

You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, and hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby I would rather be dead

In your heart I see the star of every night and every day
In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away
Just as long as I'm here in your arms
I could be in no better place

You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, and hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby I would rather be dead

Each time you leave me I start losing control
You're walking away with my heart and my soul
I can feel you even when I'm alone
Oh baby, don't let go

That got the party back on track, and we launched into playing 'Spaceman':

i see your face on television, almost every day
in magazines and on the big screen
close yet far away
i wonder why you choose those others
and you never come to call on me
when i'm the one who's waiting for you
i really need you - please pick me!

spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!

remember that night at my window
when i waved at you?
i must have been only five, or so,
but i never forgot you.

i wonder why you choose those others
and you never come to call on me.
when i'm the one who's waiting for you
i really need you - please pick me!

spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!

We kept on playing throughout the night, not noticing the Klingon Bloodwines and the Bajoran Brandies we were having.

Guinan was getting very concerned about the Bloodwine possibly spilling on to the new carpet that had been installed in Ten Forward over Christmas.

Eventually, midnight approached and we played 'Auld Lang Syne'

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne? And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne.
We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Data kissed Jennifer, Geordi kissed Trisha, Deanna kissed Riker...and Worf, and I kissed Beverly.

"Happy New Year" we all said to each other and the Enterprise crew.

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And a Very Happy New Year to everyone out there. May the coming year bring you peace and prosperity.

TWQ: New Year's Resolutions & Relections

As a New Year is about to start, The Weekend Question (TWQ) turns to Resolutions and then Reflections:

What New Year's Resolutions have you made in the past? Which have been broken? Which have you kept to this day?

Also:

What do you remember most about 2005? What have you accomplished?

My answers are:

I'm not one for making resolutions usually. I have tried to say to myself that I should be more tolerant with people, although this can be very difficult with some! If 'to make friends' is a resolution, then I have done very well in 2005, by being friends with so many who connect to my Journal.

2005 is the year I started to try and write a blog; I had thought about this, but was unsure of how to go about it and what the subject should be. Initially, I thought about life in the office, but that was too dull! So I decided to write about something I knew. In doing so, I have been in contact with ba fine group of people.

Two additional pieces of information:

My thanks to Running2Ks nomination of me in The Best Of Blogs competition (Humour section) There are only two days before the nominations close.

Also: you must read the post by Craziequeen which explains the Christmas memories that I put in her blog earlier. It's very good!

I have just one more thing to add:

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous New Year!

Now it's over to you...

Planning For New Year's Eve

I've had to call an Emergency Meeting of the senior staff in the Briefing Room.

Is there an alien invasion that threatens to destroy the Federation?

No, it seems there is a problem with the party planned for New Year's Eve on the Enterprise.

"What is the difficulty?" I ask Riker, who is the Party Organiser.

"Well, Captain, it seems that we cannot get Sid Starr to return for the occasion, as he is already booked at the Starfleet Officers Retirement Home. I suppose we just assumed he'd be free to attend."

"Maybe it's a good thing." suggests Geordi, "We could do with a band that's a little more hip for New Year's Eve. The only sort of hip Sid was is artificial hip."

Everybody laughs in a supressed way, except Data, who looks puzzled. Eventually he says, "Ah, artificial hip!" and gives a robotic stuttering laugh.

"What are we going to do?" inquires Beverly.

"How about a Klingon band?" suggests Worf.

"Though it's an idea," answers Riker, "They can tend to sing Klingon ballads and tell tales of how good everything used to be when Kahless was around."

"Are you suggesting that is wrong?" Worf answers angrily.

"Er, no." Riker says quickly, "But they are not suitable for a New Year's Eve party."

"Will" asks Deanna, "Do you know just who IS available?"

"I've made a lot of enquiries" he says, "And all the bands are either booked out to starships or Federation planets. The only one available is Dan Dreg and his group The Dregs Of Society."

"I've heard about them, Number One." I tell him, "They have a very bad reputation, ending up in jail. They verbally abuse all the audience that see them."

"The whole of Vulcan went into a month-long meditation after they had played a concert there. It sent them into shock." Data tells us.

"How about a holographic band in one of the holodecks?" suggests Beverly.

"I don't think that would work." answers Geordi, "It's like good food; the people will want the real thing, rather than a replica."

"Well," Riker imforms us all, "We either employ The Dregs Of Society or The New Year's Eve party is cancelled."

I check with everyone else, who each think the event is necessary for crew morale.

"In that case, Commander Riker," I reluctantly say, "Contact Dan Dreg and tell him we want his band to play on the Enterprise on that date."

"Yes, sir."

As the others file out of the Briefing Room, I ask Worf to stay behind for a moment.

"Mr Worf," I tell him, "Make sure your Security team are on standby while the evening is going on, and keep the Brig ready for use. I've a feeling it may be in use that night, and who it's first occupants of the New Year are likely to be."

Back On The Enterprise

The crew have all now returned to the Enterprise after their Christmas break.

It was clearly a mistake going to the Captain's Conference on Vulcan. Who was the idiot who decided to hold the event there? After all, it's not exactly a fun place.

I was waiting for the dinner to start.

"Where are the party hats?" I asked the large Vulcan official, named Shrak. "What games will there be after dinner?"

"Vulcan does not believe in those sort of things." Shrak said coldly, "We supressed those emotions many years ago. Instead, you shall have a bare morsel and then talk about Federation matters."

The whole thing sounded like a politically correct office party that went on in the early 21st Century.

All of the Captains were relieved when it was all over, and we could return to the starships.

The systems were all re-activated, and the EMH carries on speaking; it wasn't exactly flattering to me.

"What happened?" he asks.

"We've switched you back on; it's after Christmas."

"Well that's typical!" he complains, "You switch me off and on whenevner you feel like it. I miss all the interesting things that go on."

Yes, like my trip to Vulcan, I thought.

Data and Jennifer Baxter are back from their trip to the Vega Gambling Resort. Data is wearing a striped uniform with 'FERENGI JAIL' on the back.

"How did you two get on?" I ask.

"Not too well." replies Jennifer, "The Ferengi soon found out we were using Data's positronic brain as we started winning credits. As the tables were obviously fixed, no one is ever supposed to win anything."

"So what happened next?"

"Data was put in the brig, and I had to use all our spending money to get him out. They added they won't press further charges as long as he doesn't say anything about the fixed tables."

Worf has returned from his trip to the Klingon homeworld. He has a large plaster on his face and a bandaged arm.

"Whatever happened to you, Mr Worf? Were you beaten by a tough Klingon warrior?"

"Er, not exactly, sir." he replies, rather hesitatingly, "If you recall, I mentioned that Alexander was getting his first mekleth as a present for the Klingon tradition of this time. Well, he, er, became very enthusiastic with it, and er, accidentally cut me with it."

I try to stop myself laughing.

"If you'll excuse me, sir. I have to visit SickBay for Skin Regeneration."

Deanna and Riker are back from Betazed. Things were a little strained beween the two of them after they left the planet. Riker tells me that both Deanna and her mother Lwaxana tried the 'high pressure' approach in order to get him to ask Deanna to marry him. Lwaxana was so intense that at one stage, Deanna shouted to Riker, "Don't you think that about my mother!"

It's very difficult to think clearly when both one's girlfriend and her mother are telepaths.

However, they both tell me that in the privacy of the shuttle from Betazed, the two made up from their little dispute.

I wonder what that means?

Geordi had to be carried back to his shuttle on the the planet Travolta, where the Disco-A-Go-Go is situated. Trisha Lewis won the Individual Daily Disco Award for her dancing skills easily, but in the pairs, he could not keep up with Trisha, who seems to have to energy of five normal women.

He is now in the SickBay getting an extra-high dosage Adrenalin boost.

Beverly has returned from her dinner with Wes. She tells me how the kitchen was nearly destroyed of the restaurant they went to.

"Fortunately, Wes was able to save us all." Beverly tells me, "It was lucky that he decided to take a look inside the kitchen. It was only a few moments later, when he started moving the dials around, that the ovens threatened to blow up and cause an explosion big enough to wipe out the resaurant and everybody inside. Fortunately, he switched the system off just in time and everybody was all right."

"Yes, it was very lucky he was there, Beverly."

Anywhere Wesley goes is a cue for instant evacuation.

Now that the crew is back, it will be almost time to visit strange new worlds, and go where no one has gone before.

Haven't I heard that line before?

TWQ: Christmas Presents & Memories

As this is the Season of Goodwill, The Weekend Question (TWQ) looks at presents. Because it is the holiday period, this will extend until the evening of Tuesday 27th, English time.

Though all presents are given with good intentions, what are the best presents and the most pointless Christmas presents you have ever had? What did you do with the ones you didn't have?

Here is my answer:

The best presents I ever had were when I was young. The spirit of Christmas made everything seem wonderful. I looked forward to the many comic annuals that I received and the latest toys and games that I drooled over in the shops. Naturally, my parents had no part in all this, as it was Santa Claus who delivered them all. 'Mouse Trap', 'Lego' etc were all examples of this.
During this time, a friend of my father gave me 'Robinson Crusoe'. This seemed to be a very pointless novel, as I hadn't been asked what sort of things I read. That said, I am now a prolific reader.

Lately, the best Christmas present was a Bose clock radio. This was a top of the range model and a real surprise.

I have never passed on any presents; the only ones that have moved on are clothes that are not quite my size or were not quite my style and changed them for something else.

And now another bonus game to keep you entertained::

I have borrowed this from Craziequeen

WRITE A FICTIONAL REMEMBRANCE FOR THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS

RULES: If your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL CHRISTMAS MEMORY of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

And, if you feel like it, when you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) with the memories people create....(isn't this fun?)


Now it's over to you...

I wish all visitors a Happy Christmas and prosperous New Year.

In Space Dock

The Enterprise is in space dock over Earth so that the crew can all go on their shore leave over the Christmas holidays.

Besides that, the ship needs a little renovating, especially Ten Forward. It's looked a mess ever since we had the party. Have you ever tried getting a Klingon Bloodwine stain out off the carpet? The simplest procedure is to buy a new carpet.

The EMH is being switched off for the duration. He particularly objects to this.

"Why can't I enjoy the procedings like everybody else?" he demands.

I try to explain that as the entire ship was been cleaned and checked out, the EMH was part of the programming, and needs to be closed down until it was done.

"After all, a holographic Santa Claus isn't going to visit you." I say with a smile.

This was a mistake, as he clearly doesn't have a sense of humour. Perhaps one ought to be programmed into the EMH?

"Is that supposed to be funny?" he says.

"Err....Computer...deactivate EMH"

He disappears just as he is about to say something I'm glad I didn't hear.

Data is taking Jennifer Baxter to the Vega Gambling Resort, run by the Ferengi. She thinks that with his positronic brain, they may be able to get a massive amount of credits.

I'm a little worried at that; we may find we're at war with the Ferengi when we come back. For a gambler to get so many credits from them is hardly on their Laws of Acquisitions.

Worf is going to the Klingon homeworld. There is a special holiday that takes place there. According to tradition, the great warrior Kahless is supposed to visit all Klingon children and leave a weapon to maim somebody with overnight. He will be going with Alexander. Worf tells me he will be giving him his first mekleth.

Deanna has gone with Riker to Betazed, so they can have dinner with her mother Lwaxana. He wasn't too keen, but has grudgingly gone. Before she left, Deanna said goodbye and looks forward to seeing us again after the holidays. She and Worf spent a long time saying goodbye in his quarters.

Lwaxana asked if I would like to come along, but I said how my Christmas vacation was all set up; at the time, I wasn't sure how, though. I knew Christmas with Lwaxana could be one of the trickiest ways to spend the time.

Trisha Lewis has taken Geordi to the Disco-A-Go-Go complex on the planet Travolta. In there, non-stop disco goes round the clock. There will be lots of Christmas hits like 'Grooving With Santa' and 'Reindeer Rock'

Beverly is having Christmas dinner with Wes. The Academy is closed for the Christmas term, and also so that it can be repaired after all the accidents that have happened there. They have invited me to join them there.

"Wes really wants us to have a super dinner together, and be just like a family" She says.

"I don't think so, Beverly" I regretfully say, "I have to go to the Captains' Christmas Dinner on Vulcan. It may not be the cheeriest place to be, but you know what Starfleet are like if I don't go."

"Perhaps we can have dinner just by ourselves sometimes afterwards." she suggests, with a slight hint.

"Now THAT is a dinner I WOULD look forward to, Bev"

"Have a lovely Christmas Jean-Luc."

"You, too, Beverly." I say, as I get the mistletoe poised.

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And I wish you ALL a wonderful Christmas and a peaceful New Year.