Monday, March 07, 2011

Strong-Armed Britney

"How long has she been a Lieutenant, Deanna?" I ask, while waiting for the newly-promoted Deltan to appear in my Ready Room after being summoned there.

"Just a few days, Captain." the Counselor replies, "I expected Britney to be lax in her new role, but it's turned out quite differently."

"Yes." I comment, "I need to talk to her before things get out of hand."

I hear a knock on the door, and Lieutenant Britney enters.

She is wearing an absurd top hat, blonde wig, pants that look sprayed on, plus huge boots and a very exposed midriff. I see her dress style hasn't changed at all.

"Now then, Lieutentant Britney." I start, somewhat hesitantly, "I've been having a little negative feedback about your new role since you were promoted. It seems that the Ensigns are somewhat afraid of you."

"Who are the ringleaders?" Britney snaps, "I'll throw 'em in the brig!"

"As you've already put most of the Ensigns in the brig." I reply, "It's hard to say."

"Well, now that I'm in Security." Britney explains, "I'm trying to make sure that everything is all right."

"Having an Ensign wash the corridor floors with a mop and a bucket because the top button of their uniform is undone is extremely heavy handed, Lieutenant." comments Deanna, "Even more so throwing another in the brig because they walked out of the turbolift before you did."

"Indeed." I say to the Deltan, "I mean you hardly wear an official Starfleet uniform, do you? Deltans have a freewheeling live and let live philosophy."

"I have dispensation to wear what I like, according to the Deltan-Ferderation Agreement that brought me here." sniffs Britney, who finds a tissue in that hat of hers and has a little cry, "You said you wanted me to live up to my rank. I wanted you to be proud of me so I started cracking down on everyone and......I'M SORRY!"

Lieutenant Britney breaks down in a blubber of tears.

Deanna looks at me and gives Britney a box of tissues.

"Now then, Lieutenant." I tell her, "You just need to ease off and relax. Be more like the woman you were as an Ensign."  I regret saying this right away.  "I mean...just be careful."

"Are you sure?" says Britney.

"Yes." I answer, "Just get all the Ensigns out of the brig and apologise to them. They'll soon forget about it all."

Britney eagerly gets up, takes some chewing gum from inside her top hat and inserts it into her mouth.

"Well, Captain, counselor." he says, "I'll get them released, then head off for some serious necking time with T'Pol. I'll see you around."

After she departs, Deanna and I look at each other.

"I hope we haven't released a monster!" Deanna says in a worried voice.

"No." I replies, "It means that Britney is back!"


Gordon said...

I'd keep the tissues and a large box of hmm 24th century prozac, ibuprofen handy and try not to spill the earl grey ;)

Ellee Seymour said...

She is certainly a wild child. Good luck to you and your fellow crew.

The Curmudgeon said...

Looks like newly minted Lt. Britney will be back in the brig in no time.