Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Walt Springer Show (Part Three)

The last transcript from 'The Walt Springer Show'...



Walt Springer: "Hi folks; welcome back. We are talking to the senior staff from the Starship Enterprise. Let's go to Lieutenant Worf. How do you feel being the only Klingon on board?"

Worf: "Actually, my son Alexander is on there."

WS: "Oh, sure, but being a Klingon, do you think you might not be too popular? After all, our two races never seemed to got on, did they?"

Worf: "Are you trying to cause trouble?"

WS: "No, why would I?"

Worf: "I assure you, Mr Springer, your minions would not be able to protect you if I lost my temper with you!"

Audience: "Ooooooh"

WS: "Ok, Lieutenant, let's not get too hasty. Now then, Commander Riker, how come you've held the same job for so long? Don't you have any career aspirations, or do Starfleet not think you are good enough as a Captain."

Riker: "I'll take a Captain's job when the right one comes along. In the meantime, I'm happy to be the Commander on the flagship vessel of Starfleet."

WS: "Don't you think you'd better get a Captain's job soon, otherwise some might think you'll be err... 'past it?'"

Audience laughs loud.

Riker: "What are you implying? Move on, Springer!"

WS: "Oh yes, sure, Commander. Now we come to Doctor Beverly Crusher and Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Doctor, why don't you tell us all about your relationship with the Captain?"

Audience: "Oooooooh!"

Beverly: "Err...ummm."

Picard: "I don't think that's any of your business, Springer. Doctor Crusher and I refuse to comment any further on our relationship, which is purely professional anyway."

WS: "Well folks, as Jean-Luc & Beverly are keeping quiet about what they get up to, perhaps our last guest can shed some light. Give a big welcome to Cadet Wesley Crusher!"

The audience cheers and Picard puts his face in his hands again.

WS: "Now then, Wes, perhaps you can tell me whether your mom likes Captain Picard? Do they go on dates?"

Wesley: "Oh, sure, Walt. They love going on dates. It takes ages for her to get ready when they do. She's loves those dates. They might even get married someday and the Captain will be my stepfather. It'll be great and I can call him Dad."

Picard winces and Beverly is red-faced; both are glaring at Wes.

WS: "Well, we do have a happy couple here, don't we folks? When will the wedding be, Captain? Will I get an invite? Maybe we could do the wedding right here on the show?"

Audience cheers; Picard gets up and suddenly punches Sringer in the eye. He falls on the floor. All the senior staff applaud and walk off with him.

WS: "That was an interesting ending, wasn't it folks? Just time for my Final Thought. Just remember that in space, no one can hear you say 'Ooops! I shouldn't have pressed that button!' Goodnight, and tune in next week, when we hear from a Bajoran dating agency that have Cardassians on their books. Until then, goodbye."

Audience applauds.


Master Yoda said...

Coming, Springer had it. I think maybe the Dark Side he is.

Jaime H. said...

"Ooops, I shouldn't have pressed that button!"

Oh, Captain, that was great!!!

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I don't think Springer is the Dark Side, I think he's the Moron side, he says and asks the dumbest things. And other morons flock to him like ants to sugar.

Well, good punch Captain, and perhaps you and Wes should have a little talk about what to tell strangers about ones family, esp on TV

The Great Saiyaman said...

Nice punch!

Ciera said...

I agree...splendid punch there Jean-Luc!

Star_Kindler said...

I'd send your good old "son" Wes to an expedition to Jupiter's core. Without installing the necessary equipment for allowing Wes or the ship to survive the journey. Westley can't repair what's not there, right?

If that doesn't work, nominate him for ambassador to the Borg.


A punch in the eye. He must have a black eye by now.

Jen said...

Wes is a dork. Why, why, why didn't they send him away a long time ago?

I'm glad to see that talk shows have mellowed a little in the future, and you didn't use an actual chair on him...

Susanna said...

Oh dear...........some things never change!! Same naff 'team building' and 'relationship building'schemes run by the same dorks..............the future is bright...not!

Professor Xavier said...

I have a feeling that all Wesley is getting for dinner this week will be creamed spinach.

Wedge Antillies said...

Holy Trailer Trash, Batman! That was a very close call. I hope Starfleet appreciates your effort with this type of 'public relations.'

no_average_girl said...

go picard!

WendyWings said...

I agree Wes is a dork ( and he stole my dvd !!ok well Wil did and he is not really Wes but never the less lol)
Michele sent me today :)

Viamarie said...

Ouch!!! That must have really hurt.

Happy weekend!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Wes certainly isn't popular around here!

Trinity13 said...

Haha, I was hoping Wesley would make an appearance!!!

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Ha, ha!!

I see your team members are growing in number!

Just wanted to say hello, and hope all is well,

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