The Walt Springer Show (Part One)

What follows is the transcript for 'The Walt Springer Show' The senior staff of the Enterprise were ordered by Starfleet to take part in this so that it would promote better understanding between the citizens of the Federation and those who were in the starships.

What a farce.....

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The show theme plays and the audience cheers loudly.

Audience: "Walt! Walt! Walt! Walt!"

Walt comes on to rousing applause.

Walt Springer: "Hi folks, it's great to see you again. After last week's story about the bigamist who 'married' a Klingon, a Romulan and a Cardassian without any of the wives knowing about the other, we've got a great group of gusts with us tonight."

Audience: "Oooooh!"

WS: "Tonight, we've got the senior staff from the Federation Starship Enterprise all here!"

Audience: "Oooooooooh!"

The guests beam on to their chairs; the audience applauds.

WS: "Let me introduce Lieutenant Worf, Counselor Troi, Doctor Beverly Crusher, Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge, Lieutenant Commander Data, Commander William Riker and last, but not least, the leader of this merry band, Captain Jean-Luc Picard."

Applause

WS: "Now first of all, Jean-Luc, how do you lead this group of characters?"

Picard: "Mr Springer, I'd prefer it if you'd address me as 'Captain' or 'Captain Picard'.

Audience: "Ooooooooh!"

WS (turning to the audience): "Wow, folks, it looks like we're in for some Starfleet official protocol here. I'd better watch what I say, or I'll get thrown in the Enterprise brig!"

Audience laughs hysterically.

WS: "Ok, I'll ask Mr La Forge...er is that ok?"

La Forge: "You can call me Geordi."

WS: "That's great; you have really cool shades there, Geordi. Does it attract the girls on the Enterprise?"

La Forge: "I'm blind, you idiot!"

WS: "Woops, folks, the Political Correctness Manager at the station will get me for that one. We'll have so many letters."

Audience laughs.

WS: "Now then, Geordi, you are the Chief Engineer on the Enterprise. I've heard from reliable sources that the Warp Core has broken down a few times. You haven't been buying components on the cheap, have you?"

La Forge: "How did you find that....I mean that's simply not true. All the components on the Enterprise are of the finest quality. It's only through the amount of travel it does that makes it wear down a little."

WS: "Err..yeah, sure!" (he looks at audience, who laugh with him)

WS: "Now, Geordi, on the video screen, we've got a special guest, it's your girlfriend, Trisha Lewis!"

Trisha: "Hi Geordi! Hi Walt! Hi everybody!"

Picard puts his head in his hands and groans

WS: "Now, Trisha, how did you and Geordi meet?"

Trisha: "Through a dating agency, Walt."

WS: "How is your relationship now, Trisha?"

Trisha: "Oh, great, we love each other to bits, don't we Geordi, honey?"

La Forge: "Er...yes, sure, Trish."

WS: "Thanks Trisha, and goodbye."

The screen fades as Trisha waves at the audience.

WS: "That's all for now folks. Be sure to join me after the break, when I'll be talking to more of the Enterprise crew."

Applause