Thursday, March 30, 2006

A Far Distance

Today is not our day; we have been flung to the far corner of the universe.

It's not like we did a while ago; this is a different part; in fact it's so far out, the expanding universe is just about here.

Don't expect too many Starbases to turn up around here.

It all started when we offended this race of creatures called the Zarn. Mistakenly I called him 'Commander' instead of 'Captain' Because the Zarn take offence easily, they used a strange device on boaed to fly us to this position in a few seconds.

It sure beats warp speed.

"Which way is it back" asks Riker.

"Scanners have no action on that, Commander" reples Data.

That is Data-speak for "I haven't the remotest idea, come up with something useful."

"Ideas anyone? I ask them all. This is Picard-speak for "I haven't the remotest idea, come up with something useful.

"We could just travel home" says Worf.

"That would probably take 500 years, Lieutenant" Data tells him. "I would be the only one left on the ship when we got home."

"Maybe I could get the engines to go a little faster" suggests Geordi.

"What would that do, Mr La Forge?" I tell him, "Get us home in 490 years instead?"

He thinks for a while and remains silent.

"Could we contact the Zarn and apologise?" asks Deanna, "They might bring us back the way they brought us if we do"

"We can't communicate with anyone where we are, Counselor!"

Deanna stays quiet as well.

"Maybe we can find a Class M planet and all stay there for good? suggests Beverly, "We can create a whole community with the many people we have here."

I think she was making eyes at me there.

"Though it's realistic, Doctor" I tell her, "The universe is only forming here, and there will me no Class M planets for a long while."

"BEGONE!" a mysterious voice suddenly calls out, "GO FROM THIS PLACE!"

I tell the voice who we are, in the usual Starfleet drivel we have to learn. The voice takes no notice.


It's like talking to a titanium wall.


"If you send us there, we shall go." I tell the voice.

"VERY WELL!" the voice says.

The Enterprise shoots back and at a few seconds, we are at the point we were.

"Everything is just as it was." Data informs us.

"That's great" says Geordi.

"Captain, try not to offend the Zarn again" Riker says quietly to me, "Travelling long distance in short times doesn't agree with me."


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

But from where or who did the booming voice come from? Aren't you supposed to seek out new something and new something or other? Is it some omnipotent beyonder or just some punk kid with a bullhorn?

Ah well, at least you're back home.

PS, do you think the butler did it?

Gyrobo said...

Good thing you caught Q after a rough night.

Or was that the traveller? Perhaps the Organians.

The important thing is that you managed to escape back into the Alpha Quadrant. Or wherever it is your ship was. Myself, I'm located firmly in the sub-Alpha Quadrant, which puts me at zero degrees latitude and longitude. All things being equal, of course.

Jana said...

Phew! For a minute I thought you were going to have to ask Q for a favor, and we all know what he's like when you owe him one.

Vampirella said...

jana beat me to it lol I gues great minds think alike

no_average_girl said...

yeah, Q was looking like the only option...who knows, may it was him after all - and he'll appear demanding you repay him? good luck, captain!

whoever it was, i'd make sure i get on good terms with them!

Professor Xavier said...

So basically your just offending everyone all over the universe? I've had plenty of days where it seemed that was all I was doing. At least you're back home.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Perhaps Riker needs to try a diet with fewer donuts.

Jaime H. said...

And I was so looking forward to seeing Q show up again!

So was this one of his distant cousins? One with xenophobia (or maybe just a petulant need for solitute)?


Jean-Luc Picard said...

I don't think I'd be too keen on finding out who that booming voice was. Some things are best left alone!

Captain Berk said...

I think you might find that it was the great creator: Roddenberry.

Someone told me that he is the almighty lord who made all that we travel within.

He doesn't like visitors apparently.


What in the world happened? Why were you all suddenly flung to the other side?

Jabafatboy said...

That device that the zarn used was simply a canister with compressed gas from mastafarian moose mex inside.

when you were moving at that speed did ya hear a faint
( phbbbbbbbtttttt )

Shelley said...

I just bet Beverly was making eyes at you....but that's nothing new!

Lori said...

I bet Beverly was planning on MAKING a whole new community with YOU!!!...LOL

Have a great day!!!!

Nic said...

I actually have to agree with Captain Berk on this one. Are they ice skating in hades yet?

Ciera said...

At least you got back in one piece, right?

Trinity13 said...

I'm sure "travelling long distance in short times" doesn't agree with Riker...he has had too many doughnuts!!!

Gentleman-hobbs said...

We were never too far from civilisation although there was no starbases there was a blasted starbucks.

craziequeen said...

"Travelling long distance in short times doesn't agree with me."
Hope Riker cleaned his own barf-bucket! What a wuss.....

So - who was the BOOMING voice? :-)


Nettie said...

Starbases? Are they like Starbucks?

Professor Xavier said...

If they are then they shouldn't have any trouble finding one. Those things are everywhere!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Actually, coffee is sold at all Starbases under the Starfleetbucks franchise.

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