Talent Night

It's Talent Night.

The crew are gathered to see the senior staff make fools of themselves entertain them.

First up is Worf. He's here to sing a Klingon ballad.

"Kahless walks the desert plains,
In pursuit of his only love.
Through fire and storms,
The river torrents,
Help will come from far above.

Shine on me in my lonesome quest,
Let my journey succeed to set her free.
Through the perils,
The dangerous waters,
May my love be there for me."

There are a few half-hearted claps as Worf files off.

Deanna comes in and does a mind-reading act.

She makes a mess of it as she is wearing a revealing stage outfit. She can't mention the only think a lot of the crew are thinking about.

She gets a lot of cheers from the male members of the audience, while the women don't do anything.

Riker is on next. He fronts a band with his trombone. It tends to go flat a few times.

A few more half-hearted ripples of applause.

Data comes on and does a comedy act.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?."

Picard: There are four lights!

Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.

Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!

Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion- propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.

Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.

Worf: KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...

Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!

Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.

The crew have a good laugh.

I think I need to have a talk with Mr Data; his sense of humour chip is defective again.

Beverly is next. She does a tap dancing session with a top hat, tails and stick; she almost falls over a couple of times but staggers on until the end.

She limps off to muted applause.

Geordi is next up. He sings with a band the latest record 'Federation Boogie'.

Everyone likes that one.

Now it's my turn. All the staff turn to look at me.

Wearing a tuxedo, I get the microphone and start singing....a song from the 20th Century...'Dancing With The Captain'.

Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do
It was full steam ahead

Destination unknown

I asked our position
The crew didn't know
They were all jiggin' up in the riggin'
'Cos the captain loves to rock and roll

I looked out to sea
there was no land in sight
The ship kept on sailin' right into the night
Ev'ryone cheerin' nobody steerin'
But we seemed to be doin' all right

Ev'rybody was dancing with the captain
Ev'rybody was dancing with the captain
Just look at them dancing with the captain
Well we all had fun the whole night long
And the ship sailed on

Pretty soon the captain was out of control
He said "This here's the plaice if you go the sole"
Keep on cruisin' let's have the music
Your captain loves to rock and roll

Ev'rybody was dancing with the captain

There was raptuous applause.

I think the morale was raised!