The day I dislike most in the whole year is here again.
It's Captain Picard Day.
This is the time when all the children on the ship enter some artistic competition and I have to be the judge. I choose a winner, a runner up and four honourable mentions.
Riker loves this time; he gets a good laugh at seeing me squirm. He knows I'm uncomfortable with children. Every year it's a disaster.
Firstly I have to go to SickBay and talk to Beverley. I need to get over the stress the occasion gives me.
"Jean-Luc", she says, "It's a great occasion for the children; here's a tranquilliser. Just keep smiling and it will be all over soon."
I take two of them.
Deanna Troi corners me on the way to Ten Forward, where the event is being held.
"Isn't Captain's Day a wonderful idea. They all see you as a great role model."
I tell her that I'm not to good around children.
"Well, this is an occasion where you can learn to be be more friendly towards them. Just relax, smile, and enjoy it."
Some help she is.
I arrive at Ten Forward. A group of about eight surly children are waiting to be judged.
The entries are awful. There's a clay model of me with an oversize head. That one won't win.
I see a painting that is just a mess of colours.
"Err...what's that?" I ask.
"It's the Enterprise" says one small boy. "Can't you tell? I thought you were supposed to be the Captain."
"Well that man looks more like a Captain."
He points to Riker, who grins.
Eventually, I choose the least worst entry as the winner; it's a slightly viewable painting by a little girl named Cathy. Two of the other entrants start crying, and are escorted away by their mothers.
As I present the prize, Cathy is sick over my uniform.
I'm instigating a Riker Day to take place soon.