Sunday, May 15, 2005

Captain Picard Day

The day I dislike most in the whole year is here again.

It's Captain Picard Day.

This is the time when all the children on the ship enter some artistic competition and I have to be the judge. I choose a winner, a runner up and four honourable mentions.

Riker loves this time; he gets a good laugh at seeing me squirm. He knows I'm uncomfortable with children. Every year it's a disaster.

Firstly I have to go to SickBay and talk to Beverley. I need to get over the stress the occasion gives me.

"Jean-Luc", she says, "It's a great occasion for the children; here's a tranquilliser. Just keep smiling and it will be all over soon."

I take two of them.

Deanna Troi corners me on the way to Ten Forward, where the event is being held.

"Isn't Captain's Day a wonderful idea. They all see you as a great role model."

I tell her that I'm not to good around children.

"Well, this is an occasion where you can learn to be be more friendly towards them. Just relax, smile, and enjoy it."

Some help she is.

I arrive at Ten Forward. A group of about eight surly children are waiting to be judged.

The entries are awful. There's a clay model of me with an oversize head. That one won't win.

I see a painting that is just a mess of colours.

"Err...what's that?" I ask.

"It's the Enterprise" says one small boy. "Can't you tell? I thought you were supposed to be the Captain."

"I am"

"Well that man looks more like a Captain."

He points to Riker, who grins.

Eventually, I choose the least worst entry as the winner; it's a slightly viewable painting by a little girl named Cathy. Two of the other entrants start crying, and are escorted away by their mothers.

As I present the prize, Cathy is sick over my uniform.

I'm instigating a Riker Day to take place soon.

10 comments:

Master Yoda said...

Happy Captain Picard day to you!

Sometimes, sick on my Jedi robe little Padawans get. To get it out, Tide w/Extra Whitening Action I use. Though some stains, get out only the Force can.

Jamie Dawn said...

Too bad you can't enjoy YOUR day. Kids just need you to play a bit with them and make them laugh. Ask Riker to teach you the Pull My Finger joke. You'll be a hit next time and you'll feel better too.

Angel (Superhero) said...

I am used to kids being sick on me. I remember one time when I took my two to the park and they kept perstering me to push them on the roundabout. Unfortunately, I underestimated my own strength and nearly pushed them into orbit.

Thanks for visiting me btw. I will be back often.

Love Angel xxx

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Jean-Luc Picard said...

Master Yoda, replicated Starfleet Persil does the job better. Your comment had sdome problems with our Universal Translator, though.

Jamie Dawn, that is good advice about the Pull My Finger Joke.

Angel, it's reassuring to the Enterprise that you will be therer in times of need.

Turboslut, thanks for the offer. I'll see what Starfllet headquaters say.

Maggie said...

Dear Captain Picard, I am so happy to have found your blog. I watch your official log daily on Sky TV, and it's good to know that you also are a member of the Blogging Community.

Pardon me for asking, but I'm wondering if you might have a spare replicator? It would make cooking so much easier.

Also, when will Transporters become available for the domestic market, do you know? I have back problems and find car journeys extremely difficult. If I could just beam myself off to Wales instead of driving (well, being driven) I could look after my plants there so much better, and get back home to look after my plants in Liverpool too. I am a very keen gardener!

I look forward to reading your blog for many years to come, and send you my very best wishes from Liverpool, Home of the Beatles, and European Capital of Culture in 2008.

Nicholas said...

Captain Picard Day is June 16th.

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Anonymous said...

Poor Picard he never had a chance!