TWQ: Christmas Changes

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks how you thinbk Christmas has changed from how it was when you were young.

How has Christmas and the run up to it changed over the years from when you were younger? List as many as you can.

My answers are:

1: Far more secular. So many people are embarrassed to mention it in case it offends minorities.

2: Carol singers in shopping centres are 'moved on' as they get in the way of the shops.

3: Less cards seem to be given out at office and the quality has lessened.

4: The quality of TV programmes are now abysmal on British TV. Instead of all fresh programmes over Christmas, the vast majorirty are repeats, soaps and family Christmas films that no one would watch.

Now it's over to you.....

The Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

No one takes my man away from, me!

The Enterprise Christmas Party had been going well, the usual this and that going on, until the Borg Queen arrived. She has two burly drones with her, who keep me aside while she whisks Jean-Luc on to the dancefloor. He can't do anything about it, and the pair of them have been doing smoochy dances since then.

I have stormed off to my quarters, to get my dress ammunition. Deanna follows me.



"What are you going to do, Bev?" she asks me desperately, "Don't do anything dangerous."

"I'm not going to." I reply, "It's time to break out the Emergency Dress."

"What..you mean...."



"Yes." I say, "If anyone is going to dance with Jean-Luc, it's going to be me."

I free the Emergency Dress from it's wrapping and show it to Deanna. She gasps in amazement.

"Beverly." she comments, when she recovers from the shock, "You can't wear that, It's too short."

"I know," I reply, as I take off my first party outfit and put onthe Emergency Dress "But I'm wearing it all the same."

With it on, I emerge and stride back towards the holographic nightclub. I can tell the crewmen are turning their heads round as they go past.

Finally I walk in and head towards the dancefloor.



The Borg bodyguards look in stunned amazement. Even The Strolling Drones have stopped playing for a few seconds while everyone looks at me.

I walk up to The Borg Queen and Jean-Luc, both who I can tell couldn't believe the outfit I had on. I push the Queen aside and take Jean-Luc in my arms, saying calmly, "Thanks for looking after him, Queenie, I'll be dancing with him from now on."

Queenie has a defeated look on her. I see her say to herself "I can't beat that tonight."

"You must have broken open the Emergency Dress that I've heard so much about." Jean-Luc whispers in my ear as we glide the floor. You look sensational."

I smile as the hours go by. Queenie is forced to dance with Annika who is in her Seven Of Nine consiousness.

The songs the Strolling Bones play from the point I return tend to have a common theme. They play The Mini Skirt Song, Miniskirts In Moscow, Mini Skirts, and also Mascara Miniskirts and Madness.

"I think mini skirts are very much in the Hive Mind right now!" I laugh.

"Merry Christmas, Bev." he says.

"Merry Christmas, Jean-Luc." I answer before we kiss.

The Enterprise Christmas Party (Part One)

"What are THEY doing here." I ask Riker, as the Party is about to begin.

Before Riker can answer, Annika butts in with her Seven Of Nine consiousness.





"The Borg Queen prefers her resident band The Strolling Drones to play in the holographic nightclub, rather than one put together by a computer." she says sniffily.

"Now see here, Seven...." Riker starts to complain.

"It's all right, Will." I tell him, "A live band probably is better, even if they are just Borg drones. If it will keep Queenie placated, then we will go along with it."

The drones set up their instruments. I must say, they look smart in their bow ties and black suits, despite being covered in metal and having an implant over one eye.

------------

Not long after, the guests are starting to pour in. Bev is standing next to me by the piano.



"You look a little tense, Bev." I say to her, "Anything wrong?"

 "No, Jean-Luc." she answers, "I'm just wondering what trick the Borg Queen is going to use to get you away from me so you two can dance all evening."

"Relax, Bev." I tell her, "You and I both have our dance cards full throughout the entire Party...and our names are one each other's"

"Oh, Jean-Luc." see says before kissing me, "You always know what to say."

Worf comes up to me, wearing an evening suit, but still sporting a phaser.

"Excuse me, Captain." he warns me, "I have had warning that the Borg Queen has arrived and will be making her entrance shortly."

"Thank you, Mr Worf." I answer, but before he can say anything, his wife Jadzia Dax whisks him on to the dancefloor where the Okey Cokey is just starting up. Worf looks annoyed at this, and I can lip read his protest to Jadzia that "A Klingon warrior does not do the Okey Cokey!"

Our gay crew officers Lieuternant Britney and T'Pol go over to meet their friends Annette and Amanda, who they met last year. They were the proprieters of the gay bar where the last Enterprise Christmas Party was held.



I do my best not to listen in, but the four of them all talk very loud.

"It's so good to see you two again." Annette says, hugging them, "Thank you for inviting us."

"Well I tried to get the party at your place again, but you-know-who wouldn't let us." Britney answers.

I feel my ears burning at that one.

"The four of us don't get together very often." Amanda adds, "I'm glad you did, "We can get in some serious drinking and dancing done here"

"Absolutely, let's head to the bar." T'Pol comments, "The first round is on us."



"Yeah, what's your favourite?" asks Britney as their voices go out of earshot. Bev nudges me in the ribs as a way of telling me not to eaversdrop.

Suddenly, The Strolling Drones stop their music and play a fanfare of music. Obviously it is to herald the arrival of their leader.

The Borg Queen whisks her way into the holographic nightclub, flanked by two drone guards. She looks around, sees me and heads my way.

The Queen walks up and smiles, ignoring Bev after a cursory greeting and glance. The bodyguards position themselves between me and Bev.





"I'm looking forward to dancing and smooching with you ALL night, Jean-Luc." she quietly says in my ear. As we were lovers when I was assimilated, the Borg Queen has always had designs on me.

"Sorry, Queenie." I answer, "I'm with Bev.".

The Queen looks around, and as Bev is stuck behind the drones, she is not visible. "I see no Bev." Queenie teasingly says, and drags me towards the dancefloor.

While the two of us dance a smoochy number, I see Bev storm off outside, and hear her tell Deanna that she is going to put on an outfit that will put that Queen in the shade.

To be continued.....

TWQ@ Postal & Phone Spam Solutions

We all get postal and phone b(not computer spam) sent to us. TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about solutions.

Do you have any tips on how to lessen the amount iof spam that comers through our door, or the phone scams that happen? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Phone scams:

* Tell a caller to hold on for a moment, then leave them waiting on the phone.

* Talk in a made-up language

Postal scams

*Refuse to accept mail if the mailman brings it in.

* Return it in an unstamped envelope.

* Rip it up.

Now it's over to you

Christmas Party Planning

With the senior staff all gathered in my Ready Room, we are all assembled for the most important meeting of the year. To discuss plans for the Enterprise Christmas Party.

"Would anyone like to put their suggestions to where it should be held this year?" I ask. This is a neat way of passing the buck to the others as I haven't an idea myself.

"Definitely not in a gay bar like we did last year!" Worf gruffly barks out.



"Why not!!" yell out Lieutenant Britney and her girlfriend T'Pol almost together.

"I was approached by a young man named Nigel." answers a reddening Worf, as his wife Jadzia laughs next to him, "He suggested that I go outside and see his phaser gun. Naturally, I declined, but he still occasionally sends me messages."

Somehow, I resist the urge to laugh out loud, and see Annika Hansen is about to stand. I wonder which consiousness is dominating her?



"It must take place in a Borg Cube or at the very least a holographic representation of it ." she answers in her firm Seven voice, "The Borg Queen will expect an invitation, so it is rightful you maker her seem at home, especially as we Borg have extended a truce..."

She stops, sits down and starts talking to herself. It's clear that her Annika consiousness is having a few things to say about her suggestions.

"Can't we just have it in a holographic night club?" Will Riker suggests, "After all, it is the Enterprise Christmas Party. Visitors will just have to accept it the way it is."

"I agree, Will." pipes up Deanna, plus a few other individuals.

"Very well." I decide, "We will have the party on Monday 5th November in a holographic nightclub."

"The Queen will not like this." mumbles Annika in her Seven voice.

"Yes she will, Seven." I retort, "I think the Borg Queen knows how to enjoy a party a lot more than you do. If you don't like it, loosen up and let Annika enjoy it. This will be her first Enterprise Christmas Party."

Seven goes out in a huff.

I'm sure I'm sowing the seeds for more Party disasters.

The Betazoid Conference (Part Four)

Editor's Note:

Apologies again. This should have been in last week. Blogger are playing up.




Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

I've got a bad telepathic feeling about what is happening outside the conference hall.

All of the delegates are in total silence, but the room is still abuzz with speeches, as it is all done telephathically. It's like tuning in to a radio with lots of stations going on at the same time. The trouble is, my mind is tuned to another station outside.

It involves Will Riker and Lynne Shelloi, who was my deadly rival as a teenager. She stole all my boyfriends from me at the time, and looks set to do the same with Will.

Not if I can help it. I shuffle off from the back of the hall just as the delegates are going to have a vote on what will be the Protected Bird of Betazoid, the Woody Wood Pigeon, or the Fanta Orangebird.

Emerging into the daylight, I go towards the pool and find Will is not there. I grab the lifeguard, threatening to throttle him until he tells me he went a walk with a 'blonde girl'.

Using my mind to hone in, I start to get nearer, and feel the voices.

"Do you want to come to my apartment, Will?"

"I really can't, Lynne."

Good. That's saved Will from getting two black eyes at least.

Eventually, I come upon them.



"Ah, there you are, Deanna," smiles Lynne, "I knew you were following us. Your telepathy is pretty good in managing to locate us, despite only being a half Betazoid."





"Stay away from us, Lynne." I warn her, "I'm not that weak Betazoid you used as a doormat when we were teenagers."

"From what I heard about you and men, you had 'Welcome' printed on you, my little doormat!" retorts Lynne.

I blow a fuse, and the two of us go into a catfight, with Will standing a discreet distance away. We pull at each other's hair, then kick and scratch. Eventually, we grapple and roll over. I bash her head against the ground underneath.

I'm about to deal the winning blow...at least I think I am...when three security officers come and separate us. The one in charge tells Lynne and I that we can either both go to jail or be expelled from the planet the conference is held at.

"Well the conference is pretty boring." I decide, "So I'm off. Come on, Will."

Lynne gets up, tends to the scratches on her body and starts to go off to her ship, which is in a different direction.

"Beware, Deanna." she telepathically tells me, "I'll get my hands on Will sometime when you're not around. You'd better keep a close eye on him."

I ignore here warning and march off, holding Will tightly, but with a grain of worry at the back of my mind.

TWQ: New Gadgets You Would Not Buy

TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about new gadgets you would not consider buying.

With the new inventions on the market,  which would you not consider buying and why? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* 3D television (just a passing gimmick)
* e-book (I like the feel of a real book, rather than reading a screen)
* iPad (with a computer and a cell phone, I don't need one.

Now it's over to you...

The Betazoid Conference (Part Three)

Editor's Note:

This was meant to be in last week, but Blogger changed it to draft!





Guest Poster: Will Riker

Deanna has just been rushed into the Betazoid Conference, but warned me before of Lynne Shelloi, a notorious maneater from her teenage years who used to steal all her boyfriends. Lynne has been seen here.

Personally, I think Deanna is overreacting over what happened years ago. Anyway, I'll be wary. Right now I'm going to lounge by the pool.

-------------

I'm now by the sunbed, wearing my shades, outfit, and drinking a pina colada and eating a donut while we all have a good time. It's great to get a chance to catch the rays.

Suddenly, a shadow looms over my body.

"Well, if it isn't Will Riker!"




The alarm bells start ringing as I see the shape, figure and face of Lynne Shelloi. It's like the Enterprise going on to red alert.

"Errr...hello Lynne..." I stutter.

"Now don't be alarmed, Will." she laughs, "I'm not going to ravish you....unless you want me too! Deanna has been spreading a few untruths about me. Her ex-boyfriends used to say that she put therm off her, and came to me instead. Say...do you want a donut?"

My eyes light up when she gives me the donut. "I love them." she tells me, "I can see you do too. I bet Deanna tells you off and says something like they are too fattening. Well I say, you only live once, so enjoy it as much as possible."

I have to agree with her there.

"The Conference will be on for a good few hours yet." Lynne tells me, "Shall we go for a walk around until then?"

"Well...I" I say hesitantly.

"Go on." coaxes Lynne, "You're not shackled to Deanna awaiting her beck and call are you?"

"Certainly not!" I reply indignantly.

"Well, come on then,." Lynne says with a beaming smile, "Let's take that walk."

I get up, and we walk away, Lynne grabbing my hand to hold as we do.

I wonder if I'm doing the right thing?

To be continued after the TWQ......