The Borg Queen's Visit (Part One)

I am resting in my Ready Room, drinking a soothing cup of Earl Grey whilst  reading the latest celebrity news in The Galactic Gazette behind some official papers, in case anyone catches me.

Seven of Nine marches in. One human trait she has yet to learn is how to knock.



"Captain Picard." she states in her usual all-too-serious manner, "You will prepare the Enterprise for a visit from the Borg Queen in two hours. She has a matter that she wishes to discuss with you."

"What does she want, Seven?" I enquire, keen to get myself ready for any potential problems.

"She did not inform me." Seven replies, "I was only instructed to tell you so that you couild get the ship ready."  Seven turns around, as if on a pulley and strides back out again.

I roll my eyes at this. The Borg Queen, when we last met, told me that we were lovers when I was assimilated and becvame Locutus of Borg. Though afterwards, I tried to keep this news from Bev, I eventually confessed to Bev, who told me that she had always known, but erased my short term memory years ago.

I hope it's nothing to do with that. I decide to go to SickBay and tell Bev about the impending visit.

"Queenie's coming for a visit!" I tell her, when we are alone, and she is preparing hyposprays.



Bev turns round quickly.

"What does she want?" Bev asks quickly, "Is she trying to get her claws into you again?"

"I don't know." I say, "Although if it were something like that, I thgink she would be more subtle. You ought to be with me when I greet her."

-----------------

Soon after, the Borg Cube has pulled up alongside us. Bev and I wait at the transporter room for the Borg Queen to appear.

When she does, she first looks elated to see me, then disappointed that Bev is with me.



"Hello, Locutus, hello Beverly" she says to us formally, then talks to me, "I had hoped to talk to you in private, Jean-Luc."

"You may speak to me about anything with beverly here, Queenie." I tell her, " She knows all about our relationship on the Cube."

"Indeed?" the Queen says with a smile, "My, Jean-Luc, you are a sly one.". She then gives me an unsubtle sexy wink with her eye. Bev looks annoyed.

"Look, Queenie." Bev tells her, "What DO you want?"

"The matter does not concern Jean-Luc." she answers, "I've had evidence put to me that Seven of Nine may be visiting Unimatrix Zero when regenerating."

Jadzia & Worf's Honeymoon (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

After the initial difficulty of checking in at the Hotel Amour on the planet Lurrve, Worfie and I about to enjoy our honeymoon. He has told me that tonight, there is no need for me to break his clavicle again, and not to ever tell anyone that I did that, as he would never live it down on the Klingon homeworld.

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After a night of fun that befits a honeymoon couple, the two of us head down to the hotel pool, where I dive in.



"Come in Worfie!" I yell, when I emerge, "Put your swimming trunks on and get in. I'll  race you to the other end."

"Klingon warriors do not put on swimming trunks and frolic around in hotel pools." he replies, stuffily.

"Well take off all your clothes and jump in naked!" I answer quickly, "Loosen up and enjoy yourself!"



"Jadzia!" Worf replies in a shocked voice, "There are people listening!"

"So what!" I reply, "Most of the women around the pool are topless. I think I'll join them"

I undo my swimming costume and start to roll it down...

Worf runs to the nearest chair, grabs a towel and covers me with it. He takes me up to our room, and covers my mouth so that I can't protest.

"What was all that about, Worfie?" I say when we get there, "If I want to lie naked in the sun, I will, and you won't stop me."

"I agree, Jadzia" he says, "But we are one our honeymoon, and I won't want anyone else seeing you the way I will."

I smile.



"Worfie." I tell him, "You can be so stuffy, yet such a romantic as well."

I kiss him.

"Now what was I going to do while down at the pool...?" I teasingly ask.

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Editor's Note: Apologies...this should have been published last|Wednesday

TWQ: Lesser Known Favourite Films

Today, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you to choose a few of your favourite films that are not ones that people choose regularly.

Can you list some of your favourite films that are not regularly chosen by others as ones they like? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* The Mist

* 30 Days Of Night

* Sophie Scholl  (German film)

* Same Time, Next Year

* Pleasantville

* The Others

* Went The Day Well (British film made in 1942 about German inmfiltration in a small village)

Now it's over to you...

Jadzia & Worf's Honeymoon (Part One)

Guest Poster: Worf

Jadzia and I have arrived at the Hotel Amour on the planet Lurrve for our honeymoon. We are both looking forward to it. My shoulder is still aching a little from Jadzia having broken my clavicle on our wedding night. She did not ralise that the man is supposed to break the woman's bone for good luck. 

Still, as long as a clavicle is broken, then that is all right. Both of us go up to the Reception.



"Err...hello." says the weird looking receptionist, as he glares at me, "I'm Alan, what can I do for you?"

Jadzia does her best to stop laughing at the fact that an alien has such a name. Obviously given to him by the hotel, as his real name is probably unpronouncable.

"Well...errr....Alan." giggles Jadzia, "I am Jadzia Dax, and this is my new husband, Worf. We booked the Honeymoon Suite some time ago, so can..."

Alan looks panic stricken and hastily bsays, without looking at the list, "Err....we're full up...go somewhere else."

I am about to go into Klingon Warrior mode, but Jadzia beats me to it.



"Now listen, flatface!" she shouts, pulling him across the reception desk, "My husband and I booked this room through through GlobalWeb Hotel Bookings. I have the receipt right here."

"Yes." Alan replies, "But you did not say that one of the guests would be a Klingon."

"So?" we both ask.

"Well." he explains, "We have had to impose a policy because Klingon guests in the past have got up to raucuous behaviour in the past, and often trashed the rooms."

"If you let us in." I tell him angrily, "I won't trash the hotel room....and I won't tear up the reception, either!"

"Very well." he says reluctantly, "You may stay."

After the two of us have our room keys we head to the elevator.

"Are you sure you won't trash the room, Worfie?" she asks me.

"I won't." I reply, "But after a few bottles of wine, I can see YOU doing it, Jadzia!"

To be continued......

TWQ: Hard To Understand

Today, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks what you find hard to understand.

What problems in life do youi find very hard to understand the solution, or why it happens? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

*A new system computer (I've just had Windows 7)

* A complex television or camera. The books are a real challenge.

* Why celebrities always seem it get off with easier or are let off for crimes that the regular public would be thrown in jail for. 

* Why rich people who declare themselves 'bankrupt' still manage to live in the same lifestyle as before.

Now it's over to you..

Guinan & Beverly In Ten Forward

Guest Poster: Guinan

The wedding ceremony of Jadzia Dax to Worf took place yesterday, and the reception, which was very noisy is over. A Klingon wedding ceremony is like that. Hardly a morning suit occasion. There was a lot of bloodwine flowing. The Captain had his fair share, and now I suspect he's nursing a massive hangover.

Woe betide if there is an alien invasion now.

I'm cleaning the glasses in the bar of Ten Forward during the early morning when Beverly Crusher walks in.

"Hi Bev!" I say, greeting her, "I didn't expect you to be up yet, expecially after last night's party."



"It was an emergency." the doctor tells me, "I was called into SickBay to heal a broken clavicle."

I laugh.

"I should have guessed that would happen." I tell her, "It is supposed to be good luck if the clavicle is broken on a Klingon wedding night. I hope Jadzia was all right and didn't suffer too much."

Beverly smiles at that comment.

"It's not like that at all." she replies, "It's WORF who broken his clavicle. He looked very annoyed, telling Jadzia, who was there with him, that this wasn't the way a wedding night was supposed to happen. Jadzia simply told him that it proves he has a good match for his marriage. Worf quietened down when he saw the logic in this. I'll have and Andorian Ale, please, Guinan."

I get the bottle from the shelf and offer to share it with her. Bev agrees.



"Mmm." I say, "This tastes good"

"I agree, Guinan." Bev answers, "You must have a good year there."

"It is." I answer, looking at the bottle label, "Would you believe it's 2316? The year of the Andorian rainstorms."

"We are lucky." Bev comments, "There aren't many of these bottles left. We need to savour every mouthful. Where did you get the bottle from?"

"I can never name my sources." I tell her with a smile, "Some of them fall of the back of a shuttlecraft, so to speak."

"I know what you mean, Guinan." Bev tells me with a knowing wink, "Din't worry, Jean-Luc will never find out. Even if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't care if class bottles like this keep appearing."

The bottle is now sadly empty, and Beverly puts down the class.

"Well I'd better get back to Sickbay." she tells me, "You never know when Worf and Jadzia might have resumed their wedding night and broken each other's clavicle!"

"Bye Bev." I say, and the doctir staggers slightly out of Ten Forward.

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Editor's Note:

Apologies for there being only one post this week, but I will be away for a couple of days, and I have also had my computer data transferred. I get my new Windows 7 on Thursday, and it may take a while to learn.

TWQ: More Pet Peeves

A while ago, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asked about things that annoy you. As there seemed to be a long list that people had, here's a chance to think of even more.

What are your pet peeves, that really make you mad? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Hype...claims like "the whole country is watching, everybody is talking about." I'm hardly ever in the list, and don't go around talking about.

* Roadsigns that say 'route improvement', when in truth for months ahead the entire road system is up, and we are in endless traffic queues!

* Office reorganisations that say "will make us a leader over our competitors in the markets" when what it actually is is a return to the structure that we had a couple of reorganisations earlier.

Now it's over to you...

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Six)

Bev and I are sitting in the front row in the holodeck, where the Klingon wedding ceremonial building has been programmed.

Worf and Jadzia Dax is standing by the altar, about to be married. The ceremony is being conducted by Deanna Troi, who has that role as she was Worf's former lover.

  

I hand Bev another tissue. She tells me she always cries at weddings. Fortunately, I've got a whole stock stuffed in my pockets.

As Worf have just completed their bat'leth fight, which all have to go through at a Klingon wedding ceremony, we are now ready to get through to the 'main event of the evening', as Riker whispers to me.

"Let's hope Deanna's remembered her Klingon words for the ceremony." Riker whispers, ""She was up all last nght memorising it. I had to give her three chocolate sundaes to help her stay awake."

I turn round, and Deanna is poised, ready to start. I've added the translation fir the benefit of all readers who haven't been to a Klingon wedding before.

"Hovmey So'Ha' bIngDaq Qam SuvwI',  

The warrior stands beneath the naked stars  

poSDaq jaghpu', 

nIHDaq jaghpu'

 Enemies to the left, enemies to the right

	Dat chaHtaH they are everywhere.

SuvtaH SuvwI  The warrior fights continuously.

	batlh Suv nIteb Suv He fights with honor. He fights alone.

SuvlaHchu' 'ach Heghbej He can fight perfectly but he will certainly die

vaj mamuvchuq  thus, we join one another

cha' moj wa'  one becomes two

tuq moj cha'  two becomes a household

mangghom moj tuqmey  houses become armies

wo' chen mangghommey

armies build the empire

Deanna looks relieved after that marathon spell. She turns to Worf.

"Worf....bISawrup'a'?"......"Worf, do you marry her?"

Worf replies "Hija."  "Yes" (did you really need a translation there?")

Deanna then look at Jadzia.

"Jadzia..bInayrup'a'?...."Jadzia, do you marry him?"

Jadzia replies with a "Hija." as well.

Deanna then finds a dagger that she has hidden in some part of that skimpy dress, though I don't see where it was, and continues. Jadzia and Worf stand back as Deanna holds the dagger up high; they both attempt to reach the dagger. As they hold on to it, the dagger comes to waist level.

"bInayrup'a'?  Today, you are un-alone.

	DaHjaj tagh wo'  Today the Empire begins."

The blade is withdrawn, leaving Jadzia and Worf holding hands.

"pItlh.  Finished."

We all standup and shout "QAPLA!", which means 'success'.

The couple pose for the wedding photographs, which will appear in The Galactic Gazette this week.

The wedding is over. We toast the couple by saying the traditional message "May you find a blood worm in your glass.". Personally, I think 'Congratulations." would have been more in order!