Guinan & Beverly In Ten Forward

Guest Poster: Guinan

The wedding ceremony of Jadzia Dax to Worf took place yesterday, and the reception, which was very noisy is over. A Klingon wedding ceremony is like that. Hardly a morning suit occasion. There was a lot of bloodwine flowing. The Captain had his fair share, and now I suspect he's nursing a massive hangover.

Woe betide if there is an alien invasion now.

I'm cleaning the glasses in the bar of Ten Forward during the early morning when Beverly Crusher walks in.

"Hi Bev!" I say, greeting her, "I didn't expect you to be up yet, expecially after last night's party."



"It was an emergency." the doctor tells me, "I was called into SickBay to heal a broken clavicle."

I laugh.

"I should have guessed that would happen." I tell her, "It is supposed to be good luck if the clavicle is broken on a Klingon wedding night. I hope Jadzia was all right and didn't suffer too much."

Beverly smiles at that comment.

"It's not like that at all." she replies, "It's WORF who broken his clavicle. He looked very annoyed, telling Jadzia, who was there with him, that this wasn't the way a wedding night was supposed to happen. Jadzia simply told him that it proves he has a good match for his marriage. Worf quietened down when he saw the logic in this. I'll have and Andorian Ale, please, Guinan."

I get the bottle from the shelf and offer to share it with her. Bev agrees.



"Mmm." I say, "This tastes good"

"I agree, Guinan." Bev answers, "You must have a good year there."

"It is." I answer, looking at the bottle label, "Would you believe it's 2316? The year of the Andorian rainstorms."

"We are lucky." Bev comments, "There aren't many of these bottles left. We need to savour every mouthful. Where did you get the bottle from?"

"I can never name my sources." I tell her with a smile, "Some of them fall of the back of a shuttlecraft, so to speak."

"I know what you mean, Guinan." Bev tells me with a knowing wink, "Din't worry, Jean-Luc will never find out. Even if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't care if class bottles like this keep appearing."

The bottle is now sadly empty, and Beverly puts down the class.

"Well I'd better get back to Sickbay." she tells me, "You never know when Worf and Jadzia might have resumed their wedding night and broken each other's clavicle!"

"Bye Bev." I say, and the doctir staggers slightly out of Ten Forward.

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Editor's Note:

Apologies for there being only one post this week, but I will be away for a couple of days, and I have also had my computer data transferred. I get my new Windows 7 on Thursday, and it may take a while to learn.

TWQ: More Pet Peeves

A while ago, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asked about things that annoy you. As there seemed to be a long list that people had, here's a chance to think of even more.

What are your pet peeves, that really make you mad? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Hype...claims like "the whole country is watching, everybody is talking about." I'm hardly ever in the list, and don't go around talking about.

* Roadsigns that say 'route improvement', when in truth for months ahead the entire road system is up, and we are in endless traffic queues!

* Office reorganisations that say "will make us a leader over our competitors in the markets" when what it actually is is a return to the structure that we had a couple of reorganisations earlier.

Now it's over to you...

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Six)

Bev and I are sitting in the front row in the holodeck, where the Klingon wedding ceremonial building has been programmed.

Worf and Jadzia Dax is standing by the altar, about to be married. The ceremony is being conducted by Deanna Troi, who has that role as she was Worf's former lover.

  

I hand Bev another tissue. She tells me she always cries at weddings. Fortunately, I've got a whole stock stuffed in my pockets.

As Worf have just completed their bat'leth fight, which all have to go through at a Klingon wedding ceremony, we are now ready to get through to the 'main event of the evening', as Riker whispers to me.

"Let's hope Deanna's remembered her Klingon words for the ceremony." Riker whispers, ""She was up all last nght memorising it. I had to give her three chocolate sundaes to help her stay awake."

I turn round, and Deanna is poised, ready to start. I've added the translation fir the benefit of all readers who haven't been to a Klingon wedding before.

"Hovmey So'Ha' bIngDaq Qam SuvwI',  

The warrior stands beneath the naked stars  

poSDaq jaghpu', 

nIHDaq jaghpu'

 Enemies to the left, enemies to the right

	Dat chaHtaH they are everywhere.

SuvtaH SuvwI  The warrior fights continuously.

	batlh Suv nIteb Suv He fights with honor. He fights alone.

SuvlaHchu' 'ach Heghbej He can fight perfectly but he will certainly die

vaj mamuvchuq  thus, we join one another

cha' moj wa'  one becomes two

tuq moj cha'  two becomes a household

mangghom moj tuqmey  houses become armies

wo' chen mangghommey

armies build the empire

Deanna looks relieved after that marathon spell. She turns to Worf.

"Worf....bISawrup'a'?"......"Worf, do you marry her?"

Worf replies "Hija."  "Yes" (did you really need a translation there?")

Deanna then look at Jadzia.

"Jadzia..bInayrup'a'?...."Jadzia, do you marry him?"

Jadzia replies with a "Hija." as well.

Deanna then finds a dagger that she has hidden in some part of that skimpy dress, though I don't see where it was, and continues. Jadzia and Worf stand back as Deanna holds the dagger up high; they both attempt to reach the dagger. As they hold on to it, the dagger comes to waist level.

"bInayrup'a'?  Today, you are un-alone.

	DaHjaj tagh wo'  Today the Empire begins."

The blade is withdrawn, leaving Jadzia and Worf holding hands.

"pItlh.  Finished."

We all standup and shout "QAPLA!", which means 'success'.

The couple pose for the wedding photographs, which will appear in The Galactic Gazette this week.

The wedding is over. We toast the couple by saying the traditional message "May you find a blood worm in your glass.". Personally, I think 'Congratulations." would have been more in order!

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Five)

The crew is all assembled in the holodeck, which haa been programmed to represent a typical Klingon wedding location. Bev is sitting next to me, with a tissue to her eye.

"I love a good wedding, Jean-Luc." she tells me, "I had to get a new hat for this event."

Sitting next to me on the other side is Worf, who is looking anxiously around in his red wedding outfit, awaiting his bride to be, Jadzia Dax, and for the woman who will officiate the wedding, his former lover, Deanna Troi. I have been Worf's Tawi'Yan, which is a kind of Best Man.

A weird form of music, which I can only assume is a build-up to the main event. Bev tells me it is called Hill Of The Skull. A charming title!



Deanna enters in one of her most revealing outfits to officiate the ceremony. A rather cheeky way of telling Worf what he has given up by going with Jadzia. About as subtle as being hit with a lead brick.

"We are here to witness the betrothal of Jadzia Dax to Worf. May the bride step out, please?"

Jadzia comes out in her matching bridal outfit, and momentarily raises an eyebrow when she sees what Deanna is wearing.

Worf gives a smile when he sees the bride, and they both step up to where Deanna is standing.

I then stand up and present the two of them with bat'leths. Worf and Jadzia will now stage a mock battle before the ceremony. Perhaps all humans should do this to save from the battles they have later on in marriage?

They stand ready, and draw their bat'leths.

"There's a betting pool on the Enterprise that says I'm gonna beat you, Worf!" calls out Jadzia, as the two of them parry.

"Jadzia" Worf replies, "This is merely a friendly contest. It is traditional that the male wins, so that he can display his superiority as a warrior to those gathered here."

"The only problem there." Jadzia answers, "Is that I'm a warrior as well.May the best one win!"

The two combat intensely, both determined not to let their honour slip. After ten minutes, each are battlling intensely."

Deanna bravely steps in between them, hoping that one of the bat'leths doesn't chop her in two.

"Wo!!!!" she exclaims, "I think we'll call that part of the ceremony a draw. Let's move on."

"That's why we're well matched." Jadzia tells Worf, "We are both strong warriors."

Worf contemplates this.

"You are correct, Jadzia, "It is why I love you. Now let's continue with the ceremony and get married."

To be continued...

TWQ: Signs That Summer Is Ending

As we begin to enter September, the warmth of summer starts to go. Today on TWQ (the Weekend Question), we look at humourous ways we can tell.

How can  you tell that summer is starting to come to an end? List as many as you wish, and have a warped sense of humour!

My answers are:

* Christmas presents and cards are in the shops.

* You start trying to find where the sweaters are.

* It's too cold to eat an ice cream

* Vacations for next year are in the travel agents.

* You start feeling chilly while you read about celebrities relaxing on the beaches of Barbados, St Lucia etc.

Now it's over to you...

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Four)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

I enter Deanna’s office slowly to find her waiting for me.

“Hello Jadzia!” she says cheerily, “This won’t take long. It’s merely a formality.”

I bet it is. I’m here to be approved by Deanna, a former partner of Worf, to see if I am a suitable marriage partner for him. I’ll have to answer some questions about his family. Although she is officiating, Deanna has the power to cancel the wedding as well.

Will our old rivalry prevent the marriage?

“Sit down, Jadzia” Deanna tells me, “We’re just going to have a little chat about your favourite Klingon, then it will be all systems go for the wedding itself.”

“All right.” I answer tentatively, “Where do we begin?”

“Well.”  She says with a slight smile, “As you’re marrying into Worf’s family, Let’s see what you know about them. Go back ten generations and say who the fathers were.”

I nearly choke on the tea that I was casually drinking.

 “Ten generations!” I exclaim, “Usually it’s only five!”

“Yes.” Answers the Counselor, “But you are getting someone who is worth knowing a lot about.”

I quickly reel off “Worf, son of Mogh” etc until I get to the end. Deanna looks surprised.

“Well done, Jadzia” she says, “You did it all in thirty seconds.”

“That’s because I agree with you.” I reply with a sly smile, “He is a Klingon worth knowing a lot about. I did my homework.”

“Very good.” Deanna tells me, “Do you think you can sing Worf’s favourite battle song?”

“No problemo!” I tell her, and quickly go into a wailing dirge about Kahless, the Plains of Victory. After eighteen verses, Deanna steps in.

“That’s fine, Jadzia.” She tells me, “You can stop now.”

That’s a relief, as it was giving me a headache, and I would have had to start humming by the time I got to verse 20.

"You've really exceeded my expectations." Deanna tells me. She gets up and hugs me.

"See you at the wedding, Jadzia." she laughs, "I give you and Worf my blessings, and shall be happy to officiate at the ceremony."

I go out, feeling very pleased, and happy that I studied the book Everything You Need To Know About Klingons.

The wedding takes place after the TWQ...

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Three)

All the men of the Senior Staff are now in the holodeck. It has been programmed to look like a cave. What will be taking place is the Kal'Hayah, which is a sort of pre-wedding Klingon event that all males have to do. It's a sort of last hour of freedom boozathon. As Worf is getting married to Jadzia Dax shortly, we are all here to take part. I'm hosting the event, as I'm Worf's Tawi'Yan, which kind of means Best Man.

------------

We are all sitting round a fire, the effects of the Klingon bloodwine are already getting to us,



"So, Worf." asks Geordi, "What do you think about Deanna having to conduct the ceremony because she is a previous girlfriend of yours? That's a real laugh."

"It is merely part of Klingon tradition, Commander." replies Worf stuffily, "I am honoured that the Counselor will be officiating the ceremony."

"I wonder what Jadzia think?" Riker comments, "I know both Deanna and Jadzia have had some catfights in the past."

"That is history." Worf tells us, "Although Jadzia and Deanna have had their disagreements, they have made up, and each have settled down."

"It'll open up a few old wounds." laughs Geordi, "I'll bet Deanna is laughing at the thought that she has to approve the marriage and then actually conduct it."



"The Counselor did seem in remarkably good humour before we came into the holodeck." Data tells us, "she was saying to herself "will I or won't I?" as I passed her."

Worf looks glum and takes a large swig of Klingon Bloodwine.

"Relax, Mr Worf" I say to him, "I believe Deanna was just teasing with you to make you seem a little nervous."

"I agree, Worf." Riker chips in, "She's just having a little fun at your expense, now what about the mock battle you and Jadzia will do with the bat'leths before the wedding?"



"I discussed this with her a short time ago." Worf says in an annoyed tone, "Jadzia tells me that she will go easy with me."

Everybody laughs.

"I told her that it will be ME that goes easy with her." Worf continues, "She then tells me that it looks like we've got a real competition going. This is nonsense. I cannot be defeated by my bride with a bat'leth!"

"Relax, Mr Worf." I tell him, "Enjoy your last few hours as a single Klingon."

We all drink lots more bloodwine until we eventually stagger out of the holodeck with massive hangovers....except Data, who has to prop us all up.

To be continued....

TWQ: What Makes You Smile?

TWQ (the Weekend Question) is asking this week about what brings a smile to your face.

What makes you smile? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Waking up later because it's Saturday or Sunday

* Watching a favourite movie

* Seeing or hearing from a friend I haven't seen for a while

* Listening to a favourite song

Now it's over to you...