Sunday, November 27, 2005

Santa Claus On The Enterprise

At the moment, I am putting on a red suit and a white beard, having already inserted a large cushion under the suit. Riker is with me, with a smile on his face.

"I don't see why I have to dress up, Number One" I protest, "After all, Santa's Cave will be created on the holodeck. Why can't we have a holographic Santa?"

"It's not the same thing, Captain." replies Riker, "The children are smart and know what is real and what is a hologram." They expect a real person to do it.

Somehow I suspect that Riker is only saying that because he has sadistic tendancies and likes to see me in these sort of situations.

I walk in my Santa suit to Holodeck 2, where the Cave program has been set up.

"Picard SantaCave3; start program."


The doors open and we enter enter a magical cave full of sparkling magical things. Elves are working away, and through a slit, we see a cottage, together with reindeer in the stables.

Riker and I carry on to another section, where I see a giant chair; presents are strewn all around.

"Now that you are here, I'll tell Deanna to let the first of the children through. She's the head Elf."

Riker leaves; I'm sure I hear a laugh from the direction he has gone.

I sit myself down on a really hard stone chair. That cushion I put for my stomach might be better used on the chair."

The first little horror is about to come in.

Deanna, all dressed in her Elf outfit comes in, holding the hand of a little five year old. She hides behind Deanna.

"She's a little shy, Capt...I mean Santa." says Deanna, "This is Felicity."

"Ho ho ho!, little girl" I say, "Don't be afraid; come to Santa and tell me what you want for Christmas."

Felicity approaches me, and haltingly starts to tell me what she wants.

Then she is sick over my red outfit.

Deanna quickly leads Felicity away, who is crying. I have to get cleaned up before the next one comes in.

She returns soon with the next child, who is about six; he has a truculant face.

"This is Malcolm" announces Deanna.

Malcolm marches up with a look of determination.

"Now here's the deal, Captain." he tells me, "You will provide me with all the items that I want with the replicators, or else I tell the others that you are not Santa Claus, but are merely Captain Picard, and that the Head Elf is Deanna Troi. Got it?"

"Er...yes, Malcolm."

He runs through the items, that generally are fighting weapons from various races, especially the Klingons, and also devices of high intellectual skill."

"A pleasure to do business with you, Captain!" says Malcolm, as he leaves the Cave.

I wonder if he is related to the Ferengi? His ears did seem a little large.

That boy will go far.

Deanna brings in another little girl, who has a ponytail and is clinching a doll.

"This is Melody." she tells me.

"Hello, Melody!" I say in my booming Santa-type voice, "And what can Santa get for you?"

"Hello Santa" she says, as she unfurls a list, "I'd like a Barbie Counselor, a Barbie Doctor, a Barbie Commander, a Barbie Captain, a Klingon Barbie, a Romulan Barbie, a BorgDrone Barbie, a BorgQueen Barbie, a Bajoran Barbie, a Cardassian Barbie..."

Melody carries on for about ten minutes, then hands her list to Deanna.

After Melody has left I tell Deanna, "Do you think the replicators can take the strain?"

The children pass by one after the other; the stone chair is beginning to feel very hard!

Eventually Riker comes in, still with that grin.

"Richard was the last one, Captain. That's your duty as Santa done for another year."

He goes off, holding the Head Elf's hand.

A battle with the Borg seems so much easier than being Santa!


Nic said...

LOLOL! What a great post. Definitely brought a smile to my face. :) Can't wait to start reading the entries for the party!

craziequeen said...

'The doors open and we enter enter a magical cave full of sparkling magical things.'

sounds - magical :-)


Better Safe Than Sorry said...

aren't kids precious!!!

nobody said...

Oh, I want a BorgQueen Barbie and a My Size BorgQueen Barbie!

Gee whiz, the first kid to come in gets sick on your suit?

Running2Ks said...

LOL, that Barbie sure gets around. Was the suit cleanable? I'd imagine it was pretty ripe smelling ;)

natasha said...

In his later years, Riker developed quite the paunch ... Would've thought that'd make him better suited to the Santa gig.

natasha said...

Haha. No pun intended, of course. ;)

M. C. Pearson said...

I also want a Barbie Enterprise, a Barbie Voyager, a Ken Vucan doll, and an instant make-up Barbie head with detachable alien features.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

A holographic Santa, or a psychodelic one, even better, would be marvelous ideas!

poopie said...

I'll take a Poopster barbie please ;) Lovely place you have here...I'll be back!

Shelley said...

This was great! Nothing makes christmas more special than a little barforama. Usually it's New Year's that happens tho...

I think you would look cute with the Santa costume! Take a pic!

Hee hee

Private Hudson said...

I think you know what I want for Christmas, Santa. All the rounds of 10x24-mm explosive-tipped caseless ammunition that I could ever need.

dddragon said...

My two daughters want phasers to melt the Barbies with. What about an Andorian Barbie?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Santa wants to know if you all deserve these presents?

Professor Xavier said...

That is a sad day when you'd rather battle the Borg rather than do whatever it is you have to do!

Ciera said...

Drats. Sounds like a bad time around for all involved...except that Riker character. He has a beard, next time have him do it.

Anonymous said...

Jean Luc! I finally found your blog! I'm such a huge fan Captain. I hope you won't mind, but I took the liberty of campaigning for you as the next US President. :)


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I would like to see Deanna in her elf costume.


Dante said...

dunno if you have seen this before or not.

it is most excellent.

Captain Berk said...

Try dressing as santa to intimidate the borg.

Send me one of those barbies.

life size, preferably.

Jana said...

Mmm, something about a man in a Santa suit...

InterstellarLass said...

I always feel sorry for the Santas. Unless they're jerks. One year our Santa wouldn't even smile! That's their job!

dddragon said...

One nice thing about Santas is finding out what's underneath all that costume ...

Mike J. said...

Can I just get an autographed picture of Deanna in the elf costume?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Sorry to not respond, but broadband went down for three days and I have been cut off from the world.

Anonymous said...

Very foonny. Muahahahahahahahahahahahaah. sorry summer heats taking its toll.

Anonymous said...

豆豆聊天室 aio交友愛情館 2008真情寫真 2009真情寫真 aa片免費看 捷克論壇 微風論壇 大眾論壇 plus論壇 080視訊聊天室 情色視訊交友90739 美女交友-成人聊天室 色情小說 做愛成人圖片區 豆豆色情聊天室 080豆豆聊天室 小辣妹影音交友網 台中情人聊天室 桃園星願聊天室 高雄網友聊天室 新中台灣聊天室 中部網友聊天室 嘉義之光聊天室 基隆海岸聊天室 中壢網友聊天室 南台灣聊天室 南部聊坊聊天室 台南不夜城聊天室 南部網友聊天室 屏東網友聊天室 台南網友聊天室 屏東聊坊聊天室 雲林網友聊天室 大學生BBS聊天室 網路學院聊天室 屏東夜語聊天室 孤男寡女聊天室 一網情深聊天室 心靈饗宴聊天室 流星花園聊天室 食色男女色情聊天室 真愛宣言交友聊天室 情人皇朝聊天室 上班族成人聊天室 上班族f1影音視訊聊天室 哈雷視訊聊天室 080影音視訊聊天室 38不夜城聊天室 援交聊天室080 080哈啦聊天室 台北已婚聊天室 已婚廣場聊天室 夢幻家族聊天室 摸摸扣扣同學會聊天室 520情色聊天室 QQ成人交友聊天室 免費視訊網愛聊天室 愛情公寓免費聊天室 拉子性愛聊天室 柔情網友聊天室 哈啦影音交友網 哈啦影音視訊聊天室 櫻井莉亞三點全露寫真集 123上班族聊天室 尋夢園上班族聊天室 成人聊天室上班族 080上班族聊天室 6k聊天室 粉紅豆豆聊天室 080豆豆聊天網 新豆豆聊天室 080聊天室 免費音樂試聽 流行音樂試聽 免費aa片試看A片 免費a長片線上看 色情貼影片 免費a長片 本土成人貼圖站 大台灣情色網 台灣男人幫論壇 A圖網 嘟嘟成人電影網 火辣春夢貼圖網 情色貼圖俱樂部 台灣成人電影 絲襪美腿樂園 18美女貼圖區 柔情聊天網 707網愛聊天室聯盟 台北69色情貼圖區 38女孩情色網 台灣映像館 波波成人情色網站 美女成人貼圖區 無碼貼圖力量 色妹妹性愛貼圖區 日本女優貼圖網 日本美少女貼圖區 亞洲風暴情色貼圖網 哈啦聊天室 美少女自拍貼圖 辣妹成人情色網 台北女孩情色網 辣手貼圖情色網 AV無碼女優影片 男女情色寫真貼圖 a片天使俱樂部 萍水相逢遊戲區 平水相逢遊戲區 免費視訊交友90739 免費視訊聊天 辣妹視訊 - 影音聊天網 080視訊聊天室 日本美女肛交 美女工廠貼圖區 百分百貼圖區 亞洲成人電影情色網 台灣本土自拍貼圖網 麻辣貼圖情色網 好色客成人圖片貼圖區 711成人AV貼圖區 台灣美女貼圖區 筱萱成人論壇 咪咪情色貼圖區 momokoko同學會視訊 kk272視訊 情色文學小站 成人情色貼圖區 嘟嘟成人網 嘟嘟情人色網 - 貼圖區 免費色情a片下載 台灣情色論壇 成人影片分享 免費視訊聊天區 微風 成人 論壇 kiss文學區 taiwankiss文學區

Arron said...

The thing you're writing is a big blunder.
Calgary airport | first time home buyer | leopard flats