I've woken up in this gorgeous place.
Where is that girl I was with last night? Yeoman um.....never mind.
Suddenly I take a look in a mirror. I'm this old guy with a serious hair deficit.
That will damage my standing with the female crew members and aliens who happen to take a shine to me.
Looking at the computer, everything seems so futuristic. The computer tells me I am in the 24th Century on the Enterprise D and that my name is Jean-Luc Picard.
This ship has things like replicators, holodecks, and a large bar for relaxation. I would say serious comfort is ahead.
I'll even live with the bald head if I stay here. Perhaps I should wear a toupee?
I wonder who this week's love interest is for Picard?
The outfits aren't cheap looking, and look rather smart; I put one on and head for the Bridge.
What a snazzy looking starship!
What puzzles is why aren't the women walking around in miniskirts? Why isn't this Enterprise decorated in loud colours?
I even see children walking about. What are they doing here, when we should be blowing Klingon spaceships up?
I get to the Bridge; what is the first thing I see? A Klingon!
Are they taking over? Is there an invasion?
He has a Starfleet uniform on, so he must be a crewmember. I tell you one thing, I'm not turning my back on him for a minute when he is in the same room.
I sit down in my down in my extra-comfy chair. A guy with a beard sits next to me. He must be 'Riker', who the computer said is my second in command.
A gorgeous dark-haired babe comes in. I talk to her quietly.
"Are you my love interest for this week?"
"Sorry. Captain, what did you say?" she asks with a red face. Obviously not.
"Err... I said I've lost my gloves earlier this week" I hurriedly say.
She looks at Riker and points in my direction.
A weird looking guy comes up to me; judging by his rank, he must be Commander Data. He looks almost like a robot. Surely he can't be.
"We are approaching Sector 17, Captain." he informs me.
"Are you all right, Captain?" says the dark haired woman. "Perhaps you need to see Dr Crusher; perhaps she can help you if you have one of your headaches."
Another woman? Well, let's see what she looks like.
As I leave the Bridge a man comes in wearing a visor.
"Cool shades." I say to him.
He looks puzzled.
I enter the SickBay to be greeted by a lovely red-headed babe.
"Hello Jean-Luc" she says, "What's the problem?"
"Dr Crusher...? I ask. She is a definate improvement on Bones McCoy.
"You know you can call me 'Beverly' in here."
"You must be this week's love interest." I say.
"Sorry, Jean-Luc, I must have misheard that."
I am about to go forward to give her a kiss, which she seems very keen on receiving, when my Com badge signals.
"Riker here, Captain; we need you on the Bridge."
Why are these things always happening?
Back on the Bridge, Riker tells me an alien ship of unknown origin is approaching."
"Destroy it with a full spread of photon torpedoes." I say with my usual Kirk-in-action voice, when hostile forces approach.
Everyone looks round in amazement.
"Shouldn't we talk to them first, sir?" asks Riker, "They might be a peaceful race just passing through."
"I like to shoot them first, then ask questions later."
"We're a peaceful ship, sir, we don't want to blow everything up we see."
What an odd way of travelling through space.
We eventually talk to the aliens and establish diplomatic relations.
Things sure are different here in the 24th Century.
I wonder how Picard is faring with Bones & Spock?