I've woken up this morning in a strange place.
The room is much smaller, and everything looks eather primative, although I have noticed that I'm still on a starship.
I feel my head; I have hair! That hasn't happened for a long time.
When I look over at the mirror, I don't see Picard, but somebody else.
Captain James T Kirk.
For some reason, I'm on the Enterprise of the 23rd Century. This tells me that today could be rather a problem.
A young lady walks in to my quarters. She has long blonde hair, an old-style Starfleet uniform that consisted of mini-skirts and red tops for all women.
"Who are you?" I inquire.
"So it's true." she tells me, "You DO always forget your women once you have been with them. I happen to be Yeoman Cressida, your love interest for this week. I started on the Enterprise two days ago and within ten minutes you were charming me. You said at the time to yourself that you were getting slow at chatting them up."
Perhaps the crew can help me out and somehow get me sent forward again to the 24th Century. Mr Spock was always the clever one in this crew.
I head for the Bridge. The crew is dressed in ridiculously cheap looking uniforms. One would think Starfleet were on a budget then.
At the Bridge, I see Uhura on Communications, Mr Chekov & Mr Sulu on Navigation.
Mr Scott, the Chief Engineer is also there.
"I cannae see hae we gonna get tae Starbase 3, Cap'n." he says weirdly, "The Dilithium Crystals are faillin us!"
The Universal Translator must be a little faulty on this ship.
Mr Spock is on the opposite side in his cheap-looking blue uniform, pressing buttons that look as if they have been glued on ; how did they ever get this Enterprise to fly is beyond me. It looks positively unsafe.
"Um, Mr Spock, I need to have a private word with you about a difficulty."
We go into Kirk's Ready Room.
"Is it concerning Mr Sulu, and that 'matter' that Starfleet have kept supressed?"
"No, Mr Spock. What if I told you that I am not Captain Kirk?"
"Fascinating" he quietly speaks, "Then who do you think you are?"
"I think I am.....no, I mean I am a Captain of the Enterprise of the 24th Century, and my mind is in the body of Captain Kirk."
Why does he KEEP saying that word!
"Could you not do that good old standby, the Vulcan Mind Meld to know what I am saying?"
"Very well, Captain."
He does the Mind Meld.
"Fascinating." he says yet again, "You seem to be Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise D in the 24th Century. Why are you here?"
"I don't know, Spock; I was hoping you could help me! Maybe Doctor McCoy might know something."
"That is illogical, Captain. The Doctor is somewhat limited in his knowledge of medical, let alone scientific matters."
"You may be right, but I'm getting a headache from all this; let's go and see him."
We go to SickBay. The nurse there, who Spock says is Christine Chapel, looks rather familiar somehow, although I can't think why she should.
She gives a sly smile to Mr Spock.
Dr McCoy comes up to me.
"Hi Jim" he laughs, "What did you think of this week's love interest?"
He then turns to Spock.
"What do you want here, you pointy eared green blooded Vulcan? Just here to annoy me?"
"No, Doctor." Spock tells him, "The Captain has a problem."
He tells the story.
"I'm a doctor, not a time machine, Spock! The Captain is going to have to hope he reverts back."
My communicator starts signalling.
"We've got an emergency on the Bridge, Captain" says Mr Chekov urgently, "We need you up here."
I'd better try and sort it out.
I wonder how Captain Kirk is getting on in the 24th Century?