Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Equal Pay For Holograms

In my office, I suddenly get a buzz on my Com System.

"Jean-Luc, this is Beverly. I've got a spot of bother down in Sickbay. Can you help sort it out?"

I don't like the sound of that. Beverly's idea of 'a spot of bother' is usually a calamity.

When I arrive there, the EMH is standing there with her.

"Captain," says Beverly, "the holographic doctor is demanding we pay him more."

"WHAT!" I say, almost speechless.

"It's not so amazing!" shouts the doctor, "I perform an invaluable service here, and I deserve more recognition. I also need more time off for my leisure pursuits, such as opera singing and book writing. Eventually, I hope to leave this rather mundane existance and pursue a life in the arts."

My head starts to throb.

"How did this all start?" I ask Beverly.

"I've no idea" she tells me, "Maybe it is a design fault in all the EMHs?"

"Can we give his program a tweak?" I carefully whisper.

"I heard that!", says the doctor, "I happen to have very good hearing. How would you like someone to give YOUR program a tweak? Anyway, my development is protected by HUD."

"What's that?"

"The Holographic Union of Doctors. It is us who are demanding equal pay for holograms, or we shall withdraw our labour."

"But you don't do anything." I tell him, "You're only a last resort when the medical team needs someone else.

"That's another problem!" he says, "Holograms should be at the forefront of all things, working equally with you solids. Don't forget, I have a combination of many different doctors knowledge in me. We are actually superior to you."

He looks at Beverly, who seems apoplectic.

"We'll have to talk to the Admiral about it, Doctor."

Beverly and I both go to the screen to talk to Admiral Fisher, who handles Starfleet Employee Relations."

"I'm afraid HUD have us over a barrell, Captain Picard. All the EMHs in every starship are refusing to work. It looks like we may have to give in. If a disaster happens, we need them."

Beverly looks mad.

"Wait till he's not looking. I'll get a screwdriver and fix him!"

"HUD will catch you, Beverly."

I think we're in for some opera.

13 comments:

Ciera said...

Let me at 'im....I'm good at breaking things without meaning too............oh wait, can I wait until after the Christmas party...that way, if they decided to put me in jail for accidently breaking the Hologram, I will at least have had a dance or two with you!!! ;-)

dddragon said...

Don't dispair, Captain. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings!

(oops, there aren't any fat ladies aboard the Enterprise, are there?)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Say Captain, would you be interested in swapping a EMH for a comedy relief sidekick?

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

That skit is completely hysterical!!

Opera, in all seriousness is not so far fetched! Look at John Adam's Nixon in China, for example, or his newest opera to be premired in October in San Francisco, Doctor Atomoic! It is all in the realm of possibility.

Anonymous said...

I'm the combination of a lot of people's knowledge, too...do you think I can demand more money? And get away from me with that screwdriver!

Trinity13 said...

Why don't you have LaForge look at it...I'm sure he will make it run more efficiently, if you know what I mean!

J Anderson said...

LOL

Anonymous said...

yeah but does the halographic doctor accept 3D money? Like the laser kind?? How about bartering instead with a Chewbacca doll?

Anonymous said...

Very funny. As long as he and Commander Data are not threatening the sanctity of marriage, I think we should give in to their demands, even opera ; )

Carol said...

I would like to know what Data thinks of this. I have never considered this ethical question!

True Jersey Girl said...

Damn unions, always causing trouble.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jon, I definately don't want a comedy brelief sidekick.

Mrs Mogul & Nobody, you may have hit on the solution when you mentioned holographic money.

Carol, it's a tricky situation.

The next post may provide the answer.

Pirate Princess said...

OPERA?! Did someone say OPERA?!

Missed ya Captain. :0)