My First Day As An Equal

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At last! Today is my first day as an equal member of the crew. Now that I am, there will be some changes taking place.

I think I shall have opera playing throughout the SickBay. After all it is so soothing for the patients.

Ouch!

Dr Crusher marches in and kicks me off the chair.

"Don't you forget that I am the senior doctor here. You were sitting on my chair as if you were actually important. Now get over there and look at some medical records."

She will have to be the first thing to go. I think I should report her to HUD for abuse of a hologram. Employees can't be treated like that.

I wonder if I can get her demoted to a nurse?

The way I get trea....hold on a moment...

Je vous parle d`un temps
Que les moins de vingt ans
Ne peuvent pas connaître
Montmartre en ce temps-là
Accrochait ses lilas
Jusque sous nos fenêtres
Et si l`humble garniQui nous servait de nid
Ne payait pas de mine
C`est là qu`on s`est connu
Moi qui criait famine
Et toi qui posais nue

La bohème, la bohème
Ça voulait dire : On est heureux
La bohème, la bohème
Nous ne mangions qu`un jour sur deux

Sorry about that...I just felt the urge to sing 'La Boheme'. I hope you enjoyed it as well.

"What was that awful racket?" says Dr Crusher.

Obviously, the woman has no taste.

Well now that I'm an equal member, I shall be insisting that Captain Picard has me on all consultations. After all, how will the ship run without me.

While I am on these important discussions, Dr Crusher can help out with menial jobs in SickBay.

My status was no doubt increased when the Ferengi hijacked the Enterprise. Fortunately, no one knows that I paid them to do that, then double crossed them, ensuring the Ferengi were arrested.

Who says holograms aren't smart?

TWQ: The Burning House

This week's TWQ involves some decisions you may have to make in a hurry; let's hope you never do.

Not counting relatives and pets, what five things would you rescue from your burning house first?

Here are my choices:

1: Hard drive computer
2: Photo albums
3:Favourite overcoat
4: Sheridan bedspread
5:As many DVD & VHS tapes as possible.

Now it's over to you...

Dude, Where's My Starship?

I know where I left it.

So where did the Enterprise go?

We all went off to the pleasure planet of Rigel IV. After all, as Geordi says, we can always have a lot of fun there.

The trouble is, he tends to get locked up for enjoying himself too much.

The Enterprise was put in standard orbit, and the entire crew went down for some fun and frivolity.

This could have been a mistake; it's wise leaving someone there, but how could I leave anyone on the ship while we were having a good time? Even Data wanted to come along.

Anyway, there we are, all ready to beam up automatically.

Nothing to beam up to.

It was fortunate that the automatic transporter spotted this, otherwise we would have been in airless space.

"Are you sure you left it there, Captain?" asks Riker.

Sarky.

"There is a Ferengi ship in orbit, Captain. No lifesigns." says Data, looking at his tricorder.

We beam up and see that everyone has gone.

Geordi looks at the ship's records.

"It looks like they all beamed aboard the Enterprise and had that instead."

We follow the warp trail and get to the Enterprise, which is returning back.

When beaming aboard, we find out that the two Ferengi are in the Brig.

A message comes in from Sickbay.

It's the holographic doctor.

"I hope you'll take a little more notice of me, Captain." he says in that irritating tone of his, "I could see they had put a couple of wires together and were on their way with the Enterprise. With my superior knowledge, I was able to beam the two of them directly into the Brig. Then I made a course correction and headed back."

"Er...well done, Doctor."

"The Holographic Union of Doctors will hear of this, of course, Captain. I'm sure us holograms will get equal recognition and pay from now on. "

It looks like we have a new member of the crew.

Equal Pay For Holograms

In my office, I suddenly get a buzz on my Com System.

"Jean-Luc, this is Beverly. I've got a spot of bother down in Sickbay. Can you help sort it out?"

I don't like the sound of that. Beverly's idea of 'a spot of bother' is usually a calamity.

When I arrive there, the EMH is standing there with her.

"Captain," says Beverly, "the holographic doctor is demanding we pay him more."

"WHAT!" I say, almost speechless.

"It's not so amazing!" shouts the doctor, "I perform an invaluable service here, and I deserve more recognition. I also need more time off for my leisure pursuits, such as opera singing and book writing. Eventually, I hope to leave this rather mundane existance and pursue a life in the arts."

My head starts to throb.

"How did this all start?" I ask Beverly.

"I've no idea" she tells me, "Maybe it is a design fault in all the EMHs?"

"Can we give his program a tweak?" I carefully whisper.

"I heard that!", says the doctor, "I happen to have very good hearing. How would you like someone to give YOUR program a tweak? Anyway, my development is protected by HUD."

"What's that?"

"The Holographic Union of Doctors. It is us who are demanding equal pay for holograms, or we shall withdraw our labour."

"But you don't do anything." I tell him, "You're only a last resort when the medical team needs someone else.

"That's another problem!" he says, "Holograms should be at the forefront of all things, working equally with you solids. Don't forget, I have a combination of many different doctors knowledge in me. We are actually superior to you."

He looks at Beverly, who seems apoplectic.

"We'll have to talk to the Admiral about it, Doctor."

Beverly and I both go to the screen to talk to Admiral Fisher, who handles Starfleet Employee Relations."

"I'm afraid HUD have us over a barrell, Captain Picard. All the EMHs in every starship are refusing to work. It looks like we may have to give in. If a disaster happens, we need them."

Beverly looks mad.

"Wait till he's not looking. I'll get a screwdriver and fix him!"

"HUD will catch you, Beverly."

I think we're in for some opera.

Betazed & Deep Space Nine

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Usually, I welcome a chance to go away with Deanna somewhere; but when that 'somewhere' is Betazed, where her mother Lwaxana lives, I shudder at the thought.

However, I could hardly say no, and as the Enterprise was under repair in the Earth Space Dock, we both set off for her home planet.

This worried me enormously. I know many would regard Deanna as a wonderful bride, but with Lwaxana as a mother-in-law...

What if she was in a husband-hunting mood and took a shine to me herself? I could end up with Deanna as my daughter in law!

Help!

When we eventually arrived at Betazed, Lwaxana greeted me in her usual style; I could see both of them talking telepathically. I don't need to tell you what the subject was as they both eyed me, worried that I might overhear them.

"Mother!" Deanna says, "We ought to talk to Will as well."

"I suppose so." Lwaxana said reluctantly.

The three of us carried on pleasant talks in meaningless banter for a while during the rest of the day, although I still felt like an outsider.

Later on, during the night, I heard a few creaks, so I got up and followed the sounds.

From the top floor, I could see Deanna and Lwaxana talking telepathically excitedly. What the subject was, I have no idea.

The next morning, Deanna informed me that we would regretfully have to leave Betazed.

What a relief!

"We have to make a small detour to Deep Space Nine on the way back to the Enterprise."

"That's a BIG detour!" I protested.

"I need to do it, Will." she says, "Please let's go."

She knows how to win me over, when she uses that soft voice.

Eventually, we arrive at the station. Deanna asks me to stay in the shuttle while she goes to settle something.

My curiosity beats me, and I walk to the Promenade, seeing Deanna stride off into the distance.

I hear a scream.

Deanna strides back, her hair all ruffled, and a slight scratch on her cheek, but with a satisfied smile on her face.

Behind her, a dark haired woman, who appears to be a Trill, staggers out. She has a black eye and her nose is bleeding.

Deanna gets back in the shuttle.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

"Nothing you want to bother yourself with, Will." she says sweetly, "We've got to get back to the Enterprise."

Women. Will I ever understand them?

Dude, Where's My Car?

Though I said I wouldn't be back on the computer until Sunday, due to travel back on Saturday, my father and I actually returned a day earlier, as we decided that it might be a good idea to have a full weekend of relaxation before I went to back to the office.

The week was very eventful. We went to Salperton Castle, where we hoped to see some jousting last Sunday. Unfortunately, it rained badly, and we just had the tour of the castle. The rest of the week, ironically, was very sunny, so my arms and face look quite red.

We went to Plymouth on the Tuesday, which is a lovely place; there was a beautiful statue of Drake on the hoe, and an excellent shopping centre. It was only when we returned to the car did our problems start; we couldn't find where we had parked it. The two of us got very desperate, walking the streets trying to find where it was. Eventually, we went in a hotel and called the police, as we thought it had been stolen. A police car picked us up. What onlookers must have thought as they put us in the back seat, I don't know!

We went around the streets, unable to find the car, until finally the driver went into one small road we hadn't been, and there it was! We had completely forgotten it was there.

On Saturday night, we went to a summer show version of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire', in which prizes are awarded instead of money. For only the second time in the summer season, the contestant get the top prize of a Jaguar car.

We also went to the theatre on Thursday night to see an Agatha Christie play, which was very good.

On two other nights, we went to the cinema and saw 'War of the Worlds' (dreadful) and 'Bewitched' (quite good).

Remind me never to see anything with Tom Cruise in!

Week-Long TWQ

As I'm away in Torquay, and won't be on the blog until September 11th, here is a TWQ to keep you all going until then.

This has been borrowed from the delightful Michele Agnew who has a wonderful participation blog.

Following my first example, name another film the actor was in and then another actor from that film. The next person has to follow suit.

I'll start the ball rolling with The Hours starring Nicole Kidman.

The next person must list another Nicole film, and another actor in it.

Come back as many times as you like!

I'll see you all on September 11th.

Look after yourselves!

In Space Dock

The Enterprise has limped back to Earth after the battle with the Vargh.

"Why is it you keep needing it repaired, Captain?" an Admiral asks me, "The Enterprise is such a regular in there. All the mechanics know every nut and bolt on it. Do you realise the cost of insurance premiums on it?"

As a result, we are all on leave from Saturday 3rd until Sunday 11th September.

Data is going for a visit to the Doctor Noonian Soong Museum; he'd better be careful, or the guards might think he's an exhibit trying to escape.

Geordi is going back to the pleasure planet Rigel IV. The authorities have been warned about him, as he caused so much trouble last time. I'm not going to bail him out of prison for the unruly behaviour this time.

Worf is going to the Klingon homeworld; he wants to learn any new drinking songs. I hope he doesn't find any, as this is quite embarrassing, especially late at night in a Ten Forward staff break.

Deanna and Riker are off to Betazed; they are staying with Lwaxana, Deanna's mother.

Riker isn't eactly keen on the idea; he has pleaded with Beverly to say he is too ill to travel, but she says she can't falsify information.

So he's going to Betazed.

Deanna asked me quietly if I knew a woman called 'JD'. I told her I didn't, and she looked disappointed. She seems to be checking the databases.

I wonder what that is all about.

Beverly says she's going to Starfleet Academy to spend some time with her son, Wesley.

Drats.

I'm off to Torquay on Saturday, on the south coast of England. It's part of the Torbay area that's called 'the English Riviera.