1200th Post!!

Editors Note:

My apologies for being absent the last two weeks when the 1200th post was due to come on. Blogger robots incorrectly identified this Journal as a spam blog and deactivated it. I had to appeal to have it properly checked, and was only reinstated today. Without further ado...

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Phew!

Yes, after a huge amount of problems with alien invasions, but mainly witrh awkward people, this Journal has made it to it's 1200th post.

Don't ask me how it's made it. I would have thougfht it would fall over as soon as it started walking! (ho ho!)

Sorry about the humour, friends, but I had to have a little smile there.

"It wasn't exactly funny, Jean-Luc." Bev tells me, who is sitting next to me as I record this.



"Well, I don't know about that." I reply in defence.

"Don't be ridiculous," she laughs, "I've always been sharper and the one who has kept this Journal going. After all, who would want to listen to you if there wasn't a good-looking woman involved with the main character.?"

"I dispute that." I answer, "This is a record of my tenure as Captain of the Enterprise. The others are supporting players who...."

"That is negative." answer a soft female voice from the door. The Borg Queen, who was visiting, walks up to me.



"I agree with Beverly." Queenie comments, your Journal records require that you have a full-bloodied woman by your side. The only discepancy is that it should be me and not a redhead."

"Queenie!" snaps an indignant Bev, "Don't you have a Cube to catch?"

"In a few moments, my dear." she answers, "Clean out a few bedpans while I chat privately to Jean-Luc, here."

"Jean-Luc!" says another female voice from the door, "Are these two women leaving the room? I need to discuss when we can meet in a discreet place."



Natalia, the Deltan Ambassador, who is bald and has endless legs steps into view.

"The ship is just ferrying me to the next planet." she tells me, so I thought I would just have time to..."

I sigh.

"Who are you?" Queenie asks.

"I am Natalia, Captain Picard's Woman." she answers plainly.

"Well THAT is who I am!" the Borg Queen replies.

"You two can get to the back of the queue." Bev reminds them, "Jean-Luc will tell you that I am his Woman and always will be!"

The Video Screen comes on.



"Hiya Johnny!" Toots yells out, "I bribed a guard...don't ask how..to give me some videotime so I can wish you a happy 1200th post. When you're ready to bust me out of the pen, send me a message in a cake, and we can go on the lam together."

I cringe and take a stress pill.

"Hey Johnny." Toots continues, "Who are the floozies with you? I recognise the redhead, but that metallic one ain't gonna win many guys, and the bald dame looks like she was on a Vegas street somewhere."

At this, a furious row row ensues between the four of them. I decide the best course of action is a tactical withdrawal to let them fight it out.

I quietly exit from the room, hearing high-pitched screaming behind me.

What happened to my intentions of putting together a milestone 1200th post?

Ah, well, better luck another time.

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Editor's Note.

This marks the 1200th Post of Captain Picard's Journal. Many thanks to all those who have read over the years, and I have picked up along the way!

Parole Hearing

I've been invited to give my thoughts at a parole hearing.

Some time ago, a machine turned me into a criminal, and I formed my own crime syndicate. They were all arrested when the unit was reversed and put me right.I believe it's far too early, and need to put my reasons.

I sit outside the courtroom, until the officer calls "Captain Jean-Luc Picard!"

At this, I walk into the large court. I feel I am in a zoo, and I'm the chief exhibit that all the crowds have come to see. The judge asks me to stand in the witness box. It's then I hear a familiar sound.

"Hiya Johhny!!!!"



It is Toots,the woman who was my 'moll' when I was a criminal.

"Hi Johnny." she continues, "When I get out of the slammer, maybe we can hook up again sometime?"

"The defendant will remain quiet." orders the judge.

"I know." Toots replies, "Shut my yap."

"Now." continued the judge, "We are here to determine whether this young lady and these men.






The judge indicated the other two members of my gang, both of whom looked like reprobates.

"Do you think they should be released, Captain Picard?" the judge enquired.

"They led a life of crime, at one stage, as I did, due to an unfortunate accident." I tell him, "But it is how they have behaved since that is important. I have had prison reports that confirm that the males run their own protection racket whilst in jail."

"Hey, a guy's gotta make a living." says Lefty, "Even when he's in the big house."

"What about the woman known as 'Toots?'" asks the judge.

"While it may seem that she has a spotless prison record, "Further investigation has shown she has been calling herself  'Madame Felice." and running an err...'escort service' from the prison."

"Madame Felice?" asks the judge, reddening.

"That's right." Toots admits, looking at the judge, "I thought I recognised you, Mr Brown."

"Those two can be put in prison." the judge hurriedly says, "I think it's time the woman was released."

"See you next week, Mr Brown." Toots says to the judge, then looks at me, "Godo to see you Johnny. If you want to start the gang up again, let me know, I'm your gal!"

I groan.

Picard On Trial (Part Three)

I'm still on trial here, with Riker, Data & Deanna handling my defence.

I have been accused of robberies throughout the Quadrant with a criminal gang. While it may be technically true, I was under them influence of a Mind Altering Device that changed me.

Things are stacked against me here. The Judge, Ephriam Hardcastle, dislikes me intensely, and the Chief Prosecutor, Clarcia Mark, has yet to lose a case. I face being stripped of the Captaincy of the Enterprise, and being sent to a penal colony.

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Clarcia Mark steps forward.



"The Prosecution calls it's star witness." she begins, "Tallulah Tortello, known in the criminal fraternity as 'Toots'"

I groan. Not her,

"Hi Johnny!" I hear from across the courtroom, "It's me, Toots!"

She appears in a micro-mini convict's outfit.



"The witness will refrain from calling out to the defendant." Hardcastle says to her.

"Sure, Judge." replies Toots, "Hey, ain't you Ephriam? I remember seeing you at The Blue Flamingo, when I was stripp...I mean doing exotic dancing."

"The witness is mistaken." says Hardcastle sharply, "I would not frequent such lurid establishments."

"If you say so." comments Toots, with a wink.

"Now then, Miss Tortello" starts Clarcia, "Tell the court how you were recruited into the defendant's gang."

"Okay." starts Toots, "It was like this, you see. I was doing my act in The Blue Flamingo, like, then Johnny shows up. I hadn't seen him around before, but he looked kinda cute, if you know what I mean?"

"What did he say to you, Miss Tortello?"

"He says, 'Hey baby, I'm Johnny Picard, and I need a good looking babe in my organisation. Do you want to join us?' I thought and said ''Sure, why not?''"

"Then what happened?"

"We go and see the rest of his gang." says Toots, "That's Fats & Lefty. Johnny says that I can be the glamour in distracting the saps, then he and they boys can move in and take the dough. I get to be his moll as well. All was going well until SHE shows up."

Toots is pointing at Bev, who is glaring at Toots with the kind of look that a Klingon would give at a big party when they find that that comedian they have booked has turned out to be a Romulan.

"You are referring to Dr Beverly Crusher, who was sent there undercover to capture the gang? asks Clarcia.

"Yeah." confirms Toots, "That redhead was a stooolpigeon. I never liked her. As soon as she arrived, Johnny dumps me and makes her his moll."

"You and she had a fight?"


"Yeah." answers Toots, "But she plays dirt, like, and manages to beat me. As a result, the gang goes off and gets arrested. Johnny manages to convince them he is alright though."

"Thank you, Miss Tortello." says Clarcia, and indicates to Riker that she is his witness. He gets up.

"Now then Miss Tortello..."

"Hey, I like a man with a beard." she answers, "They are always so masculine."

Deanna looks like she is going to blow a fuse in a moment. Neither she nor Bev are fond of Toots right now.

"Miss Tortello, please...if I may."

"Anytime, sugar." she answers sweetly.

This leaves Riker a little out of sorts. Deanna gets up, steps forward in a kind of 'leave this to me.' stride.

"Miss Tortello.." she starts, "Is it true that you are being let off your criminal actions for giving testimony?"

"Well... yeah" she answers, as if her hand has been caught in the cookie jar.

"Are you not just angry at the defendant for dumping you in favour of Beverly Crusher."

"Well, sure I was angry, but that's not Johnny's fault, it was the Crusher woman."

"The man you know as 'Johnny Picard.' asks Deanna, "Though he has been identified in this room, does he act like the man you knew."

"Nah, " she answers. "He sounds like a completely different person."

Deanna has a satisfied smile, and excuses Toots, who winks at me, and then Judge Hardcastle.

"That concludes the case for the Prosecution." states Clarcia.

Riker will start with the Defence next.

To be continued...