TWQ: Things To Do

We all have so many tasks on our 'Things To Do' list. TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks what yours are.

What tasks do you have to do? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Remove the jigsaws from the cupboard and eventually get them donated.

* Use the space there to put DVDs and books there.

* Contemplate vacations and booking time off.

* Remove junk mail in kitchen.

Now it's over to you...

Jean-Luc's Birthday Party

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

Though I must admit I've been thinking of the birth of my grandaughter in March, I haven't let the fact that it is Jean-Luc's birthday on the 14th escape me.

All right. Dreanna DID remind me yesterday as I was looking through the Babyclothes for an Amazon website. Don't tell the Captain, please. Our secret?

Quick as a flash, I went to Guinan to see if she could rustle up some sort of occasion in Ten Forward.



"All sorted out, Beverly" she says in that slightly sarcastic tone, "My, the human female mind to turn forgetful when babies are in the air."

---------------

Well, it's all sorted out now. Guinan has got the canapes and vol-au-vants. Jean-Luc will be visiting on the pretext of meeting me here, not knowing the entire crew is here for a birthday speech and singalong..

"Hey, Worf." Guinan calls out to the Security Officer, "Start passing out the canapes."

He looks indignant.



"A Klingon warrior does not hand out canapes!" he declares.

"Pipe down, Worf." Guinan replies, "And get serving, otherwise those bottles of Klingon bloodwine are going to make themselves scarce."

It looks like I've been put as the mastermind behind this soiree. Everybody is coming to me to ask what do do and where to go, and I am directing them like a Gdarian traffic policeman.

T'Pol and Britney come up to me, carrying a parcel.



"Beverly." asks Britney, "Do you think the Captain will like this present T'Pol and I bought him."

I open the box and look in horror.

"Britney!" I exclaim. "That's completely tasteless. Why did you get something like that?"

"Well, there was this website..." she starts..

"You'll have to get something else!" I tell them, "See if you can replicate some old Shakespeare play. There's one made in 2009 with David Tennant and some other actor. He might like that."

"See, Brit." T'Pol says to her friend, "I knew it wasn't right. The Captain is so square. Let's get this boring play."

They scuttle off, and Deanna appears at the door.



"The birthday boy is one his way!" she says quietly, "Ro Laren and Will Riker are just delaying him by showing him some pointless statistics while we get ready."

"All right!" I call out, "Everybody in position."

------

"Number One and Ro." Jean-Luc says in a tired voice, "For the last time, I DO NOT want to see the Starfleet figures of the Great Nebula as viewd by the USS Orion. Everybody has already see..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"



Jean-Luc groans slightly, but maintains his diplomatic smile. The Captain has never been one for excessive crowds.

Comes over and kisses me on the cheek.

"I thought we were going to have a quiet get-together for my birthday?" he whispers.



"We shall, at our quarters tonight, Jean-Luc." I tell him quietly, "This is for the crew's behalf, so enjoy it with them. Look forward to later on!"

He smiles conspiratorily as Vic Fontaine leads the crew into a "Happy birthday" chorus.

"Happy Birthday, Jean-Luc." I add quietly when it finishes, "It will be for us both."

Deanna's Broodiness

Guest Poster: Will Riker

I manage to get into the turbolift just as the Captain does. We are both heading for the Bridge.

I stop the lift, and the Cap looks in surprise, as if this is against Starfleet Regulations. Maybe it is?

"Can I have a word with you, sir?" I ask, "It's about Deanna."

"What's wrong, Number One?" he replies quickly, "Is she all right?"



"Err, yes, Captain." I reply hesitantly, as I'm not too keen to discuss it, "Ever since we heard that Ensign Britney has announced she was pregnant, Deanna has grown very broody, thinking she may have been too late."

"Ah.." the Cap replies, "Normally I would advise the two of you to see the ship's Counselor on this matter, but as that is Deanna, it presents somewhat of a problem."

"Doubtless her mother Lwaxana has had a say in it as well." I continue, "She's been urging Deanna and I to get married and have children for years."

"So why don't you?" the Captain bluntly replies, "Deanna might see it as a solution to everything."

"I don't know, sir." I reply, "Everything seemed cosy the way things were, with us sharing quarters. We liked the arrangement."

"Well, only you know what to do, Number One." he comments. With that, he pushes the button and we proceed to the Bridge, keen to get to his Command Chair and cup of Earl Grey.

-----------

Several hours later, I enter the suite I share with Deanna. She is waiting there, wearing one of her skimpy outfits



"Hello, sweetheart." she says seductively, "I've heard thar Ensign Allerain from Engineering is pregnant as well. It seems that everybody seems to be having children right now....sigh."

"Is that what you want, Deanna?" I suddenly say, without engaging my brain, "For us to get married and have children? If that's the case, then..."

"Will." she replies quicky, "Though there's nothing I'd like better, however,  I don't want to do it because my mother wants me too, and that it seems to be the season for the event. Let's have children when the both of us know when the time is right."

"Are you okay about that, Deanna? I ask.

"Absolutely." she says with a smile, "Though I may get a little broody about crewmembers with children,  sometimes, I know you and I can anytime we like."

"Okay then." I say, with a slight feeling of relief.

"That's agreed." Deanna says, as she swallows a Not Tonight pill and slowly unzips her dress, "Still, the method is always fun, isn't it?"

TWQ: Winter Outlook

Right now, here in Britain, it's one of the coldest periods for thirty years. TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you what you do in the winter.

What do you prefer to do when the winter weather comes around? Are you in the southern hemisphere where it is sunny?

My answer is:

I don't like snow and ice at all. I fall over too easily, having no sense of balance. I like to wrap up and stay indoors as much as possible. If any snowfalls come, I stay in except for any trips to the office!

Now it's over to you...

Karena's Illness (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Karena

Now that I've found out that I'm pregnant, and expecting my daughter in March, Wes and I need to tell our mothers. Needless to say I can expect what the reaction is going to be.

As the metabolism of an amazon is different, it is a lot faster than normal female humans. Wesley has just about recovered from the news.



"Congratulations, Ensign." says Captain Erika Hernandez of our starship the Rhode Island. "How long will the maternity leave be that you'll require?"

"None at all." I reply, "When March comes, I will be able to go on all normal Away Missions. I will return to the ship, have the child and carry on with my duties the next day."

"Extraordinary." comments the Captain.

"Not at all." I say, "The amazon has a remarkable ability to deliver a daughter in a very fast time and a swift recovery period."

-----------

My pumpkin Wesley arrive at the videomonitor.

"Who shall we call first?" he asks.

"Queen Diana, of course." I reply, "My daughter will be part of a Royal Family. Her importance is essential."

I hear Wes sigh, but decide to say nothing. The monitor flickers on and my mother's image appears.



"Greetings, beloved daughter. Hello Wesley." she says, "What news do you have for me?"

"Only the best possible." I answer, beaming, "I am with child, and shall be delivering a Royal Princess in March."

"This is wonderful." she declares, "I shall declare today a National Holiday here on Wondawowman. You have done very well, my daughter. Errr.....and so have you, Wesley."

The screen goes off, and we call the Enterprise, and Wes' mother, Beverly appears. Captain Picard is standing nearby.



"Hi Wes and Karena." Beverly says, "You two look like you're bursting with news."

"Yeah, mom." Wes bursts out, "You're not gonna believe this, but..."

"I am with child." I tell her, "I shall be expecting a daughter sometime in March."

Beverly lets out an ear-piercing scream as if she is being tortured, but instead looks gloriously happy, hugging and kissing Captain Picard. I hear him say quietly "At last he's managed to do something right."

The video goes off.

"Well, that's it." I tell Wes, "For the next two months we had better await the arrival of my daughter."

Karena's Illness (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena

Doctor Ted and I struggle to revive Wesley, who has fainted in the Rhode Island SickBay after he told the both of us that I am pregnant.



"This is against the run of things!" he laughs, "It's usually the expectant mother who faints, especially if she can't remember anything about the time of conception! I remember one time when..."

"Not now!" I say sharply, "Get him on the MediBed. he's coming round now....come on, pumpkin, wake up."



A gruesome-looking Was wakes up, whose skin looks greener than that of an Orion Slave Girl.

"Honeybunch." he croaks, "We're pregnant."

"I don't know about 'we'" I reply candidly, "But I am very much so. I'll be expecting a daughter very soon."

"How do you know it'll be a girl?" Wes asks, "It might be a boy?"

"That's genetically impossible, Wes." I reply patiently, as if I am explaining the Facts of Life to him, "The amazons of my planet Wondawowman can only have female children. It's in our bodily chemistry. Not only that, I will have her in March."

"Oh yes." pipes up Doctor Ted, "Ensign Karena is quite right. She will be having a female child in March, as their race has a fast pregnancy period. I examined her and everything is as she said. My programming for this is quite accurate for this race."

The doctor gives me some shots to lessen the sickness feeling, and Wes and I walk out of SickBay. I'm holding my spear in one hand, and carrying a limp Wesley on my shoulder.

"I'm gonna be a father." Wes moans weakly.

"Yes, pumpkin." I tell him, "But now we have to tell our mothers."

To be continued...

Karena's Illness (Part One)

Guest Poster: Wesley Crusher

"I feel awful again." says my honeybunch wife Karena as we relax our quarters on the USS Rhode Island. "I don't seem to be getting any better."

"You must have had quite a hangover from the New Year's Eve Party." I reply, "I said that drinking all the Eltaran Rum would have your stomach in knots."



"Amazons don't have queasy stomachs, pumpkin." she replies sharply, "We are a warrior race and not meant to be like this. I started feeling ill before the Christmas celebrations, but my strength kept it hidden."

"Then you really need to see Doctor Ted." I urge her, "He will be able to help you.

"I don't think I want to see that holographic projection." Karena mutters, "With that weird sense of humour of his, I think he requires reprogramming."

"That's as maybe." I answer, "But Captain Hernandez says he helps put patients at ease."

"Quite the opposite, I would think." Karena says before grasping her stomach in pain.

"That does it!" I say firmly, something I not usually am as I married the amazonian princess to be her Life Servant. I speak into the COM badge and order the two of us to be transferred to Sick Bay.

--------

I explain everything to Doctor Ted.



"Well, well." he says in a cheerily manner, "We can't have that, can we, Ensign Karena? Get your clothes off and I'll take a few glamour pictures....I mean I'll examine you. That's just my sense of humour."

I definately think the humour of Dr Ted needs re-adjusting. If Karena had her spear with her, she would probably have done it with that!

Ten minutes later, and the Doctor seems pleased.

"Well, you young rascals." he says with a laugh, "We know what you two have been up to when your shifts are over. Ensign Karena, you're pregnant."

All I remember from that point is fainting on to the floor.

To be continued...

TWQ: Successful Resolutions

As it's the New Year, many of us try to write resolutions. How many of us have kept them, asks TWQ (the Weekend Question).

Have you managed to keep any New Year Resolutions? Which ones did you fail at? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Personally, I've never made any resolutions except to think before saying anything. I do that a lot more now, although it's not always successful!

Now it's over to you...