Wednesday, December 02, 2009
What To Wear?
Guest Poster: The Borg Queen
Naturally, a being with such a powerful responsibility such as myself has to make some difficult decisions. It can be hard to decide whether to assimilate this race or the other.
However, I have an even harder choice to make: what dress do I wear when attending the Enterprise Christmas Party next week?
Naturally, I want to look impressive. It doesn't do any good just to assimilate anyone who has a better dress on than I do. Admittedly, it would solve a lot of problems, but I have agreed with Locutus to leave that side of myself at the door and come and have fun, wearing a paper hat, pulling crackers and dancing to such musical pieces like I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.
One One and One Two, the drone interior designers have come to assist me in this matter.
"Oh you can't you wrong with a little black dress." One One begins, "They are always so timeless and classical."
"Surely you want something different?" One Two counters, "Many women wear black dresses. The latest fashion is deep red, I suggest a long dress of that colour, slashed to the thigh"
"So predictable." One Two retaliates, "Red is indeed outstanding, but is very common. If you do not wish black, choose a lilac colour, with a jewel necklace. The dress should have a deep v-neck at the front so everybody can see your..."
"Enough!" I shout. I can see I'm not getting anywhere with these two, who are just making wild guesses, and send them out.
There's only one thing to do. get in contact with Seven. She should be regenerating in her alcove at this time on the Enterprise.
"Seven." I call out, using the Hive Mind, "This is the Borg Queen. Is it alright to talk now?
"Yes, my Queen." she replies, "I have just reached my alcove after listening to a most unpleasant health and safety lecture from Mr La Forge. It was my job to nudge anyone who fell asleep. I was very busy."
"Indeed." I comment, "Seven, I have a problem. As I am attending the Enterprise Christmas Party on Wondawowman next week, I need you to tell me what is currently in fashion, and what the females on the Enterprise will be wearing."
"That is very difficult, my Queen." replies Seven, "The females on this ship guard their party dresses with their lives. I believe Beverly Crusher has hers locked away in a high security vault with an electric forcefield surrounding it. Locutus had to be treated for shock when he tried to get a look without her knowing. Thwe other females have much the same sort of protection."
"That is unfortunate." I comment.
"Indeed." Seven continues, "However I do know that the women to wish to outdo each other. Their outfits are bound to be as revealing as possible. The Deltan female known as Britney has no scruples and does not bother with such competition, and could come in just about anything."
"That is enlightening, Seven." I answer, "It would seem that I have some tough competition should I wish to win in the fashion stakes."
"I'm sure that you will, my Queen." Seven tells me, "We have assimilated many fashion designers in the past. I'm sure the Hive Mind will come up with a gown to satisfy you."
"A good thought, Seven." I reply, "I will see you next week."