Monday, July 27, 2009

Admiral Application Form (Part One)

I really don't know why I'm bothering.

Every time I fill out the application form for the post of Admiral, it gets rejected. I get a curt reply, usually saying something along the along the lines of "Thank you for your application, but we do not think you are suitable for the role. We hope you will try again in the future."

Loosely, this means, "Forget it, matey, you've got no chance."

Still, Deanna has urged me to try.



"Don't be downhearted, Captain." she says, "If you don't try, you will never get the Admiralty position."

I know why she's keen for me to try. It means her beloved Will Riker can sit in my chair. I'm not keen on that happening. I like it here on the Enterprise.

Still, one does get longer vacation time as an Admiral, and one gets a free key to the Admiral's Washroom. No using the same facilities as the riff raff. Believe me, the Enterprise washroom needs some cleaning after the Bolians have visited it.

Now where are we? Oh yes, the Application Form. Let's start filling it in..

Name: Jean-Luc Picard

Place and Date of birth: La Barre, France 2305

Current Position: Captain, USS Enterprise

Previous employment First Officer, USS Stargazer

Why do you think you would be suitable for this position? I've saved the universe enough times! Err.. I mean I think...errr..I know I have the necessary experience to carry out this role. I have diplomatic as well as leadership skills which can be put to...

"What are you doing, Captain?" asks T'Pol as she walks in. I know I have an 'open door' policy, but this is ridiculous.

Mirror T'Pol

I explain to her.

"You're wasting your time!" she replies with derision, "Admirals are a little club who like to look after their own. You've got no chance as they see you as a Captain who has done well in that position, so they'll keep you there."

T'Pol laughs and walks out.

A sense of despair fills me as I look at the remaining questions. T'Pol may well have a point. Admirals may well be their own little club, not seeing me as suitable.

Anyway, on with the questions...

To be continued...

-----------------

Editors Note:



Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....


Welcome back to the 3rd edition of The Queen's Meme with Mimi Queen of Memes. Each week the type of meme will change; sometimes silly, sometimes serious, but always fun! Enjoy your time in the castle.
And remember, don't end up in the dungeon.



The Queen's Meme No. 3 is called the Culinary Meme. Contrary to popular belief, the Queen has been known to accidentally cook something edible. Although I've given the gift of food poisoning to a boyfriend or two in the past, I actually made the food you see here. Don't ask me how because I could never do it again. I made up the recipe and lived to tell it. I'll bet there are some good cooks out in the blogosphere. Show us your saucy side. Flip a hot burger and smooch on a mushroom. Strap on a sweet little apron with 3-inch heels (please don't do this guys) and pre-heat to perfection. I'm getting hungry now. How 'bout you? I can't wait to read your savory concoctions.

Dinner is at eight.



The Cooking Meme (What Is The Meaning of Thyme and Other Deep Questions)


1. If you could put thyme in a bottle, what is the first thing that you'd like to do?

I would be singing a song called If I Could Have Thyme In A Bottle.....themn accused of plagurism by Jim Croce fans.


2. Do eggs really crack or do they merely have a nervous breakdown?

If they do have a nervous breakdown it might start them using crack cocaine!

3. Why are you whipping the butter? What did it ever do to you?

I didn't know that butter was that submissive? It all sounds far too kinky.

4. Do your spoons spoon in the drawer? Have you ever noticed? And more importantly, if wooden spoons spoon do they get splinters?

That's a lesson to all wooden spoons: use protection.

5. You hear: "Dumpling, my Dumpling, come hither." The candles are lit, the fondue is dipping, the Godiva is pouring, the scallions are steaming and the music is playing.....but wait, the windows are open.
Why did you close them?

You're not going to let that stalker Romeo eat any of your cooking. It's been too much hard work. Let him pester that young girl Juliet next door instead.

6. Do you need a recipe to cook or are you a bohemian chef? Show us your reckless and wild side in the kitchen. Don't have one? Here's a recipe I made just for you: You will need a spatula, a whisk, a gallon of Chardonnay, a banana and a rump roast. What is the name of your dish?

Oddly enough, as soon as I told someone, they had me arrested.

7. After dinner, the dishes are so dirty that the dishwasher refuses to wash them.
What did they say to get in hot water?

"Here's a joke for you, dish, what did the male dishwasher say to the female dishwasher?"


8. Is your pot black?

Ask the kettle

9. What is the sexiest spice or condiment in your cabinet? What makes it so?

Have you heard of the spice Marwa? I don't have it, but it's used in love potions.


10. How much crock is really in your crock pot?

It depends how big the pot is!


Thank you for playing the Queen's Meme this
week.

33 comments:

Michael Manning said...

Diplomacy can only go so far. Add me to your Reference List. I will provide a report via telephone from "across the pond" and you will be accepted in no time! :D)

Belle Epoque said...

Captain Sir, not to put too fine a point on it but...have you ever heard of embellishment? Certainly you're no stranger to that Sir! Good Luck!

Erifia Apoc said...

The fact is Captain, you've got the skills. But the fact is- If you're an admiral, then Riker is the captain.

Trust me, they need you on the Enterprise far more than they need Riker.

Erifia Apoc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Mistress of the Dark said...

Tpol knows what she's talking about.

Amanda said...

No no no.....I think you're much too valuable on the Enterprise to be applying for Admiral.

Linda said...

It's your ship - just have a Captain's Only Washroom added on off of your Ready Room and forget that whole Admiral business. Admirals are WAY too stuffy and you'd miss Beverly way too much!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You're right...I'm definately Admiral material!

Fly Girl said...

Go for it Captain! You can use me as a reference as well.

MamaJosephine said...

Stopping by to see the Queen's Meme! I really LOL'd @ number 8. "Ask The Kettle" pricless! Why didn't I think of that?

http://tarotmom.blogspot.com/2009/07/meaning-of-thyme-and-other-deep.html

Mimi Lenox said...

Going to find some Marwa now..thanks for the tip!

amanda said...

Condoms for utensils too funny! Loved it!

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