The Cleaning Lady

Having docked in orbit around Earth, I am in my office signing a few papers.  Most of the crew are on shore leave. I will follow them down shortly.

Deanna Troi opens the door.

"Captain." she starts,"Bev, Jadzia, Ro Laren Annika and I are all about to go on a girly shopping spree in the Starfleet Mall. Are you sure you'll be all right?"

"Yes, Counselor." I reply, "You go off and enjoy yourselves, I'll beam down to Starfleet Headquarters when I've finished here."

She leaves, no doubt thinking of all the dresses that she wants to buy.

All is quiet for several minutes. Until I hear a strange sound. It appears to be what an old 20th century vacuuum cleaner might to sound like.

The door bangs open and an elderly woman pushes the cleaner in. She also has a mop, bucket and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

"Who are you?" I exclaim, "What are you doing here? This room is for authorised staff."


"All right, keep your hair on." says the woman, who laughs to herself when she sees me, "I'm Doris the cleaner. I've been sent by Starfleet to clean this ship. By the look of things, I'm going to need a lot of soap and water."

"Now look.. errr, Doris." I say, "The Enterprise is fitted with automatic cleaners that go through the entire ship whenever the ship is empty and in dock."

"Oh yes, that's what usually happens." Doris comments, "But when the automatic cleaners are up the spout, they call for me. I might be retired, but I still do a good job with my mop, bucket and cleaner. I was going to go off to bingo with the other girls at the old folks' home, but I figure the money I earn here will be lot more."

Doris slaps a soapy cloth on my desk and starts cleaning it, despite the fact the there are several important papers there getting damp.

"Do you mind!" I say in exasperation.

"You'll have to get this tatty paperwork out of the way, otherwise I can't do my job properly." Doris chides me, "I only have so long."

She then turns on the annoyingly loud vacuum cleaner. One document falls to the floor and vanishes up the pipe.

"TURN IT OFF!" I shout, but the cleaner fails to hear me.

In exasperation, I walk out and head towards the transporter room.

I wonder if I can join Bev, Deanna and the others in their shopping spree? Compared to up here, being with them going around the shops seems so much better!