Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Ferengi Plumber

Today, there was a major disaster on the Enterprise.

What happened, you may ask? A warp core breach? An attack by the Borg?

No, the plumbing had broken down.

Now you might think that's rather trivial, but when there are over 1000 people on board, and the water fails to flow, and the, er, 'wastage' won't get dispersed, we are heading for serious difficulties.

You might think LaForge ought to be able to handle this, being Chief Engineer; well he might be able to stop engines overloading, but he's useless when it comes to plumbing.

A distress signal was sent out immediately; as we were in a remote part of the quadrant, there was little chance of any assistance from Federation vessels

Hours went by, and things were getting very desperate, I can tell you.

Finally, we heard a voice.

"Do you require assistance with plumbing?"

We were so relieved that someone was there to help us, but when his image came on the viewscreen, our hearts sank.

It was a Ferengi.

Of all the species in the galaxy to aid us with plumbing, it has to be the one who will do anything for profit.

We beamed him over, and he took a good, long look at where the problem was. He shook his head and and I heard a sharp intake of breath.

"Well, of course, this is all obselete now. This sort of plumbing went out ages ago. It must have been an amateur who put this in."

"How much is it going to cost us?" I asked nervously.

"It's very difficult to get the parts nowadays; they're so expensive." he said.

"HOW MUCH!" Riker said desperately.

"I guess I can do it all for 100 bars of Latium."

"We don't have that much!" I said.

"Well, if you want it done....."

I took the officers for a discussion about it in the conference room. Riker was eager to speak.

"Captain, I'm sure I speak for all of us that we need it fixed urgently."

"Will he not accept replicated Latium?" asked Worf.

"No, he only wants the real thing."

"The Ferengi are without honour."

Deanna Troi suddenly spoke. "Captain, let me talk to him for a moment."

Three minutes later, she returned.

"The Ferengi will do it for free".

"What happened?"

"I managed to persuade him by saying that it would be a very charitable gesture on his part; I was also stroking his ears at the time. As you know, the ears of a Ferengi are very sensitive, and to stroke them gives them a lot of pleasure."


Thanks to Counselor Troi, the Enterprise is now up and running. We are all relieved, you might say.


TrueJerseyGirl said...

Thank goodness you have a female on your ship to talk some sense into those marauding Ferengi.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Isn't Deanna a married woman? What does Will think of her catting about?

Trinity13 said...

Awww, Wesley wasn't there to save the day?

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jersey Girl, the crew have many hidden resources!

Jon, sometimes a member of the Enterprise has to act for the good of the ship.

Trinity, Wesley probably has a plumbing certificate.

Robin said...

Hahahaha! Relieved - that's a good one!

About my redesign, I can't take credit. Eddo over at Posted Note did it. He does a fabulous job doesn't he?

-xtessa- said...


good one, jean-luc!

Superhero Bob said...

Oh Captain, my Captain...the library where I work has been without a...ah, plumbing for weeks's been very distressing...could you pleeeaaase send this Ferengi this way????

Nic said...

Captain Picard. What a good chuckle I got from this. I am glad that everything came out satisfactory in the end. Er, no pun intended there. :)

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Robin, there are some things that are essential. Thanks also for the info.

Xtessa, glad you like it.

Ciera, I'd be more than willing to send you the Ferengi; just have the Latium on hand, or be prepared for massaging ears.

Nic, even the Enterprise has to have a err, well...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I had a gold-pressed boot to the head for the last Ferengi that I met.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I wasn't happy with Haloscan, so have reverted.

However, I have retrieved the comments.

lol ....Hope you are having a good day ...Funny story via Michele's and to thank you for stopping by my place Presentstorm | Homepage | 5th Jun 2005 - 7:15 pm | #
The strangest thing happened over the weekend...I thought I saw you on Family Guy, but I could have been mistaken. I mean, what would you be doing on a cartoon? How is that possible?Trinity13 | Homepage | 6th Jun 2005 - 2:51 am | #
Very funny!Heather | Homepage | 6th Jun 2005 - 6:26 am | #

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