Doctor's Report On Captain Picard

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This is Beverly Crusher writing my report on the incidents that occured on Captain Picard's vacation in Portugal.

From witnesses that were around, including my son Wesley, the Captain acted oddly at times and finally snapped near the end of the cruise.

Wesley had been with him at all times, suggesting the great times they could have for each day, and where they were going to visit. At mealtimes, when Wesley chatted away to everybody, it was noted that Captain Picard's hands were shaking.

Wesley had just remarked that this has been the most fun he has ever had, and that he'll have to see if if can rejoin the Enterprise when he leaves the Academy.

Captain Picard suddenly stood up and said "I can't take it anymore! He's driving me crazy!"

Who he was referring to, we can't be sure.

The Captain was sedated and taken to Starfleet Medical, where I have been treating him; I was at a conference there, so have been able to oversee his recovery.

He had one minor lapse early on, when he was asked if he would like Wesley to visit him. His temperature shot up and his hands started shaking. We sedated him again, and since had no visitors.

In the last few days, the Captain has shown remarkable recovery, and should be back in command from tomorrow.

Captain's Holiday (Part 2)

This will be my last Journal entry until the beginning of July.

In just a couple of days, I'll be beaming down to Portugal for that relaxing boat ride on the River Duomo until the end of July.

The Enterprise is in space dock being repaired, and all the crew are going on vacations for two weeks.

I still haven't asked Beverly if she'll go on the trip with me.

LaForge is on his way to the pleasure planet of Rigel IV. He says it a place where he knows he can have a 'good time'. He nudges me in the ribs when he mentions that remark.

Data is going to a lecture on cybernetics and positronic circuitry.

"Would you like to have gone somewhere more interesting?" I mention.

"No, Captain. For me, this lecture will reap far more benefits and it may help to improve my subroutines."

I sigh.

Worf is going to a D'Tagggh Competition on the Klingon homeworld.

"I am tipped to win this, Captain. There may be some maiming in the rounds to the final, but I shall make sure I come through without a scratch." he defiantly says, "There is much honour in this competition."

Riker tells me he is going to his home country of Canada, away from the 24th Century crowds. Deanna is standing next to him.

"Where are you going, Counselor?" I ask her.

Riker nudges her. "Oh, er, just here and there on Earth" she giggles.

Why does she do that?

"I hope you enjoy your vacation and you get a lot of pleasure from it"

"I'm sure I will!!" she splurts out in a fit of giggles. Even Riker joins in.

Just what is going on around here?

I go off to SickBay, knowing that if I don't ask Beverly to come with me now, she never will.

"Hello Beverly, you know that I'm going on a boat trip in Portugal this Saturday?"

"Yes, Jean-Luc."

"Well, I happened to have a ticket for another cabin, and I thought that you might like to come with me on a journey down the Duomo."

"I'd love to, Jean-Luc" she replies, "But I've been called to a medical conference by Starfleet, so I'll be listening to and making lectures for two weeks. I'm really sorry."

Then, she suddenly thinks.

"But I tell you what you could do..."

Don't say it, Beverly, please don't say it.

"I was due to spend the entire time with Wesley. Now he'll have nothing to do while I'm at the conference. He'd love to go on the trip with you, as he so enjoys your company."

AGGGGhH!!

I feel as if a ton of bricks has just dropped on me. Limply, I say "All right."

Wesley comes in and Beverly tells him.

"Wow!" he says, "That's great, I'm really gonna enjoy being with the Captain all the time for the next two weeks!"

He cheerily talks to me; I'm already getting a migraine.

"Captain, we've got so much fun to do, so much to see, everywhere is gonna be so exciting! I can hardly wait!"

He walks out of the room, so thrilled.

I'll leave you all for now until the beginning of July.

It could be a long two weeks.

Captain's Holiday (Part 1)

Today is a great day! I've got the tickets for my vacation.

At last I'll be able to get away from an android who likes dressing up as Sherlock Holmes, a 600 year old bartender, a First Officer who like trying out my Chair whenever I'm not around, a Counselor who keeps trying to analyse me and a teenager who saves the ship every day.

On Saturday 18th, I'll beam down to the Earth country known as Portugal and spend 10 days there, in a small boat on the River Duomo. The Enterprise will be in dock for that time, so the Journal will be unattended until the first weekend of July.

It wasn't easy getting those tickets. I poured over all the brochures from the Intergalactic Travel Agents. At first, Rigel IV was the obvious choice, as it was a pleasure resort where a could relax and enjoy myself; until LaForge casually mentioned he was going there.

In the end, I settled for my home planet, where everything looked more familiar.

"It doesn't have a holodeck." the Agent sniffed.

"I don't want one." I insisted, "Just a place to relax."

"There are no shuttlecrafts for touring." he added.

"I don't want one!"

"There are no replicators"

"I want REAL food."

"There are no sonic showers"

"I just want water!"

"You seem easily pleased." said the Agent, "Don't you want to go anywhere beyond Eart, where you might see a few more interesting sights?"

"I'm a Starship Captain!"

"Oh, really?". He looked pityingly at me as if I was applying for a cheap and cheerful trip to the Jupiter Station, "Do you want two tickets?"

"No, it's just me"

Then I thought for a moment. Beverly. I wonder what she will be doing? She might be able to come.

"Make it two, in separate rooms"

I understand perfectly, sir." he said, with a sly wink.

This might turn out to be a very eventful vacation. I wonder if she'll go?

Riker's Joke

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It's a bag of laughs when the Cap is on the Bridge doing routine work. It means we can all go down to Ten Forward and have a laugh.

La Forge is telling us of the fun he intends to have on Rigel IV when we all go on vacation soon.

I am well into a Solarian Gin, tell a few good jokes and have a laugh with Deanna and the others.

"Why did Darth Vader cross the road?" I ask them.

After they give up, I tell them, "To get to the Dark Side."

They all fall about laughing. Well, anyone would, after those concoctions.

Data is looking a little puzzled.

"Excuse me, Commander, but what is amusing about trying to get to the dark side of the road?"

Data is a real party pooper. Remind me to switch him off next time we come to Ten Forward.

Deanna patiently explains it to him, after which he gives an artificial laugh that is worse than hearing fingers scraping a blackboard.

I'm just about to tell the joke about the Romulan, the Klingon, the Cardassian and Captain Picard when both Worf and the Cap enter Ten Forward.

Perhaps it's best not to tell it, as I don't want to be courtmartialled by the Cap or torn apart by Worf.

The Weekend Question: Films

We have another Weekend Question to make you all think a little. Your opinions are always worth listening to. Note there won't be another Question until I return from vacation at the beginning of July.

I'm asking about one of my favourite subjects: films.

Which are your five favourite movies and why?

Here are mine:

1: The Hours: This is the best by far. Three of the top film actresses of the time (Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep & Julianne Moore) playing in an intelligent movie with great supporting cast as well. Every time I see this movie it just gets better.

2: The Godfather Trilogy: Cheating a little by having three movies, but they are all part of one epic tale. So much detail is in the telling, I seem to find more everytime I see it.

3: Lord Of The Rings (Extended Editions): Another trilogy that could not be separated in the telling. The theatrical versions aren't good enough, and should only be seen in the Extended Versions, as vital detail is cut out. The definitive fantasy film.

4: Pleasantville: This movie is said to have more special effects than the original Star Wars movie. The use of colour and black and white is astonishing. A moral message is in here also, with stars who had yet to be discovered at the time.

5: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: A beautifully filmed movie that turned martial arts into an art movie, with balletic sequences duplicated in 'Hero' and 'House Of Flying Daggers'. Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh & Zhang Ziyi are perfectly cast.

There are so many others I could add that were comedies, thrillers, tragedies etc.

Now, it's over to you......

Federation Big Brother

Let's hope some unknown alien force or a spatial anomoly doesn't attack the Enterprise right now, as we would all be victims to whatever it was.

The reason?

The entire crew is watching 'Federation Big Brother' on a galaxy-wide telecast.

Everyone has been addicted to this show since it started. All the crew can't help watching housemates walking around doing absolutely nothing. Every so often, those viewing decide on who should leave, and those with the most votes are beamed out.

At first, I was very dismissive of it all, being the Captain; then I started to watch it, and now I don't have any sleep in case anything is missed.

These are the housemates:

Morogh: He's a gay Klingon that insists on keeping everything tidy.

Velas: He is a Romulan who taunts Morogh; there have been a lot of disputes between the two.

Four of Twelve: She is a Borg drone that all the other housemates stay well clear of; they are not sleeping well at night as she says she will sneak into their beds and assimilate them. She hasn't much of a line in conversation; all she says is "Resistance is futile." and "You will be assimilated."

Data: Yes, our very own Commander Data is a housemate. Unfortunately he was the first to be beamed out, as he lay in bed all day doing nothing. It was only later that we found out that some unscrupulous housemade had switched him off.

Lwaxana Troi: As she is a telepath, the housemates are being careful what they think whenever Deanna's mother is around as she will find them out. I know the feeling.

Ensign Jordan: This young man from Earth, just 20, is there for the female viewers. Lwaxana has been eyeing him as future husband potential. Four Of Twelve has said she will assimilate him first.

Jeanu: A beautiful blonde Andoran female. Though she calls the others pinkskins, she has been looking longingly at Ensign Jordan, to the annoyance of Lwaxana.

Sheeka: A creature from an unknown planet who has the ability to be either male or female at will. This is causing a lot of problems amongst the housemates, as Sheeka has expressed an interest in ALL of them, even Data, who has been switched off!

I would tell you more about what is going on, but writing this is distracting my attention from the screen. Jeanu and Ensign Jordan are just going for a talk away from the other housemates.

I can't miss this!

Hello From Wesley

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Wow! What a thrill! I'm actually writing the Journal for Captain Picard!

At the moment, the Captain is resting in a darkened room. He has an awful migraine and needs to relax. He seems to get them quite a lot. I know he does whenever I visit.

The Academy has been a breeze this year, with me getting straight 'A's' as usual. Warp calculations, plasma relay conduits are so easy-peasy. I keep telling the trainers this, as I was on the Enterprise for so long.

Somehow, I suspect they are a little jealous, as are the fellow students. After all, they've been in the Academy, and haven't battled the Borg, encountered Q or saved the ship from near-destruction on a regular basis.

The trainers have suggested that I visit the Enterprise while it was in the area so I could see my mother. The students all agreed with them that it was a great idea, so here I am.

When I beamed aboard, it was plain that things wern't running right. I went straight to Engineering and improved the warp proficiency by 10%. Geordi suggested I go and try out the airlocks.

What did he mean by that?

Hold on, I'll have to stop the Journal for a few minutes. The 'red alert' light is flashing.

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Back on. We'd just passed through a nebula that was threatening the safety of the ship. The Enterprise was within three seconds of exploding when I distributed some tachyon particles that saved everybody.

Captain Picard looked at me, mumbled something I couldn't hear and went back to his darkened room. His migraine seems to be getting worse.

I then went to the SickBay to chat to my Mom.

She shown me the new Holographic Doctor that has been installed.

"Wow, Mom!" I said, "He has the programs of all the top Starfleet doctors that there ever have been. They won't need you, before long!"

"Aren't you missing your Academy friends?" she asked.

"They all wanted me to visit the Enterprise" I said to her.

Mom mumbled something and said, "You need to continue your studying, Wesley. Go back, now!"

My Mom is so generous. Rather than having her son around, she wants me at the Academy. Not many mothers would think that. Captain Picard, who has just come out of the darkened room seemed to brighten up a little when I told him I was going back.

I'm glad he's feeling better.

This is Wesley signing off!

Who Would YOU Choose?

A weekend question for everybody:

You have the chance to enter the holodeck and have dinner with any four people. Who would you choose and why?

Here are my choices:

Virginia Woolf: I would love to ask her about the unique style of writing she had.

David Niven: This English actor told many anecdotes about how Hollywood was in the early days. He would liven any dinner party.

Nicole Kidman: My favourite actress; I have six DVDs of her films: Bangkok Hilton, The Others, Dogville, The Hours, Cold Mountain and Birth.

Michaelangelo: His great works of art and sculpture are fascinating. Just who is the figure in 'The Last Supper?

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Well, it's over to you......

The Ferengi Plumber

Today, there was a major disaster on the Enterprise.

What happened, you may ask? A warp core breach? An attack by the Borg?

No, the plumbing had broken down.

Now you might think that's rather trivial, but when there are over 1000 people on board, and the water fails to flow, and the, er, 'wastage' won't get dispersed, we are heading for serious difficulties.

You might think LaForge ought to be able to handle this, being Chief Engineer; well he might be able to stop engines overloading, but he's useless when it comes to plumbing.

A distress signal was sent out immediately; as we were in a remote part of the quadrant, there was little chance of any assistance from Federation vessels

Hours went by, and things were getting very desperate, I can tell you.

Finally, we heard a voice.

"Do you require assistance with plumbing?"

We were so relieved that someone was there to help us, but when his image came on the viewscreen, our hearts sank.

It was a Ferengi.

Of all the species in the galaxy to aid us with plumbing, it has to be the one who will do anything for profit.

We beamed him over, and he took a good, long look at where the problem was. He shook his head and and I heard a sharp intake of breath.

"Well, of course, this is all obselete now. This sort of plumbing went out ages ago. It must have been an amateur who put this in."

"How much is it going to cost us?" I asked nervously.

"It's very difficult to get the parts nowadays; they're so expensive." he said.

"HOW MUCH!" Riker said desperately.

"I guess I can do it all for 100 bars of Latium."

"We don't have that much!" I said.

"Well, if you want it done....."

I took the officers for a discussion about it in the conference room. Riker was eager to speak.

"Captain, I'm sure I speak for all of us that we need it fixed urgently."

"Will he not accept replicated Latium?" asked Worf.

"No, he only wants the real thing."

"The Ferengi are without honour."

Deanna Troi suddenly spoke. "Captain, let me talk to him for a moment."

Three minutes later, she returned.

"The Ferengi will do it for free".

"What happened?"

"I managed to persuade him by saying that it would be a very charitable gesture on his part; I was also stroking his ears at the time. As you know, the ears of a Ferengi are very sensitive, and to stroke them gives them a lot of pleasure."

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Thanks to Counselor Troi, the Enterprise is now up and running. We are all relieved, you might say.