Q & Y (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Q

I musr admit, at this moment, I'd rather be in the cinema cuddling my girlfriend Q.

Instead, I find myself doing battle with a member of the Y Continuum. If I lose, the Q Continuum, plus those in the carbon universe, where Picard and the others come from will be obliterated.

So no pressure there, then.

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Y and I appear on the plain of a bare planet. We face each other.



"COMMENCE!" Y commands boldly.

Promptly I turn myself into a giant waterpipe and douse the flames emitting from Y. In a second, all the flames are restored.

"IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?" Y laughs mockingly, "DISPOSING OF YOU WILL BE EVEN EASIER THAN I IMAGINED."

It looks like I've got to stop being Mr Charming. All these years with Jean-Luc and Kathryn must have softened me up.

"I can take anything you throw at me." I tell Y firmly, although inside my knees are quaking like coconut shells being put together. Y marces forward, waving his sword, about to split me in two.

I sidestep quickly and change shape.



"NOT VERY ORIGINAL." Y comments to me.

"Maybe not." I reply, "But it will put paid to you, "I learned how to swordfight when taking part in the All-Comers Gladiator competition in the days of the Roman Empire on Earth. The winner doesn't get fed to the lions."

I lunge forward with my sword, but Y sweeps it aside with his. I run over to grab it. Y towers over me, but I grab the sword andquickly lunge my blade into his body.

"ARRRGHHH!!!!" Y screams, as he totters around. I have to be careful he doesn't fall on top of me. That would do enough damage by itself.

Y continues to totter around, holding on to his wound, like a ham actor in a bad movie making sure his dying sequence will be remembered.

Eventually he slumps to the ground, dead, and the whole planet starts to shake.

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I appear back on the Bridge of the Enterprise.



"Well done, Q." Picard says, "You've saved the universe, and your own Continuum. Thank you."

"Did my ears hear that correctly, Jean-Luc?" I say, "Did you actually thank me? This is indeed a red-letter day. As much as I'd like to stay around, I have a girlfriend to date in the back row of the Q Continuum cinema. Bye for now."

With that, I vanish, leaving the Bridge crew weating Mexican sombreros...and nothing else!