Saturday, July 30, 2011

TWQ: Disappontments

TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you to list some disappointments, where things didn't turn out as well as you planned.

What occasion turned out to be a disappointment when you went or found out later? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* The pictures I took in Rome all came out blank (film cameras were used then)

* The air show we were planning to see was so expensive to get in, we just turned back

* A trip to a coastal resort (Brighton) was ruined because it was never ending rain and high winds, plus the car parking system was ridiculous.

Now it's over to you....

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Annika's First Date (Part Two)


Guest Poster: Annika Hansen

As this is my first date in the real world, after being in the computer generated one, it;s quite an event. However, Reg Barclay is a rather neurotic type. We are in Ten Forward, about to have our first drink, but Reg is having difficulty getting Guinan's attention to order it after she greeted us initially.

"GUINAN!!" I shout at the top of my voice; everybody looks round and the El-Aurian comes to us.

"Sorry I was a little late in getting to you." she whispers quietly, "Can you keep it down a little?"

"When we get a little better service!" I snap back. Actually, I'm amazed at my response, as I would never say something like that to anyone. I wonder if some of Seven's agression has come through on to me.

Guinan slams the drinks on our table.

"Annika!" blushes Reg, "You'll get us t-thrown out of Ten Forward!"

"A little better service would have been appreciated." I tell him, as I knock back my drink in one go. "Come on, let's go."

The two of them go to my quarters, where I serve him a beautiful drink. Reg is looking around, feeling rather nervous.

"L-look." Reg starts to say, "T-this is a beautiful drink, b'but I don't t-think I can....

I go and change into a flimsy outfit and sit on the sofa. Reg looks quite panic stricken.


"Sit with me, Reg." I quietly say,then I hear myself saying "Resistance is..."

"....Futile!" he adds, "You're Seven, not Annika!". He runs out faster than as if he were going to be assimilated by the Borg Collective.

"Seven!" I say, "You promised you were going to stay quiet."

"So I was." my other self replies, "But you were just using your body to get what you want. I had to stop that"

"If you don't let me have time to myself, you won't get it either." I remind her. Seven grumbles.

"Very well." she answers. "I shall stay quiet. You can go and get Reg Barclay back."

"I don't think I'll get him back, Seven." I answer, "He was neurotic enough as he was!"

Monday, July 25, 2011

Annika's First Date (Part One)

Guest Poster: Annika Hansen

Tonight is a big night for me; I'm going on my first ever date.

While it's not exactly my first date, it is in the real universe. I had lovers in the computer-generated Unimatrix Zero. Now I am free from that, I can live a comparatively normal life, although I still have to share it with my other consciousness Seven of Nine. However, as she thinks that romance is irrelevant, she has agreed to stay quiet throughout our date.

As I was told he was still unmarried, I asked Reginald Barclay if he would like to go out with me. This resulted in a lot of stutters before he accepted. Deanna Troi warned me that he has this nervous habit.

We decide to meet in Ten Forward, where we are going to have a drink on our date. I see him sitting down.

"Hello Reg." I say cheerily, "I'm looking forward to our date."

Reg looks shocked, and eyes my body from top to toe.

"You look s-sensational, Annika!" Reg nervously stutters, "Errr.... it IS Annika isn't it, and not t-the other one?"

"It's Annika." I assure him, "Seven won't be making an appearance tonight. She's not too interested in my romantic life."

"T-that's good." he tells me, "I always found her rather intimidating."

"I know what you mean." I answer, although I'm anxious not to annoy Seven and make her appear, "Let's talk about you and me instead." I suggest."

"W-why did a beautiful woman want to go with me?" Reg asks, "I mean you could have any m-man."

"Thank you, Reg." I smile, "That's a lovely thing to say. In fact it was at Deanna's recommendation. She said although you can be a little nervous at times, you are a very good and decent person."

I stretch out my hand and hold his. Reg looks panic-stricken.

"L-lets order a drink." he hurriedly says, and gestures towards Guinan to come on over and get our order.

I might have to have chat with Deanna later on about her date recommendation!

To be continued.....

Saturday, July 23, 2011

TWQ: Weekend Pursuits

What are you doing this weekend? TWQ (the Weekend Question) ask you this .

What will you be doing this weekend? List as many pursuits as you can.

My answers are:

* Looking into buying a new car

* E mailing and working on my computer

* Adding new contacts and trying to master my BlackBerry cell phone.

Now it's over to you......

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Return Of The Dolittles (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Sheena

Here on Tarsus VI, things are getting tense. The animals in the jungle have informed me that the Dolittles have returned in their spacecraft. According to them, they came centuries ago and built the obelisk that propelled my growth from a baby to a sixteen year old and gave me the ability to talk to animals.

I go up to the hillside to view them.

They are humanoids in strange outfits; some are white with a large top hat, others are black, and are wearing a white coat.

"Do you want me to eat them for you?" suggests Lenny, who is one of the lions.

"No!" I quicky say, "We don't weant to do that....let's keep it as a last resort."

The Dolittles see me. They are all talking freely to the animals, just as I do.

"Ah." says one of them in a top hat and coat, "You must be the young lady who managed to enter our obelisk. When you did, it sent a signal off to our planet, so we arrived to see who it was."

"You aged me!" I tell them, "I was only a baby!"

"Err..oh, sorry about that." he apologises, "The obelisk had to do that so that you had the ability to understand the animal language, I'm are...?"

"I'm Sheena." I answer tersely, "I'm Queen of the Jungle here, and you are intruding on the animals' land. Go back to where you came."

"Whoah!" comments one of the black Dolittles, "This babe is one angry ball of fire, Rex. Better stay clear. I'm Eddie, by the way, Sheena."

"Don't try any of your wisecracks here, Eddie." Rex warns him, "I do apologise, Sheena. We were just curious to see who had mastered our complex entrance mechanism."

"Yeah!" laughs Eddie, "To think that a baby had cracked the code!"

"Serves you people right for not designing it properly." Rex snorts, then goes on to explain to me, "You see, Sheena, the planet Dolittle consists of two races, the Rexes and the Eddies. As a result, there are only two names in existance there. We are vastly different."

"Ain't THAT the truth!" chortles Eddie.

"Still, Sheena." Rex comntinues, "You are doing a good job in defending this planet. We'll come and visit you from time to time."

The Dolittles say their goodbyes, and their ship flies off.

"I STILL think you should have let me eat them!" Lenny mutters to me.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Return Of The Dolittles (Part One)

Guest Poster: Sheena

I've been on Tarsus VI for two months now, ever since adapting the role of Queen of The Jungle here. Formerly the baby daughter of Wesley Crusher and Karena, my growth and intelligence was boosted to that of a sixteen year old when I entered a mysterious obelisk. When I emerged, I found I could talk to all the animals here. The obelisk was left here by a strange race called the Dolittles. The animals have accepted my as their Queen, and I decided to stay here.


"What's the situation today, Mac?" I ask my trusted lieutenant.


"The usual troubles." the chimpanzee complains, "The lions won't talk to the cheetahs, the elephants want more food, the giraffes want taller trees...need I go on?"

"I understand, Mac." I reply. Over the last two months, I've made some great advancements, and solved so many problems that have gone on through generations of jungle life here on Tarsus VI. There are still some that require the care of a top level Starfleet diplomat. The ringleaders behave like old 20th century union organisers, who are demanding more for their members. However, the one thing they can't do is go on strike!

I look wistfully at the obelisk that changed me.

"Just how long has that obelisk been here, Mac?" I ask.

"I've no idea, Queen Sheena." he replies, "Facts about it have been passed from generation to generation of the creatures. They only know it was a race called the Dolittles. Why it was put there, I don't know, but you were the first person ever to enter it...and also the first to come out."

A group of lions, tigers and cheetahs gather to hear my ruling on the latest border dispute. As Queen of the Jungle, they have learnt to accept my judgement as a final decision.

"We were on the border first!" say the lions.

"We've only got your word for it." say the tigers.

The clever cheetahs produce evidence of a cheetah graveyward that pre-dates the time the lions say they were there. I rule in favour of the cheetahs, sending the lions and tigers off in a mutual grumble..

Sky the giraffe, who is our early warning system comes quickly to where we are all assembled,. at the Queen's Courtroom, a flat piece of land, surrounded by trees.

"Queen Sheena." he calls out, "We have a problem. A spaceship has landed nearby."

"Is it a Starfleet shuttlecraft?" I askk, "Maybe my parents have come to visit?"

"No." he answers, "It has been described in folklore, though. The garb of those getting out is the same. The Dolittles, the race who assembled the obelisk, have returned."

To be continued......

Saturday, July 16, 2011

TWQ: Irritating Words

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about words that really annoy you and get under your skin.

What words or phrases really irritate you? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Health and safety

* At the end of the day

* Innit (Isn't it)

*You know

* Whatever

*With respect

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Communication Breakdown (Part Two)

Right now, everything is in disarray throughout the Federation, and here on the Enterprise. Various races cannot talk to each other with the breakdown of the Universal Translator. Communication between all ships has broken down. This occured because Admiral Nakamura insisted a new and so-called improved system be fitted in.

We all know what the  result of this would be!

Riker, Data, Beverly and I gather together along with all the staff who can speak English. Deanna is with us. Although she usually speaks in Betazoid through the Translator, she knows enough of our language.

"What are we going to do, Captain." she says, although it tends to come out as "What um we do Cap?" in her attempt to speak English.

"I'm not sure yet." I answer, "It looks like it'll be down to us to save everything again."

"It appears thart the entire system was short circuited by the influx of information that was downloaded into it." analyses Data, "As a result, the memory bank of languages in the Universal Translator was deleted. and communications between ships failed as a result."

"That's a huge loss" Annika comments, then in her Seven voice gruffly says, "Who did this should be assimilated."

"Sorry about that." apologises, Annika, "Although I'm in agreement with my other self on this. It's a massive mistake that wasn't tested before."

"Actually, there may well be an answer." Data ventures to say, "If I download all my communication knowledge into the empty Universal Translator, it should restore things. My positronic brain has the vocabulary of every language in existance."

"No!" cries out Jennifer Baxter, "You can't do this, Data!"

"It sounds dangerous, Mr Data." I warn him, "Such a copy would be huge and may damage both you and the Universal Translator."

"There doesn't seem to be an alternative solution, Captain." Riker reminds me.

As a result, we get ready to open the circuit to Data's head.

"Are you ready, Data.?"asks Geordi, who flips the lid of his friend's head up like he is about to look at a car engine. He attaches a long wire to the Universal Translator computer and flicks the switch,.

Immediately, Data's eyes start revoilving around,  and starts babbling away in various languages I've never heard before. After about five minutes, he comes to a halt and his eyes stop moving.

"Are you all right, Mr Data?" I ask hesitatingly.

He starts:

"Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was snow, and everywhere that Mary went, that lamb was sure to ...Q'Pla!" Her carries on saying languages at the same speed he did earlier, with his eyes going round. Eventually he stops again.


He opens his eyes.

"Hello, Captain. I trust it was all successful. Hello Jennifer. Why are you looking so pleased?"

"Yeah, that's Data all right." Geordi comments sarcastically.

Communication has been restored throughout the Federation, and the Universal Translator is restored. It's a pleasure to hear Worf and Deanna clearly..

Hopefully, whoever suggested the update is being well and truly carpeted by the President of the Federation!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Communication Breakdown

"I don't know why we need to do it." I protest to Admiral Nakamura, who is visiting the Enterprise.

"Change is essential." states the pint-sized official, "If we are to keep up as a force in this changing universe. It has been years since the communication system was administered, Picard. The new one will be far better."

"I always say 'If at ain't broke, don't fix it', Admiral." I mutter to him.

"Now that's just the sort of backward-thinking we are trying to discourage, Picard." Nakamura angrily tells me, "We want to look to the future, "If the world were full of people lioke you, we wouldn't have got as far as the telephone. Activation of the new system throughout the whole of Starfleet will commence in ten minutes."

He strides off.

"Is Shorty causing more trouble, sir? Riker asks me.

"Yes he is, Number One." I answer, "The trouble is, the system is untested. They are going to throw the switch and assume all communication will be faster, especially the Universal Translator."

"But what if.....?"  Riker starts to say.

"Yes," I reply, "What if....?"


A few minutes later, the Admiral proudly flicks the switch. Lights buzz on brightly, then all off.

The Admiral starts talking a strange language, which I later realise is Japanese. He can't understand my English voice either. The Universal Translator has broken down!

I try and communicate with other ships, but there is no answer. All connection in Starfleet has juddered to a halt and we can't understand each other!

Worf strides up and spouts some incomphehensible Klingon dialogue

" jIH ta'laHbe' nuq 'oH ja'ta'".   (note: "I can't understand what anyone is saying.")


"lI'be!"    (note: "Useless!"

We've got to try and get things back to how they were, otherwise the Federation is doomed.

To be continued.....

Saturday, July 09, 2011

TWQ: Cell Phone Problems

Apologies for there being no TWQ last week, as I was trying to collect and sort out my first cell phone. As a result, the week's TWQ is all about this gadget.

What were your first problems with the cell phone you had? What was the answer? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Connecting up to Facebook. I was led to believe the answer was on App World, and not on the SetUp screen.

* Voicemail: I still haven't figured the right way on nmy BlackBerry 9780. Any answers would be helpful.

PLUS: Do you have any good BlackBerry tips?

Now it's over to you.....

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

T'Pol & Britney On Risa (Part Three)

Editor's Note:

Apologies for there being no TWQ and only one story this week. I've had a lot of trouble in getting a new cell phone like you would not believe. Anyway, onward we go....


Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney

"I thought you two had been banned from coming on Risa." Deanna Troi asks me and my girlfriend T'Pol. We've met her on the Risa beach, where the Enterprise counselor was lying in the sun.

"So we have." I tell her, "But we disguised ourselves and had false passpoers under the names of Beverly Crusher and Jennifer Baxter."

"Britney & T'Pol!" Deanna exclaims, "That is identity fraud. If the Risa authorities find out you will both be hauled in a penal colony for a very long time!"

T'Pol and I look at each other quickly. "Are you sure, Deanna?" asks my Vulcan friend.

"Absolutely." Deanna tells us, "You both need to get off Risa fast."

"How?" I ask.

"By revealing yourselves." suggests Deanna.

"You mean taking our clothes off?" I puzzlingly ask.

"No!" sighs an exasperated Deanna, "Tell the Risa securirty who you are. They will know you are banned, and deport you, unaware you came under false identities."

"We only just got here!" I sigh.

"We've got to do it, Brit." T'Pol, "Otherwise will be chipping boulders and sharing a cell with huge women who want to know us a lot more for the next twenty five years.."

After leaving Deanna to sun on the beach, we gather our cases and head for the shuttleport. Instead of going in the entrance to board a shuttle, the two of us head to departures, to give the impression we have just arrived. This time we aren't wearing disguises. I wear an outfit to attract attention.

Security come running up to us.

"Britney and T'Pol!" the Head of Security grins, "You've been told that you are not welcome on Risa. You must be deluded if you thought you were going to get past our rigorous security system, which is the envy of the galaxy. You will both be put on the next shuttle out. Now go and don't come back!"

T'Pol and I pretend to look dejected, but once we are in our shuttle seats, we are both laughing away.."

"That's the first time I've been glad to be kicked off a planet." I tell her.

"I agree, Brit." T'Pol tells me, "I suggest we go back to the Enterprise and spend our vacation on a holographic Risa, where we won't be bothered by anyone."

"You're on, sweetie." I laugh, as we kiss.