Monday, November 29, 2010

Christmas Party Planning

"Now then, everyone." I say to my assembled senior staff in the Ready Room, "How will we be sorting out the Christmas Party this year?"

Immediately, there is a a hubbub, as all have varying opinions as to how it should be carried out, usually to suit themselves. Worf puts the point that it ought to be held on the Klingon homeworld.

"I can't see that as practical, Mr Worf." I reply, "The Klingons are not exactly known for their Christmas charm and hospitality."

"I believe they are, Captain ." he replies, "Every year, all Klingon children are given a new bat'leth so they can fight with their friends. If they are not bleeding at the end of the day, then they have failed their parents by not fighting."

I sigh at hearing this, and try and move on.

"Now, do we have any other suiggestions..." I ask

"How about at the Pink Klingon at the Starfleet Mall?" Ensign Britney suggests, "T'Pol and I always go there. The two women who manage it, Amanda and Annette let anything happen there. We were only there last week, and these two...."

"I think we want a degree of control, Britney." Bev says to her, "I know it's a Christmas party, but we don't want things to get out of hand, do we?"

 "Unlike last year." Deanna comments.

"Nor the year before..." Riker adds.

"Nor the year before." Geordi says.

"All right!" I tell them, "I think we know what it's been like."

Seven of Nine stands up and bangs her hand on the table.

"The matter has been decided." Seven tells us firmly.

"What do you mean?" Riker asks her puzzlingly.

"The Borg Queen has informed me that she shall be attending the Enterprise Christmas Party, and our resident group The Strolling Bones will be attending to provide the music."

There is a universal groan around the table, as if all the replicators on the ship have broken down and there is no food on the ship.

"Very well." I grudgingly say, "You can tell the Queen that she is invited along with the band on to the Enterprise.."

"They would have come anyway." Seven starchily informs me, then turns to Britney, "Ensign, what is this Pink Klingon that you speak of?"


"Err." stammers Britney, with T'Pol giggling next to her, "It's a bar and dance club where err... those who go don't have to go with anyone of a different sex. In fact, they prefer when you go with someone of the same sex."

"Intruiging." surmises Seven, "I have decided that the Enterprise Christmas Party shall be held there."

"What!" cries out, Jennifer, "We don't want to go there!"

"Protesting is irrelevant!" Seven replies, "I shall recommend it to the Borg Queen for . You would not wish to incur the Borg's wrath, would you, Captain?"

I agree, and notice that Britney and T'Pol are laughing.

"Don't worry, Captain." T'Pol says., "Amanda and Annette will give us a good discount for the party. You won't have to dance with Commander Riker, either. The Pink Klingon DO permit men and women to dance together as well!"

It s all going to end in disaster!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

TWQ: Desktop

Apologies for being aweay thje last week. A trip to London, plus cards to write, presents to buy made uit all very cramped.

TWQ (the Weekend Question) is looking right at your computer screen and asking what picture (or pictures) you have on your Desktop.

What images do you have on your computer desktop? Do you have a screensaver?

My answers are:

As I have a new large 1920 x 1080 screen, good ones are hard to find. I do have:

Helena Bonham Carter as The Red Queen and one of her as Bellatrix (from the Potter movie)

I also have two pictures of Nicole Kidman.

Three Battlestar Galactica images, including the Last Supper re-enactment

The Lost Last Supper re-enactment

The screensavers have a variety of fantasy pictures.

Now it's over to you....

Monday, November 15, 2010

A Message To Seven

Guest Poster:The Borg Queen

Greetings, Seven Of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One,

That was a mouthful, wasn't it?  I think that I'll stick to Seven from now on. Anyway, how are you? I rarely get a chance to send my favourite drone a message. You wouldn't believe how busy I've been. Just lately, we've been assimilating none stop. We found this densely popoulated star system last week, and ever sive then, they've been going in and out the Assimilatiuon Chamber like a revolving door!

I'm still on the hunt for those drones who can escape into the computer world of Unimatrix Zero and become  their former selves. It's against the whole ethos of Borg belief. It was fortunate that my suspicions of you being one were unfounded. I wouldn't have liked your spare parts to be used to make a new drone up. It just would have been the same thing.

Now on to the main reason I'm sending this message. The Enterprise will be having it's Christmas Party soon, and I want to make sure I'm there. Yes, I know I can lean on them a little, but I'd like to think the Captain would want me there, especially when the smoochy numbers start. I'll even lend them our resident greoup The Strolling Drones. I love to see the Captain dressed for Christmas!

The redhead is always a problem, of course. She is like a forcefield around the Captain and makes sure that no one goes near him who is female with romantic inclinations. Hopefully a few glasses of Klingon Bloodwine will loosen her willpower, and I'll be on the floor with Jean-Luc when Strangers In The Night starts, or perhaps even earlier when we do the Conga, the Time Warp and YMCA starts off. It would be such a laugh to see the redhead crashed out under one of the tables after falling off a barstool, blotto, while I have a good time with her man.

Well that's all for now, Seven. Tell Jean-Luc in your usual friendly manner that The Strolling Bones will be playing at the Party, and I'll be there to liven things up. Secretly, I'm sure he'll be delighted.

I'll have to go now. My bedroom in the Cube is being redecorated, and I want to make sure it's done the right way. I had to terminate the decorator who did it last time with little pink rabbits.

With All Good Wishes,

The Borg Queen


Author's Note:

Apologies for there being only one feature this week. Christmas wrapping and the fact that I'll be off to London this week for two days has squashed time right up!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

TWQ: Five TV Characters To Meet

TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks which five TV characters you would like to meet.

Which five TV characters would you like to meet in real life?

My answers are:

* Kara Thrace (AKA Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica)

* Nikita (Nikita)

* Jack Bauer (24)

* Caprica Six (Battlestar Galactica)

* Kathryn Janeway (Voyager)

Now it's over to you....

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Jean-Luc And Natalia (Part Four)

With Starbase VI almost within sensor range, I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief as we drop off the man-hungry Natalia. Though she is married, and Ensign Britney's mother, she believes in 'open' relationships, so she and her husband Yul go off and seek 'other interests'. Natalia clearly has her sights set on mt, but Bev and Britney have been able to prevent any problems happening.


Ambassador Natalia and I are on the Bridge, as we see Starbase VI drawing dear.

"We shall be docking with Starbase VI in one hour." Data informs us with his usual I-speak-your-weight-machine tone. He would have had a good second career as the voice of them.

"It's been a delight seeing my daughter and you, Jean-Luc." Natalia breezily replies, I'd better head down to the beam-off point. Britney has collected all my items and will be waiting for me."

"In that case, Natalia." I say in my best diplomatic voice, "I'll escort you down to the Trtansporter Room."

We get in the TurboLift and order it to go to Deck 10. Only then do I realise what I've done.

"Halt TurboLift!" Natalia shouts out, and turs to me, "Now, Captain, I believe we have some unfinished business..."

Despite me commanding the lift to move, it refuses to answer my orders.

"I know a little about electronics." explains Natalia, "I had the voice codes for the Turbolifts altered so that my voice overrides the commands of all the others. Now then, Jean-Luc. There are no red headed doctors or bald daughters who try to stop us getting together..."

"I don't think that's wise, Natalia.." I try to say...

"Jean-Luc." she says seductively, "I'm a woman with needs. Us Deltan women are well known for our love of passionate pursuits. I have the ability to seduce anyone. Just fifteen minutes in this lift with me and you will forget Beverly Crusher ever existed..."

Natalia starts to unzip her suit, as I find myself more and more hypnotised by her exotic beauty....

Suddenly the lift starts moving, to Natalia's surprise, and we arrive at Deck 10. Beverly is there, waiting for us. She smiles at me, and Natalia huffily marches Bev to the Transporter Room..

"What hasppened, Beverly?" I ask.,

"Luckily I know a lot more about Enterprise technology than she does", Bev tells me, "I programmed my voice to supersede Natalia's voice, should it appear, after a few moments."

"I think you saved me there,." I confess, "Natalia has some hypnotic technique.."

"I've heard about it." she tells, "Perhaps you ought to be wearing dark glasses if she ever appears again."

Monday, November 08, 2010

Jean-Luc And Natalia (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

Now that Captain Picard has been recued from the attentions of my overly-amorous mother Natalia, she, my girlfriend T'Pol and I are heading for a drink at Ten Forward before we arrive at the Starbase to drop my mother off.


Guinan serves us the three drinks that we ask for, and we start to chat.

"Mother." I say, "You must really stop being so forward with Captain Picard. He has Doctor Crusher, and you are married to my father!"

My mother takes a drink and laughs, obviously aware that all the male crewmembers in Ten Forward are stealing glances of her endless legs and short white minidress.

"I must say, Britney." my mother chuckles, "For a rebel daughter and a Deltan, you are remarkably strait-laced. I would have thought you would be like me, having a very open relationship with my husband, but free to explore 'other' options whenever possible."

"It's not like that with me and T'Pol." I say firmly, "We've always been in love and hope to get married sometime."

"Oh really?" my mother says, "Well that will be the first monogamous relationship that has occurred involving a Deltan. I remember when me and your father Yul went to a Party. We picked names out of a hat and then....."

"Mother!" ?I shout, "You're embarrassing T'Pol!"

I see the red-faced image of my sweetie sitting next to me.

"It's okay, Brit." she says, "No matter how unusual Deltans are in their behaviour, I know that you and I are together for keeps."

We kiss, and my mother smiles.

"Well that's all right then." says my mom. Then she gets up,  "I really must get along. I can see that the Starbase is almost here. I'll want to say goodbye to all...especially Jean-Luc."

My mother winks at us and goes out of Ten Forward.

"Come on, sweet sistah." I quickly say, "One opportunity, and my mother will have the Captain in her clutches."

To be continued.......

Saturday, November 06, 2010

TWQ: Island Accessories

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you about what you would want to take to a desert island.

What five items would you want to take along to a desert island? Be as practical or as funny as you wish!

My answers are:

* My favourite books.

* Evangeline Lilly (from Lost)

* A working lavatory

* Food with water

*Walking boots

Now it's over to you....

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Jean-Luc And Natalia (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

With the arrival of Ambassador Natalia on the Enterprise, things are a little tense. She is Ensign Britney's mother who is attracted to Jean-Luc. Though she is married to Yul, they both believe in 'open' relationships, which is trouble for anyone else. Natalia has already started as soon as she beamed on, by making straight for the Captain and kissing him in front of everyone, including her own daughter!


"Isn't Ambassador Yul with you, Natalia?" I ask sharply, as soon as Jean-Luc manages to prise himself away from her.

"No, Beverly, he isn't." Natalia answers, "While you are taking me to Starbase VI, he has decided to take his young female secretary Valeria on a trip to the beach planet of Paradiso. I'm sure they will have a lovely time."

She grabs a bewildered Jean-Luc's arm after saying a brief hello to Britney and T'Pol, saying she will chat with them later.

We follow the two of them to the Captain's Ready Room. I am about to enter when Natalia starts to close the door in my face.

"Sorry, Doctor." Natalia says to me, "Jean-Luc and I need to go over some official business. Captain to Ambassador matters, I'm sure you understand."

The door promptly slams shut and all I can think of is Jean-Luc at the mercy of those endless legs, that white mini-dress and a gorgeous body.

"Beverly!" exclaims Britney, as she run up to the door with T'Pol, "You've got to stop it. My mother will try and have her way with....."

"Easy, Brit." T'Pol tells her, "I'm sure Captain Picard will be able to resist your mother's charms."

"What if he can't?" protests Britney, "Mother!!! Put your clothes back on and come out of there!"


Nearly an hour later, Natalia comes out of the Ready Room, and adjusts her dress slightly.

"Wel, that WAS fun, Jean-Luc!" she says to him, "We'll have to do that again sometime. Hello Britney, hello T'Pol. Shall we go for a drink in Ten Forward?"

"Mother!" Britney exclaims, "What have you and Captain Picard been doing in the Ready Room?"

"Just chatting, dear daughter." Natalia laughs, "I pretended to adjust my dress just to tease you all. If I WAS going to seduce Jean-Luc, it would have been in a better place than that cramped Ready Room."

We all laugh at this, including an embarassed Jean-Luc. Natalia comes up to me.

"And I would have succeeded, Beverly." she whispers, "No man can resist me."

"Unless when they have me with them, Natalia." I whisper back, and grab Jean-Luc's arm and take him down the corridor while Natalia, Britney and T'Pol head towards Ten Forward.

To be continued after the TWQ........

Monday, November 01, 2010

Jean-Luc And Natalia (Part One)

I am relaxing in my Ready Room, drinking my Earl Grey, and dunking a chocolate biscuit into it when I get a call on the videoscreen from Admiral Johnson.

"Captain Picard." he starts, "The Enterprise will be expecting a visit from a Federation Ambassador shortly. Please show her the usual starship hospitality and escort her to Starbase VI where she is due to be present at an Ambassadorialk meeting,"

"Certainly, sir." I reply, "Do I know the Ambassador?"

"I believe you do." he answers, "She is Ambassador Natalia from the planet Delta, and the mother of your Ensign Britney."

I choke at this information, and my chocolate biscuit disappears into my Earl Grey.

"Are you all right, Picard?" asks the Admiral, "Your face seems to have gone green."

"Err..I'm fine, sir." I quickly say, "We'll pick her up at the co-ordinates you have relayed."

After I switch the videoviewer off, I call Bev to get in here quickly.

"What is it, Jean-Luc?" Bev asks, "You look like you've found out your Earl Grey was a cheap version."

"It's not that." I answer, "We've got to take Natalia to Starbase VI?"

"Britney's mother?" Bev exclaims, "That man-magnet who tried to seduce you last time you saw her?"

"The very same." I grudgingly admit, "Stay close to me, Bev, otherwise she'll have me pinned against a wall in a lip-lock the first chance she can."

I summon Ensign Britney and her girlfriend T'Pol to tell them who is coming.

"My mother?" Britney says, "You were caugfht in a compromising position with her last time, Captain."

"Britney." I try to answer, "You know that despiute the fact that your mother is married to Ambassador Yul, she believes in a 'live and let live' relationship, so she tried to err...get to know me."

"It's true, sweetie." T'Pol tells her, "Your mother is very much the outgoing type."

"Whatever." Britney answers, "Just don't let her...."

"Don't worry." Bev assures her, "I won't."


A few hours later, we are at the rendezvous point. We are all in the Transporter Room.

Natalia beams on.

"Ambassador Natalia." I start, "Welcome to...."

"Jean-Luc!" she exclaims, "I have SO been looking forward to seeing you again!"

Without looking at anyone else, including her daughter, she walks up to me and kisses me on the lips.

Britney and Bev both look disgusted. The next few days are going to be tough!

To be continued......