Saturday, July 31, 2010

TWQ: Switch-Off Songs

While we all have our favourite songs, we all have one that make us turn the volume down or even switch the radio off at. TWQ (the Weekend Question) looks at those.

What songs, or type of songs make you switch the radio off, or turn the volume down when they come on. List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears. This was played so many times when it came out, the sound started to grate on it goes right off!

Message In A Bottle by The Police. Rather monotonous and pretentious.

Any sort of rap music....I think the letter 'c' is missing from the description!

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sheena's Viewpoint (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Sheena

Mommy and daddy are all excited due to the impending visit of daddy's mommy and Captain Picard, who are coming to the Rhode Island to see them, and also to see how I've grown.

"Now Sheeena." Mommy says to me, "You are going to behave yourself aren't you? I want Beverly and the Captain to know what a well-behaved little girl I have. If you misbehave, I may have to consficate your spear, and I don't want to do that."

As I like playing with my baby amazon spear, it looks like I'll have to agree. Mommy drives a hard bargain!


A few hours later, daddy comes into the room with two much, much older people. One is a redheaded woman, the other is a bald man who must be least 5o years old.

The redhead is all smiles and runs over to my cot.

"How's my darling granddaughter!" she exclaims, as if I am going to reply in a long sentence. She grabs me out of my cot and throws me up in the air so high, I almost crash into the ceiling and go into the floor above.

"WEEEEEW!" the redhead says as she catches me on the way down, "Wasn't that fun?"

Actually, no it wasn't.

"I'm your grandmother Beverly." says the redhead to me, "But you can call me Bev when you learn to speak. I'm the mother of your daddy, Wesley."

She then turns to this very old man.

"This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard." Bev tells me, "He is responsible for the USS Enterprise. He's a very important man."

"You flatter me, Bev." the Captain says to her, while mommy and daddy are in the other room preparing food and drinks. he squeezes her and and the two quickly kiss.

"Jean-Luc!" Bev whispers, "What about Sheena?"

"She won't give us away." he replies, and they just manage another kiss before mommy and daddy walk back in.

"Enjoying it?" Mommy asks, and both Bev and the Captain quickly answer "Oh yes!"

I'm confused. If Bev is my grandmother, does that make Captain Picard my grandfather if they are romantically involved? I hope this is all explained to me.


After drinks, the Captain comes over, and lifts up my spear.

"This is a fine baby spear, Karena." he says to mommy, "She'll be a real amazonian warrior princess in a few yeats time."

I want my spear back!

"SPEAR!" I call out in annoyance.

The four adults look at me an amazement.

"Sheena's said her first word!" mommy exclaims happily, "How appropriate that it was spear. What a young amazon we have here!"

The four of the celebrate with another drink, leaving me in my cot.

Personally, I don't see what the fuss was about!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sheena's Viewpoint (Part One)

Guest Poster: Sheena

It's very relaxing being a baby.

My parents will come to me whenever I scream out. However, when it's night time, daddy is sent to tend to me, change my diaper, or just generally keeps me quiet. Mommy doesn't come, as she stays in bed and kicks daddy out.

"Look after Sheena, Wes." she will say, "I've got an early shirft tomorrow morning."

"So have I, honeybunch." he protests, but mommy ignores this, and daddy comes to help, although he has dark rings under his eyes and bags under the bags .

"What is it, Sheena?" he asks in a half dazed manner. He picks me up, sings a song, then shuffles off back to the bedroom like one of the living dead.

One thing that does bug me is that the amount of time I get picked up out of my cot. I mean no one ever asks if I want this to happen. Sometimes it seems like the crew of the Rhode Island is queuing up outside yo take a look at me as if I am an exhibit it a zoo. Mommy and daddy ought to be charging an entrance fee.

The next morning I am up. Daddy is eating his breakfast and I am playing my amazonian baby spear. I throw it at daddy and it hits him on the cheek.

"OW!!" daddy exclaims.

"Good shot, darling Sheena!" Mommy says.

"What do you mean 'good shot?', Karena?" daddy asks, "I could have been blinded by that spear."

"Well you wern't." mammy retorts, "Our daughter is already showing her prowess as an amazon warrior princess. I predict she'll be the most famous of all amazons."

Daddy rolls his eyes and manages stops the blood on his cheek. A buzzer is heard, and Captain Hernandez and Commander Hathaway come in. Both of them come right to my cot.

"Isn't she growing up, Mark?" the Captain says, "It looks like we'll have another young ensign soon!" Both of them pick me up, and I get passed around as if I am the feature in a 'pass the parcel' game.

"Good morning Ensign Karena and Wesley." the Captain says to mommy and daddy, "I was just talking to Captain Picard, and he says the Enterprise will be in our sector in a couple of days, so we'll meet up then. Both him and Doctor Crusher are keen to see you both, plus little Sheena."

With that, the two of them put me down, and they head out. I notice that while mommy and daddy are not looking, Commander Mark Hathaway squeezes the bottom of Captain Hernandez. She manages to suppress a playful giggle, and they hold hands as they leave.

Is this they way Captains and Commanders behave? I'm only a baby, so it's all very confusing.

Still, it looks like I'm going to picked up and passed around again in a couple of days!

To be continued...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

TWQ: Addictions

TWQ (the Weekend Question) looks at items you may be addicted to, whether it is food, tv programmes or whatever.

What things are you addicted to? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Mafia Wars and Bejewled Blitz on Facebook

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Stalker (Part Six)

Can you imagine this happening?

Here I am, on the planet Vegas VII in the Elvis Galactic Chapel, being forced to marry my deranged stalker Valerie. The minister is a lookalike Elvis, who has been told by Valerie to stop the singing at get on with with our marriage. I don't have any say in the matter, as my bride says she will disintegrate me with the hidden gun she is carrying in  her wedding bouquet.


"I'm already to share the rest of my life with you." Valerie says lovingly to me, "But one false move from you, and I'll disintegrate you. Carry on, Elvis."

"Uh-hum, ma'am." Elvis answers, "Yeah, we are gathered here to witness.."

"You said that bit!" Valerie reminds him, "I can't wait to get married. Jean-Luc, our wedding night will be so magical...two people so in love..."

I roll my eyes.

"Valerie." asks Elvis, "Do you take Jean-Luc to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Absolutely, and without hesitation!" exclaims Valerie.

"Do you, Jean-Luc-Picard?" asks Elvis, "Take Valerie to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Of course he does!" snaps Valerie.

"The groom has to answer." Elvis reminds her.

I feel the disintegrator prodding in my ribs. "Errr....yes." I hesitantly answer.

"Then if there are no objections." Elvis continues, "By the laws vested in mt by the Elvis Galactic Chapel,  I pronounce..."

"You bet there are some objections!" says a familiar voice behind me.

Bev comes in  with a mass of weapons, looking like she means business. Behind her are a group of secutity staff, plus Ensign Britney, who is gripping her umbrella very tightly, as if ready to use it."

"Sorry to interrupt, minister." says Bev, "But that redhead is not the one meant for Jean-Luc."

With that, she shoots an energy beam, which blasts Valerie across the room. Britney rushes over and whacks Valerie with her umbrella.

"This brolly is just itching to be used!" she says sadistically as a rain of thumps land on Valerie. This stops when Bev tells her to stop. The doctor then picks Valerie up and belts her with her fist.

"It seems that we were not required." Worf comments drily, although he gestures to his team to pick up the battered Valerie and escort her out.

"Thank you, Britney"  Bev says, and as we all leave, she looks to me and comments, "No one comes between me and my man."

I kiss Bev and tell her, "For Valerie, it's definately Heartbreak Hotel."

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Stalker (Part Five)

Things are looking pretty bleak right now.

I've been kidnapped by the redheaded stalker Valerie, who is so obsessed with me, she is taking us to the Elvis Galactic Chapel on Vegas VII to be married. Naturally, I have no say in the matter. I just hope those in the Enterprise can find some way of tracking me down.


As we land on Vegas VII, Valerie turns to me.

"Get your groom's outfit on, Jean-Luc." she tells me, "The minister is waiting for us. I'll put my wedding dress on on now. Aren't you excited! Soon we'll be husband and wife!"

She goes happily into the other roon. Reluctantly I put my outfit on while still behind the forcefield. I know that Valerie is so warped she could easily disintegrate me with one of her weapons.

Talk about a shotgun wedding!

Valerie comes out again.

"Isn't this simply ravishing!" gushes Valerie, "I love this dress, and you look so masculine in your outfit. We'll make a perfect couple."

While I do concede she has chosen a good dress, I still don't marry this crazy lady.

The two of us leave her ship, Valerie carrying a bridal bouquet, plus a small disintegrator in case I do anything out of line.

We see the Elvis Galactic Chapel in the distance.

"Let's go and meet the minister." Valerie tells me as she pushes me along. We go through the doors, wehich are festooned with images of an Elvis lookalike marrying off couples.

"Hello, minister!" Valerie cheerily says.

"You look a mighty fine cute couple."  the minister tells us, "You can call me Elvis."

"Sure, Elvis." Valerie giggles.

"Let's get the ceremony underway." says Elvis, "The winesses and the band are right this way."

A few moments later, Valerie and I are standing in front of the altar.

"Ladies and gentleman." announces Elvis, "We are here to witness the wedding of Valerie To Jean-Luc Picard."

He then lapses into song, and sings I Can't Help Fallng In Love With You.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you

Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay
Would it be a sin?
That I can't help falling in love with you

As a river flows gently to the sea
Darling So it goes
Some things were meant to be

Take My hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't Help falling in love with you

As a river flows gently to the sea
Darlin So it goes
Some things are meant to be

Take Myyyyy hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't Help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love With you
For I can't help Falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love With you
For I can't help Falling in love with you.

"Quit the singing and get on with the marriage ceremony, Elvis!" shouts Valerie.
"But I've got a dozen songs to do." Elvis protests.
"Well can them!" she orders, then looks to me, "I can't wait for our wedding night, darling. It'll be in a few short hours."
Personally, I'd rather Elvis had gone through a few more songs!
To be continued...

Saturday, July 17, 2010

TWQ: Gadgets We Miss

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about certain inventions and gadgets that are no longer around, but we wish they were, as they may have been overtaken by so-called better technology.

What gadgets or items of the past do you wish were still in common existence. List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Vinyl records
* Classic sports cars
* VCRs....I have many classic programmes recorded on them.
* British red telephone boxes

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Stalker (Part Four)

Editor's Note:

Captain Picard has been abducted by Valerie, a stalker who is obsessed with him, and is determined to marry Picard at the Elvis Galactic Chapel. Valerie managed to elude the securtity forces when Picard went to reason with her, but she beamed off with him instead.

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

"Where did the Captain go, Worf?" I find myself angrily saying to our Chief of Security, "You let him get beamed off to who-knows-where with that awful woman."

"I don't think he is in any danger, Doctor." Worf quietly tells me, "As she is obsessed by him, and thinks she is in love with the Captain, he will not be harmed."

"And THAT'S supposed to make me feel better?" I say sarcastically.

Deanna and Will come in to calm me down.

"Take a sedative, Beverly." urges Deanna, "The Enterprise crew are doing everything they can to locate the matterstream that might have been used to take Valerie and the Captain. Just relax for now."

"Would you be saying that if a red-haired woman who was mad and looked like Aphrodite had kidnapped your Will Riker?" I ask.

Deanna pauses, and for once, can't think of an answer.

Britney comes in, along with T'Pol.


"I was so near." Britney growls, as she carres he umbrella in with her. T'Pol is comforting her.

"I swung my umbrella right at that woman." Britney continues, "As it was about to make contact, she beamed away with the Captain. Wait until I see her again. My umbrella is itching to whack that Valerie."

"So am I." I say to myself, "When I do, there will one less redhead in the universe."

Data comes in.

"I may have found something." he says, "The galactic news sensors have picked up an interesting article."

We all go to see it printed on the screen, under WEDDING BANNS.

'The wedding of Valerie to Captain Jean-Luc Picard is due to take place at the Elvis Galactic Chapel on Vegas VII. Please note the ceremony is closed to guests.'

"I can't believe it."

"He's been forced into it." Deanna assures me.

"Warp Nine to Vegas VII" Will says quickly, "This wedding is going to get some unexpected guests!"

To be continued after the TWQ....

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Stalker (Part Three)

I've been kidnapped by a mad woman named Valerie, who is obsessed about me.

We decided to meet in a cafe so I could perhaps reason with her, but despite Worf's security forces, Jennifer's multiphase disruptor and Britney's umbrella, she quickly held my hand, typed a series if numbers into her bracelet, which made the two of us beam out and reappear somewhere else.


While I am still somewhat dazed, evidentally from the effects of the drink, Valerie quickly puts me in the rear of her little cargo ship and switches the force field on.

Like any idiot who has to see if a 'wet paint' sign is still relevant, I test the force field and for my trouble, I get a massive electrical shock, which shoots me back.

"Don't touch the force field, my love." calls out Valerie, who tells me she is just setting the ship on auto pilot, and will be with me shortly.

I suddenly notice nearby a suit.

"What's this suit for, Valerie?"

She walks in and looks at it. "I would have thought that was obvious, my darling." she says, "I made a lot of enquiries as to your size, and know that it fits you."

"But's it's a groom's outfit!" I protest.

"Of course it is, sweetheart." Valerie tells me, "I have my wedding dress hidden away on the ship. Naturally, I can't let you see it until the ceremony, which will be very soon. You know how unlucky it is for a groom to see a bride's dress before."

Right now it seems like I'm not having a lot of luck.

"But, Valerie." I protest, "We can't get married. I don't love you."

"Well then you'll have to LEARN to love me!" she says angrily, "If you try and get away, I'll kill you."

So much for the loving bride!

"It won't be long." she continues, "The banns were announced at the Elvis Galactic Chapel, which is where we are heading right now."

Valerie skips off, trilling Here comes the bride, while I look like I've got my last hours of freedom.

To be continued......

Saturday, July 10, 2010

TWQ: Heatwave Activities

As there is a heatwave going on in Britain right now, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you what you do on these occasions.

What do you do when you have a heatwave at home? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Close the curtains

* Stay indoors as much as possible

* Drink cool drinks

* Sweat a lot at the office as the air conditioner there is useless.

As you may have guessed, I don't like hot weather too much when at home.

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

The Stalker (Part Two)

I'm being stalked.

Firstly I had an innocent-looking message on the computer from a striking-looking  young woman named Valerie, saying she wanted to meet me for company. I let her down gently, saying that I was with Bev. This produced a furious reaction from her, saying she demanded to meet me at the Cafe Del Quatro on  Hacylon VI or there would be trouble.

I have decided to go down.


"I would advise against this, Captain." Worf advises me, "There is no telling what this young woman may be capable of."

"I agree, Mr Worf." I reply, "It is essential that we meet her and stop her in case she fastens on to another target in the future. You will have your entire security force there. Ensign Jennifer Baxter will have her multiphase distorter with her, and Ensign Britney will have her unbrella."

"Very well." the Enterprise Security Officer concedes, "We shall all be watching the Cafe closely."


A few hours later, I am sitting outside the Cafe Del Quatro enjoying the sun. Many of the passers-by are Enterprise crew who are there to make sure everything goes well. I am about to arder another Tyrolean brandy, when I hear a voice behind me.

"Hello darling." Valerie says softly, "I'm so glad you came.As soon as I saw you were coming, I switched off the missile aimed at this planet."

I go pale at this, as if I have been invited to a Conference to speak at Starfleet Headquarters. Valerie leans over and kisses my cheek.

The security forces move forward, but I use my hand to gesture them away. I want to find more about Valerie.

"Now...errr...Valerie." I start, "You can't go around blowing up planets. Why do you want to meet me?"

"Because I've always loved you, Jean-Luc!" Valerie replies angrily, "Don't you love me? I know you like redheads. Look at my body..."

I admit to myself that she is gorgeous, and beautiful...but I'm in love with Bev, and Valerie's elevator doesn't go to the top floor, is not playing with a full deck,  six bricks short of a full load....

You get the idea...

Valerie holds my hand.

"Darling." she says to me lovingly, "It's time for us to leave, come on."

"Valerie." I answer quickly, "I'm sorry, but..."

As she holds my arms firmly, I see that her wrist has a band round it. Valie flips it open and dials a sequence of numbers. This spells trouble, and I look desperately towards nearby security staff, who are rushing to me.

Too late, as I feel both Valerie and I dematerialise and reappear elsewhere.

To be continued after TWQ..... 

Monday, July 05, 2010

The Stalker (Part One)

I'm just coming back into my quarters after my shift when I hear the familiar 'peep' of an incoming message from my computer.

Don't these people know when not to call? Perhaps I ought to put it on pending?

I decide to answer it, just in case it's an urgent message saying the earth is under attack. I'd get in trouble from the top brass if I went straight to bed and the human race was being enslaved or destroyed.

Switching it on, up pops a picture....

Underneath, the message reads:

Hi Jean-Luc!

I am a 28 year old redhead who is single. When I saw your picture recently, I was instantly attracted. Powerful bald men really lure me. I love archaeology and earl grey tea, just as you do. Could you e mail me with a place where the two of us could meet and enjoy each other's company?

Yours forever,


What do I do now? She's a gorgeous redhead, wearing a spectacular outfit. I'll have to let Valerie down gently. Bev is my girl.

Time to write a reply.

Dear Valerie,

Thank you for your most flattering message. It was really kind of you to say that. However, right now, I am attached to another woman. I'm sure you will have no hesitation in finding another who will be very lucky to have you.

Kind wishes,

Jean-Luc Picard.

Thie message goes off. It is kind of flattering to get fan messages from others.


Another message already!



No redhead like that Beverly Crusher is going to take you away from me. Now you and I will meet at the Cafe Del Quatro on the planet Hacylon VI. I know the Enterprise is going there tomorrow.

Show up or you will suffer big time.


Ooops. I think there is a problem here. I summon Riker, Bev and Deanna and let them see the messages. All of them think quietly.

"You've got a real nutjob here, Captain." Riker says.

"Will!" Deanna answers, "She's just confused."

"She sounds dangerous to me, Jean-Luc." Bev comments, "You can't go."

"You may have to," Deanna says, "She could be unstable and we need to get her before she does any harm to herself or to another."

"...And I'm the one thrown in!" I drily say to myself.

To be continued...

Saturday, July 03, 2010

TWQ: Instant Activities

TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you what rather tiresome activities would take a lot less time.

Which activities do you wish could be done in an instant? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Getting up in a morning

* A working day

* Travelling to and from the office

* All the long delays and procedure at an airport both getting on and coming off a plane

* Cleaning house and garden

Now it's over to you...